There's no point in trying to be happy anymore... it's just never going to happen. Either people just leave or i fuck everything up. All I'll ever be is a fuck up. Tonight is the first night in a while where I've realised some things... the first night in a while where I've physically cried. The loneliness is sinking in again and I can't bare it. I've messed up everything good that's ever happened to me and it's honestly so bad. I feel so bad. I could be happy right now if I wasn't this way, but I am and I've ruined everything. Absolutely everything. I've tried my hardest to be a better person and try to be happy of who I am but it just all comes crumbling back down. I really don't know what to do anymore. I've been thinking recently of saying a lot of stuff to someone but I'm not sure if it would do any good. I think it might be passed the point of being fixed. I've done too much and messed the years that we had up. I just want to say sorry... I just want to apologise for the horrible person I was... for the things I said. I really really really want to say it, but I don't think it would be appreciated. I don't know... I just don't know why to do here. I have to get up for work in a few hours and I really don't think I'm going to get any sleep. It's not going to be a good night or day.
