cooking
as im up at 3am about to click to order a box of food coloring additives from amazon, and wondering if its a good use of time and money, i have a weird flashback it's elementary school, and i've been diagnosed with adhd/add, and my parents have become squeamish with giving their kid under 10 a daily dose of ritalin, and have instead started taking me to a dietician. this dietician insists that artificial food dyes, certain types of sugars, and concentrated juices, are if not the cause of my "behavioral issues" but at the very least making them worse. [the dietician] insists that popular drinks such as snapple are actually made out of crushed up bugs (which cause autism). it is a fairly sugarless childhood for years afterwards, even as our visits to the dietician grow more infrequent and eventually stop. i think maybe that is why part of why i really am getting increasingly annoyed about a lot of readings and talk about baking, about how certain personalities tend to it better, etc. i think there are a lot of things in my life that i get deeper into out of spite and stubbornness, and at the core of it eating candy is in the back of my mind a rebellious activity for unconscious reasons that only float to the surface from time to time like tonight. but over and over i see "baking is for fastidious types" or more overtly, "ADD are savory cooks, OCD are bakers" and, i want to type up a more thorough discussion about it, i want to talk about how it's always been this battle of (regarding my limitations and "diagnoses") of both saying that "it doesn't define me" but also insisting "but even if it were accurate in defining me, it doesn't limit me".
