Pagan Church Lady

The Tumblr side of the Pagan Church Lady Wordpress blog. ADF, Northern Tradition Paganism, NotAHeathenry, trans issues, witchcraft, radical feminism, TBLG activism.

[redwinerozanova]

the opposite of ‘we die like men’ is ‘we survive like women’

[mikkeneko]

no fatalism we persist like women

[writing-prompt-s]

While putting your favorite condiment on a sandwich, you accidentally make a magical occult symbol and summon a demon.

[teawitch]

You silently take two more slices of bread out of the package and make another sandwich. You put it on a plate with a handful of potato chips and hand it to the demon. He takes the sandwich, smiles and vanishes in a puff of demonic smoke. The next day you get that job promotion you were after. There was no contract. No words spoken. You owe nothing. But every now and then, another demon pops in for lunch. Demons don’t often get homemade sandwiches. 

[geeko-sapiens]

Can I keep this going? I’m going to keep this going.

It would be a little annoying, if they weren’t so nice about it. You don’t know what you expected demons to be like, but you certainly didn’t expect them to be nice about it. There’s no demands, no voices like wailing babies, no blood on the walls (well, there was that one time, but Balthazak was very apologetic about the whole thing and cleaned it up right quick). Just the occasional demon stopping by for lunch. In fact, you could almost forget that they weren’t just ordinary people, the way they act. Nice people, too. 

You start talking with them, as time goes on. In the beginning you carefully pick your words so they couldn’t be spun to even imply a contract or reference a soul, but when they seem politely eager to have a normal chat, your words become a bit looser. You even begin gossiping with them - turns out, demons have breakroom gossip just like anyone else. You listened to Rek’ththththtyr’s account of Drokyarix’s torrid affair with Irkilliz, and Ferkiyan didn’t even know what Drory was doing behind his back, poor dear, and you kept quiet and let Ferkiyan cry on your shoulder after Drokyarix finally broke up with him (the shirt was a bit of a loss, demon tears are ruinous to cloth, but Ferkiyan’s a good sort and you couldn’t just turn him away). You even managed to talk him down from going and starting a fight with Irkiliz, who didn’t even know that Drokyarix was in a relationship, and who was almost as horrified as Rek’ththththtyr. 

After that event in particular, you start to get a sort of a reputation as a place where a demon can come to relax, talk, and - of course - get a sandwich. Your sandwich-making skills have really improved since this whole thing began. Your luck seems to have improved too - you’re not sure if you can attribute the whole thing to the sandwiches and the reputation, but you don’t really want to know anyway. 

One day, there’s a bright flash of light from your living room. Nothing unusual in itself - most of the younger demons haven’t quite got the style of their elders, and usually just go for a materialization in a flash of hellfire over your fireplace - except that it’s white instead of the usual red. You look up, and who do you see but an angel looking at you with a spear in his hand. Shrugging, you tell him to sit down and you’ll have a sandwich for him shortly, and meanwhile he can just tell you all about what’s on his mind. This clearly is not at all what he was expecting, but after a moment’s thought, he decides to take you up on your offer and starts talking. Apparently, he’d been dispatched to take care of some demon summoner in the neighborhood, and while he’d evidently got the wrong house the right one shouldn’t be hard to find - have you seen anyone practicing satanic rituals nearby? You laugh, a little, and tell him that you don’t really summon them, they just come on their own. They do like their sandwiches, and they’re quite nice folk. 

The angel’s jaw drops, and you remind him to chew with his mouth closed. 

[freshmoviequotes]

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

[angelrecipe-deactivated20180602]

people who complain about dinosaurs “not being scary anymore” because its been discovered they have feathers and are closely related to/ancestors of birds are so bizarre like

its not about how scary they are, they are/were real life animals and what matters is learning more about them, not how well they fit into your science fiction horror film lol

can you imagine a 13 foot chicken running at you with full intent to eat you??? thats fucking terrifying holy shit

[roachpatrol]

peacocks are synonymous with vain, frivolous beauty and they will attack cars. they will attack you while you try to get to your car. they’re like six feet of useless feathers and they will destroy you. imagine if they were carnivorous and had functional spurs. 

a t-rex could look like a gay disco ball and i guarantee that you would fucking book it if it had a problem with you

[thepioden]

listen

listen

have you ever met a swan

if anything the birdier they get the scarier they are

[dreverybodyilovedies]

Australia literally fought a war against giant birds AND FUCKING LOST

[hyena-butts]

@kidwithheadphones

[arumine-kaoru]

Overheard in the student lounge:

“Oh man, I can’t deal with birds ‘cause they’re dinosaurs and sometimes it’s like they get this glint in their eyes and they remember.”

“Have you ever interacted with a goose? ‘Cause those things are dicks.”

[niamhermind]

If chickens were still the size of a T-Rex we’d all be dead. No question.

[camwyn]

Feathered creatures that give some serious lie to the idea that feathered dinosaurs ain’t scary:

This is a bearded vulture, or lammergeier. It’s four feet long and has a nine foot wingspan and it eats bones.

This is a shoebill stork. It dropped the duck without biting down shortly after the picture was taken, but if it had decided not to-

… it could have been the end of the road for that duck.

This is the last thing a fish sees before a macaroni penguin eats it.

This is a secretary bird in the act of demonstrating to Lord Voldemort that he came to the wrong neighborhood, ese.

This is a goose.

This is a vulture.

This is a cassowary on the attack. 

Be glad I couldn’t find the actual gif of a pelican swallowing a fish, because it’s freakin’ Lovecraftian in its HEADS SHOULD NOT BEND THAT WAY factor. You’ll have to settle for the idea of a feathered dinosaur suddenly going GLORP and devouring its victims whole just like this lady here.

Steven Spielberg didn’t create these. These are the feet of an emu.

And this is what happens when a swan (this one is named Asboy; his father was Mr. Asbo, the first swan in the UK to get named after an anti-social behavior order in ‘honor’ of his tendency to attack boaters) decides it doesn’t like you. I should probably note that this one attacked a cow.

Respect the feathered dinosaur, yo.

[dduane]

Terrifying. The last two illustrate why you did not fuck around with the Children of Lir.

[la-vallett1]

I suspected that a dinosaur could have been feathered after I heard that a T-Rex is the chickens’ ancestor.

[dezzoi-deactivated20240303]

For those who think dinos aren’t cool because they’re feathered…whatever, mutherfuckers.  Evolution doesn’t give two shits what you think is cool or not.

[varanusindicus]

You showed a cassowary on the attack, but forgot to show what exactly it’s attacking with. Their feet are nearly identical to the Emu’s, except for one minor, teeny tiny detail: A five-inch claw for killing motherfuckers, raptor-style.

[bonesofthepast]

This is like the “fuck birds master post” and I love it because Honestly, Fuck. Birds.

[fozmeadows]

@elodieunderglass

[gaelpol101]

GaelPol Glossary

Spear of Lugh

Noun - One of the four Treasures of the Tuatha Dé Danann. No battle was ever won against it, or against the one who held it in his hand.

[Image:Conjuration of Lugh, by André Solo]

[intaier]

Interesting why all divine invincible spears look similar: Set’s lance Skanda’s Vel …

[renebriller]

cant believe a bunch of english kids go through a fuckin cupboard and find a magical kingdom full of wonder and they go “yeah we’re the royal family now”

typical english behaviour

[adventures-in-asexuality]

I think what’s more creepily imperialistic is the reaction of everyone in Narnia to the Pevensies.

Like, the Pevensies end up the royal family in large part because everyone’s like ‘it has been prophesied that you will come and rule us and everything will be great!’ and, well, in-universe I can’t really fault them on that; if I were a young teen or pre-teen in a completely foreign country, I too would probably just go along with whatever seem to make people friendly to me.

But the reaction of the Narnians, in almost ubiquitously welcoming these foreigners as obviously destined to rule them even though they know nothing of the country and the culture… now that is some creepily imperialist writing.

[renebriller]

This is the only good reblog of this post in it’s entire 3 year hellscape existence

[roachpatrol]

if four foreign kids popped out of a magic box and deposed trump by the express wishes of god’s fursona, i’d crown ‘em. this winter already fuckin feels like it’s lasted 100 years. 

[heyyy-its-j]

I’M CACKLING

[drownthehatch-blog]

Virgo, Malcolm Maune 2017 https://www.patreon.com/drownthehatch - join for as little as 1$ to vote on subjects you want me to draw, get hi-res files, and discounts on custom work, as well as access to secret projects and my freelance work. You can buy prints and other products https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/malcolmmaune/

[paganchurchlady]

Trans people arise in every human population in every period of history. We are part of the human condition. Sometimes the environment becomes accepting and more of us reveal ourselves. That is what is happening now.

We are legion. We are a wave. We are an upswell. We are an earthquake. Whether or not we want to be, we are here to shake your world till the comfortable lies you tell yourselves about sex and gender fall out.

We are not going away. We are standing up. We are raising our fists and voices.

The bigots should be scared, because we aren't backing down. The bigots should be afraid because we're going to take what is ours from their pallid, gellid, slimy fingers. The bigots should be afraid because in every society we ARE the least, the most hated, the most reviled, and we are finally fighting to have our dawn.

We are a storm. We are a tsunami. We are a giant, wild, ragtag army of natural born resistors. None of us are alone.

Be afraid, bigots. Be very afraid. We are here to end your world.

[fencehopping]

The amazonian Royal Flycatcher

[bogleech]

The kingdom doesn’t actually need a “royal flycatcher” and never had such a position but nobody has the heart to tell him

[elodieunderglass]

I think the take home message here is that it’s important to dress for the job you want

[harmalade]

if i reblog a terf, its an accident and i want to know so i can delete the post

[bloodqueenmsk-deactivated201710]

for cis people who may not know what to look for, check for these things in someone’s bio:

gender critical

radfem (although not always a 100% qualifier, it usually does lead to trans exclusionary discourse)

“Detransitioned female”

A huge obsession with genitals, including reducing other cis women to their vaginas

If they have “TERF” anywhere in their bio or their blog and it isn’t ironic, be cautious

Saying things like “TERF is a slur!”

If they have a lot of content where they call trans women “dysphoric men” or “male to trans,” get outta there

If they keep pushing the narrative that “TERF” is synonymous with “lesbian” (it’s not), or that trans women are trying to force cis women to have sex with them (we’re not)

“Natal Women”

And that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head from all of my numerous experiences with these people

[terpsikeraunos]

maenads in ancient literature: wild unbound hair, crowned in snakes, frenzied, rip animals and people apart with bare hands maenads in neoclassical paintings: immaculately coiffed, soft gaze, vulnerable pose, holding a thyrsus with languid hands

[blackdionysus]

they trap you with the soft looks before they pounce 

[terpsikeraunos]

i like this explanation, maenads are actually cats

[theheadlesshashasheen-deactivat]

“Ever since the Augustan Age, Roman writers, following of course, the Greek tradition, like to name the lynx as a beast of Dionysus. This animal had been native to Greece from a very early time and is still found there today. The panther or leopard, and the lynx (the tiger, too, is added in the references out of Roman literature) have that very thing in common which justifies comparing them in more than one respect with the nature and actions of the maenads. This makes itself felt the most in the panther, which was, after all, the most loyal attendant of the god. Of all the cats devoted to Dionysus, it was not only the most graceful and fascinating but also the most savage and bloodthirsty. The lightning-fast agility and perfect elegance of its movements, whose purpose is murder, exhibit the same union of beauty and fatal danger found in the mad women who accompany Dionysus. Their savagery, too, fascinates those who watch them, and yet it is the eruption of the dreadful impulse to pounce on the prey, tear it into pieces, and devour its flesh raw. We are told that the leopard and the lynx are the most murderous of all the larger beasts of prey. Many more victims must bleed to death under their teeth than would be needed for their sustenance. And when one hears that a female leopard which is suckling her young is the bloodthirstiest of all the carnivores, one cannot help thinking of the maenads who were also nursing mothers.”

- Walter F. Otto, Dionysus: Myth and Cult.

[incendavery]

flock together, love each other

[ivy-kissobryos]

“Malignant spirits, begone.”

A warding and banishing sigil for protection, most powerful when used in conjunction with black salt and pepper.

Requested by anonymous.

[wolvensnothere]

B.R.F.R.O.

To all unwanted entities in this space: Fuck Right Off. To all unwelcomed beings in my sphere: Fuck Right Off. To all hateful processes in my self: Fuck Right Off. To all disruptive methodologies in my heart: Fuck Right Off. From everything in me: Fuck Right Off. From Everything I Have: Fuck Right Off. From all that I seek to build: Fuck Right Off. To everything you are: Fuck Right Off. I see you, you piece of shit: Fuck Right Off. I know what you tried to do. Fuck Right Off. You are not welcome here: Fuck Right Off. You Will Not Survive Me. So Fuck Right Off.

[assignedmale]

"My Dad Thinks I'm a BOY?!" A trans-positive children's book

The author of the transgender webcomic Assigned Male is back with a heartwarming story about identity, autonomy and body-positivity.

BOOST SIGNAL! As you may know, I’ve been taking a break from the webcomic to concentrate on side projects for a while. This includes a children’s book prequel to Assigned Male, in which we see a newly transitioned Stephie struggling to get her dad’s acceptance <3 BUT there’s less than 18 hours to back the project on Kickstarter! It makes me so happy to see all the trust people put in the project, and it would be amazing to reach the stretch goal so there can be a teacher’s toolkit added at the end of the book.

[tankaramo]

when your cishet relative talks about your “future husband”

[tankaramo]

when your cishet relatives talk about “the gays”

(x)

[thegreatmagoo]

Does everyone know that you can’t do anything about how you’re family thinks? The holidays are the worst for bringing all of this stuff into the open. It’s not because you’re parents are cis. It’s because they’re a different generation. Your children will feel the same regardless of how progressive you are. If you don’t like it, leave. You aren’t a hostage.

[tankaramo]

when a cishet comments on your post

[dorianpav-blog]

do gays only ever talk about being gay?? like in my family no one asks about “future husbands” or “the gays” or any specifically heteronormative thing. we talk about everyday life and things people do: jobs, family, friends, kids. none of these things are exclusive to just straight people. you make it seem like people just go arounds asking about your sex life when honestly no one fucking cares. oh and if you havent come out to your family yet, why is it wrong to ask if you have a “boyfriend” or whatever? they are taking an interest in your life and want you to be happy but you make it seem like a bad thing but you are the one who hasnt informed them of what makes you happy.

[tankaramo]

when the cishets keep leaving their stupid unnecessary comments on your posts

[theconqueeror]

“everyday life and things people do: jobs, family, friends, kids” this just in, the gays don’t experience everyday life

[allyciadebnamcarey]

also “you are the one who hasnt informed them of what makes you happy”

yikes, thanks for guilt-tripping me like its my fault that i havent come out to my homophobic parents and family yet

[shirubaistudios]

Well, to be fair, that IS on you. Like your parents have probably told you at some point, they can’t read your minds.

People are actually more accepting of homosexuality as a whole in this day and age than you might think. If you told them, they may or may not like it, but that doesn’t mean they’ll stop loving and supporting you.

You just gotta take that chance.

[tankaramo]

when the cishets think they know more about homophobia than you do

[polysixxxx]

Oh, the Straights™

[pupcaster]

This post just keeps going and going

[willow-s-linda]

Merbaby is ready to explore the world.

[jusooobs]

Omg beautiful.