anyone out there?

Trauma / Vent blog Adult | System

[paincanbeholy]

This is a trauma / vent blog.

Adult DID System.

This blog mostly runs off of a queue unless we’re actively having a moment.

Probably won’t tag anything.

There will be triggering content on this blog.

[paincanbeholy]

People don’t like me, they just fundamentally don’t. They don’t care when they ask how I am, they don’t think I’m worth sitting near, they don’t ask me if I want anything from the shop, they don’t think of me. I’m not in their thoughts. I have to ask, I have to advocate for myself, I have to insert myself into everything. I’m never invited or considered or . Well. Wanted. And I’m so tired, I’m so angry. What is the point in trying to be liked? They won’t anyway.

[paincanbeholy]

[paincanbeholy]

Just looping thoughts of I’m gonna get fired I’m bad I’m incompetent I’m tiny I can’t do this I was never meant to have any sort of respond ability and I’m so. So tired I’m so exhausted I’m unbelievably drained I physically can’t focus

[seapotty]

Letter to Samantha

[onecells]

[onecells]

[onecells]

[eerie-discordant-archives]

Use me ‘til you Crave me

[ot0kox]

[paincanbeholy]

I wanna move out of this place so bad

[paincanbeholy]

Like. I’m always lacking in one area, I’m always falling short. I’m just wrong I’m build wrong

[paincanbeholy]

Have we considered suicide en masse

[paincanbeholy]

Spending most of my 20’s stressed about money is. Insane

[paincanbeholy]

12 hours..

[paincanbeholy]

30 hours.

[questionable-method]

no but im so tired of how self-deprecation is always more accepted than self-advocacy. if i say i can't drive because im autistic i get questioned on how exactly that works and given a million suggestions on how to do it anyway and i look like im trying to be special so it's easier to just say im a loser. yeah i don't drive because im kind of a loser lmao. oh well. and people say lmao back and we move on. at worst they say "oh im sure you'll figure it out haha." but no interrogation!! being a loser is more respectable than being disabled. being a loser is something that doesn't make other people feel uncomfortable about their own biases. so no, no im not disabled. i don't struggle to keep friends and do the laundry and make quick trivial decisions and clean my room and brush my teeth because im autistic. it's because im a loser. it's my fault. it is what it is. at least im funny now. do you think im funny? please think im funny