Pakko

[pakko3387]

Intro post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello!!!!! My name is Pakko, or styx, you can use whatever. My interests are: - Danganronpa - bloodborne - valorant (kinda shit tho) - all kinds of anti music and extreme music - music composition - music production - The legend of zelda - Road 96 - Skulduggery pleasant - LEGO Nexo Knights

I really struggle with interacting with new people, especially online, so if it seems like im not responding to your comments im just terrified to do so please bare with me. I'd love to make some new online friends i think that would be pretty cool! I dont post very much interesting stuff but please feel free to ask me any questions or anything if youd like!!!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pakko3387]

3rd day of the summer holidays and my room is already a cesspit of clothes and wrappers

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[the-haiku-bot]

And asexual

people would stop getting shit

for being themselves.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[hylianengineer]

All of this, in ace AND allo relationships alike, is toxic as fuck. If someone is trying to pressure you into sex you don't want: that is wrong. That is sexual harassment at best and potentially sexual assault.

As an asexual, there are a lot of things I wish allos would learn from us. Right now I want you all to understand we ALL deserve better than this. Consent fucking matters, and sexual assault or harassment within a relationship is NOT okay!

[evelasco-art]

THIS is so true:

In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier.

So many people put such a heavy pressure on sex to fulfill all or almost all intimacy needs in romantic relationships, because they haven’t learnt or considered other forms of intimacy. Because sex seems simple and straightforward, and socially has been constructed to be a way to measure romantic love. And there’s just so much more ways to connect beyond sex.

I myself was in a relationship with an allo guy for 9 years, and was pressured into doing all sorts of things I didn’t want to do, which left me badly scarred to this day. Seeked professional help, was told I was the problem and needed fixing, which kept me in that abusive relationship for a long time out of guilt. The “fixing”, as it turned out, only traumatized me further and didn’t change me (oh, surprise, conversion therapies don’t work!).

Thankfully I ended up breaking up with the guy.

I’ve now been in a long-term romantic relationship with another allo person for some years, and it’s working. Because there are SO MANY ways to connect and feel fulfilled in a relationship aside from sex. All it takes is being kind, thoughtful and curious.

Never let anyone make you feel that your asexuality is a problem. It isn’t. It’s just another part of who you are. A beautiful, enriching, meaningful one. It should be embraced and honoured by your romantic partners, allo or not.

Sadly not all allo people will understand. But that doesn’t make you the problem. If they can’t see past sex into the infinite potential ways of human connection, the problem is theirs.

And, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But it will NOT be your fault for being ace.

[pakko3387]

when are they gonna invent a button to get rid of all issues in your brain bc recently (past few months) i have had in the back of my mind the need to impress this friendgroup and specifically a few people from it, with their only relation to me being they sit near me in psychology and one of my friends is good friends with them. I think ive spoken to them about 3 times in my entire life i genuinely dont know whats wrong with me i need to explode /j

[pakko3387]

"5 failed attempts to scan fingerprint" well that's crazy phone because you've been on my bed for the past 2 hours not sure what you've been scanning mate

[dogpuppy]

[luckyladylily]

So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.

But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.

What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.

[asterriterri]

Danganronpa be like let’s make our gay characters fall in love with their closest friend and also make them cut off their own hand and get impaled through the chest but somehow come back

[depsidase]

[depsidase]

[pakko3387]

computah, how do i become a likeable and interesting person who people actaully want to talk to

[dogpuppy]

[lastoneout]

Fun how the bystander effect was coined to cover up how cops are bigoted cowards who let a queer person die and stockholm syndrome was coined to cover that the cops handled a hostage situation so badly the hostages trusted their captors more than the cops.

[pakko3387]

"i love the panning" tbh id rather you just say it sounds like horseshit at that point

[segamascott]

[imsobadatnicknames2]

I know I already made a post to this effect but it's so baffling to me when someone defends the fact that headphone jacks are slowly but surely getting phased out by smartphone manufacturers with some variations of "wireless headphones are more convenient anyway" bc like. If we're talking about convenience what I like about wired headphones is that they conveniently have a single plug that makes the same damn pair of headphones universally compatible with every single audio-output-capable device I own, from my phone and my computer to my fucking gameboy and my casette player, it doesn't get any more convenient than that.

[ineffectualdemon]

Every time I apply my oestrogen gel because of menopause I think "there is a trans woman somewhere who is also sitting in her underwear post shower waiting for the gel to dry before she finishes getting dressed" and I feel happy and a sense of kinship and camaraderie with her even though I am not a trans woman or even trans femme in anyway

But I know how to apply the gel because I saw posts from trans women how to apply it and I feel that even though are reasons for using it are different that we are not so different

So for any woman or non binary person out there who are sitting post oestrogen gel application and scrolling on their phone as they wait for it to dry...we are doing this together and this genderqueer person lovee you

[fagdyke-fckry]

@this-is-trans-joy

[this-is-trans-joy]

This is trans joy!!!