Paul Abner

Remember, doors that open should never close. Minds that open should overflow, and flow.

[tommiemommy-deactivated20251120]

Sharing wired earphone is a lost art.

[ihateyouvishal]

i think about this a lot.

[palmsofpaul]

It was a nice surprise to see you at Blouse.

I would have said hi, but I felt shy.

And I loved that you looked happy

and kissing, dancing, and laughing

High on life.

In times when I thought you were out of place,

You are now perfect, and radiant in your cape.

I was now the one out of place, dressed like a

Sugar daddy lookin ass or a

constipated fridged bitch

with my boyfriend, and buddies who also

didn’t get the costume memo.

Didn’t stop me from dancing.

And it’s another memory for me to hold

With an eye roll for me and a smile for you.

I’m still just a little bit of that insecure 20 something

You met long ago…

And here I go.

[apoemaday]

“There is a solitude of space”

by Emily Dickinson

There is a solitude of space A solitude of sea A solitude of death, but these Society shall be Compared with that profounder site That polar privacy A soul admitted to itself— Finite infinity.

[palmsofpaul]

Blah. Blah. Blah. Get to the point

[palmsofpaul]

[palmsofpaul]

This is a small poem draft I wrote for Twitter. Just wanted to free style.

[palmsofpaul]

And, only at night, while

Tossing and turning,

Awaiting stillness,

Inside, and roaring out

like the window fans.

Closed, and, I’m alone.

I am aware of my space

But, I am squared and cubed.

Someone planted and rooted,

And divided

By anxieties of the mother

While my father’s

Lie underground somewhere.

Somewhere deep

in a holy green hill,

And, for some reason,

I can hear his bones rattle.

Somewhere deep inside me.

And, I am shaken, and awake.

Somewhere deep inside me.

I can hear everything.

[palmsofpaul]

Remembering the time when @retouch_sandrine took me out to a delicious belated birthday dinner in March at Home Restaurant. My bday is in August. lol Also, I was in slight pain from my appendix bursting in the morning. My tolerance for physical pain is pretty high. At that time, I was an emotional wreck. But, you could never tell. No one can ever tell. I kind of think that we as a culture are moving in the right direction in asking each other how we are doing mentally. But, on the other hand, sometimes I don’t want to say what is on my mind for fear of triggering or placing unneeded stress on a friend or loved one who asks about how I’m doing “up there.” So it’s pride month and we’re all coming out right? I mean hello, duh, I’m a gay man. But I’m coming out today to share with you that IT IS OKAY TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES THAT YOU ARE NOT OK. So far this quarantine, I’ve cried 2x. I’ve been lazy. I’ve been depressed and my body has weighed what feels like a ton or like I’m carrying something in my chest that when you feel them they’re hard as rocks. (Please tell me you got the reference there.) And for the askers asking how a person is doing mentally, all you have to do is listen. No need to make comments. Example: sometimes when I verbalize how I’m feeling I realize what I want. It’s like flipping a coin and in the moment it is in the air you know what you want. Realizations vary per person, and sometimes YOU CANT HELP EVERYONE. It took me long time to realize that. Work. Life. Love. Stress. Heartbreak. Sleeplessness. Death. Creativity. Tears. Everything is somehow connected. anyway, my poetry book is being published by Simon and Schuster. And my new album comes out in September. All jokes aside.

Come out.

Breathe.

Let it out.

Breathe.

[palmsofpaul]

Gemini love

I wrote about his love

On lime green post-its

Ready to be thrown away

Like my body and all

The other lovers who

Tangled in his bed.

This Gemini love is dead.

[palmsofpaul]

“Paz, vida, y silencio” Wrote this a couple of weeks ago. I felt anxious and overwhelmed. Haven’t edited it. Even though I should but I don’t feel like it.

[palmsofpaul]

I thought I saw you

At the gold line

Union station

Has new meaning

I should have said hello.

[thenarator]

as someone with a bachelor’s degree in english, i am inexpressibly tired of people telling me to get highly specific jobs that often require highly specific degrees. “just go write for a magazine!” you need a journalism degree for that. “just teach!” you need a teaching certificate, and also fuck you. “just go work at a tutoring place!” tutoring children with learning disabilities, which make up the majority of the clientele at those places, requires not only a teaching certificate but a specialized master’s degree. “just go work at a library!” you need a master’s degree in library science to be a librarian. it is actually a highly skilled and extremely competitive field. you don’t just “go work at a library,” you train for years in the vain hope that you will get one of handful of available jobs. “just go work at a library.” the nerve. the unmitigated gall. “just go work at a library.” ugh.

[palmsofpaul]

Under the shade,/ and below the sky,/ sat on brick/ he who refused to look up./ He refused to look above the trees/ and did not see/ how the branches haloed themselves/ around his head and body./ There was a lesson there,/ but it was lost to him./ So, he removed himself./ He removed himself./ And, he blushed red —/ Blushed red and hung his head.

[palmsofpaul]

‪8. Weird things happening to me lately: ‬

1. Saw shadows hovering over my coworkers desk.

2. Ghost of a young man. He looked like he was gonna cross the street. He walked behind a control panel on the corner of the street. As I walked towards him, he was no where to be seen. But it could be that he was living out of a car parked in a laundromat parking lot with other guys, but I haven’t seen him since.

3. A man sitting still, I could have sworn he said something directly to me, but when I lifted my eyes to him, he gave a square look, as if asking why I was looking at him. But it’s almost I can see people’s second nature. If that makes any sense.

4. Synchronicity

5. The past is resurfacing. It’s in dreams and in real life. People and past experiences are popping up in the most strange ways. And I don’t know what to do about it. I hope it’s to teach me a lesson.

6. Small feathers falling from out of no where.

7. Dreams have become vivid and are memorable.

8. I’ll think something, and someone will say it, or it will come to fruition.

Other than that, I’ve been feeling uneasy. Like i want to throw up.

[palmsofpaul]

Wrote something

Pretty dark a few minutes ago. It doesn’t help that I’ve been listening to Lana Del Rey all afternoon.

[palmsofpaul]

like everything that ends

there is a subtle sting

maybe a bit of peace

quiet nights

quieter minds

the ceiling fan hums above.

look up past the dark

fall into your space,

breathe.

hold this lesson.

bite your tongue.

bite your tongue harder.

the sting will pass like everything that ends

[midnight-charm]

“Rogue Moon”

Saffron Vadher photographed by Marie Zucker for On The Rocks Magazine

Stylist: Carmen Borgonovo Hair: Naoki Komiya Makeup: Valeria Ferreira