Pairing: Dhawan!Master x fem!Reader
Summary: koschei confesses the truth- or rather, he tells you what happened after you demand the truth. he offers back your memories.
Word count: 2.9k
Content warning(s)/notes: a little violence, mention of killing, memory wiping
A/N: not proof read! like literally, posting this and gonna hit my bed i'm exhausted LOL. guess what, guys? the worst writers block after my last update hit me! yay! i do want to thank the very lovely people on ao3 who've been kudo-ing, bookmarking and commenting on my fics the past week or so. it really got my motivation back. i really appreciate it <333
Koschei had grabbed your wrist and led you into his private study, the forbidden room at the end of the east wing. He guided you to one of the chairs as he prepared himself. You didn't resist as he directed you to sit, your legs were shaking too badly to stand, anyway. Koschei sat down on the opposite side. He opened the drawer of the desk, and pulled a small key.
You dropped your notebook you’d put inside your blazer on his table. “I know something’s not right.” You demanded.
You knew some of it already, but this was you giving him a chance. Maybe if he explained, it would help make the reality of things seem less bad, somehow.
When he finally looked up at you, his controlled act had completely dissolved.
“Please.” Your voice cracked despite your best efforts. “If you care about me in the slightest bit, if any of this was real to you, you'll tell me everything.” You tried. “I deserve to know the truth.”
Koschei paused in the middle of opening his mouth and closed it. He was quiet for a while, obviously lost in thought. How would he soothe this thing that was going to hurt you a lot?
“I did what I had to do to keep you safe.”
“Said any manipulative villain ever! This is such bullshit!”
He snapped back at you,“You were in imminent danger. It would've been… inconvenient to see you incinerated.” He explained like he was distancing himself from any emotion.
That shook you to your core.
“That's what my life is to you, huh? An inconvenience?”
“Now you're just spinning the narrative-”
“Oh really, now? I'm pretty sure I did not consent to you wiping out all of my memories! You're a liar. You made me think this pathetic, spoiled and rich life was mine when it wasn't! And I don't even know your real name!” You spilled out, raw emotion staining the words.
Koschei sighed as he opened the last pages of your journal, to the last entry. He was rereading your terrified words about the Android Assassins, about hoping he could protect you. Deep inside he knew you did deserve the truth.
“You asked me to,” he mentioned absentmindedly not looking up. “Not in those exact words, obviously. But when those androids found us again, when they nearly killed you… You gave me a look that said 'do whatever it takes', so I did.”
He closed the journal and stood from his chair. For a moment you thought he might leave, walk away from this conversation entirely. He walked to you and crouched in front of you.
He slowly cupped your cheeks, giving you time and space to pull away if you desired. “You want your memories back, yes?” He was testing the waters.
He was not a stupid man; you knew that much. You'd seen glimpses of how dangerous he could be, in those quiet moments when his mask slipped subconsciously.
With you in this moment though, he was being very contained and careful.
You nodded.
He made a grimace at you,“I'll give them back to you, but you're not going to enjoy the process.”
Well, that was awfully vague. Either you'd live this life based on lies or go through with retrieving your memories. But the both of you knew you'd rather suffer through it and gain back your memories, independence and your life.
“I don't care. I want them back.”
“Very well.” His thumb slowly brushed across your cheek, “I need to explain something first. I'm a time lord-”
You did not see how that was relevant to this conversation. “A what now?”
He rolled his eyes, “-As I was saying, I'm a time lord, not from here obviously. Which makes me telepathic and awfully good with mind control, if you want to be blunt.” Koschei's fingers headed to your temples. “I'm going to demolish the mental block I built in your mind.”
It almost felt too simple, sounded too good to be true.
His grip tightened slightly. “It will hurt. Your mind has been juggled with. Dismantling will be painful. And once it's done, you'll remember everything. Including-” He stopped himself.
“Including what?”
He stayed quiet but the implication hung between you: why you hated me, why you'll hate me all over again.
“I don't hate you,“ you whispered, and weren't sure if it was true. You didn't know what had possessed you to say that.
“You will.“ He gave you a resigned smile. “When you remember who I am… What I've done. You would not trust me again.“
Your heart was skipping beats. “Then why give them back? Why not just... keep me like this?“
“Because you deserve to be yourself.“ As if it were that simple to him. “Even if the first thing you do when your memories return is run as far from me as possible.“ He confessed. “… You deserve your life back, even if it means losing you.“
You're not sure how many minutes passed after that. It could've been two, or ten. “Okay. Let's get on.”
He nodded and reached for your temples. As soon as he closed his eyes, you felt the worst headache you might've had in your life. You were starting to actively fight against his grip on you. Don't fight me, his voice (apparently) appeared in your mind. You're going to make it worse. Let me work.
You tried to stop struggling, tried to stay still, but some memories began to flood in.
After that everything exploded.
The first memory was something simple.
The Doctor's face lit up when she picked you up from your flat, “Come on then, journalist! Time and space await us!”
You giggled as you entered the TARDIS.
Another one entered.
The Master, a few years younger in your memory, was mocking the Doctor's methods while you argued back. “You're wrong. She helps people.”
He smirked,“Does she now? Or does she just move the pieces around and call it saving?”
You huffed, “At least she's better than you.”
Some memories of your time in your London flat flashed, you pulling late nights to meet the demanding deadlines of journalistic articles.
Another memory appeared of you during a journalistic investigation.
“How'd you know where I was anyway?” You were fiddling with the necklace he'd given you months ago. “Bit creepy much?”
He shuffled through his hair, looking caught. “...You weren't answering me for a few days.”
You gave him an unimpressed look. So?
He sighed, resigned. “Fine. I kind of needed you for this coup I was planning in 1700s Europe. I got annoyed when you ignored my texts.” He stared at your necklace.
“Texts? I didn't-” You looked down at the necklace, realisation hitting you. “Master. Is there a tracker in this?”
“...Define 'tracker.'”
“Master!”
“It's for your safety!” he protested. “You have a terrible habit of wandering into dangerous situations!”
“So you put a GPS in my jewelry?”
“It's not a GPS, it's far more sophisticated than your rudimentary human technology-”
“That's not better!”
You were in the editorial office hunched over a monitor, occasionally looking down at your research notes on a notepad. You'd been back on earth for a couple days already. Sometimes the wacky alien happenings became too much - going back home was the perfect retreat.
A source had called you earlier this morning, apparently something 'dodgy'(whatever that meant) had been going on in a town called Cheltenham.
It hadn't been the first tip that came in, it had been the third this week alone. It was strange, but strange was your thing. That called for some investigating. Who knew, maybe it would get you a feature.
It was quite hard to dig for anything remotely suspicious; everything came back squeaky clean. However, when you've been a journalist for a few years you start to build up a list of favors to call in.
You reached out to a journalist from Birmingham, asking if they maybe had connections there. They happened to have some and sent you over the details.
You looked over the list you'd printed out over coffee break and started calling all of the people on it. It almost didn't yield anything until a middle aged woman called Kate, a local, told you about the murmurings of the local community. Apparently some people in town had gone missing, ranging from just ordinary citizens to police officers and councillors.
“And get this,” Kate explained, “Some witnesses said they last saw some of these people at a warehouse. What multiple people are thinking is that this is a drug deal gone wrong, or something.”
You jotted down everything on your notepad. “Alright. Thanks for that. I was wondering, what's the address of this warehouse?”
She hesitated, “Well. It's at High Street.” You wrote down the address on the notepad.
“Someone like you should be careful. Let people know what you're getting into. The drug business is very dangerous.”
Unbelievable. You wanted to scoff at that; you'd gone on endless adventures with a maniacal alien, if you could handle that then surely you'd be alright.
You smiled through your annoyance, “I'll be fine. Thanks so much for the valuable information, Kate. I really appreciate it. I'll let you know if I find anything!”
You grabbed your jacket from your desk chair. You put your phone and notes in your bag and went up to your editor to inform them of your plans. The car drive from London to Cheltenham took a few hours.
You looked at a few places in the town and it seemed peaceful. Until you were stood in at the entrance of the warehouse. You'd caught eye on a few figures who entered but they looked wrong. You could've sworn they were moving like they were pretending to be human.
Perhaps it was your impulsiveness, or your curiosity, or both, but you'd decided to enter the warehouse. Your hiding spot was behind an old closet.
The first ten minutes it was quiet until a garbage man entered. Then things had gone quick: before you knew it the man was blasted by these 'humans'. Except they were not humans but robots. Clarity awfully came to you: this drugs story? It hadn't been drugs, not at all.
An invasion, you'd realised with growing horror. They were going to replace government officials, take over from the inside. You'd started backing away, carefully, quietly. But as you bumped into a chair one of them turned, saw you. “Purge the witness.”
You ran, just like you always did next to The Master. But not without destroying some of their tools first. But they slowly caught up with you, they were faster. Disintegrator blasts scorched the ground where you'd been standing seconds before.
Your lungs burned. I'm not going to make it. I'm- A hand suddenly grabbed yours and yanked you out of the way. Suddenly you were somewhere else, somewhere with an extremely familiar interior. The Master's TARDIS, thank god.
“You absolute idiot,” he snarled, pulling you deeper inside. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I was just doing my job-”
“Your job nearly got you killed!” He was working the console frantically, dematerialising before the androids could break through the door. “You've been a fool. Those robots you just saw? Those were Android Assassins. They don't stop; they don't forgive witnesses. They'll put a bounty on your head that'll last years, if not decades.”
Your stomach dropped. “What?”
“An intergalactic bounty. Every assassin, mercenary, and opportunistic criminal in the universe will be looking for you.” He tensed. “You can't go home, go back to your life. You're a target now.”
“No.”You backed away. “No, I have a job. A life. I can't just-”
“You don't have a choice!”
“I'm not hiding! I'll figure something out. Please Master, think about this. We can find a solution. I just- I need to go to my room for a second. I can't do this right now.”
A few hours had passed when you came to find him again in the console room. The adrenaline had worn off, leaving behind exhaustion and fear. You'd been pacing in your room, trying to think of solutions, coming up empty.
The Master stood at the console, hands braced against it, head bowed. He looked... defeated. You'd never seen him like this.
“Master, I've been thinking-”
“I can't let you do this.” His voice was flat.
“You don't get to-”
He interrupted you again, “You don't understand.” He turned to face you. “The Android Assassins don't forget. They'll hunt you for the rest of whatever time you've got left. They'll look for you on every planet you visit. Every city you walk through, you'll be looking over your shoulder. You'll always be afraid.”
“How does that differ from you?” You said, “I'll run.”
“Until you can't anymore.” His voice cracked slightly. “Until they catch you and you're dead and I-”He stopped himself.
“Master-”
“I can't watch that happen. I won't.”
Something in his tone made your alarm bells ring quite immediately. “What are you thinking?”
“Something I should have done from the start.”
You backed away until your back hit the console. “Master, please-”
“I'm sorry.”
His fingers touched your temples, and the world went white.
The last thing you heard was his voice. “Forgive me.”
You were gasping, tears streaming down your face. Your knees would've dropped to the ground if The Master wasn't there to catch you.
He murmured sweet nothings as you were finding your bearings.
You choked out. “I-I remember. I remember everything.”
He pulled his hands back immediately, but stayed crouched in front of you, watching you with barely concealed dread.
You remembered it all now: the warehouse, the androids, his desperate attempt to save you by erasing your memories, the fabricated life, but also the months of traveling with him before it all, the arguments, the adventures.
Then grief and anger simultaneously hit you.
“You- You bastard,” You pulled away from him. “You stole my life.”
“I saved it,” he said quietly.
Your hands were shaking. “By taking everything from me!” You stood abruptly, forcing him to back up. “You took my memories, my choices, my life. You just decided you knew better!”
His face darkened. “I did know better.” He stood as well, but didn't come closer. “You would have gotten yourself killed being stubborn.”
“So you made me into someone else! God, I actually fell for it. The version of you that was kind and patient and you know what's the worst part? That person doesn't even exist!” Your voice rose, “You turned me into this perfect little wife who didn't ask questions, who didn't remember that you're-”
“A monster?” He smiled bitterly. “You can say it. We both know it's true.”
“That's not what I-” You stopped, and pressed your palms to your eyes. All of the information was too much. The different versions of him were battling in your head, the devoted husband Koschei, and the Master who'd made a cruel choice for you. “I don't know what to think right now.”
“You're angry,” The Master said calmly. “You should be. I violated your trust in the worst possible way.”
The Master's expression softened, just slightly. “I'll take you anywhere you want to go, back to Earth, or back to the Doctor, if she'll have you. I won't stop you.”
You scoffed. “You should have thought of that before you wiped my mind.”
He agreed.“Probably.” He moved to the desk, pulled out your phone. “Your contacts are still there. Your work, your apps, everything. You can go back, pretend this never happened.”
But that was the issue: you couldn't forget now. You remembered both lives, and they were tangled together in a way that made you dizzy to the point of nearly throwing up.
“I can't go back,” you said out loud by accident. “Even if I wanted to. The bounty-”
“Is gone.”The Master set your phone down. “You were gone for over three months. That's how long you were here. It was enough time for them to give up, move on to other targets. You're safe now.”
“I should leave,” you said, but didn't move.
“You should.”
You closed your eyes. “I don't know if I can forgive you.”
“I don't expect you to.”
“But I don't want to leave either.” The admission hurt. “God help me, I don't want to leave you.”
The Master stepped closer. “Then don't.”
“How can I stay?” You looked at him. “How- how can I trust you after this?”
“You can't.” He stated it like a fact. “Not yet, or ever at all, probably. But I'll spend however long it takes proving you can, if you'll let me.”
You wanted to say no but you were so tired of running.
“I'll stay,” you said slowly. “I'll travel with you again as your companion. But you don't get to make decisions for me ever again.”
“Agreed.”
“And if you ever mess with my head again, I'll actually find a way to harm you.”
Pairing: Dhawan!Master x fem!Reader
Summary: a few things start not adding up. unexplainable things happen. you grow more wary of your situation. koschei is clearly hiding something, and you've made it your mission to find out what exactly.
Word count: 2.2k
A/N: sorry for taking so long to update omg. i received my college exam results earlier this week so only now things calmed down. and admittedly i struggled a little bit with writer's block. but here i am! and things are about to get tense! not proofread btw.
You weren't sure when everything started going sour, like the core of a rotten apple. If you really had to pinpoint it, it would have been the Sunday breakfast with your husband at the dining table.
The toast was perfect, spread with raspberry jam. That was your favourite, or so Koschei had told you. The sun was shining through the windows.
You were eating your toast while reading the brand new newspaper. You'd gotten to the science section, reading about a new discovery in space.
“Darling?” Koschei lowered his cup of coffee, concern etched on his face. “Why are you crying?”
“Huh?”
It is only then that you felt something wet on your cheeks. It would’ve been fine if you actually felt upset about something. "I'm not sad. I don't know why I'm crying...” You said in all honesty.
And it was truly nagging at you. Many things you did or said you just couldn’t explain. You were more lost than ever.
He stood from his chair and came to you. His hands settled on your shoulders, massaging the tension from your muscles.
“I thought raspberries would make you happy,” he murmured. “They're your favorite. But now you're crying, and I don't understand why.”
He knelt beside your chair, wiping your tears away. “What's troubling you, love? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me.”
You wished you knew, wished you could give him a proper answer. But the words just wouldn’t come out of your mouth.
“I genuinely didn't even know I was crying.” You paused, finding the right words. “But I do think that ever since the accident, I feel like something's wrong.”
You didn't say that you were what felt wrong. The thought made you cry even further.
“My love, this keeps happening.” Your husband continued wiping your tears, all patient. “Your doctor had said the memory loss might cause... emotional episodes.”
He glanced at the newspaper you'd been reading, “Though I must say, quantum physics seems an odd thing to weep over, even for someone like you.” He looked pretty concerned. “Would you like me to ring up your doctor for you?”
You didn’t want to feel even more alienated by a stranger. Maybe all you needed was some rest. But then again, rest is what you’ve been having for weeks and it’s officially started frustrating you.
Koschei seemed to take your silence as hesitation. “The gardens are lovely this morning,” he offered softly. “How about I accompany you? Fresh air might help.”
You nodded, relieved at the escape. “The garden does sound nice.”
He guided you through the terrace doors. The scent of roses hit you immediately. As you both stepped onto the stone path, you noticed something odd.
Weren't the grandifloras purple the other day? You could have sworn you'd seen them just a few days ago before your migraine episode, they were deep violet blooms. Now they were a shade of bright, vibrant orange. According to your memory the gardener wasn’t holding orange grandifloras during your conversation with him.
Your husband followed your gaze to the flowers. His body language seemed tense for just a moment before he smiled.
“Ah, you've noticed my little surprise.” Koschei plucked one of the vibrant orange blooms and tucked it behind your ear. “I had the gardens redesigned for you specifically, two days ago while you were resting. I thought you might appreciate the change.”
There it was again, one of his many small gestures of affection. He was too good to you, far better than you actually deserved, in your opinion.
You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes briefly. “I love it. Thank you.”
“You deserve every comfort after all you've endured,” he murmured, sounding like he had meant it.
He stared at the manor's east wing, it was one of the only places you hadn't been permitted to enter.
His body language caught your attention. He looked almost nervous, his fingers drumming a certain rhythm against his thigh despite his soothing words.
“Actually... You know, we haven't checked on your violin since the accident. It's still in its case by the window, waiting for you.” His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. “Shall we see if your muscle memory remains intact?”
The offer felt like a distraction from something. All you knew was that he did not want you near that wing of the mansion. You looked back at the orange flowers and felt dread settle in your stomach.
“Yes,” you heard yourself say. “Let's see.”
As Koschei took your arm and led you away from the east wing, you couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong. You were starting to think it might not be just you.
The emotional episode you had left quite an impression on you, so much that you got up determined the next morning, I’m going to figure out what has been happening.
Naturally the first place you were drawn to was the archives. The sudden migraine you'd had the last time you were there should have intimidated you. It drew you in, instead.
The bookshelf where you'd found Koschei's uncle's book had been moved, it seemed. You spent half an hour skimming the archives until you found something that wasn't quite a book.
It was a notebook, more specifically a journal.
You opened it. The first page stated your name in handwriting that resembled yours. This definitely belonged to you at one point.. With trembling fingers you went through the entries.
Of course you don’t remember writing in it, accident and all, but the handwriting looked more messier and rushed. It was as if you never had the time to properly sit down, which is weird, considering a countess like you would have all the time in the world.
At first the entries seemed normal enough, but then the entries looked like they were drawing things from science fiction novels.
10 June 2021
The Doctor showed me a planet called Lakeworld. Literally one of the silliest names ever, I know, but I've never seen anything so spectacular. If you thought lakes on earth could bring you peace, just you wait. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life. Look at me, traveling through time and space in a TARDIS.
If you'd told me a year ago I'd be navigating my busy life as a journalist and a companion of The Doctor, I wouldn’t have believed you. Genuinely, I think I would’ve declared you insane.
5 March 2022
The Doctor, the fam and I spent a few days at Tara. It's very much like Earth, but stuck in the medieval ages. Not even kidding. Instead of guns and town halls, they have crossbows and castles.
It was nice until we ran into The Master (yet again). Same old arguments. Can you believe he tried to convince me the Doctor's methods are hypocritical? He's just trying to get in my head. That's what he always does. I would never in my life trust him.
A bookmark was stuck out somewhere in the second half of the journal. You flipped to it with growing unease.
4 November 2024
I fucked up, royally. I was back on earth, needed a break from The Master for a few days. Then I’d heard that something sketchy was going on at Cheltenham. People had gone missing. I couldn’t help it, I looked up more information throughout the days.
Then I witnessed something I shouldn’t have today. I didn’t even know what I was seeing at first: they looked just like humans. There was one thing that betrayed them: their movements were not quite right and rigid… Almost like robots. I saw them kill a middle-aged man. They saw me. I ran, but I wasn’t fast enough. But then there was a zap and the robots were gone. The Master saved me. He told me those things I saw were Android Assassins. They were able to turn invisible and have disintegrator blasters. He pulled me up and we ran for his TARDIS.
I thought we were safe. But then I heard noise: they were back. I yanked The Master with me, seeking cover. I used my own sonic screwdriver to create feedback, and let me tell you: those androids were not happy. We made it to the TARDIS. I'm terrified of what they'll do if they find me. I don’t know what to do. As I’m writing this The Master is coming up with a plan, hopefully a good one. I never, ever expected him to fix my shit, but this time I hope he somehow can protect me.
You gasped and dropped the book on the table. Who’s this Master and Doctor? Why were you rambling about robots? And fictional planets? Had you properly lost your mind before you’d met your husband? Is that why Koschei never wanted to talk about your past? Had someone cured you of your insanity?
You pressed your fingers to your temples. Your head was starting to ache, but it wasn't the sudden, sharp pain of a migraine. This ache was duller, like something trying to surface instead. You figured this needed more investigating, so you grabbed the journal and hid it inside your blazer.
Against all prohibitions, you found yourself at the entrance to the Blackwood manor’s east wing. You shuffled through your pocket, looking for one of your hairpins. After a quick sweep confirmed there was not a soul there, you picked the lock. The door swung open with a soft creak.
Most of the rooms in this wing were unfinished: they had bare walls, dusty floors and furniture covered in sheets. You supposed Koschei hadn't been lying when he'd said this area might tire you out, there wasn't much to see after all. Except at the end of the hallway, there was a door that was different from the others. It looked newer, locked with a mechanism that looked far too modern for a country estate.
“What's in there?” you asked a passing servant, a young man you'd seen before but whose name you couldn't remember.
He hesitated, clearly having been given strict instructions. “This is the Earl's private study, Countess. No one's permitted inside.”
“Not even me? I'm his wife.” You pried, you weren’t going to give up right now.
“This is the only place he doesn't want anyone entering, I'm afraid.” His discomfort was obvious.
You forced a smile. “I see. Thank you for letting me know. I'll return to my chambers.”
He nodded and hurried away, clearly relieved.
You waited until his footsteps faded completely.
You tried the handle. Locked, as expected. Your hairpin couldn't even fit into the mechanism, it was something electronic and not a traditional lock. There was definitely something in there, you were certain of it.
You pressed your ear to the door and heard it: a low, rhythmic mechanical humming. It sounded like it was an engine of some kind.
You wondered, what kind of private study needed that much power?
Eventually, you decided to return to the living room. It was better not to get caught snooping in here. As you were leaving the east wing, you heard a hushed, familiar voice. It was Koschei’s.
You paused.
“Just one more day and this surveillance period ends.” His voice was strained, tired. “Then I can undo this nightmare. God, she looked at me yesterday like I was her whole world. It’s like she trusts me completely.”
Was he talking about you?
You moved closer to the wall, trying to pinpoint where the voice was coming from. It wasn't connected to any of the rooms you'd seen. You pressed the side of your head against the wallpaper, straining to hear.
“Never did I think I'd feel remorse for a human. This is dreadful, watching her live a lie.”
Human. Why did he say that and why did he say it like that? He'd said it like he wasn't one.
What was he lying to you about?
You heard something move, some chairs, maybe.
“The threat will be eliminated. The androids have been disabled, thanks to my scheme. Just one more day, and the bounty will be off.” His voice dropped lower. “She'll finally be safe.”
You leaned against the wall for support, mind racing. Androids, bounty, those were the exact words from your journal. That meant that the journal wasn’t fiction, the robots had been real.
And then the worst conclusion of them all came: Koschei, your dearest husband, was lying to you, had been for a while.
You pushed away from the wall. You had to go to your bedroom to collect yourself and think about what to do next. As you took your first step back toward the main wing, a hand closed around your wrist.
“Darling,” Koschei's voice came from directly behind you, soft and devastatingly sad. “How long have you been standing there?”
You froze. Slowly, you turned to face him. Your heart was beating so hard you thought you were going to get a heart attack.
His expression was carefully controlled, but his eyes told a whole other story. Those gorgeous brown eyes that had been so kind and patient held something that looked like resignation. He'd been caught and he knew it.
“Long enough,” your voice trembled.
Then Koschei's grip on your wrist loosened. “I see,” he said quietly. “Then I suppose we should talk.”
A/N: the chapter name is very much taken from the song by djo<3<3 this chapter was originally going to be bigger, but i felt like everything was going to be wayyy too condensed. so you'll just have to find out what happens next in a later update. oops.
jbbartram-illu
dededos
2087
blakekathryn
origamiaround
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
discoholicmusic
