Hey I moved to Medium
Check me out on Medium
Bye
dirt enthusiast

blake kathryn
AnasAbdin
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
taylor price
No title available

tannertan36
almost home
Peter Solarz
will byers stan first human second
i don't do bad sauce passes
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
tumblr dot com
h
🪼
DEAR READER
Cosmic Funnies
One Nice Bug Per Day
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
No title available

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from TĂĽrkiye

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from Vietnam

seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Hungary
seen from Brazil

seen from United States
seen from Japan

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
@pansplaining
Hey I moved to Medium
Check me out on Medium
Bye
no ghosting 2016
I’ve emerged from the hellish wasteland that was Dry February, and it’s mid-year performance review season. It’s just been a perfect storm for introspection.
I’ve been reflecting on this article about radical candor. The key to giving direct, challenging feedback is that you are giving it because it authentically comes from a place of love. Furthermore, if you withhold feedback because you want to avoid conflict, it is actually selfish of you to do so, because you are placing your own feelings of discomfort before the person’s potential for self-improvement.
Consider the phenomenon of “ghosting.” (Google “ghosting hot take” if you don’t know what I mean.) When people write in to Support upset that the creator of a project they’ve backed has stopped communicating. When Tinder dates stop responding to you. By and far people say they would prefer hearing disappointing news than no news at all, but on the other hand, it must also be difficult to be the bearer of bad news.
I’m learning a lot about how to be a good human being from managing people. I don’t want to find myself behaving differently in the office than in my personal life, which is admittedly messier than my work life. If I want to really excel in management, I need to work on managing my relationships outside of work. I need to practice radical candor as a way of life. I need to be more thoughtful about who I spend my time with, time being the most precious gift you can give someone, especially in New York City. I need to actively be mindful of the energy I surround myself with (by the way, I deleted Tinder). When I decide that a relationship with another human being is no longer benefitting me, I will not ghost on them (or ice them, which has honestly been more my style), but I will tell them, and it will come from a place of love. (I’m already doing better than this time last year!)
some personal news
This is a brief deviation from my musings about management to announce that I will not be drinking alcohol during the month of February.
You can only repeat “I could stop drinking, but I just don’t want to” so many times before you start worrying that you have a problem. In addition, there are a few more reasons I decided to do “Dry February”:
1. February is the shortest month of the year
2. If I am successful, Marie will watch the film Carol and I will be allowed to talk about it with her whenever I want for however long I want
3. Alfie will give me $50 if I stay sober for February AND three times a week during this month I hold an alcoholic beverage in my hand for ten minutes. I can’t pass up such easy money.
4. At this point honestly it is more an act of spite against all the people who think I can’t do it than out of any concern for my health
I’ve planned some activities to occupy my time while I am not in bars (although if you would like to invite me to a bar and are comfortable with me just watching you drink, I am happy to hang):
1. Clean out / throw out all the things I’ve accumulated in my apartment and never use anymore, consolidate any resulting unneeded furniture, replace with plants
2. Focus on the art projects I’ve been paying moderate attention to
3. Read the books I’ve been meaning to read
4. Flesh out the drafts I’ve had sitting in here
Thank you for reading! I’ll show you all!
(via Saturday Morning Cartoons: Baopu #15)
Kim Scott cut her teeth as a manager at Apple and Google, and now helps create great leaders as an author and coach for companies like Twitter. Here's the secret that's made all the difference for her.
really good graph
The nation's most interesting and accomplished people share words of wisdom that changed their lives.
I like a lot of the advice that’s shared here. One that stood out was the comment about burnout from Sean McComb.Â
After reading, Katherine asked me what words of wisdom I would share if I was interviewed in a similar fashion. Themes of going rogue, making rules and then breaking them, and asking for forgiveness rather than permission stood out in my mind. After I silenced the moody teen that lives in my brainwaves, I said “question everything and do anything.”
Question everything
Don’t be afraid to say no. Be inquisitive. Strive to understand “why.” Make rules, break them, and then make better ones.
Do anything
Accept challenges with vigor. Go on new adventures. Meet new people, eat strange foods, show emotion, and learn everyday.
<3
cab
Mine would be:
1. Do not let fear be a driver of your decisions
2. There is strength in being vulnerable
Create guidelines for the community you want to foster
Last week, my colleague and I attended a Diversity & Culture Summit. We got to speak with people from a bunch of other companies and one conversation that stood out revolved around establishing community guidelines. One attendee wasn’t sure how to establish an internal consensus on what type of content shouldn’t be allowed on their platform. The answer came pretty naturally to me, and a few days later, I’m still confident in my response, so I’m going to share some of the feedback that I provided. Here goes!Â
Hold your community to the same standards that you hold yourself.
I’m super proud to belong to a company made up of pretty humble and hardworking individuals. It’s also made pretty clear that any assholery won’t be tolerated. And the same goes for our community. Our first listed community guideline is “Don’t be a jerk.”
Start moderating message boards or comments and it shouldn’t take long to figure out who’s being a jerk and who is actually trying to contribute to a conversation (note: the two might not be in opposition every time).
As Monica would say, don’t take it personal.
If we deleted everything on the internet that a single person found offensive, there would be no internet. While a gut-check is a good filter for determining what is and isn’t acceptable content, don’t rely to much on what offends you. It’s not about you. It’s about creating a space where people feel comfortable conversing and sharing. If someone was visiting your site for the first time and saw the content at hand, would they participate in the conversation or turn away?Â
Establish a suitable “filter” with your team and use it as a baseline for determining what content can stay and what absolutely needs to go. Other examples of filters:
What would my mom think if she saw this? (You can even ask her.)
What type of reputation does this content establish for your website/business?
Is this content hurtful or harmful?
Write it out.
It’s 2015. It’s the internet. If you don’t have community guidelines posted publicly, start drafting them ASAP. Keep them short and sweet and allow yourself some wiggle-room to leave things open to interpretation. Don’t list out every possible offense. You’re creating a space for your best users, not to block out eons of hypothetical bad ones.
Link to these guidelines in all places where they might be applicable (forums, comment sections, chatrooms…are chatrooms still a thing?).
And while you’re drafting, be sure to get the help of the people that will be enforcing the guidelines. Whether this is your Community team, volunteer moderators, or deputized community members, they have the most experience talking to users and have the most knowledge about what offenses are most common. Involve them in the process of creating (and updating) these guidelines.
Let the community decide.
Give your community some channel to let you know about offensive, harmful, or hurtful content. Also give them the opportunity to “up-vote” content that’s good. They contribute actively to this space so give them (a little) control of it.
>> The end! Moderation work can be dark at times, but I really think that a solid set of community guidelines can help a lot. I wrote our current set of guidelines (with lots of help from other Community Team friends), so let me know if you have any questions! :)
<3 cab
p.s. I’ll probably share more from the summit later!
giving positive feedback
Outside of academic work, studying violin was my life (it was pretty much like this). I was a part of the California Youth Symphony from middle school through high school, and my Sunday afternoons were consumed by rehearsals. In addition, every summer we’d hold a week-long camp in the mountains with intense rehearsals, music history lessons, swarms of mosquitos, and “fun” bonding activities like softball and hiking.Â
The conductor of the orchestra was a music professor at a state school. He was a former violin prodigy and was a rather strict and no-nonsense kind of guy. He expected professional level work from us, and we made sure to give it to him. He would never yell or be abusive but he was certainly stern and not hesitant to voice displeasure or disappointment. It was during one of these camps, maybe my junior or senior year, that he relayed a story about one of the college students in the university symphony he worked with.
She was one of his top students and he held her in the highest regard. She came in to his office hours one day and told him, “I don’t know if I’m doing well or not. You never tell me I’m doing a good job.” Then she started to cry.
This shocked him, as he had always assumed that “no news is good news” and had always only given constructive feedback. He told us this story and said he’d learned from this experience, and was going to start giving more positive feedback to us (only when we deserved it, of course).Â
When I was a high school senior, I auditioned to be a senior soloist for our last concert series of the year. At the end of the audition, this man, who’d seen me grow as a performer and as a leader (I was the concertmaster by this time), said “I’m very proud of you.” I didn’t end up being selected, but those words meant so much to me, and still do.
It’s clear to me that there is a difference between constant, hollow praise, and periodic (but regular!) meaningful positive feedback. I still have to remember to take the time to give this feedback to my team members. This doesn’t just mean taking the time to write an email or have an IRL conversation; it also means taking the time to actively keep up to date with projects my team is working on, initiatives they’re proposing, and any wild ideas they have about changes we can make to be better. This way I can be specific about things I think they did or are doing well, rather than general “everything is great, carry on” dismissive hand-waving.
Enduring wisdom to push creative types to do better work.
h/t carol
First, you have to do a little self-evaluation.
things i’ve learned about structuring teams
Your team may start out relatively flat, with one manager, perhaps a lead, and everyone else at the same level. As your company and your team grow, though, it’s important to create a team structure such that your team members feel valued and have room to grow (and also all the work can get done).Â
I consider the following things when I am thinking about ways I can structure my team to maximize efficiency, productivity, and pathways for personal development.Â
Needs of individuals on your team
The people on your team will organically develop interest and expertise in certain areas. If you have regular one on ones with your team members, this shouldn’t be hard to discern. A title change from something like “Support Specialist” to “Technical Operations Manager” codifies what the person is likely already doing, and formally gives them to go-ahead to pursue development in this area and serve as a mentor to others. Furthermore, creating several managers who oversee different areas shows more junior team members that there are multiple paths available to grow into, and decreases the possibility that they’ll try to pursue other opportunities elsewhere.
Needs of the company
This is not to say that all of someone’s aspirations can be validated through a team restructuring. It’s useful to take the company’s top-line goals and think about how your own team goals map onto them. Then you can figure out how the individuals on the team (and possibly future team members) fit into those team goals.
Needs of managers
As a manager, you can only manage so many direct reports before it becomes impossible to give each one the attention they deserve. 4-7 direct reports per manager is a good number for me -- at one point, when my team consisted of 12 people, I found myself really needing to reconsider the one manager / one lead system that had previously been successful. If you are finding yourself stretched thin, it’s a good idea to think about who else on your team could find the manager role validating (not all do!), and work with them to develop these skills.
Be flexible - sh*t happens
In my experience, contrary to what is often blogged about on the internet, people do crave structure in their lives. People do want to be managed. They do want to know what is expected of them, and what “success” looks like in their role, without needing to ask a manager for feedback. Still, know that you are never going to work out a “perfect” team structure. People will leave the team, people will be recruited to other teams, company goals and priorities will shift. In the end, a “working definition” is preferable to having no structure, or ambiguity in a role.Â
role models
I was in middle school when I discovered AfterEllen.com, a pop culture website for queer women, probably from searching for articles about Xena, Warrior Princess. The founder of the site, Sarah Warn, and her partner, Lori Grant, quickly became my role models, though I admired their intelligence and wit from afar, through the internet.Â
My freshman year of college, I went to a meetup hosted by AfterEllen.com. It was the first time I met Sarah and Lori in person, but it was also the first time I was in a room of queer older women who appeared comfortable with, even proud of, their identities. It’s impossible to describe, but I witnessed these women speaking to each other in ways I recognized in myself, in ways I thought I’d been alone. It was like suddenly realizing you’ve been underwater all this time, surfacing for air, and finally being able to hear clearly.
I went up to Lori, a businesswoman and entrepreneur, and introduced myself. Rather, I blurted out, “I kind of want to be you when I grow up.”
“Did you play team sports in high school?” was her reply. (Yes, basketball, I said.) She told me that team sports played a fundamental role in teaching her teamwork and leadership skills, and she encouraged all her mentees to play team sports. I can’t remember any more of the conversations we had, but this had a lasting impression on me.
I’ll never forget this experience and feel lucky that I had the chance to learn not to be afraid of who I was as early as I did. I don’t think I would have developed the confidence I have now as soon as I did otherwise.
Translation is a uniquely demanding feature in that once it’s launched, you have to keep it alive or kill it off altoget…
It’s been a pleasure to work with Melissa! Can’t wait to see what she gets up to next.
Wondering how to charm your customers into falling madly in love with you, with just your words? We have a few ideas.
Thoughts about growth...
Growth is not just a raise or a title change. It’s an acknowledgement of the work you’ve done, the work you are doing, and your potential to do so much more.
Growth is a reflection of the people around you. If you’re not elevating your colleagues and sharing your knowledge, you’re not making progress.
Growth requires support. You can’t be afraid to ask for help.
Growth isn’t working late on your own every night, it’s working efficiently and collaboratively everyday.Â
Growth doesn’t mean that everyone will always believe you, but they will believe in you. Maybe they’ll be surprised by a decision or statement, but they’ll trust you to follow through.
Growth shouldn’t lead people to follow you blindly, but it should lead them to trust and learn from you. Always aim to be approachable.
Growth isn’t a packed schedule. It’s knowing how to balance tasks and priorities while also making yourself available to the people you work with.
Growth can’t happen without failure. How we rise from pitfalls means everything.
Growth isn’t about having direct reports or giving marching orders. It’s about being a dependable and empathetic leader.
Growth isn’t a one-time process. It’s not attainable by simply taking a class or reading a book. It doesn’t end when you retire. Growth is a constant cycle of improvement and learning. Realize this and you’ll never be bored, have nothing to do or think you’ve “made it.”
<3 cab
Carol Burnett is my hero
Enough has been written about Carol Burnett’s impact on the comedy world, and especially women in comedy, that I have nothing else to add but my own feelings of love and respect. I’m always struck not only by the quality of her work but by all the stories of people who’ve worked with her and been inspired by her, and how generous and open she is to others who write to her asking for advice or just expressing their admiration. A young Vicki Lawrence sends her a fan letter, including a newspaper clipping where the reporter remarks on her striking resemblance to Burnett -- she then goes to see Lawrence perform and hires her to be on her show. Rosemary Watson writes a letter to Carol Burnett, who then Googles her, discovers her excellent Hillary Clinton impression, and invites her to perform at the Mark Twain awards -- that will be the first time they meet in person. (BTW this entire video is worth watching)
I half-joke that Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock is my management idol, but really it’s Carol Burnett. I can see so clearly in all her sketches how much the cast enjoy working with each other, and how Carol holds them all together and brings the best out of everyone.
Watch the closing scene of the series finale of the Carol Burnett Show. Carol Burnett is dressed in her iconic cleaning woman attire, closing down the set one last time. The cast walks out and she bids them all goodbye, then gives an amazing speech about why she’s deciding to end the show, then thanks every single team that has brought her show to life, including the audience. Everyone who has had a part in her show gets face time and we all get to share in this moment. It is clear that this is her show and she is running it, but everyone gets credit. Her show and its success is for everyone, not just her.
I want to be this kind of leader. I want to build a team that works well together without egos getting in the way, and has fun at the same time. I want to ensure that everyone on my team can grow in the ways they want to, and that we can all rise up together and become great. I want to do work that makes a difference to people -- not just our community members but within our team. I never want my ego to get in the way. I never want to forget where I came from. I never want to be “too busy” or “too important” to help others who are just getting started in any way I can.
And now some of my favorite clips, in no particular order:
The Non-Verbal Argument
Outtakes: The Elephant Story
Charades
The Dentist
Chuztpah
By The Time I Get to Phoenix