I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how much I wish we were taught in school how to interact with people online (and just how to use the internet in general) and then I remembered that I can type.
So, without further ado, I present…
How to Argue with People on the Internet
A (sort of) comprehensive guide on discussing everything from world peace to your blorbos
Forewordwarning: This is a long (but hopefully useful and entertaining) post. You have been warned.
I have read SO many posts that essentially say “want to stop getting annoyed and fighting strangers? Just don’t! Simply do not!” and if that works for you? Fantastic! That is commendable and I salute you for it and I’m only a little bit jealous. (Okay, maybe more than a little bit jealous.) But if you’re like me—an absolute yapper, that is— you will likely find yourself in quite a few situations where you simply must yap. The urge is too strong. The stupidity of this collection of pixels on your screen that may or may not be the vessel for another human somewhere in the world is too much and you just have to tell them so. I understand. I will not tell you to hold back. I will, however, advise that before engaging with any individuals, you follow a few simple steps that I like to call “RAT”— otherwise known as Rest, Analyze, and Type.
Let’s say, for a moment, that you’ve just run into a comment hating on your favorite character in your favorite TV show. Yes, that one. You want to reply—but wait—you’ve just remembered to use RAT first! You intelligent human, you.
First, you REST. You take a moment to bookmark the comment (whether mentally or literally is up to you) and you step away from your phone (or you do what I do and look at that one youtube video of a parrot asking Alexa to fart 939472 times, you know the one) and you wait. Is this comment something you’re willing to take time out of your day to handle? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with deciding that it is, in fact, worth it— but it’s important to consider it first. You won’t ever have time to talk about the things you’re actually passionate about if you reply to every comment that bothers you. (Trust me— I’ve been there.)
Now, if you’ve decided to continue, reopen the comment and ANALYZE. This can mean many different things depending on the situation: is this comment generated by an AI? Is this person expressing a genuine opinion, or are they a troll? Have other people argued with them? If so, how did they respond? These are all important questions to ask, but it’s okay if you don’t know the answers to all of them. Just get the best information you can; you can always come back to this step later.
Finally, it’s time to TYPE. Let those words fly, friend! You tell ‘em!
SECTION II: Debating vs Fighting
So, you’ve RATted it up, and now you’ve decided it’s time to yap. But how to go about this? Should you be aggressive? Appeal to the enemy? What to do? Don’t worry, I’ve got another acronym for you! It’s time to take MOUSE into account: Motive, Openness, Understanding, Success, and Education.
First, think about your own MOTIVE. What do you want to accomplish? Do you want to change the other person’s mind? Are you unconcerned with changing their mind, instead going in with the intention to change the minds of others who might be reading through the conversation? Do you not care about changing anyone’s mind and simply want to discuss the topic at hand? All of these are valid, but they’re all very different. Deciding what your goal is prior to replying is one of the most important things about debating, whether it’s over the internet or face-to-face.
Once you’ve got that cleared up, it’s time to consider your OPENNESS and UNDERSTANDING. How open are you to potentially having your mind changed? Can you see a piece of truth in the other side of the argument? Do you understand where the commenter is coming from, or are they just being ridiculous? It’s okay to have opinions you aren’t open to changing on a whim— everyone has core beliefs that shape who they are as people. But sometimes looking at the other side through a lens of open-mindedness and a desire to understand is the most effective thing you can do. Give it a try— the worst thing that happens is the other person being just as bad as you thought they were.
Next, it’s time to address SUCCESS. What would succeeding look like here? This is similar to MOTIVE, but now we’re looking at the potential completion of the debate. What is the outcome you’re striving for?
Finally, EDUCATION. Is this a fact-based topic you want to educate people about, or is it purely opinion-driven? Either is fine, but if it’s fact-based, you should brush up on the facts of the situation— you don’t want to be caught in a lie and potentially humiliated, I hope. Also, misinformation on the internet is a huge issue. But mostly the humiliation thing.
Section III: Tips and Tricks
My last acronym contains an assortment of tips and tricks for internet usage and communication: Consent, Anonymity, Privacy, Yapping, Blocking, Apps, Reason, and Ability (CAPYBARA).
One of the most important things in life and on the internet is CONSENT. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to ask permission to voice your opinions— just that you should take into consideration the actual, living person on the other side of the screen. (Unless you’re arguing with an AI, in which case I suppose it probably doesn’t care much one way or the other). Ask before you DM people unless they state that their DMs are open. If someone blocks you, DO NOT make another account to harass them (yes, even if they’re really terrible). Consent online may look different than it does in real life, but it still follows the same ground rule: when in doubt, ASK.
ANONYMITY is another important thing to consider when you’re surfing among the virtual tides. Remember that even if someone displays their real name and picture on a website, you still don’t know them. They could be someone entirely different from the persona they’ve put up on the internet, and that’s okay. We all act differently depending on the situations and settings we’re in, and that’s dialed waaaay up when social media allows us to literally customize ourselves into what we want other people to see. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat people as if they’re real, but it does mean that you should take everything with a grain of salt— especially if someone is being an absolute jerk.
Okay, PRIVACY is the one section in here that anyone under a certain age probably did learn in class— along with its annoying younger cousin, PIRACY (you wouldn’t steal a CAR, would you?) You probably know by now that you shouldn’t share personal data online, so I won’t go into this one too much in this post. There are a billion textbooks about it, and as important as it is, it’s not something I’m really qualified to cover. Just don’t do anything stupid and you should be fine.
YAPPING— everyone’s favorite thing to do on the internet! For the most part, this is a reminder that you should have fun. If you feel like you can’t yap about your interests in the space you’re in, maybe you should relocate— whether that’s to a different app, a different blog, or even just to a different comment section is up to you. You should feel free to voice your opinions and talk about the things you love (within reason—don’t get yourself on an FBI watchlist—but you get the idea).
BLOCKING is one of the most underrated features on many social media apps. There is absolutely nothing wrong with blocking someone and moving on. It doesn’t make you a coward; it makes you someone who values your own time and safety. You are never obligated to argue with someone just because they said so. And—this is one of my favorite internet secrets—you can block people you agree with. If someone’s posts are well-meaning and useful, but they upset you or make you uncomfortable? You can still block them, or mute/restrict them if the app you’re using allows it. You are not a bad person for not wanting to see things that upset you in your day-to-day life. You can support good causes without reading about tragedies every morning. Digging yourself into a depressive hole isn’t going to help anything. Please, please use the block button. It’s there for a reason.
APPS are another variable you should consider when catering your online experience. For instance, you can make a nuanced post on Tumblr and more realistically expect reasonable replies because you aren’t confined to a tiny amount of characters. Trying to express the same point on Twitter, however, likely risks people getting extremely angry at you due to the nature of the app not allowing nuanced conversations. That’s not to say Tumblr is necessarily superior— just that they’re different areas with different setups. The reason Twitter is so no-nuance a lot of the time isn’t just due to the people— the app is deliberately set up so that users can’t make multiple points in one post. This also attracts people who don’t want to have nuanced conversations, which feeds the cycle. This is an (extremely oversimplified) explanation of why most social media apps feel so separate from each other, even if you follow all the same people. You should know your audience—but you should also know your stage.
It’s important to have a certain amount of REASON and common sense when you’re talking to someone about the skrunkly little guys in your favorite movie. It’s not that you can’t be passionate—I once essentially made an entire powerpoint presentation about why I think my opinion about a fictional cat person is the correct one—but you need to remember that not everything is the same level of seriousness. Expressing an opinion about whether Team Rocket are actually villains is not the same thing as expressing an opinion about the upcoming US election. (Though I think Team Rocket could potentially do an okay job, to be honest. Meowth 2024?) You can 100% have intense, long discussions about fictional characters, but it’s never worth genuinely harming your own mental health or attacking someone else because of an opinion that ultimately doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s okay to agree to disagree.
Lastly, remember that a lot of this is not intuitive. Your ABILITY to make smart decisions online is a skill that takes time to develop (as is evidenced by 99% of past me’s Twitter posts) and it’s important to give yourself grace. As much as the internet hates to admit it, we all make mistakes. Just own up to those mistakes and move on. It’s okay to delete a post you made because you don’t agree with it anymore. It’s okay to come back to an argument and apologize for going too far. It’s okay to not be perfect. Accept the consequences of your own actions and move forward.
