I really like the phrase Jimin used in “Promise”:
“don’t throw yourself away”
It may sound simple but it is actually very loaded (like most of his lyrics).
When you stop taking care of yourself, it doesn’t just mean that you have trouble with achieving your goals, doing your tasks or seeing your friends. It often means that you stop believing that you can achieve anything in the first place, that you have much to offer to the world, that you’re capable of being better until you even lose the desire to convince yourself otherwise. You stop doing what you loved, seeing the people you actually care about, setting your self with responsibilities because what’s the point, you’re not any good, anyway.
It often feels as if you’re not even living your life anymore. You’re just there, watching as it goes to shit because you believe any outcome will be the same, as you don’t have the faith you can live well and you don’t know how to.
You stop being in charge, you relish control to whatever happens and you just regress because the moment you’re no longer there for your own life, it’s not there for you either. Putting down the reigns is throwing yourself away because you’re no longer having purpose or a direction, you’re floundering aimlessly until things fall apart. And they will fall apart, because everything needs to be taken care if, otherwise entropy takes its due.
It’s not just giving up and staying in bed all day and avoiding your problems, it’s you slowly losing your life and your personality, even when you still go to work, do your chores and go through your daily tasks. It’s you wasting yourself and your limited life to your own inner demons.
It’s you disintegrating and feeling as if you can’t do anything about it, even if you try, so you stop wanting to try.
Convincing yourself to keep fighting for you is very hard. To do the things you need in order to get somewhere, even when they’re not easy, to even dare to want to get anywhere, when you believe you won’t be able to anyway, is a challenge.
It’s hard to promise to be there for your self and to try even when you’re disappointed in you, even when you don’t believe you’re any good, even when you actually wish you could throw yourself away, because it'ss hard to take care of something you don’t love and the reality is you don’t love yourself.
Keeping your promise is even harder. It takes so much effort and you have to keep reminding yourself to do it, do it, do it, every day, multiple times a day, even when you have very little faith if it’s worth it. If you’re worth it.
It’s frustrating, draining and lonely.
I think Jimin gets that and I really thank him for managing to convey in simple words one of the most complex emotions of a human’s mind. I believe “Promise” is such a beautiful song exactly because Jimin has a deep and profound soul.
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