Nah

Very powerful lizard.

[piipstachio]

wiggle

[girlnephew]

[jvhdb]

every day i tell myself i need to leave the disco elysium subreddit then someone is really funny on there and i’m forced to keep going

[drdaanvondutch]

in law school, my mom took me to this stress retreat because my family was vaguely aware i was a suicide risk. and they didnt allow phones, so i brought this huge bag of books. and one of the options for "destressing" was this fake cave grotto thing, where they'd decorated a room to make it look exactly like an underground cave and the air was like -10 degrees, but there was a like 4ft deep pool in the middle that was kept super super hot, so you would just switch between the hot and cold. and they would bring you an endless supply of this weird syrupy drink thing that was like super caffeinated and tasted like sugar and mint. and so i spent multiple days sitting half submerged in this fake grotto drinking mystery liquid and reading. and i have to be honest i really did feel less stressed

[batsandbutch]

[catchymemes]

[wumbreon]

May we all know decadence such as this

[barttrvk]

SecUnit: I need to (remembers that going on a murder spree would always end in a horrible outcome for it and the humans it cares about) make the best anti corporate documentary these colonists have ever seen.

[utopians]

It's crazy that I used to live without the saluting emoji

[muddypolitics]

(via ‘I Would Never Do This To You:’ Protesting Flock, Arizona Man Presents Plan to Surveil Government Officials)

On July 20, Jacob Petrosky stood in front of the Casa Grande, Arizona City Council during a public comment session and made an announcement.

“I’ve spent the last several months talking to people all over Casa Grande, and one thing keeps coming up: Safety. So, today I’m excited to announce a new company called Shepherd Safety,” he said. “Our mission is simple. Keep government officials and their families safe.” It would be no different than how the city monitors its citizens using Flock cameras, he said; he planned to launch satellites that would use AI to monitor “where government officials go, where they stop, who they meet with, and when they return home.”

He said he’d already started compiling profiles on their vehicles, spouses vehicles, children’s vehicles, and planned to combine that data with Bluetooth signals, advertising IDs, and commercial data sources, “so our authorized users can replay the movements of every government official and their immediate family,” he said. Local businesses would be invited to join the network, to “protect” officials while they shop, eat at restaurants, and move around the city.

After laying out his plan and its benefits for the government officials before him, Petrosky revealed that it was all satire. “I would never do this to you,” he said to the council members. “Could I? Probably. But I wouldn’t because it’s wrong. Just like what you guys are doing to us is wrong.”

[catsandwich-deactivated20240213]

This is a literal sexual harassment training video we had to complete

[quendergeer]

i assumed this was porn

[copperbadge]

I assumed it was a sitcom.

[purriousity-loves-the-cat]

headcanon that clothes are a thing on erid but theyre not strictly culturally required and are largely decorative, like, fiber is a different sound texture from an eridians carapace so you wear it if you wanna be fancy. Rocky didnt wear clothes while on the mission because they needed to hear the gadgets they were working with better. Anyways i think that this would make the clothing conversation much funnier especially if rocky understands human's cultural expectation of modesty with clothing before he has to explain. Like

Two days until they get to erid

Grace: Hey Rock can you help me w- is that a shirt?? Why are you wearing a shirt???

Rocky: so first of all rocky promise not a freak, statement,

[lovelandfrogmansupporter]

I will never forgive Project Hail Mary for indoctrinating me into the cult of finding Ryan Gosling attractive. All my life I heard the word of how hot and desirable Ryan Gosling is. All my life I didn’t see it, denied it. All my life I had the assurance I was not prey to mass delusion. There just, wasn’t anything remarkable there. And then they just fucking throw some glasses and cardigans on this man and make him sad and cowardly and I fold. All I think about now is Ryan Gosling bouncing and crying on it. It being? Whatever have you. A rock dildo. Markiplier. Any penile like object this pathetic little man is in the vicinity of. I should be killed.

[chateauofmymind]

best kinds of characters either:

is/has been an active suicide risk

doesn’t or cannot consider suicide a real option and so is left with an inarticulable feeling of circling the drain

[animentality]

[opossum-mypossum]

[soapydoll]

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

[soapydoll]

I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”

[bllmak]

sometimes i think and that’s all my brain can give me

[breadandm]

somebody posted this Calvin and Hobbes strip and i cannot overstate just how topical this fuckin thing is

[bedupolker]

people who are like "but with universal healthcare you'll have to pay taxes!!! Up to 8%!!!" Are so funny. Like as opposed to the 16% of my gross paycheck that goes to private insurance, that won't cover shit unless i call my insurance company, then my doctor, then my pharmacy, then my doctor again because theyre pretty sure insurance got approved then my insurance company because they didn't get the letter, then my doctor again, then the pharmacy again, and then the copay i still am on the hook for.