NASA
Stranger Things
noise dept.
No title available
One Nice Bug Per Day
occasionally subtle
KIROKAZE
d e v o n
if i look back, i am lost
Sade Olutola
Jules of Nature
RMH
The Bowery Presents
izzy's playlists!
@theartofmadeline
h
blake kathryn
#extradirty
Misplaced Lens Cap
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
seen from Canada
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from Netherlands
seen from Israel
seen from Spain
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@parentingmoments
Tot while watching some anime with me: Mommy, what does “nani” (何) mean?
Me: What
Tot: What does nani mean?
Me: What
Tot: I SAID what does NANI mean?!
Me: What
Tot: Nani
Me: What
Tot: Nani
Me: Nani means “what”
Tot: I don’t know! What does nani mean???
Me: What
Tot: Nani!
Me: It means “what”
Tot: I don’t know!
Me: Nani means what. The word nani means what.
Tot: What?
Me: Nani? 🤪
Breakfast of champions: random beef jerky found in glove compartment, baby tot’s leftover bread bun and milk thermos - what happens when mama is hungry and tired and baby tot falls asleep in car on way home from dropping off big tot at preschool.
Why do I bother
Saw a recipe for some amazing soufflé pancakes on my favorite food blog and decide to make it for breakfast since we had all the ingredients. Apparently that was a stupid thing to do. Non-stop crying and screaming from clingy AF baby who just wants to be held constantly and a tot who just can’t keep from asking the most ridiculously obvious questions and a short-tempered mom ain’t a good mix.
Add on slightly confusing instructions (because who has time to read through the entire recipe before starting?), a stove on too low heat (she said lowest setting!!!), a non-stick pan that was sticking (she said to wipe up excess oil!), and three hungry individuals... well needless to say it can be stressful cooking a new recipe under these circumstances.
*points at blackberries and strawberries*
“What are those mommy?”
“Mommy, who’s that for?”
“Mommy, why do you have fruit?”
*points at pancake ingredients and sausages*
“Mommy, are those eggs?”
“Mommy, are those sausages?”
“Mommy, who’s that for?”
“Mommy, why are you mixing it?”
“Mommy what?”
“What mommy?”
“What are you doing mommy?”
“Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy!”
“Who’s the food for Mommy?”
Me: “WHO [internally: DA FUCK] DO YOU THINK THE FOOD IS FOR?! It’s for the trash!”
*tot dutifully takes plate towards trash cans*
“Which trash can, mommy?”
Despite it all, I thought the pancakes came out pretty tasty even though they weren’t pretty or as tall as they should be. Tucking in to the food with the kiddos, I take a deep breath and apologize to tot for losing my temper and ask for a hug and give an “I love you kiddo.”
“I love you too mommy!”
*cue sappy music and cut scene*
Except... tot just needs to have an encore as she goes back to her seat.
“Mommy, the pancakes and sausage aren’t very good. I’ll just eat the fruit.”
Baby follows suit and throws her pancake bites to the floor.
“Mommy if you eat all that [leftover pancake] won’t you have a stomachache and get a big tummy? When you eat a lot of food Daddy says your stomach will hurt.”
....And now it’s noon and I have a sink full of dirty dishes from just breakfast. 😖💩
Happy Mother’s Day!
Decided to take a nap when the baby naps. Have nightmare about pallets of pavers stacked ridiculously high falling off bed and breaking our bedroom window which somehow led to dream me buying a can of Zinsser Shellac Based Primer at Walmart with two kids in tow, so that I could “diy hack” some old IKEA Billy bookcases, but the price wasn’t coming up correctly at the register and we were holding up a huge line of other customers waiting to be rung up. Tried to be helpful by looking up comparable price at Home Depot on my phone while keeping an eye out for the kids who keep trying to dash into the road and run amuck in the store. Another store clerk comes to help figure out price and starts arguing with me all parental judgey like about how dangerous it was to use primer. Other customers look on. And also judge. Wake up to baby slapping my face, feeling even more tired than before the nap. But baby napped almost 2hrs! 🤷🏻♀️
Hiya neighbor! I've pretty much been up for nearly 6 hours and counting with the exception of a few short catnaps while drinking a bottle or on mama's boobs. Mama seems to deeply regret that cup of coffee she had around lunch time but I'm not sure why. 🤔
At least she likes the new baby
Tot: "I like baby a lot!" Me: "You do? That's great!" Tot: "Yeah, I like her because she's so cute! Because she looks a lot like me!" Me: *ponders the discussions on body image, self confidence, not judging people based on looks etc I should have with her*
When baby hasn't pooped in a while
Hubby to Baby in living room : "Oh did you poop? Is that why you're fussy?" *asks tot to help him prep changing pad and then opens diaper* Hubby: "Whoooaaaaa ohhhhhhjh oh aaaahhhhh!!!!! Get the ahhhh get oh my god.... get ....there's so much... help me get... yes!" (Wipes) Tot after handing papa the wipes runs to find me in kitchen: "Soooo much poop! Mommy mommy mommy come and see!!! Baby pooed a lot! Like all over her VAH-giiiiina too!!! Come see!!" *runs back to observe* Me: *dooo da foo... gonna just stay here and unload the dishwasher yeah....* 😘
Papa: Ok go with mama to read your bed time story Tot: NOOOOOO I WANT PAPA TO READ!! PAPA PAPA PAPA!!! Me (leads tot to her room): Come on baby, choose any book. Hurry let's get in bed ok? Choose a book for mama to read!" Tot chooses a book from the pile on her bedroom floor. The one book among the whole pile that is in Chinese and mama can't read. Tot looks up and grins: I want this one!!! Me: Mama doesn't know how to read it, choose a different story!" Tot: Papa can read it! Touché, you sneaky tot. Touché.
My toddler thinks menstrual blood is poop
What happens when you are on your period with a toddler: Conversation 1: Tot: Mama go pee pee? Me: Yes, baby Tot (sees pad): "Ooooooh mama poo pooed!!!!" Me: "No, this is blood. When you are grown up you will also have blood come out of your vagina every month." *Tot stares, pauses, and thinks* Tot: "Mama poo poo? Mama needs to wear a diaper?" Me: ".... Yeah mama needs to wear a diaper." Tot: "I'm wearing a diaper! Mama wears a diaper!" Conversation 2: *following mishap with bed sheets and period (>_<)* Tot sees sheets: "Oooooh noooo! Mama poo pooed?" Me: "No, that's blood. Mama had an accident." Tot: "That's not good! You need to do poo poo in the toilet! Toilet mama!" *Proceeds to continue lecturing for next couple minutes while shaking her head and sighing*
No Christmas Like a Vomit Christmas!
That moment just after midnight when it officially becomes Christmas Day and your tot starts stirring and rolling in her sleep next to you, grumbling and mumbling something. You had just come back from a fun date night with the hubs while grandparents had put tot to bed before you got back in and you are enjoying a few minutes relaxation browsing FB in bed before calling it a night. Co-sleeping tot seems to settle back down again after a few more half awake mumbles and rolls, and you get that warm fuzzy feeling - here you all are with hubby and tot in one bed during the winter holidays at the in-laws. Nothing like family togetherness at Christmas time. So cozy. And then you think to yourself, this warm feeling is actually feeling rather wet. And chunky. And that’s when you hear the heaving sounds of a vomiting child. Your child. Vomiting on your hand. And on herself. And all over grandma’s comforter and sheets.
What to do but to clean tot up in the bath. Washing the chunks down the bath tub drain as best you could. Dry her off and hold her close as hubby takes care of the blanket. Luckily nothing got on bed itself or you or hubby. Until that is, as you are holding your child close to your chest and decide to lay down on said bed again. Ah, you had forgotten that though your child does not vomit often, when she does, she never vomits just once. And as you feel those warm chunks of half digested noodles and milk wash over you, your first thought is “If I angle things correctly, I think I can contain all the vomit on me and not get any on the bed or pillows.” But of course your eager-to-fix-things husband jumps in to try and save you from drowning in curdled white chunks by pulling your still-vomiting child away from your arms to take her to the bathroom. Still. Vomiting. Child. Your plan to encapsulate all vomit upon your body to avoid a trail of vomit all over the bed and to the bathroom has now utterly failed. You hobble your way after your husband and child, trying to minimize the dribble, and lean over the toilet, trying not to vomit yourself, as you scrape half digested chunks of noodles, carrots, and celery coated with milk curdled by gastric juices into the bowl to flush down.
Of course after cleaning up yourself and tot again you know better than to lie down again. And you know better than to hold her so soon. It’s Christmas after all, and only fair that papa gets his turn at holding tot (you do have a bad back after all). And you both remember, oh yes, tot likes to puke in threes. And she does not disappoint. So now as papa is washing vomit off tot for the third time, as well as himself, you go to buy some sports drinks to replenish tot’s electrolytes.
You get back back just in time to give tot a few sips of it before she decides to vomit a record breaking FOURTH TIME. At which point, it’s decided that you all make a 2am trip to the nearest hospital. Only it’s raining and you decide to start walking there because none of the (few) cabs going by will stop for you. When you finally spot one that seems to be pulling over for you all, you realize they haven’t really seen you and had actually pulled over to take a smoke and what appears to be a piss. Only your husband doesn’t notice the cabbie is about to piss and heads across the street towards him and asks him to take you all to the university hospital a few blocks away. What’s a cabbie to do but say yes when you approach on a rainy night with a bundled in blankets sick child over your shoulder?
Luckily for everyone, pediatric ER was not busy, and being the great country that Taiwan is with reasonable medical care costs and universal health care, your total bill for the ER visit plus meds, despite being a non-citizen and not on their health care plan, barely costs you $40USD. Tot seems to be all out of vomit and peacefully asleep. And luckily your in-laws had spare sheets and blankets ready for you when you got home.
Even better for you, you have a loving hubby willing to clean vomit chunks out of all your clothes that were thrown into the sink during vomit-gate, despite being super tired after coming home from the ER because he knows you would vomit otherwise if you had to do it in the morning. (Oh wait, IT IS technically morning already.) As you lay there in the dark, reflecting on the last few hours, you feel that warm fuzzy feeling again - nothing like going to bed listening to the sound of raindrops pattering on the roof, the soft breathing of your peacefully sleeping tot, and the gentle and persistent roaring snores of your beloved. Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas to all and to all a vomit free night!
Special Delivery
That moment at your in-laws, when you've already sat down on the toilet and done your thing before belatedly realizing you forgot to bring back the roll of TP into the bathroom that you had taken out to the bedroom to wipe up some of toddler's spit in the morning. Why did you bring the whole roll out to begin with? Who knows. The only thing you know now is: 1) The roll is less than 10' away in the bedroom next to your toilet. You can see part of the bed the toilet paper is on. 2) The reason you can see the bed is because your toddler has opened the door of the bathroom to come over and observe. 3) The only other people at home currently besides you and tot is your husband's elderly grandmother and her caretaker Salle (just met her last week for the first time), who is currently making lunch. What to do? Since toddler is already there you try there first. After all, she's over 2 years old now! She can follow simple directions right? Right??! "Bring mama the toilet paper! It's over there! On the bed!! Over there!!!" She tries! She honestly tries! (You think). You can just see her little legs flailing, and hear her little grunts as she struggles to reach the toilet paper while you internally scream, "Where da F--- have all your climbing skills gone?! You always manage to climb up to places we don't want you to and now you can't freaking get up a bed?!!?" And then your cell phone (which is on the same bed) rings. And your toddler lets you know since she knows how important THAT is to you and offers to bring it to you. Only its charging on a cable and she can't quite unplug it but still insists on dragging it as far as she can to the bathroom, while you desperately try to convince her "No, I don't need the phone now, please refocus on getting the toilet paper!!" Toddler puts the phone back. Tries one more time for the toilet paper, fails, and comes back to the bathroom where she sadly shakes her head and holds up her empty hands and then closes the door to leave. After sitting alone in the closed bathroom for another couple minutes weighing your options, you finally cave and yell "Coooooome back! Baby!!! Come back!" And when she opens the bathroom door you swallow your embarrassment and say, "Go ask Salle for some tissue! Ask Salle!" So your tot runs off yelling, "Salle!!! Salle! Mama!!!!! Mama <insert unintelligible toddler jargon>" and you think that your worst fear of having a near stranger come to investigate what your tot is fussing about and seeing you on the toilet is about to come true any second. But then, you hear the short little pitter patter of toddler feet running toward you and the rustle of paper and relief and pride washes over you. Your tot has returned victorious, alone, and most importantly, with toilet paper!!
That moment when your toddler empties out your purse, finds a maxi pad, and thinks it's the biggest and greatest sticker ever.
Juicy Bits
That Whole Foods moment where you are sitting with tot, sipping fresh pressed juice from a straw, while she finishes up her lunch and you think to yourself, "funny how there seems to be little bits and chunks of stuff in a pressed juice. Do they normally come like that?" And then you look down and see tot lean over and take a huge gulp from cup of fresh pressed juice...as she continues chewing her mouthful of chow mein and broccoli.（ﾟдﾟlll） As the horrible realization dawns on you, it is followed by the grim resignation that dangnabbit you paid $9 for this juice and you are going to finish it if it kills ya.
*this actually happened on July 28, 2015 but I forgot to write it here until now.* Baby milestone achieved: The dreaded hand in diaper. Mama to tot: "Why are you pulling your pants down, pull them up!" 3 seconds later... Tot: "Mama!" Mama turns around, "Yes, baby?" Sees baby reaching for me and proudly waving her jazz hands. And by jazz hands I mean sh*t hands. Like stuck deep in those long nails I forgot to trim sh*t hands. Cue massive screaming of "DON'T TOUCH ME!!! DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!" by mama and laughter by papa (who was luckily too busy washing dishes so poop scraping duty went to mama). Post sanitization pic of tot still so clearly proud of herself.
That moment when your tot follows you to the bathroom in order to watch and brings a bag of crackers, part deux. Yep, my tot is officially a creeper peeper. But wait! This time there's actually a conversation! And she also closed the door. Cuz apparently asking for privacy only means a closed door, and does not mean she is willing to wait on the other side of that door. Tot: Mama pee pee? Me: Yes, baby. Tot: Mama poo poo? Me: Yes, baby. *observes me sit down on toilet as she is munching* Tot: Mama? *hands me a rice cracker* Me: Thank you baby. Tot: Mama pee pee? Me: Yes, baby. Tot: Mama poo poo? Me: Yes baby, mama go pee and poo. Tot: Oooo..... Mama poo poo! *pauses to think, and even sidles closer* Tot: Mama, I'm wearing shoes! Me: That you are. You shouldn't wear shoes inside. Tot: Mama done poo? Me: Yes, mama is done. Tot: Mama done! *hands me another cracker and opens the door to leave* Stimulating stuff man.
That moment when you are doing the dishes in the kitchen with your tot playing next to you...until you suddenly hear Elmo's best hits being played and you look down to your right and all you see is a pair of shorts, but no child. So you pop your head around the corner only to find her naked, singing and dancing to her favorite beats - totally rocking it out. She finally notices you and waves hi. You wave back. Five minutes later she comes back and pulls on her shorts. Still no sign of the shirt.
That moment when you head to the toilet and your toddler follows you into the bathroom with a bag of rice crackers in hand to watch as if you were the latest Peppa the Pig episode. #performingunderpressure #liveshowsdaily