Party Sad

[partysadparty]

I was at walgreens the other day picking up my anxiety medication and from a few aisles over, someone was humming a tune, just barely audible behind me. It was ‘I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-to-Die-Rag’ famously sung by Country Joe and the Fish at Woodstock with his sprawling mustache and army jacket. They sang, “What the hell are we fightin’ for? Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn / next stop is Vietnam.” In my head I began to sing the next verse with the mysterious vocalist: “…and it’s 5, 6, 7 open up the pearly gates.” I was in a little bit of a fog, heavy with a familiar frustration at the always disappointing and under-staffed pharmacy. And then the next verse, “Whoopee! We’re all gonna die.”

I felt everything from camraderie, to nihilism, to the often haunting grief of my father who would tearily sing a long at the TV to this very tune. From Vietnam to Iraq to Gaza, to all the forgotten and damaged veterans, this song, hummed under the din of pharmaceutical fluorescents while waiting for drugs, made to calm my nerves. What a goddamn country.

[partysadparty]

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I love when the question as to why I live in minnesota comes up, year after year. I ask myself this too. I don’t need many answers. I need cold, and contrast, so when the warm ribbons of summer come, I can soften again.

[haverwood]

No Other Land Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal, Yuval Abraham, Basel Adra Occupied Palestinian Territory/Norway, 2024 ★★★★ You watch something like this and then feel exhausted, completely drained of energy and hope and anything else, and then it hits you that you just watched a 90 minute snapshot of a story that's been going on for decades and will probably continue for a few more decades or so, and you know what? you shouldn't dare to write anything here because you're just another outsider looking in from the comfort of home, in a somewhat irenic, nonbelligerent patch of land.

All I can do is sit here for a while, give this whole thing a thought or two, and maybe hope to get to see in my lifetime something like Bibi's head on a spike. We can only hope.

[partysadparty]

[partysadparty]

I kind of forgot about my Tumblr years and some good buds @michaelrheck and @melkagerer reminded me just by holding this space down that this platform still kinda rips! Idk how I’ll utilize it just yet or how often, but this is fun!

[dailyjackiechan]

You have been visited by the Chan of wealth, reblog this and you will have money come to you!

[misscokebottleglasses-deactivat]

I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY AND LIKE 2 HOURS LATER THE WALLET I HAD LOST 6 HOURS AWAY FROM HOME THAT HAD MY DEBIT CARD AND LIKE 80 DOLLARS IN CASH WAS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE WITH NO RETURN ADDRESS I CANT HELP BUT THINK IT WAS JACKIE CHAN WHO SENT IT GOD BLESS YOU JACKIE CHAN

[seej500]

Last time I did this it was payday so duh. Let’s see what you’ve got this time, Chan.

[seej500]

Er, actually, about a minute after I hit reblog I got some very important (and positive) money-related news out of the blue. The system works, guys.

[blackexcellence101-deactivated2]

THIS WORKS!!

[realglucose-deactivated20191201]

Doesn’t hurt to try 💕

[ubelyptus]

I GOT A CALL SAYING I’M SET TO RECEIVE GRANT MONEY THAT WAS DELAYED. IS FCKN LIT AND I DIDN’T EVEN REBLOG IT YET BUT I’M GONNA CUZ WHY THE FRICK NOT!!!!

[partysadparty]

I Will Wear Less Than Both My Shoes

If I had. This snow. Thought. Comeuppance. Thought. But it returns, not connected. Phone blur, batteries recharge. Charge. To be charged with. Dessicant. Descant. Descartes. Discard the, take the water out. Snow. Six days a week. This week. Didn’t go to the funeral though I was near it. Thought. Palm trees. Palmettos. They are re-plants, some start. Start to go but soon I had to come back, do it again. Take the front of the room, maybe we call it an example. Bring me noise. Take the noise away. Water. If I give you numbers. Laundry wet. Laundry fire. From my father. Next summer I will party. I will wear less than both my shoes. Call a friend Michael, or Carl. Put it in a museum. Swear a lot about the garage and realize no car, no vessel. Propeller thing. Grass blader. Meat dweller. Camp blunder. More than two rocks. My sister’s dresser. She has a skateboard. There is a phone call next door. It sounds happy as a moment does. Moment rescheduled. As if an anniversary. Follow the hug. Take it alone. Smoke entirely now. Water, where the thought is.

[partysadparty]

Cosmo dog, Skykomish, WA, 2017

[partysadparty]

Diana at Will's house, Skykomish, WA, 2017

[partysadparty]

Will and Karsten at hot springs in Skykomish, WA, 2017

[partysadparty]

Coming soon from @sincerelyanalogpress !

[partysadparty]

approximation of a year #florence #southcarolina (at Florence, South Carolina)

[partysadparty]

Every Job Pt. 2: 2016 Reboot

In 2013 I took an inventory of every job I have had since my first W-9. I want to bring it up to the present because there is an absurd viral thing happening on the internet right now about everyone’s first 7 jobs, because I am very curious about how our working lives define, disable, and sustain us, as well as navigating the journey it takes to an end we can’t possibly know (and how superficial a resume actually is). In the original post I included the duration of each job because I find that fascinating as well. We spend our whole damn lives with this work stuff!

The list:

- Dishwasher, Pearl Restaurant & Oyster Bar, 1 Day

- Busboy, Rivermead Retirement Home, 6 months

- Dairy Clerk/Bagboy, Stop & Shop, 4 months

- Grocery Clerk, Maggie’s Natural Foods, 3 months

- Grocery Clerk, Union Mill Market, 3 months

- Woodsplitter Operator, Peter Mazzone, One summer

- Chocolate Tray Washer, Ava Marie Chocolates, 1 week

- Writing Consultant/Front Desk Assistant, Columbia College Chicago, 2 years

- Sales Associate, The Gap, 3 months

- Camp Counselor, OSRUI, 1 month

- Beat Reporter, The Mondadnock Ledger-Transcript, 6 days

- Gallery Assistant/Sales Associate, Sharon Arts Center, 2 years

- Internet Sales, Honda, 1 day

- Front Desk Assistant, Autumn Inn, 4 days

- Doughmaker, The Bagel Mill, 1 month

- Production Coordinator/1st Assistant Director, Figments of a Father, 1 month

- Substitute Teacher, ConVal School District, 1 and a half years

- Bartender, Harlow’s Pub, 3 months

- Copy Editor, Launch Digital Marketing, 8 months

- Poetry Editor-in-Chief, Ghost Proposal Magazine, 1 year

- Delivery Driver, Postmates, 1 day

- Delivery Driver/Pizza Artisan, Zaw Artisan Pizza, 1 month 

- Paraeducator/ELL Support, Meadowdale High School, 6 months

- Editor-in-Chief/Founder, Vocation:Vacation, 1 year

- Front of House Cashier and Food Preparator, Juice Caboose Food Truck, 1 Summer

- Butcher, Nature’s Green Grocer, 2 months

- Freelance Production Assistant, Film and Television Industry, 2 years (Current)

- Gallery Assistant/Docent, NHIA-Sharon Arts Campus, 1 year

- 2nd Assistant Camera, Comedy Camisado: Hannibal Burress Netflix Special, 1 night

- Customer Service Associate, Redwing Shoes, 1.5 months

- Special Education Assistant, Roosevelt High School, 6 months (Current)

- Director, Writer, Producer of “HERE.”, Short Film, 2 months

- Personal Care Assistant, Accra Care, Current

- Freelance Grip & Electric, Film and Television Industry, Current

[paintasyoulike]

David Rathman

Never Learn to Cry 2007 Watercolor and ink on paper 24” x 26”

[partysadparty]

I think I got lost in my body for a while. Last week I lost part of my hearing due to probable altitude, conditioning, metaphor, pure fucking coincidence. I came home to visit feeling as if I need to solve something or that I would fuel up on pine and birches and the fast corners of conversation and grief and revelation. They were all there, in short supply, or rather quick vectors. I miss my home, but I think I am/have been missing myself more. However, I think I am starting to move toward my heart, at least I know that is a direction, both imperative and interrogative.

 I drove alone this morning for an hour and a half and solved nothing and I still love that. 

[peteandpetegifs]

I could feel it. At that moment, I had more power in my hands than I ever had in my life… the power to crush the spirit of Halloween forever. But would I? Could I? “DO IT! NO ONE’S LOOKING!”

[partysadparty]

I blame Reese's 90's post-modernist ad campaign for my indecisiveness toward everything.