𖦹

twenty-three she/her

[pascallftv]

pascallftv’s masterlist

⊹ ࣪ ˖ welcome to my blog ˖ ࣪ ⊹

i don’t really follow a post schedule, i just write whenever i’m feeling inspired. wttgg is now complete! thank you for reading <3

PEDRO PASCAL

Headlines*

Dad’s Best Friend*

JOEL MILLER

eighties baby*

Girl Next Door (complete) :

part one*

part two

part three

part four*

part five*

part six

where the tall grass grows (complete):

part I: a good garden

part II: beyond the willow trees

part III: let's play cowgirl

part IV*: tornado warnings

part V: golden line

JAVIER PEÑA

Attitude Adjustment*

STEVE HARRINGTON

not a fair fight*

purity*

all works contain mature content, *smut

[pascallftv]

purity

pairing: knight!steve harrington x f!reader

summary: on night patrol, steve notices you slipping away to the woods. his curiosity gets the best of him and he decides to follow you one night (aka steve finds you masturbating in the woods and decides to take matters into his own hands)

warnings: mdni 18+ only! graphic mature content: f!masturbation, a dash of voyeurism, virginity loss, oral f receiving, fingering, breeding kink, unprotected p in v, creampie, cockwarming, slight dubcon, steve is down bad

word count: 4.8k

a/n: we’re going to pretend like this is historically accurate and that i totally have my terminology correct .. also joe for the iron shoot had me in shambles and i had to write this

Most of the other knights hated night patrol. It was cold, quiet, and lonesome. But that’s exactly what Steve liked about it.

There was something about the stillness and the way the world softened when the sun went down. The village would go quiet, the townspeople finding their way to their beds, sleeping until sunrise. There was no one to bark orders at him, no shouting in the cobblestone streets. Just the occasional howl of the wind or the sound of a horse whinnying from the stables.

Out where the village ended where the cobblestones faded into the fields is where Steve loved to patrol the most. It was the most peaceful, a brief distraction from civilization.

He walked the same route every night, his boots softly pressing down onto the tall grass. His sword hung at his side, more habit than necessity. The only conflict he’d run into in the last few weeks was the occasional drunk wandering home late or the rare fox nosing into someone’s henhouse.

And then he saw you that first night.

At first you were just a flash of white out of the corner of his eye. The pale fabric of your nightgown caught the moonlight as you crossed the open field to your place below the crooked willow tree, right next to the creek at the edge of the woods.

He assumed you were off to get some peace and quiet, or maybe even to meet a lover. But there wasn’t anyone else who showed, it was just you.

Steve noticed it was a reoccurring thing. Night after night, you slipped out of your cottage and wandered toward your spot in the grass beneath the tree. You’d sit in the grass with your head tilted back, eyes closed. Sometimes you’d stay there for a while, motionless from what Steve could tell from a distance.

One night, Steve stalked closer, his curiosity getting the best of him. He kept to the trees, his glove holding his sword as his side, steadying his breath. He watched as you padded barefoot to your spot, the grass holding an obvious indent from your consistent place. He watched intently as you sat beneath the willow, stretching your legs out, your nipples peeking through the thin fabric of your nightgown. Steve’s heart rate picked up as his eyes trailed from the soft pudge of your belly to your breasts, the sight of your nipples making arousal begin to bubble at his core.

His breath hitched in his throat as your hand landed on your chest, briefly ghosting over your nipple, before slowly trailing down your stomach.

He should’ve turned away. He was a knight, bound to honor, his oath, and to discipline. But as your breath hitched, and your fingers moved beneath the hem of your gown, pushing it up over your panties, Steve felt the discipline in him withering away.

As your fingers began to slide beneath the waistband of your panties, Steve retreated, the guilt curling hot and sharp in his chest.

The following night, Steve waited for you again. He waited where the cobblestone ended, and he watched as you wandered to your spot. He watched as you settled in the grass. He quietly stalked through the tall grass towards the trees, settling behind the same tree as the night before. He watched as you slid your dress up over your thighs, the mound of your pubic bone visible through the tight fabric of your underwear. Your hand slid under your panties just as it did the night before, your core throbbing at the thought of chasing another release.

Steve made a rash decision. He stepped out of the shadows, suddenly not caring if his sword clanked against his armor. You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of him stepping towards you. You gasped, your hand flying from between your legs, scrambling to pull your dress down.

“S-sir, my apologies.” You stammered, your heart thumping against your chest. “I didn’t expect anyone to be out here.”

Steve didn’t speak as he crouched before you, his brown eyes even darker in the moonlight. You watched as he took off his gloves, tossing them on the ground beside you, his gaze not leaving yours. His hands reached up to his helmet, slowly removing the metal, his brown locks messily falling into place. You took in his appearance, your heart fluttering as you eyes trailed from his hair to his eyes, then down to the stubble above his top lip.

You sat frozen, the hem of your dress hastily tugged back over your thighs, your breath coming shallow. The heat from earlier still pulsed low in your belly, but the shame of getting caught by a knight tangled with it, pulling your strings tight.

His voice broke the silence.

“Do you come out here every night?”

You hesitated, your lips parted. Before you could stop yourself, you whispered: “No.”

Steve’s brow twitched. He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “Don’t lie to me.”

You looked away, your fingers curling into the grass.

“I’ve seen you. Three nights now. Same path, same hour, same gown.” His voice was low, almost gentle, but there was a hint of something under it.

You said nothing, your heart pounding in your throat.

“So tell me.” He said, moving in a little closer. “What do you do out here, all alone?”

You opened your mouth, but no words came out.

Steve’s gaze dragged down your body, slow and heavy. “Do you just sit here and listen to the wind? Watch the moonlight on the water? Or do you do something else?” His voice dropped further, barely above a whisper. “Something you don’t want anyone else to see?”

Your lips parted in a soft gasp, and Steve saw the way your thighs pressed together instinctively. He leaned forward, bracing a hand on the ground between you, close enough that you could feel the heat of him even through the cool night air.

“I’m not here to punish you.” He said, his hands reaching to his sword belt, unfastening it and letting it clang to the ground beside him.

“Tell me what you do to yourself.” He said, his eyes fixed on yours. “Tell me how you touch yourself when you think no one is watching.”

You swallowed hard, your voice a shaky murmur. “I didn’t think anyone was watching.”

“I know.” He said, softer now. “That’s why I stayed hidden.”

His honesty burned. So did the way he looked at you, like you were something sacred and sinful.

“I just…” You started, your breath shaky. “I just needed.. something. I don’t know what.”

“Release.” Steve said, the word thick in his throat. “You wanted to feel good. Safe. You came out here all alone to fall apart where no one could see.”

Your face heated up, shame and arousal twisting in your gut.

“Do you do it slow?” He asked, his voice even softer, but a little rough around the edges. “Or quick, like you’re desperate?”

You shivered, your fingers twitching in the grass.

“Do you slip your hand under your panties like you did tonight?” He continued. “Or do you ride your palm through the fabric first? Work yourself up until you can’t take it anymore?”

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t.

But Steve leaned in, a little closer.

“You don’t have to hide from me. Not out here.” Steve whispered, so close that you could feel his breath panning over your face.

He reached out, slow and deliberate, and brushed a knuckle down your cheek.

“I can help you.” He said softly.

Your lips parted. “Sir…”

He crouched fully now, his knees falling to the grass. “Steve.” He said, offering his name.

“Steve.” You repeated softly, swallowing hard.

“Let me help you. Let me be the one who gives you what you need.”

You didn’t speak, but your silence said enough. His hand trailed from your cheek to the column of your throat, not pressing, just feeling.

“You don’t have to lie under this tree in the dark pretending like your fingers are enough.”

Your thighs squeezed together, your body betraying your hesitation. Steve noticed it, but he didn’t touch you there, not yet.

“If you let me touch you.. I can give you what your fingers can’t.” He paused, his breath catching like he was afraid to say it.

You swallowed hard, but your eyes burned hot and your chest tightened.

“I’m not sure..” Your voice cracked. “I don’t think that’s allowed.”

He froze. Your gaze dropped to your lap. “What if someone finds out? What if I’m— not pure anymore?”

Steve’s fingers stilled on your throat. You rushed to finish, your voice trembling.

“They say if a man breaks your maidenhead, you can’t take a proper husband. That you’re.. ruined.”

Steve was quiet for a long moment. Then gently, he reached for your jawline, cusping it softly in his fingers. “That’s conditioning.”

You looked at him, confused.

“That’s someone else’s voice in your head. Some priest or hag warning you that your body is only good if it’s untouched. That’s not the truth.”

He ran the back of his knuckles along your jaw.

“I don’t want your purity.” He said, his voice sharp and low. “I want your honesty. I want your heat.” He paused, his hand trailing for your neck downwards, his fingertips ghosting over your hardened nipples. You gasped, feeling your cheeks get hot at his touch.

“And I want you to look at me while you fall apart.”

You trembled, lips parting.

“If I touch you.” He continued. “You won’t be ruined. You’ll be mine.”

You blinked as his hand rose back to your throat, his fingers curling lightly into the sides of it to hold you in place. “Tell me what you think about when you lie in this grass. Tell me what you wish someone would do.”

Your thighs clenched again, your breath catching.

“Say it.” He whispered. “Say you want me to help. Say you want more than your own hand.”

You shuddered. You hesitated a moment before speaking: “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Steve leaned in, his lips nearly brushing yours. “Good girl.”

He hovered his lips over yours, not closing the distance quite yet. His hands trailed from your throat to the back of your hand, winding his fingertips up in your locks.

“Now tell me, where do you want me?” He whispered, his breath hot on your mouth. You breathed shakily, letting your forehead fall against his. Your hand trembled as you grabbed his wrist, dragging his hand from your hair, and directing it downward. You let his hand ghost down your body, from your chest to your soft belly, and down further, below the hem of your dress. You slid his hand beneath your gown, trailing it up your knee, up your thigh, towards your bundle of heat that felt like it was seconds from catching on fire.

You swallowed hard and furrowed your eyebrows as his hand pressed against your mound. You flattened his fingers against your lips, the heat radiating through the thin fabric of your undergarment.

“Here.” You whispered. Steve’s brows furrowed, his tongue gliding over his lips.

Steve regained control of his hand, and gently ran his fingers against your clothed slit, rubbing it up and down, your wetness collecting through the thin fabric. You gasped, your head tilting back at the newfound sensation. Your hands came up to grab his shoulders. Steve lowered his mouth to the front of your neck, leaving an opened mouth kiss there as he used his free hand to gently lean you back, letting you lay flat against the Earth.

“You should’ve known someone would find you eventually.” He murmured. His hand between your legs worked more intensely, your hips bucking at the sudden pressure added to your clit.

“I bet this is what you wanted. Wanted someone to find you, wanted someone to take care of you.” Steve said further. His hand suddenly stopped at your core, a heavy sigh falling from your lips at the lack of pressure.

You watched as Steve lowered himself away from your throat, his body settling between your legs. The metal of his armor was cold against your bare skin, making you jolt and whine. Steve leaned down, his hands reaching up to push your gown up over your belly. You watched through hooded eyes as his fingers looped under the waistband of your underwear, then slowly dragged them down the flesh of your thighs. His gaze left yours, settling on your folds. They glistened with arousal under the moonlight, a sigh falling from his lips.

“So pretty and wet for me.” He murmured.

You watched as he lowered his face to your core and pressed a soft kiss to your folds. Your fingers gripped the grass beneath them, your lower back rocking, trying to get him closer.

“Patience, sweet girl.” He said. One arm looped underneath your leg, and the other snaked up to your pussy. With his forefinger, he tested the waters, dragging the pad of it up your folds, collecting some of your arousal.

You inhaled sharply, then tilted your head to the side to fall against your shoulder.

Steve lowered his mouth to your clit, his tongue prodding at the nub in flicks, his finger working in stripes against your labia.

“Oh my.” You breathed out suddenly, your lower abdomen clenching tight at the sensation. You were extremely sensitive, much more sensitive than you’d ever been for yourself. The feeling was heightened when it wasn’t your own touch, and you knew it wasn’t going to take you long to find your release.

Steve vibrated a groan against your folds, pulling away to allow his finger to trail up to your clit. He began working soft circles, your thighs trying to clench around him. He propped himself up on his elbow to utilize his other hand. His other forefinger found its way to your entrance, the tip prodding gently at it.

“Have you ever been inside?” Steve asked, watching as your brows furrowed hard in pleasure. You shook your head, your breaths falling in sharp inhales and exhales.

“I’ll take it slow. It might feel strange at first.” Steve warned you, then watched your reaction as he slipped his finger inside, your walls only resisting for a moment. He used his other thumb to keep circling around your clit. Your thighs began to tremble beside him, and you knew you weren’t going to last much longer with his finger curling up inside you.

“How does it feel?” Steve asked, his finger working with expertise below your waist.

He must’ve had lots of practice, and the thought sent a pang of jealousy through you, but the feeling soon dissipated when his fingertip curled up into the spongy flesh of your g spot, sending a wave of pleasure through your lower half.

You were so focused on the way his fingers felt on you to answer his question, but you let out a shaky moan instead, which answered his question enough.

Steve’s fingers worked faster, and the pleasure was climbing. You could feel the muscles in your abdomen beginning to tighten, and your legs were beginning to tremble from the pressure. Steve added another finger, slipping into you with ease. You whined at the added fullness, and your hands gripped tighter on the grass beneath you.

“That’s it.” Steve assured you, his mouth coming down to plant a kiss on your pubic bone.

Your breath caught in your throat as your orgasm hit you, your walls clamping down on Steve’s fingers, and your legs vibrating beside him. Your vision went white as you tipped your head back, your mouth parting unknowingly. It was unlike any release you’d given yourself.

Steve watched you with hungry eyes, his fingers not slowing down as he worked you through your climax.

“So pretty when you come..” Steve muttered. He almost sounded muffled, as your hearing was still fuzzy from your orgasm.

Steve fingers slowed as you came down from your high, your pussy now almost dripping from arousal and your come. You gawked down at him, watching as he pulled his glistening fingers away from your folds and reached up to his mouth, wrapping his lips around them. You watched as he hummed as he tasted your release. Your chest heaved in pants, Steve’s eyes falling to your nipples.

“How do you feel?” He asked, lowering himself down, his mouth hovering over yours. You could smell yourself on his breath, and that sent a pulse of arousal through your core.

“Amazing.” You breathed out, then closed the distance between your mouths. You kissed him deeply, your hands reaching up behind his head and into his curls.

He hummed into your mouth and kissed you back. He hovered above you, holding himself up with one arm, while his other slid down to the front of his pants, palming his erection through the fabric. He grunted as you rocked your hips up into his and whined into his mouth.

He pulled away, licking his lips as he gazed into your eyes. You broke eye contact and let your gaze fall to where his hand was holding his erection. You glided your top teeth over your bottom lip and dragged your hand from his neck and down his chest, and to his hand. You followed his actions and palmed his bulge with him, his brows taut.

“You feel that?” He asked, rocking his hips into your hand. “That’s all for you, sweet girl.”

You stared up at him in admiration, watching how his swollen lips parted in pleasure. Steve stopped your hand and stood up, his armor suddenly feeling like a thousand pounds. He held your gaze as his hands moved to the buckles at his sides, unfastening them. One by one, he undid the clasps, and let his chest plate fall to the ground, then the pauldrons from his shoulders. His body revealed itself, his muscular arms catching the moonlight.

He didn’t speak as he stripped off the last of his armor. He looked less like a knight now and more untamed. He ran a hand through his tousled hair and stepped back towards you, his dark colored tunic on display. You sat up and pushed yourself up to stand, placing your hands on his chest. You ran them upwards, feeling his shoulders and his neck, his warmth radiating into your skin now without the armor to block it. Then your hands journeyed downward, grabbing the hem of his tunic, pulling it upwards. Steve helped you pull it over his head, revealing his toned chest. You ran your fingers from his belly up to his chest, running across the hair there. You planted a kiss to his chest, then trailed up to his neck, placing an open mouthed kiss below his ear. His hands wrapped around you, kneading into the soft flesh of your waist.

You ran your hand from his chest back down his front to his crotch, your fingers closing over his bulge that was now straining against his pants. You palmed him, his hips bucking into your hand, his mouth falling open as you kissed his jaw.

“Y-you sure you haven’t done this before?” He breathed out, his eyes closing in pleasure.

You fought back a grin and kissed the corner of his mouth. He turned his head, kissing you passionately, his lips dancing against yours. His hand moved from your waist to your breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. His hand moved to the straps of your nightgown, pulling them off your shoulders, then pulled away from your kiss to tug the gown down your body, revealing your bare skin to him. His gaze fell to your bare breasts, your nipples pebbled, and goosebumps littering your skin in the cold night air.

Steve took your breasts in his hands, gently massaging them as he kissed you again, this time his tongue sliding into your mouth. He pressed his front against you, his erection rubbing against your belly. You whimpered, clenching your thighs together.

Steve pulled away again, his breath fanning over your lips in pants. “Need you to lay down.”

You obeyed, and laid back down in the grass, propping yourself up on your elbows to look up at him. You were suddenly overly aware of how naked you were. You could feel the cold nipping at the soft skin of your belly and breasts. Steve watched your body as he removed his shoes, then his pants and undergarments, his cock springing free.

He was big, bigger than you thought he’d be. This wasn’t your first time seeing a penis, but it was your first time seeing one like this, one that was so erect and leaking from its angry tip. Steve’s hand dropped to haphazardly stroke himself, then he lowered to his knees. He hovered over you, his warmth relieving you from the cold air.

“Want to fuck you now.” Steve said, not sugar coating his words. His hand left his cock and dropped to your folds, your pussy still soaked. His fingertip found your hole, and you held onto his shoulder as he slid his finger into you, testing to see if you were still ready for him. You moaned as he pumped his finger in and out of you for a few seconds before adding another, your walls stretching intoxicatingly around him. It didn’t take long for your walls to readjust to his intrusion.

You were nervous, scared even, but you were too aroused and enamored to change your mind about this. This was everything you’d ever fantasized about. The whole situation was taboo, something you never thought would happen during your time, but here you were, giving yourself up to a night guard.

Steve leaned back a bit and guided his cock to your pussy, his tip brushing against your folds, collecting some of your arousal. Your breath hitched when it glided over your clit, as it was still sensitive from your orgasm.

Steve’s mouth dropped to your breast, taking your nipple is his mouth, sucking on it gently, before moving to the other. He was obsessed with your tits, and suddenly the thought of knocking you up crossed his mind. His cock twitched in his hand at the thought of your belly swollen with his child, your breasts swollen and full of milk. He groaned into the flesh of your chest, the tip of his dick notching at your entrance. A gasp fell from your lips, and your hands wound themselves in his hair.

“Going to stretch you so much.” Steve muttered as he stared up at you with hooded eyes.

He’d put this off long enough. His tip was sensitive and angry, the precum dripping down his shaft now. You whimpered as you felt him press harder into your entrance, not quite pushing himself in yet.

“Please.” You breathed out. Steve gawked up at you, your voice not only surprising him, but also yourself. You were aching for him.

At this point the furthest thing from your mind was losing your purity. You didn’t care if it was about to hurt, and you didn’t care if you bled. You were entirely consumed by the want to feel every inch of him inside of you, and the anticipation was killing you.

“It’ll only hurt a bit, sweet girl.” Steve reassured you.

With those words, Steve pushed into you slowly, his tip breaching your hole. He entered you with ease, your hole swallowing up the first inch of him. You gasped at the new sensation. He stayed there, slowly moving the head of him in and out of you, testing your stretch. You were more than ready for him, your walls not even attempting to squeeze him out.

“Taking me so well.” Steve muttered, his gaze falling to where he was entering you.

He pushed himself further, sheathing himself another couple inches. The stretch was consuming you. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as you had expected. If anything, you were obsessed with the feeling of him splitting you open, marking you as his.

Steve rocked his hips against yours, pushing the rest of his length inside of you. You let out a strangled moan and dug your fingertips into his biceps. Another gasp left you as Steve brought his thumb up to your clit, ghosting the softest of circles to it. Your thighs involuntarily jolted at the added sensation, your walls clamping down on his cock.

“That’s it.” Steve spoke, then leaned down to place a hot kiss to your neck, dragging his lips downward to your collarbone, where his teeth grazed the heat of your skin.

You whined as he picked up the pace slightly, his strokes now a slow, but consistent pace. You could feel his length reaching a depth that you’d never felt before. His length curled up, hitting your g spot perfectly.

The sound was pornographic— you were soaking wet, the sound of his length sliding in and out of you was a sound that permeated the air and made your muscles clench. He was moving even faster now, his tempo hitting you deeply, and you knew there was no chance you wouldn’t bleed from this.

“Can’t get enough of you.” Steve panted. He hovered lower now, the heat from his chest radiating down into yours, his breath hot against your neck.

You reached up to his scalp, tugging on his brown locks. He whined into your skin, then trailed his mouth upward to yours, meeting your lips in a heated kiss. He grunted into your mouth, his thrusts becoming harder and more frequent.

“Oh my god.” You said against his lips, your eyes beginning to roll back. His hand was now at your nipple, pinching and flicking it softly.

Perhaps tonight would be the night he’d put a baby in you. Then you would truly be his. He imagined coming home from patrol to you and his child, a hot meal waiting for him at the stove. He pictured you waiting for him in your shared bed, your beautiful bare body on display for him, waiting to add another member to your family.

His thoughts went straight to his core, and he could feel his release creeping up on him. His thrusts were becoming choppier and slower. He could feel his balls tightening as it drew near, and he imagined how intoxicatingly you’d look with his seed dripping from your folds.

“Going to fill you so full.” Steve muttered, sweat beading on his forehead.

Your head tipped back, you breath catching in your throat. Your body was hyper aware of everything. How hard your nipples were in the night air, how your tits bounced with every thrust. You felt his body heat transferring to your skin, his chest hair tickling the soft flesh of your breasts.

“Please.” You muttered again, your tone strangled and exasperated.

“Fuck.” Steve grunted, his release hitting him hard.

He shot hot spurts deep inside of you, and selfishly thrusted as deep as he could. You whimpered under him, feeling his cock beginning to soften inside of you. He kept himself nestled inside of you, plugging you full of his seed. He needed this to be the moment he fucked his child into you.

Steve stayed above you, lowering to lay on you, but making sure he still held himself up enough as to not put his full weight on you.

His hips rested between your thighs. The rise and fall of his chest brushed against your collarbone in even waves. His nose was buried in the crook of your neck, lips parted, and his skin damp where sweat had gathered.

One of his hands was braced by your head, fingers buried in the grass. You didn’t know if he was holding you close or holding you down, but it really didn’t matter to you.

He finally stirred, just slightly. His hips shifted, cock nudging deeper, pulling a sharp gasp from your throat.

“You’re still tight.” He murmured against your skin, his voice thick with satisfaction. “Still holding me so close.”

You bit your lip, your skin flushed from head to toe. He still refused to pull out, like he belonged there now. Steve leaned back just enough to look at you. His hair was messy, a curl falling over his brow.

“You feel that?” He asked quietly, a hand sliding up your side. “I’m still inside you, still filling you.”

You nodded, unable to speak. He dipped his head low, kissing the hollow of your throat, soft and slow.

“I don’t want to leave.” He said into your skin. “Not yet.”

His hips pressed forward again, and your walls throbbed around him.

“I’ll keep your secret.” He said after a while, barely above a whisper. “But don’t expect me to stay away after this. I won’t.”

And with the moonlight bleeding through the trees, illuminating the beads of sweat on your skin, Steve moved again, not with urgency, but with slow need. You realized there was nothing you wanted more than for Steve to take you again, again, and again.

[pascallftv]

not a fair fight

pairing: steve harrington x f!reader

summary: steve covers for robin at the hawkins fair. unfortunately for him, your booth is right across from his. he’s going to make you spit that gum out one way or another.

warnings: very brief discussion of weight (not towards reader), steve is an asshole, reader is a brat, brat taming, forced proximity kinda, enemies to lovers if you squint, f!oral, unprotected p in v, fingering, dom!steve lowkey, missionary, doggystyle, cock warming

word count: 5.6k

Steve hadn’t wanted to work the fair. He would have rathered to be at Tommy’s back to school party, but here he was, stationed under a rickety tent at the Hawkins fairgrounds, sweat beading on his forehead and gathering at the small of his back.

He wasn’t thinking when he made that deal with Robin.

Steve had struck a deal with Robin that if she watched the Family Video counter for him while he scattered off to help the kids for a couple days, that he’d do whatever she conjured up as payback for him.

In her case, it was Steve covering her shifts at the Guess Your Height and Weight booth for the entirety of the county fair. It was a bullshit deal really. It wasn’t like two shifts at Family Video even came close to an entire weekend at the fair, but Steve had no choice. A deal was a deal, and he wasn’t one to break his promise.

“How much you think I weigh, Harrington?”

Steve’s arms were crossed, his facial expression disinterested and borderline appalled. In front of him stood some girl he’d seen at a couple of Tommy’s parties, but her name was a mystery to him. Her blonde hair cascaded down her exposed back, her clothing leaving little to nothing to the imagination.

Steve mumbled out a random number monotone. He couldn’t care to actually guess, and quite frankly, he didn’t give a shit either way.

The girl gasped and crossed her arms. Her boyfriend stood behind her, his eyebrows furrowing. He stepped forward, wallowing his tongue around in his mouth for a second before spitting at Steve’s shoes.

“What the fuck, man?” Steve grunted, stepping back from the pissed off boyfriend billowing in front of him.

“Let’s go, baby.” He snapped, grabbing the girl’s hand and escorting her away from the booth.

“Hey! That’s two dollars!” Steve called after them. The boyfriend turned his head and flashed him a middle finger in response.

Steve sighed heavily and looked down at the wad of spit running across his shoe. His eyes flickered up and found you sat in a lawn chair, your leg propped up over the arm of the chair, swinging haphazardly. You looked up at him over the top of your book, smacking gum between your cherry lips, a taunting grin pulling at them.

“Smooth, Harrington.” You said, looking back down at your book and flipping a page.

Steve rolled his eyes and grabbed the towel off of the table tucked back in the tent and began wiping at his shoe. His eyes flicked up to you inside your booth. You were surrounded by a multitude of makeup products that he had no idea what they were. In his eyes it was all fucking junk.

“How many tubes of lip balm have you sold, baby cakes?” Steve called out to you. Your head didn’t move, just your eyes as you looked back up to him.

“None of your business.” You said, your voice bored and unamused.

“No one’s going to buy that shit.” He continued, grunting as he lowered his foot from the table.

You stared back at him, deciding whether or not you wanted to get up and strangle him or set fire to his booth with a flame torch. You were under the impression that Robin would be across from you all weekend, but much to your disappointment, it was Man Whoreington instead. You’d always fucking despised him ever since you moved to Hawkins two years ago.

A group of middle school aged girls hurried into your booth, squealing in excitement at all the products for sale.

“I’ll take one of each.” One of the girls said, smacking a one hundred dollar bill down on the table in front of you. You gazed up at her, then over to Steve, whose eyes were as big as saucers.

“Sure thing, baby cakes.” You bit back a smile.

It was absolutely ridiculous. Steve watched in awe as girls crowded your booth, the cash flowing.

“What was that you were saying, Harrington?” You cocked a smile as you packaged up the girl’s products. Steve ran his tongue across the front of his teeth and shook his head.

You blew a bubble with your gum as you waved the girls along, then sat back in your lawn chair, propping your legs up on a box. Steve had always been a douche to you, and you weren’t sure why. You’d always been nothing but nice to him, and you were especially nice to Nancy and Jonathan, as well as those boys you always saw Steve babysitting.

Your eyes were locked on your book as a figure loomed over the table in front of you. A throat cleared, and you lifted your eyes. Steve leaned down on the table, a strand of his brown hair falling over his forehead. Your gaze traced up from the moles on his neck to his hazel eyes.

“Can I help you?” You mumbled, looking back down at your book.

Steve's eyes trailed from your smug face, to your chest, then down to your bare thighs where your denim shorts had ridden up.

You didn’t move, just smacked your gum— sharp, loud, and completely on purpose.

“Jesus christ.” He muttered, straightening his back. “Can you not chew like a fucking cow for five minutes?”

You blinked up at him, your gaze innocent. “Something bothering you, Harrington?”

“Yes. That sound. It’s like—“ He mimicked the gum smacking sound with his teeth and tongue, his mouth opening in an exaggerated, and quite obnoxious, chomp. “That. It’s giving me a fucking migraine.”

You tilted your head and ran your teeth along your bottom lip, stretching your arms up over your head, exposing a bit of your belly. “Free will.”

“What?” Steve spat.

You sat up slightly and leaned your arms on the table. “It’s called free will, Stevie. You can walk away whenever you want.”

Steve laughed under his breath, running a hand through his wavy hair. “Believe me, I want to. But just our luck I’m stuck across your glitter and bumble gum empire this entire weekend. Gotta make sure you don’t choke everyone out with your raging estrogen.”

You smiled devilishly and grabbed a lock of your hair, twirling it around your finger. “Aww, Stevie. You watching me, then?”

“Would be hard to miss ya, all the chewing and—“ he motioned to your body, “everything.”

You popped another bubble, this one even louder and wetter than the last. You let it snap, then slurped the gum back into your mouth with a wink.

“Fascinating.” You spoke monotone.

Steve’s hands dropped to his hips, clearly running out of patience. “Spit it out.”

You arched an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“The gum. Spit it out. Before I do it for you.”

Your pulse quickened at his words. Not because you were intimidated, more just… heated. Not heated in a pissed off way, but in the kind that made your cheeks hot and in the way you wouldn’t want to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging.

You rolled the gum to the side of your mouth. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

He leaned forward again, both palms braced on the table of your booth, his face inches from yours now.

“Depends.” He said softer. “You always this bratty or do I just bring it out of you?”

Your smirk didn’t fade, but you didn’t answer him. Maybe he was right, but you’d never admit that to him. And perhaps you wanted to see how far you could push this.

Just your luck, you watched a group of guys walk up to the Height and Weight booth across the way. You dramatically sighed and shook your head.

“Maybe if you can guess their weights correctly I’ll tell you.” You gestured towards the guys and leaned back in your chair, this time kicking your feet up on the table.

Steve turned his head and noticed the group, and you swear you could see the steam beginning to roll out of his ears. He clocked them immediately. They were the jocks that took over after he graduated. The kind you used to flirt with in school.

One of them waved from across the way, and you waved back, extra slow and sweet. Making sure Steve was watching, you blew them a kiss. You heard him mutter something under his breath. Then you watched his jaw tense so tight you thought all his teeth would break.

“Aww, don’t pout. You’ll get wrinkles.” You teased, drumming your fingernails against the back of your book.

“You’re not cute.” He snapped, not even looking at you.

“You sure about that?”

His head whipped towards you. He leaned back over the table, this time so close you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“Keep pushing, sweetheart. And you’ll find out exactly how uncute I think you are.”

You popped your gum again just to spite him. Then slow and daring, you plucked the gum from your lips, holding the sticky pink blob between your fingers.

“Here, since it bothers you so much.” You said, extending it towards him.

He managed to get even closer, and grabbed your wrist. “Next time I tell you to spit it out, I won’t be so polite.”

You blinked, your pulse rising up your throat. Then, he let you go, turned, and stalked back to his booth.

You sat there, hand still half-raised, gum dangling from your fingers. Suddenly you weren’t feeling so smug.

The fair shut down for the night around eleven, the loudspeaker croaking its final calls. The lights began to dim across the fairgrounds, and the soft hum of generators filled the background with white noise.

You were back at your camper, freshly showered, bare-legged and barefoot, your cami clinging to you in the summer heat. You’d tossed your book aside half an hour ago. You couldn’t focus, not with this heat. Not with the constant vision replaying of your mind of Steve leaned towards you, his voice, his grip.

Then the music started.

Steve’s camper was close, too close. The walls were paper thin, and when he cranked the volume on some Billy Idol song, it vibrated the walls. You clenched your jaw.

You gave it five more minutes.

Then you slammed the door behind you and stormed the ten feet to his. You didn’t knock. You banged. Hard.

The music didn’t stop, but the door swung open a moment later. Steve stood there in shorts, shirtless, and his hair damp like he just showered. A towel was hung around his neck, and a smug grin toyed at his mouth like he had been expecting you any moment.

“What?” He cooed, like he had no idea what could’ve possibly inspired you to knock at his camper at almost midnight.

“Turn it down.”

“No.”

“Seriously?” You crossed your arms in disbelief.

“Seriously.” He leaned a shoulder against the frame of the door, deliberately relaxed. “Unless you came over to apologize for being a brat all night.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “You were the one being a brat. You grabbed my arm.”

“Because you don’t listen.”

You scoffed. “You don’t scare me, Harrington.”

“Didn’t say I was trying to.”

But the way he said it, quiet and low, made your heart hammer against your chest. He watched your face shift, and something unreadable passed over his expression.

“You still chewing that gum?” He asked.

You blinked and wallowed your gum to the side of your mouth. “Maybe.”

“I’m serious. I’ll take that shit out of your mouth myself this time.”

Your breath caught.

A tense beat of silence passed between you, you standing there gawking at him in the low glow of the camper light. You hated how good he looked like this, casual, smug, and shirtless.

“You done staring?” He taunted.

“In your dreams, Harrington.”

You turned on your heel and walked back to your camper, trying not to let your knees buckle. His music continued in the background.

That didn’t stop you from laying in your bunk for the next hour, wide awake. The music finally stopped an hour ago, but you were still unable to sleep. You chewed haphazardly on your gum, blowing bubbles every few minutes.

You were half asleep when the knock came. It wasn’t loud or aggressive, just three measured raps against the door. You sat up slowly. The clock read 12:59 a.m. You padded barefoot to the door and cracked it open.

Steve stood there, this time with a t-shirt pulled over his head. He looked tired and less smug than earlier.

You blinked up at him. “You lost or something?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

You raised a brow. “So you thought bothering me might help?”

“Yeah, actually.” He leaned an arm against the door frame. “Look.. you piss me off.”

“You piss me off too. Why does this concern me at one o’clock in the morning?”

Silence. It was strange, seeing him like this. Quiet, no booth, no crowd, no one to impress. Just Steve.

“Can I come in?” He asked.

You hesitated for a second, and against your better judgement, you stepped aside.

The camper was cramped. One bench, one tiny sink, and a bed pressed against the far wall.

Steve moved slowly, ducking his head as he stepped inside. He didn’t say anything for a moment and looked around, then sat on the bench like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

You leaned against the sink, arms crossed. “So now what?”

Steve looked up at you, eyes shadowed and unreadable. “I meant what I said earlier.”

“Which part? The part where you threatened me, or the part where you said I’m not cute?”

His jaw ticked.

“The part where I said you don’t listen. And the part where I said I’d take the gum out of your mouth myself.”

Your breath hitched.

He stood slowly.

“You’ve been acting like you want me to lose it.”

You stayed where you were, your pulse rapidly increasing. “And what if I do?”

His mouth twitched.

Then he crossed the room in two big strides and backed you against the sink. One hand planted beside your hip, the other grazing the strap of your cami.

“Then I guess it’s not a fair fight, is it?” He murmured.

Then he kissed you. Hard.

Your teeth clacked, and you tasted like bubblegum and he tasted like cherry cola. His fingers curled under your jaw as your hands bunched at the bottom of his shirt. He pressed you back until the countertop dug into your lower back, and you made a noise in the back of your throat that made him groan into your mouth.

He pulled back just long enough to whisper, his breath hot against your lips:

“Told you I’d shut you up.”

And then he kissed you again, like he was mad at you. For every eye roll, every gum smack, every moment you’d made his life hell. And god, you kissed him right back, like you’d been waiting all fucking day for this.

Steve’s hands were everywhere at once. He squeezed your waist, your hips, the backs of your thighs. He lifted you onto the edge of the counter like you weighed nothing, his mouth never leaving yours. You parted your knees around his hips, the camper creaking beneath the sudden shift in weight.

“This what you wanted?” He muttered against your lips. “Me losing my shit?”

You grinned against his lips as you panted. “Took you long enough.”

Steve chuckled once, his voice low and gravelly. He grabbed your jaw and tilted your face so he could take you in with his eyes.

“I want to take that fucking gum out of your mouth.” He said.

You wallowed the gum from the side of your mouth and went to reach for it, but he caught your wrist in his hand.

“No, I’ll take it out.”

Then he was kissing you again, this time tougher. His tongue swiped the gum from your lips, taking it for himself, then pulled away just enough to spit the gum into the sink beside you.

You gawked at him, your cheeks flushed and your lips swollen.

Steve grinned. “There. Better.”

You reached for him this time, yanking him by the front of his shirt to wrap your legs back around his waist. He groaned when he felt how hot you were against him. You rocked against him, slow and taunting.

“Still think I’m not cute?” You whispered, your teeth grazing his earlobe.

He let out a strangled laugh and slid his hands under your cami and over your bare skin. “No. I think you’re a fucking problem.”

“Well, you gonna solve it then?”

He didn’t answer, at least not with words.

Steve grabbed the hem of your cami and pulled it up over your head, and tossed it over his shoulder. His mouth went straight to your chest, his tongue flicking across your nipple. One hand reached behind your back to arch your closer.

You gasped, your fingers digging into his hair, pulling just hard enough to make him whimper.

“So fucking full of attitude.” He muttered against your skin.

You leaned back, watching through heavy eyelids as he dropped to his knees in front of you, his fingers trailing down your thighs, thumbs brushing against the waistband of your shorts.

“What are you going to do about it, Harrington?”

“Going to teach you a lesson.” He said.

He hooked his fingers in your shorts and dragged them down agonizingly slow. His smirk grew bigger as he watched your breath hitch.

“You gonna tell me how much you hate me?”

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to. The look you gave him, your eyelids heavy, lips parted, and your body leaning into his every touch told him everything he needed to know.

Steve’s hands were rough on your thighs, his thumbs digging in as he pulled you close to the edge of the counter. He traced hot, open-mouthed kisses along the inside of your thighs, his teeth dragging just enough to make your grip claw into the edge of the counter.

“Still seem a little bratty.” He said, then landed his mouth on your mound from the outside of your panties.

You sucked in air as his fingers looped into the waistband of your panties and dragged them down your legs, dropping them to the floor. Your brows furrowed in awe as you watched him take in the sight of your bare pussy.

“Fuck.” He breathed out, and reached a finger up to your folds, and ran a finger along the length of you, your arousal coating it.

You whined, titling your head over onto your shoulder as you watched his facial expression grow more concentrated. You sucked in a sharp breath and Steve’s mouth came down on you, his tongue licking an agonizing stripe up your heat, gathering your wetness. Suddenly his finger found your opening, prodding at it for a moment before pressing into you. You let out a gasp and jolted, your head tilting back at the intrusion.

He hummed against your folds, his tongue finding its way to your clit, flicking fast against it as his finger began to pump in a consistent rhythm in and out of you. You sighed deeply, a soft moan leaving your lips as his finger curled perfectly inside of you, teasing as your spongy g-spot. Steve added another finger, spreading you open wider. You whined out, your hand coming down to latch onto his hair. His mouth worked harder against your clit, the pleasure winding tight in your lower abdomen.

He pumped his fingers faster, curling them in perfect rhythm. You whined when he pulled his mouth away, but only missed the sensation briefly as his free thumb came down to circle your clit.

“Fuck.” You sputtered out, your pussy clenching at the added pressure.

“I can feel you squeezing my fingers.” Steve murmured, staring up at you through hooded eyes.

You panted heavily, the knot in your lower belly winding tighter at his words. He was relentless, his thumb still working magic circles and his fingers pounding into you with great speed.

Your orgasm hit you unexpectedly, your breath leaving your throat, your cheeks flushing hotter and your toes curled behind Steve’s back.

“That’s it.” He urged, fingering you through your orgasm, your come coating his knuckles.

You rode out your high, your eyes clenching shut in pleasure. You breathed out through your nose as you felt Steve’s touch leave you. He stood up between your legs his hand snaking up your belly to your nipple, giving it a gentle pinch.

“Still smug.” He murmured against the skin of your tit. “Even with my mouth between your legs.”

You didn’t laugh, still trying to catch your breath and regain your vision.

And then he stopped talking. You heard the rustle of fabric against skin, and you realized Steve was taking off his t-shirt. Then his fingers looped into the waistband of his shorts, pulling them down his thighs, exposing his erect cock. He wasn’t wearing boxers, just his short shorts. You stared down at him in awe, his tip leaking and angry. His hand fell to his length, pumping it in slow strokes, his gaze falling from your tits to your pussy, which was practically dripping, your arousal threatening to drop onto the floor.

“Cat got your tongue, baby cakes?” Steve grunted, his fingers sliding up your heat and landing on your sensitive clit, giving it a pinch.

You gasped, your thighs clenching together.

“Nuh uh.” Steve growled, his hands coming down to spread your legs back open. “These.. stay open.”

“Steve, fuck.” You said breathlessly, looking down at his erection. He was bigger than you expected, much to your surprise.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard that you’re going to forget how to talk. Forget how to chew that stupid fucking gum.” Steve grumbled.

You watched through tired eyes as Steve ran his length against the inside of your thigh, teasing your core. A smirk tugged at his lips as he watched your eyebrows furrow.

“What do you need?” He said, his voice low. His tip was ghosting over your folds now, your arousal mixing with his precum.

“Mmm, fuck.” You tilted your head back as he nicked your clit that was still too sensitive from your orgasm.

Suddenly Steve’s hand slapped your ass hard, your body jolting from the sudden hit.

“Fuck!” You exclaimed, your legs tightening around Steve’s hips unwillingly.

“I said.” He leaned closer, his breath fanning over your lips. “What do you need?”

“Need you to fuck me.” You whispered, trying to close the gap between your mouths to kiss him, but he pulled away an inch to tease you.

“Hmm, couldn’t quite hear that. Might need to say it a bit louder.” Steve taunted you. Goosebumps littered your skin as his hand that was haphazardly stroking his cock trailed down to your clit, your legs jolting as he began to slowly rub in gentle circles.

“I-I need you.. to f-fuck me.” You struggled, your thighs clenching around his hand, but his assault didn’t stop.

He rubbed faster circles, this time he closed the gap between your mouths, and kissed you intensely. His teeth took your bottom lip, and he bit down slightly, not enough to draw blood, but enough to assert his power over you, even in a kiss. Then his tongue was against yours, tasting every bit of your mouth, running along your teeth. It was disgusting really, having him consume in such a thorough way, but you didn’t care. You needed more.

His tip prodded at your entrance, your pussy now throbbing from the lack of intrusion. His finger slowed on your clit, and you awaited the feeling of him stretching you. His free hand reached up to one of your nipples, giving it a gentle squeeze before slowly rolling his hips towards yours, his tip breaching your opening, the stretch radiating deep in your belly. Your head fell back in a moan, and Steve took this as an opportunity to litter kisses from your throat down to your chest, taking your nipple in his mouth.

He rocked his hips into yours, his length pumping in and out of you, your walls stretching to accommodate his length. You hadn’t had sex in months, and even then, your partner hadn’t been this big. This was uncharted territory and you feared after tonight, you weren’t sure how you’d be able to find someone who’d compare to this.

“Feels so good.” Steve grunted as he thrusted into you, his hands traveling all over you.

His hands squeezed at your breasts, then trailed down to your ass to squeeze the flesh of your cheeks, spreading them a bit, before finding their way to your thighs. You panted heavily over the sound of skin slapping, and basked in the feeling of Steve’s breath fanning over the sensitive pebbles of your nipples.

Suddenly Steve was pulling out of you, and you whimpered from the emptiness between your legs. He stepped back, and began lazily stroking his length again. He tilted his head toward the bed.

“Go get on the bed. On your hands and knees.” He demanded. Sweat was beading on his forehead, and your eyes trailed from his face, down the hair on his chest to his trimmed pubes, then to his hand wrapped around his cock.

You obeyed his orders and ambled over to the bed. You did as you were told and got on your hands and knees, your ass perched up in the air, your holes on display for him. Steve groaned at the sight of your drenched pussy catching the dim glow of the lamp as he got closer to you.

You exhaled shakily as Steve’s hands found their way to your ass, spreading the flesh to get a better look at you. Your brows furrowed when you felt his hot breath on your folds, and sharply inhaled when his tongue lapped up your arousal, brushing your clit.

Without warning, Steve was pushing back into you, not taking it slow at all. He fully sheathed himself in you, his girth stretching you once again. You gasped and grabbed a fistful on the sheet, your tits bouncing from his rapid thrusts.

“Jesus—“ You said between thrusts. “Christ.”

“Been wanting to fuck you like this all day.” Steve breathed out, leaning down so his chest was pressed to your back.

His hand snaked around your shoulders to lightly cup the front of your throat. He gave the sides of your throat a gentle squeeze, resulting in your pussy clenching down around him.

“Oh, you liked that, huh?” He said, his hand repeating its movement.

You whined, your back arching into his front. You were like a bitch in heat, and the sounds of wet skin slapping permeated the air. Never in a million years did you expect to be bent over by Steve Harrington, let alone loving it this much.

“I’m g-gonna come again.” You stammered, you lowered the side of your face into the mattress, Steve’s hands spreading your ass again to watch his length disappear and reappear from your entrance.

“Come on, baby. Let me feel it.” Steve said, a hand trailing down to your clit, rubbing gentle circles.

You whined out at the added pressure, your lower belly tying knot after knot. You flexed your calves, feeling the pleasure beginning to heat up deep inside you. Your next orgasm washed over you, your vision becoming fuzzy as every muscle in your body clenched. Your breath caught in your throat, and your grip tightened even more on the sheets.

“That’s it.” Steve muttered, his finger working your clit through your orgasm.

Your orgasm subsided, and your chest heaved in heavy pants as you came down from your high. Your senses were back, and Steve’s finger on your clit was about to make you scream.

Your hand swatted his hand away from between your thighs, and you groaned as his other hand gripped the flesh of your hip tighter.

Steve pulled out of you again, holding himself off from his release. He wanted this moment to last forever, and he wasn’t done with you quite yet.

“Lay on your back for me.” Steve said, his tone less demanding and softer.

You rolled over, and scooted yourself towards the head of the small bed, resting your head against your pillow. Steve climbed onto the bed and onto his knees, positioning himself between your legs.

“You on the pill?” Steve asked as he lowered himself over you.

“Yes.” You said, your arms reached up to cup his face, pulling his face down into a firm kiss.

Steve took the moment to sheath himself back inside you, your mouth parting. You would never get used to the feeling of him inside of you, and you’re not sure you ever want that feeling to stop. Steve fucked into you steadily, his skin slapping against yours.

His mouth left yours and trailed back down to your chest, his mouth working on one nipple while his free hand squeezed your other tit. Your head felt back against the mattress, your eyes rolling back at the new angle.

With every thrust you could feel his cock rutting up almost to your cervix, your g-spot being stimulating perfectly.

“God, you’re driving me fucking crazy.” Steve panted as he fucked into you faster. He was close, and he was shamelessly chasing his high.

“I hate how good this feels.” You said, your voice sounding almost drunk. You were half present mentally, your orgasms taking most of your energy.

“Yeah?” He bent down and rested his forehead against yours. “Want me to stop?”

“No.” You spat out quickly.

“Didn’t think so.” He said, and his mouth was on you again, this time sucking on the flesh of your neck like a vampire, his teeth working against your skin.

He wanted to mark you. He wanted those jocks to know you were already claimed and were off limits. He wanted you for himself.

“Not going to last much longer.” Steve sputtered, his thrusts becoming sloppier and more staggered.

Your nipples hardened as you felt the coil tightening again in your core, your third orgasm drawing closer. One of your hands trailed between you, finding your clit. Steve leaned up a bit to give you more room, one hand gripping your waist and the other squeezing the flesh of your ass. He took in the sight of you underneath him, your cheeks flushed, your tits bouncing with every rock of his hips, your fingers working in messy circles around your clit as you chased your high once again.

“That’s it, come for me again.” Steve panted.

He was dangerously close. He was feeling his lower belly beginning to tighten. Any second his muscles were going to betray him and let his high overcome him.

Your third orgasm hit you hard, and you involuntarily whimpered, your body shaking as it overcame you. Your toes curled and your back arched, and your hearing went fuzzy. Steve followed suit, his release shooting hot spurts deep into you, his lower abdomen clenching through his orgasm. He whined, feeling your walls clamp down on him, milking every last ounce of his seed into you.

Your high slowly faded, and you were still trying to catch your breath. Your skin was flushed and damp and Steve laid on top of you, his legs intertwined with yours, his cock softening inside of you. Steve’s chest rose and fell against yours, one of his arms draped lazily by your head, his fingertips toying with the ends of your hair.

Neither of you said anything for a long while.

Outside, the fair grounds were silent. No rides creaking, not fair-goers in sight, no sound of Steve’s music blaring. Just the two of you trying to catch your breath.

You finally shifted, just enough to look down at him, his face pressed to your chest. His eyes were open, looking off into the camper, like something was on his mind.

“You okay?” You asked, voice low.

He blinked, then shifted to look up at you. His hand moved to your face, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Yeah. Just wasn’t.. expecting that.”

A tired smile tugged at your lips. “Which part? Where you spit out my gum for me or the part where you fucked me and liked it?”

Steve huffed a laugh and shook his head. “You’re exhausting.” He muttered, but his voice was soft and fond in a way that made your chest ache a little.

“Seriously though. If you regret it and never want to speak to me again, I get it.” You tucked an arm under your head and watched his face.

His eyes narrowed slightly at you. “Do you?”

You hesitated, but only for a second. “No.”

He exhaled, slow. “Then I don’t either.”

Then, quietly and hesitantly, Steve shifted to pull the thin blanket up over you. It was then you realized he was still inside of you, soft, but you still felt full. His hand found yours beneath it, lacing your fingers together.

“Don’t tell Robin.” He murmured, half asleep now, using your tits as a pillow.

You smiled, eyes slipping shut. “Don’t tell her what?”

“That I like you.”

He said it like a secret.

And you held onto that like a promise, and you hoped that when the morning sun came, Steve Harrington wouldn’t regret those words.

[pascallftv]

where the tall grass grows | part V (final)

‘golden line’

joel miller x f!reader | farmer's daughter/neighbor

summary: sarah comes home

warnings: age gap (reader is mid-twenties, joel is late thirties), mature language, angst, slow burn, traces of dbf!joel

word count: 5k

previous part

series masterlist | main masterlist

The morning was calm and warm. It was the kind of morning that made you want to stay in bed just a little bit longer. The sunlight filtered through Joel’s curtains, casting golden lines across the sheets. Joel was already up, the smell of coffee floating in the air, but you could still feel his warmth he’d left behind in the mattress, and the faint smell of his sandalwood cologne.

The sheets were barely covering your naked body. The memories of last night replayed in your mind, and a small smile played at your lips. You licked your lips and sat up, taking a deep breath before forcing yourself to leave the warmth of the bed. You looked at the tangled sheets, your pulse quickening when you remembered the feeling of Joel’s hands all over you, and the way his mouth felt against you.

You opened a drawer of Joel’s dresser and grabbed one of his t-shirts, pulling it on over the mess of hair on the top of your head. You found your panties on the floor, and pulled them up your legs. Running a hand through your hair, you ambled into the bathroom to freshen up before finding your way to the kitchen.

Padding into the kitchen, you found Joel standing at the counter, one hand around his mug, the other rubbing tiredly at his jaw. His expression was distant, his brows slightly furrowed, like something heavy was weighing on his mind.

You frowned and stepped closer, ignoring the pang you felt in your chest. “Everything okay?”

Joel blinked like he hadn’t realized you were there. His lips pressed together before he sighed, setting his mug down on the counter.

“Got a missed call from a number I didn’t recognize.” He began, rubbing the back of his neck. “Voicemail said it was Sarah.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“She wants to talk.” He continued.

Just then, his phone began to ring again.

Joel stared at the screen for a second too long before he took a deep breath and answered.

“Hey baby girl.”

Joel’s voice was rough when he spoke, holding back all of his emotions that were flooding, trying to break the surface.

There was a pause on the other end of the line before Sarah let out a sharp breath.

“Dad…” She whispered. “I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up.”

Joel ran a hand over his mouth, turning away slightly. You stayed quiet and gave him space, your heart aching as you watched his shoulders tense.

“Course I picked up.” He responded. “Been hopin’ I’d hear from you.”

Another pause. “I miss you.” Sarah admitted. “So much. I—“ Her voice broke, and Joel’s grip on his phone tightened.

“I miss you too, baby girl.” He said, his voice thick with emotion.

“I want to see you.” Sarah muttered.

Joel’s eyes closed for a moment. He nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “I’d like that.” He said, then paused a second. “I— uh. I’m not in Austin anymore. Moved back to Kansas.”

“Kansas?” Confusion laced her voice.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Needed a fresh start I guess.”

The line went quiet for a second. “What about Uncle Tommy?”

Joel’s jaw clenched, and his finger flexed around the phone.

“Sarah..” he hesitated. “Tommy’s gone.”

The silence was defeating.

“Oh my god.” Sarah choked out. “I should’ve called sooner. I didn’t know, oh my god.”

Joel’s face twisted, pain flashing across his features. “Don’t beat yourself up, baby girl. You hear?”

Sarah sniffled, exhaling softly.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” She said, barely above a whisper.

Joel’s throat bobbed. “It’s alright.”

“I’ll book a flight.” She said. “I really wanna see you.”

A small, almost relieved smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Me too.”

When he finally hung up, Joel sighed heavily, his head tilting back. His eyes were glassy when he looked at you, his expression torn between grief and something softer. When he turned to face you, there was a moment of hesitation, like he wasn’t sure what to do. Vulnerability wasn’t something he was good at, but with you, it was like his worries washed away.

You reached out and gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “I knew she’d come around.”

Joel gave you a small smile, then pulled you in for a tight hug, resting his chin on the top of your head. “Thank you.”

Your heart lurched, and you smiled with your cheek against his chest. You let yourself melt into his warmth, his arms tightening around you, holding you as close as he could.

“You don’t have to thank me.” You murmured, your fingers curling into the soft fabric of his t-shirt. “She loves you, Joel.”

Joel sighed, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of your head. “Still,” he began, “Means a lot havin’ you here.”

A comfortable silence settled over you, the only sound the faint chirping of the chicks inside. You smiled to yourself. You felt warm, at peace. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. You’d changed, Joel had changed.

After a moment, he pulled back just enough to take a good look at you. His palm came up and cradled your face. “She’s gonna be here soon. I think we should tell her.. about us.”

Your heartbeat picked up. “Does that make you nervous?”

“Dunno. Maybe a little?” Joel admitted. “You?”

You bit your lip. “A little.”

“Reckon we’ll be okay.” Joel comforted.

You leaned into his touch.

Joel planted a kiss on your forehead, then pulled back to look at you. “Well, guess I’ll have to get this place ready.”

You nodded, then a thought struck you. “I should probably tell my dad about us.”

Joel’s brows raised slightly, then he nodded. “Think he’ll take it alright?”

You hesitated. “I guess we’ll find out.”

Joel studied you, his hands finding your hips and giving them a gentle squeeze. “Want me to go with you?”

You shook your head. “No, no. It’s okay, I think I should do it alone.”

“Alright.” He sighed. “Only just in case he tries to castrate me.”

You laughed, your eyes crinkling.

“That would be devastating.” You teased. You stood on your tiptoes, cupped his face, then pressed your lips against his in a gentle kiss. Joel leaned into you, his hands winding their way up on your neck, pulling you closer.

When you pulled away, you gave Joel a small smile. “I should go. Can I see you later?”

“I suppose I could make room in my busy schedule.” Joel sighed.

You rolled your eyes and pulled away. “See you later, Miller.”

You sat at the kitchen table, your fingers cupping a glass of iced tea. The ice clinked as you haphazardly swirled the glass around. The house smelled like a roast that Martha had cooking in the crockpot. On any other day, the scent would’ve been comforting, but right then the knot in your stomach was making you suffocate.

Your dad sat across the table from you, his arms crossed, waiting. You’d called him that morning and told him you needed to talk to him about something important. He was sometimes the nosey type, but when it pertained to your personal business, he tried his best not to hover. He’d pissed you off enough when you were a teenager by pushing too far, so he was aware of his boundaries. He hadn’t said much when you’d arrived, but you could tell he already knew something was coming.

You took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something.”

His eyebrows lifted slightly. “Alright.”

You hesitated, your finger tracing the rim of your glass. You felt like a kid again, like you were about to confess that you scored a D on your math test. “It’s about Joel.”

That got a reaction. His expression didn’t change much, but his eyes narrowed slightly. “Go on.”

You cleared your throat, shifting in your chair. “We’re together.”

The words hung in the air between you. You dad didn’t speak right away, just studied you with the same look.

“I figured as much.” He finally spoke.

You blinked. “What?”

He let out a low chuckle. “Come on, kid. You think I didn’t notice the way you’ve been spendin’ all your time over there? The way you look at each other? I ain’t blind.” He ran a hand across his jaw.

You let out the breath you hadn’t noticed you’d been holding. “So.. you’re not mad?”

He smirked and leaned back in his chair. “Mad? No. Do I love the idea? Not really. But I also know you, and I know Joel.” He paused. “I’d like to think he’d never hurt you.”

Your chest tightened, and suddenly you almost felt the need to cry. You hadn’t realized how much you needed his approval until now.

“If it was some smooth-talking asshole, I’d be a hell of a lot more worried.”

A laugh bubbled up your throat. “So you are worried.”

“Of course I’m worried.” He grumbled, reaching for his iced tea. “I’m your damn father.”

You smiled, feeling immensely relieved. “Thanks, Dad.”

He grumbled something under his breath. “Just don’t expect me to start talkin’ about my feelings or some shit.”

You rolled your eyes and leaned back in your chair. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I knew it!”

You turned to see Martha standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, a smug grin stretching across her face.

“How long have you been standing there?” You asked, narrowing your eyes.

“Oh, long enough.” She said breezily, stepping forward. “Long enough to hear you finally admit it out loud.”

Your dad groaned and ran a hand down his face. “Christ, woman.”

Martha ignored him, her eyes twinkling with excitement as she stepped towards you and reached her arms out.

“Oh, sweetheart, I knew it. I called it.” She pulled you into a tight hug before leaning back with a knowing smile. “And let me tell you, I couldn’t be happier.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Glad someone is.”

Martha waved a hand. “Oh, hush. You know your daddy’s just pretending to be all gruff and tough.”

Your dad grumbled something unintelligible while Martha just beamed.

“Now go on, I know you’ve got ‘work’ to do.”

Your heart skipped a beat and you could feel your cheeks getting hot. You turned to your dad, hesitant. “Go on.” He waved you on.

The next few days were a whirlwind of getting Joel’s house ready for Sarah. Joel was mostly a neat person, so there wasn’t much cleaning to be done, but you’d never seen Joel so antsy. He was beginning to notice every little imperfect detail about his house, and suddenly everything needed to be fixed in the couple days before Sarah arrived. You watched him run a hand through his hair and sigh heavily as he twisted a new lightbulb into place in the chandelier in the living room.

“Light switch.” He said, glancing over to you. You obeyed and flipped the light on, watching as a brighter yellow glow illuminated the room.

“Joel.. I’m sure she’s not going to be nit picky about your light bulbs.” You let out a breathy laugh, and walked over to him, gazing up at him from his place on the ladder.

“I know.” He breathed out. “Fuck, this is ridiculous.”

He climbed down from the ladder and stared down at you, his hands reaching up to cradle your face in his palms. He leaned in, and planted a slow, gentle kiss on your lips, his chest pressing against yours. You inhaled through your nose, his sandalwood scent filling your senses. You reached up and placed your hands on his biceps, giving them a gentle squeeze.

When you pulled away, you gave him a small smile, and trailed a hand up to his face, pushing away a fallen lock of hair from his forehead.

“I just want everything to be perfect for her.” He said quietly.

“I know.” You muttered. “You could live in a shack with no water or electricity and she’d still think it’s perfect.”

Joel exhaled through his nose, like he didn’t quite believe too. His thumb brushed over your cheek as he looked at you for a moment.

“She hasn’t seen me in so long. I’m just worried she’ll be.. disappointed.”

A pang of sadness coursed through your chest. You slid your hands down his arms, then linked your fingers with his.

“It’s going to be like she never left.” You assured him. “And she’s gonna see what I see.”

That made him smile the faintest bit, the corners of his lips starting to curl. “And what’s that?”

You hummed and dragged your teeth across your bottom lip in thought. “A good man who really needs to stop stress cleaning before I hide all the light bulbs.”

He huffed out a laugh and shook his head. “Smartass.”

You reluctantly let Joel pull away so he could put the ladder away. You were admiring the way his back muscles flexed under his shirt when a knock sounded at the door. You sighed and waited for Joel to reappear from the closet. He wiped his hands on his pants and muttered something under his breath. You both expected it to be your father or Martha, and you mentally prepared yourself as Joel made his way to the front door.

You stayed behind, picking up your glass of water from the coffee table, taking a long sip

Joel opened the door, expecting a lecture from your father. But he froze.

His breath caught in his throat as he stared back at the young woman standing on the porch. Her suitcase was at her feet, a tote bag slung over her shoulder. Her hair was chopper shorter than he remembered, some of her curls pushed back from her face with her sunglasses. She wore some faded sneakers with some vintage Levi’s, and a band tee that he didn’t recognize.

“Sarah?”

“Hi.” She said nervously. A hesitant smile tugged at her lips as she was suddenly overthinking if she should’ve shown up early like this.

He blinked, like he couldn’t believe his baby girl was finally here, standing right in front of him after all this time.

“You’re early.”

Sarah gave a sheepish shrug and gripped the handle of her suitcase. “I found an earlier flight and thought.. why not? Got a ride out here with some shuttle driver that raises goats. Super nice guy by the way.”

Joel’s hand went to the back of his neck as he stepped out onto the porch, his mouth still parted in disbelief. “Jesus, you could’ve called and I would’ve came and got you.”

“I wanted to surprise you.” She began. “I hope that was okay.”

Before Joel could answer, her eyes darted to the doorway, and fell landed on you where you stood a few feet back from the door. Her eyebrows lifted slightly.

Her expression didn’t change much, but Joel felt a quick panic crawl up his spine.

“Oh, uh, she’s just—“ He stumbled over his words, shooting a glance your way. “She was just helping me change the light bulbs.”

You felt your stomach twist at the way he said it, like you were just some neighbor doing him a neighborly favor. Your smile faltered a bit, but you caught it before you let it reveal your hurt.

Sarah nodded, polite but processing. “It’s nice to see you, I’m probably a few inches taller than the last time you’d seen me.”

“Yeah, it has.” You responded, offering her a smile. “You look great, Sarah.”

Joel stepped forward and ran his hands down the thighs of his jeans. “You probably wanna get settled. I’ll take your bags upstairs.”

You felt the heaviness in the air. You hadn’t expected Joel to tell her about you right away, but you were surprised by his immediate deflection for your presence. Part of you wished he would’ve just told her to get it over with, to give her more time to process it, and to keep you from having to keep it a secret from her.

“I should probably go.” You said, trying to keep your tone light. “Let you guys catch up.”

Joel turned sharply. “You don’t have to—“

“I know.” You smiled tightly. “But I should.”

He hesitated, and you saw the brief guilt flash in his eyes. But he didn’t stop you.

You grabbed your keys off the hook by the door and offered Sarah a parting nod. “It’s really good to see you.”

“You too.” She said softly, watching you with an unreadable emotion in her eyes.

You closed the front door behind you, and the sting immediately hit your chest. Not because Sarah had come early, but because the distance Joel had finally closed between you felt like it was slowly parting again.

The late afternoon sun spilled gold across the porch as he poured two glasses of iced tea and handed one to Sarah. They sat side by side on the wooden bench swing on the front porch, the hum of cicadas filling the air. Joel rocked them with the toe of his boot.

Sarah was quiet for a while, gazing out at the wide stretch of farm land and pasture, reminiscing on her childhood. She thought about all the times you and her had explored the farm together, playing whatever made up games a teenager can play with a little girl like herself. Playing hide and seek in the barns, braiding the horses’ manes and having a competition of who made the horse look prettiest.

She sipped her tea then sat it down on the side table with a clink.

“So,” She began, “Does she still live with Bryan?”

Joel exhaled deeply and rested his glass on the thigh of his jeans, tapping the glass slowly with his forefinger.

“No, she lives in that small house next door.” Joel said, gesturing towards your house that sat quaint next door. His chest pulled tight as he thought about what you could be doing.

He knew he’d upset you, and he wasn’t sure why he felt the need to avoid the elephant in the room. It was only a matter of time before he told Sarah about the two of you, but he panicked. He was caught off guard and wasn’t ready to tell her, but looking back, he was a fucking idiot. He didn’t know why he was so scared. Part of him feared judgment from Sarah, that he was somehow a fool for letting himself give in and be with you, despite the age difference.

Hell, you practically grew up with Sarah, and that ate him up with guilt. The last thing he needed was another thing for Sarah to hold against him.

“You remember how much time me and her used to spend out here? I was practically her shadow. We used to come out here and try everything in our power to get in trouble.” Sarah laughed. Joel looked at her, another pang of guilt cascading through him. He looked at his feet and stayed silent.

“I think I missed her more than I thought I would when we left.”

Joel took a sip of his tea and swallowed hard. “Yeah?”

“She’s been around a lot, huh?”

He hesitated. “Yeah.”

“What’s going on between you?” She asked, her voice casual but careful.

Joel’s knee jerked mid rock, the swing stuttering slightly. He glanced sideways at his daughter, then back across the field at your house.

Joel took a deep breath, then glanced sideways, searching Sarah’s face for any signs of judgment.

But Sarah offered a small shrug. “I’m not a kid anymore, Dad. I’m not here to interrogate you either.”

Joel’s lips pressed together. “Didn’t think you were. Just.. don’t know how to say it.”

Sarah tilted her head and watched him carefully. “I just don’t want to disappoint you anymore.”

“You’re not going to disappoint me.” Sarah said. “When we left, I was younger, I didn’t understand why we needed to leave. I regret the resentment I felt now.”

Joel glanced over at her with a frown. Sarah took a deep breath and smiled sadly.

“I’m really sorry. For leaving, for not checking in.” Her eyes began to well with tears.

“Oh, baby. No, I’m sorry.” Joel said, setting his glass down on the ground and wrapping Sarah up in a hug, rubbing her back for comfort.

“I’ve just missed you so much. And I miss Tommy and now I can’t even tell him.” She sputtered.

Joel closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed. He rubbed her back more, his hand winding up into her curls to hold her head against his shoulder.

Right then, nothing else mattered to him anymore. He wasn’t always the best father, but what he knew for certain is that nothing could ever come between him and Sarah.

And avoiding the topic of you wasn’t going to benefit anything. It wouldn’t hold off judgement, and it certainly wouldn’t avoid what he felt for you. Sarah provided him with love and happiness that only a father could feel, but you fulfilled him with a different kind of love and purpose that he hadn’t felt in decades.

He needed both of you, and he knew then that he needed you harmoniously, not separately.

“Don’t hold it against yourself. You didn’t know.” Joel comforted her.

He sat back and took in her face, then reached up with his thumb to wipe away the tear that had begun to fall from her eye. His thumb lingered for a moment before he let his hand drop.

“I should’ve told you earlier.” He said, his tone rough. “About her.”

Sarah didn’t say anything, just blinked and waited for more.

“I panicked earlier when you showed up. I’d rehearsed in my head how I was going to tell you, and that obviously went to shit. I just didn’t want you thinkin’ less of me. Or her.” He continued.

“She left pretty quick.” Sarah said. “Looked kind of hurt by what you said.”

“I care about her, Sarah. More than I planned to. It sorta just.. happened.”

She gave a slow nod, then looked back over at the field and tilted her head. “I think.. I’m glad it’s her.”

Joel turned to her surprised.

“And yeah, it’s a little weird I guess. But it also makes sense. She was always kind, a bit stubborn, but also protective of me. You need someone like that.”

Joel swallowed the tightness in his throat. “You really okay with it?”

Sarah turned to him fully now, her face open. “It’s really none of my business. I just want you to be happy.”

Joel nodded, his heart swelling with relief. “Thank you.”

Sarah stood and stretched. “You should go talk to her.”

Joel cocked an eyebrow.

“Go. I can finish my tea on my own. Got some art I need to finish up anyway.”

Joel stood too, slowly, his knees creaking as he grabbed the glass off the floor. He glanced at Sarah, then back to your house, where your porch light was now on.

He turned back to Sarah and pulled her in for an unexpected hug. It took her by surprise, and she took a moment before wrapping her arms around him and squeezing back.

“I love you.” He said, planting a kiss to the top of her hair.

“I love you too.” Sarah replied, then pulled away and stared back into Joel’s eyes.

“Now go on, quit wasting time.” Sarah teased, opening the front door and taking her glass with her, then closing it softly behind her.

Joel reached into his pocket and grabbed his truck key, and descended down the porch and over to the driver’s side door.

He drove the short stretch over to your house like it was ten miles instead of the quarter of a mile it was. His hands were white-knuckled on the wheel, his jaw clenched as the gravel crunched beneath the tires. The sky had gone dusky-pink by now, the last of the sun bleeding beneath the trees along the horizon, tucked back by the pond you’d swam in together. He parked in front of your porch and killed the engine, then just sat for a moment, staring at your door.

The porch light was still on.

He could see your silhouette through the window. You were folding laundry at the kitchen table, the radio low in the background. You held a shirt up to the light for a moment. It was his shirt, he realized. You folded it neatly and sat it into the basket beside you.

Joel sighed, his guilt intensifying.

He got out of his truck and walked up the steps, his boots heavy on the wood. He hesitated at the door for a second, then knocked twice.

You looked up surprised, then finished folding the shorts in your hand before placing them in the basket on top of Joel’s shirt. You didn’t move right away, just stared at his shadow through the curtain on the door.

Finally, you opened the door.

“Hey.” He said lowly, his hands in his front pockets.

You stepped back just enough to let him in. “Hey.”

The laundry basket sat half finished on the kitchen table. You looked tired, almost defeated.

Joel cleared his throat and rubbed a hand along the back of his neck.

“I was a damn fool earlier.” He began. “I should’ve just told Sarah right then and there but I panicked. Didn’t mean to make you feel like you didn’t belong there.”

You looked down at the laundry then back to him, your expression guarded.

“I didn’t expect her to show up early. I had this whole plan of how I was going to tell her with you and I fucking panicked. Christ, I should’ve just came out with it.”

You crossed your arms, your voice quieter than expected. “You don’t have to explain yourself, I get it.”

“I wanted to.” Joel said, stepping closer. “I told her.”

You met his eyes now.

“She asked about you, about us.” He continued.

Your stomach fluttered. “What’d you say?”

“Told her I care about you. More than I probably even know how to say.” He stepped even closer, his sandalwood scent now surrounding you. “And she told me she wants me to be happy.”

You blinked. “She said that?”

Joel nodded. “And she said she’s glad it’s you.”

A silence settled between you, and your arms fell to your sides.

“She really said that?” You said again.

Joel stepped into you, his hands sliding gently around your waist. “Yes. And she’s right.”

You looked up at him, your eyes searching.

Joel cupped your cheek. “I don’t ever want to make you feel like you’re on the outside of my life, sweetheart. You’re it. You’re already in.”

Your throat tightened, and your body leaned into his touch without even thinking about it.

“I needed to hear that.” You whispered.

He kissed you then, slow, warm, and sure. He tasted like tea, his tongue gently prodding at yours, deepening the kiss. His kiss wasn’t hungry, just passionate, trying his best to show his feelings for you through it. When he pulled away, his forehead rested against yours.

“I think I love you.” He murmured.

Your breath caught in your throat. And this time, you smiled first.

The sky had darkened by the time you and Joel stepped out onto your porch. Crickets were singing in harmony with the cicadas now, and a soft breeze blew through the tops of the trees. Joel’s hand rested at the small of your back, his thumb brushing absentmindedly in circles as if he needed the contact to ground him.

You followed Joel to his truck, hopping in the passenger seat. You didn’t say anything as Joel threw the truck in reverse and backed up, you just watched his face intently.

He loves you.

You were caught up in your thoughts when Joel pulled up his driveway and parked in front of the porch. Sarah had found her way back onto the wooden bench swing, a book propped up in her lap. She watched the two of you in the cab of the truck and smiled, raising her hand in a greeting.

Joel looked over at you. “Ready?”

You nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

“Took you two long enough.” Sarah teased, her eyes glinting in the porch light.

Joel cleared his throat. “Alright, alright. Don’t get smug now.”

She smiled at you, softer this time. “Hi.”

“Hi.” You offered a small wave.

Sarah scooted to one side of the swing. “Sit. We’ve got tea to drink and a million lightning bugs to watch.”

You sat on the far end of the bench, Joel settling between you with a deep sigh. His arm fell naturally over your shoulders. The porch creaked gently beneath you all, and the night felt suspended with a kind of peace.

“I went to see Callus while you were gone. Told him I’m glad I came early.” Sarah began. “You know, to witness all this dad growth and emotional growth in real time.”

Joel let out a laugh, and squeezed your shoulder. “Don’t start.”

You leaned into his side and glanced up at the side of his face. “You know, I kind of like it. He’s getting a lot better at the emotional part.”

Sarah raised her eyebrows. “He say it yet?”

Joel turned to you slowly, his heart thudding.

“I love you.” He said again, this time without hesitation.

You smiled, your eyes bright underneath the porch light. “I love you too.”

Sarah clapped once, laughing. “Okay, okay. That’s enough emotional progress for one night.”

The three of you sat together until the stars stitched themselves across the night sky, the porch swing gently rocking from Joel’s boot.

In that moment, you realized there’s nothing you will ever love more than being here in this moment, with Joel and Sarah.

the end.

taglist: @thoughts-of-bear @inbred-eater @brittmb115 @right4you

(part title inspired by golden line by djo)

[pascallftv]

where the tall grass grows | part IV

'tornado warnings'

joel miller x f!reader | farmer's daughter/neighbor

summary: there's a chance for tornadoes so you set up camp at joel's place

warnings: age gap (reader is mid-twenties, joel is late thirties), mature content, mature language, angst, slow burn, traces of dbf!joel, tornado/weather talk, lots of kissing, dry humping, f!oral, unprotected p in v sex, lots of praise, lots of fluff

word count: 5.2k

previous part

series masterlist | main masterlist

Everything was new.

Not just the new shift between you and Joel, but the fact that the chicks were chirping inside the house, their tub nestled in the corner by Joel’s back door. They huddled together under the heat lamp, their peeping constant from the new environment. The air was cooler than usual, with the sun hidden behind massive storm clouds rolling in from the west.

You weren’t used to this, having them inside and listening to their constant chirps echoing against the walls of Joel’s house. But then again, you weren’t used to anything at the moment. You weren’t used to the warmth of Joel’s hands on your skin, the feeling of him wiping away your warm tears the morning before. You weren’t used to the way he wasn’t hiding himself from you anymore. You still noticed the hesitation when he reached out to touch you, like it was still forbidden, like he was still at war with himself. It was going to take some time for both of you, but you had more important things to worry about at the moment.

You stood out on his porch with your arms crossed as you watched Joel out in the pasture. He moved with purpose as he unlatched the gate and led Callus into the field. The wind had picked up, and the tall grass was rustling in waves as Callus trotted off, tossing his head like he could sense the impending storm. The sky was still clear overhead, but it was getting increasingly darker. The forecast wasn’t great; severe weather, tornado watches, the kind of thing you didn’t take lightly on the farm.

Joel walked back toward you, his eyes flicking up to the sky. “It’s fixin’ to get bad.” He muttered, wiping his hands on his jeans.

You nodded, glancing towards the chicks through the screen door. “Can’t believe I convinced you to bring them in.” You bit back a smile.

Joel let out a low chuckle, but his eyes lingered on you, his gaze thoughtful. The easy back-and-forth teasing was still there, but now that you had decidedly taken things further, it felt different– in a good way.

“You stayin’ put tonight?” He asked, his tone casual, but you could hear something on the edge of his tone.

You hesitated. You weren’t at all opposed to the idea, it actually excited you more than anything. But your first night together made your nerves begin to go haywire. What if he expected sex? It had been so long, what if you weren’t ready?

“I should be okay at my place.” You said.

Joel stared at you. “Ain’t what I asked.”

You gawked up at him, his look making your pulse quicken.

“I’ll stay.” You admitted softer.

Joel nodded, satisfied with your answer. “C’mon. Gotta long night ahead of us.”

Inside, you sat down on the couch while Joel went to check on the chicks. You curled your legs beneath you and flipped the television to the news.

The weather report did not look good. The storm was nasty looking, and it was coming fast. You watched the images of yellow and red swirl on the radar, red boxes beginning to pop up with warnings scrolling across the bottom of the screen.

Joel sank into the spot beside you, his arm resting along the back of the couch. The heat from his body made your skin prickle. You stole a glance at him. His jaw was tight, his gaze fixated on the weather map on the tv.

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table, the sudden vibration making you jump. You reached for it, swallowing hard when you saw Dad flash across the screen.

Joel glanced at you. “You gonna get that?”

You sighed and hesitated for a moment longer before answering. “Hey Dad.”

“Hey sweetheart.” He greeted. “You watching the weather?”

“Yeah, I am. Not lookin’ too good.” You said, playing with the hem of your shorts.

“Why don’t you come here? We’ve got plenty of room.”

“I know.” You started. “I’m actually at Joel’s.”

There was a beat of silence on the line. “Joel’s?”

“He’s got a cellar, figured it was safer here.” You cleared your throat.

Joel’s hand came down onto your thigh, his hand gentle and warm against your bare skin. You looked over at him, his gaze soft and caring. You gave him a small grin before looking back to the tv and biting the inside of your cheek.

“You sure, honey? Martha’s got dinner going. Really wouldn’t be a problem–”

“Dad, I’m fine.” Your voice came out a little too firm. You winced, softening your tone. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

Your dad sighed. “Alright. Just.. be careful.”

“You know I will.”

You hung up, exhaling slowly as you sat the phone back down. The air felt heavier now.

Joel’s voice was quiet when he spoke. “What’d he say?”

You felt the cushion dip beside you as Joel shifted closer. His fingers reached out, brushing against the ends of your hair, twirling a strand between his calloused fingers. It was so soft and so gentle, it made you feel hot.

“He wanted me to go to their place. I don’t think he loves the idea of me bein’ here.”

Joel hummed, still playing with your hair. “Figured as much.”

You turned your head slightly, just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes were warmer than usual, searching yours.

“That feels nice.” You said softly, leaning into his touch.

Joel didn’t say anything, but kept his fingers moving, slow and deliberate, like he was memorizing the texture of you.

Outside, the wind was beginning to howl, low and steady, rattling against the house. The weatherman’s voice droned on in the background, but you weren’t really listening, not when Joel’s touch was so intoxicating.

You leaned into him, the warmth of his body a comfort against the growing unease in your chest. A distant rumble of thunder rolled through the sky, and Joel’s fingers stilled for a second, but resumed his slow, lazy movements.

“Storm’s gettin’ closer.”

Joel exhaled through his nose, glancing at the screen where the radar painted streaks of red over the county line. “Tornado warning.” He muttered. Your stomach twisted.

He must’ve noticed your discomfort because his hand slid from your hair to rest back on your thigh, warm and steady. “We’ll head to the cellar if it comes to it.”

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Hope Callus is okay.”

“Put him in the pasture for a reason. Safer out there, his instinct will keep him safe. Probably hunkered his ass down somewhere by now.”

Thunder cracked again, closer this time, and you jolted when the power flickered. You sucked in a breath. Joel stood to his feet, the warmth of his touch leaving you.

“I’ll grab candles and a flashlight just in case.”

“Wait.” You grabbed his wrist. “I want to come with you.”

You let him pull you to your feet, your heart hammering. You were never too scared of storms, but this was different. This felt all too real, and you can’t remember another storm being this bad in your whole time of living here. You followed Joel into the kitchen where the candles and flashlights were strewn across the table.

The power cut out just as another gust of wind slammed against the house, rattling the windows. Joel grabbed a flashlight, turning it on to give him some light to grab a couple candles. The way the wind howled gave you goosebumps.

Then the sirens wailed.

A sharp, rising pitch that send panic straight to your throat.

Joel grabbed a handful of candles and two flashlights, his movements quick. “C’mon. We’re going down.”

You didn’t argue and let him grab your hand.

The moment you stepped outside, the wind nearly knocked you over. Joel’s grip on your wrist tightened as he pulled you toward the cellar doors at the side of the house. The trees were bending at impossible angles, and the tall grass was nearly blowing sideways. Somewhere in the distance, you heard Callus let out a whinny.

“Joel–” You stopped.

“He’s fine, baby.” Joel said, yanking the doors open and ushering you down the narrow staircase.

The second your feet hit the cement floor, Joel was behind you, pulling the doors shut with a heavy bang. He securely locked it, the storm raging above.

Your breath came fast and uneven as you pressed yourself into the corner of the small space, the scent of earth and aged wood filling your nostrils. Joel stood close, breathing hard. He reached out for you without hesitation, his hands finding your shoulders and guiding you to sit on the cot against the wall.

“Breathe, sweetheart. It’s alright.” He crouched in front of you.

You clenched your jaw, gripping the edge of the cot as the wind screamed above you.

Joel took a deep breath, then moved to sit beside you, looping an arm around your shoulders and tucking you into his side.

“It’s alright.” He repeated, this time he murmured it against your temple.

You melted into him, his warmth grounding you.

The minutes felt like they stretched on for miles. The wind screeched, the cellar doors rattled. Then slowly, the storm began to pass. The wind died down, and the sirens went faded out. Joel’s grip on you eased, but he didn’t let go. His thumb rubbed slow, soothing circles against your arm.

“You okay?” He said softly.

You nodded and swallowed. “I’m okay.”

“We should go check outside.” You murmured.

Joel nodded and stood, helping you up to your feet. He grabbed your hand as he led the two of you up the stairs. The air that met you as Joel pushed open the doors was damp, charged with the smell of rain and wet earth. The sky was still gray, but the worst had passed.

Callus was pacing near the fence line, tossing his head, but he was unharmed. The barn stood firm, and the house was intact. A few branches and scattered debris littered the ground, but you let out a sigh of relief. Your gaze wandered over to your house, and from what you could tell, it was still intact too.

Joel exhaled in relief, running a hand down his face. “Could’ve been a hell of a lot worse.”

You nodded in agreement, and listened as you could hear the chicks chirping from inside, oblivious to the chaos that just unfolded.

The power was still out when you went inside, but Joel moved through the house, lighting a few candles before settling back onto the couch. You joined him, curling your legs beneath you.

“You called me baby.” You said softly, tilting your head towards him.

Joel looked down, grabbing your hand in his.

“I did.” He said, rubbing his thumb on the backside of your palm. “That okay?”

“More than okay.” You whispered.

You don’t know where the sudden confidence came from, but the next thing you knew you were climbing onto his lap, straddling him between your thighs. Your hands came down to rest on his shoulders, his hands coming down to hold your waist.

“In fact, I think you should call me baby more often.” You said, leaning forward. “I like the way you say it.”

You felt the way Joel’s breath hitched beneath you, his hands tightening at your waist. His gaze was darker, his eyes a deeper shade of brown. They flickered between your lips and your eyes, his restraint hanging by a thread.

“Yeah?” His voice was deeper and rougher now. His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips, like he wanted to pull you closer but was holding himself back.

You nodded slowly, your fingers brushing against the soft curls at the nape of his neck. “Yeah.”

Joel gave up, pulling you in and capturing your lips with his. His mouth was urgent and desperate. His hands roamed up your back, pressing you flush against his chest, his heart pounding just as wildly as yours.

A soft whine escaped you as he tilted his head, deepening the kiss, his tongue teasing against yours in a way that made heat coil low in your belly. His grip on you tightened, his hands slipping beneath your shirt, fingers splaying across the bare skin of your back.

You gasped against his lips, rolling your hips just slightly. Joel groaned, the sound reverberating deep in his chest. His hands slid lower, gripping at your thighs, and just as he shifted, pressing you down against him, your phone rang.

You let out a frustrated nose, pulling back just enough to fumble for your phone, barely able to see the screen in the candlelight. Your breath was ragged, lips swollen, and your hands unsteady as you answered.

“Hello?”

Joel muttered a curse under his breath, his hands still gripping your thighs, his chest rising and falling under you. He let his head drop back against the couch, his jaw clenched and his adam’s apple on display. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to tame himself.

“Everything okay there?” Your dad’s voice came through.

You swallowed, trying to ignore the way Joel’s fingers were still tracing slow circles into your bare skin, his touch burning into you. “Y-yeah we’re all good, just some broken branches in the yard.”

Your dad hummed. “Looks like we’re in the clear now. Is the power out there?”

“Yeah.” You exhaled. “Joel lit some candles. We just came up from the cellar.”

Joel’s fingers tightened at your waist when you said his name, his gaze dragging up to yours, dark and unreadable.

“You sound out of breath, you okay, sweetheart?”

You felt your face burn. “Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Just hot in here without AC.”

Joel huffed out a quiet laugh, his grip tightening on you for just a second before his hands moved back to your thighs.

“Alright, just checkin’ in. Take care and get some rest, okay?”

“Yeah. Night, dad.”

You ended the call and let your phone drop onto the couch beside you, sighing sharply.

Joel was watching you again, his expression unreadable, but the heat behind his eyes was unmistakable.

“Leave it to Bryan.” You bit your bottom lip.

“Yeah.” Joel said gruffly.

The air was still tense, electric almost. You weren’t sure if the mood was ruined and if you should just throw in the towel and get off his lap, or if you should continue where you left off.

“Sorry.” You whispered, glancing down.

Joel exhaled, his fingers squeezing your thighs one last time before he leaned back. “Don’t be.” His voice was gravelly. The candlelight flickered, casting a golden light over his features, making him look softer.

He reached out again, this time, his finger tracing up the expanse of your thigh, closer and closer to where you were craving him most. “You drive me crazy.”

Your breath caught.

“Joel–”

“Can’t believe I have you.” He said, his voice low and rough. “Shouldn’t but I do.”

Your heart clenched, but as you parted your lips to respond, he was leaning back in, his lips brushing against your jaw, just the softest touch before they traveled lower, ghosting over the sensitive skin beneath your ear.

“Want you so goddamn bad, baby.”

A shiver ran through you. His finger traced higher, squeezing against the flesh of your thigh as high as it could go before he reached your center. You turned your head slightly, catching his mouth with yours again.

Joel kissed you like he was done holding back, his other hand tangling in your hair, pulling you flush against him. You whimpered, your fingers slipping beneath his shirt, dragging over the plane of his stomach.

He groaned, deep and low, and suddenly his hips were jutting up against yours. Joel let out a curse, his hands moving up to grab at your waist. His lips moved down your neck, nipping and sucking at the skin, making heat pool low in your stomach. As Joel’s mouth worked its way down your neck, his breath hot and ragged, his hands guided your hips to roll against him. You gasped into the kiss, pressing yourself closer, feeling the way his cock was hardening beneath you.

“Joel.” You whispered, threading your fingers through his hair, tugging gently.

Joel whined, his hands sliding up your shirt, his calloused fingers dragging up your belly to the soft fabric of your bra, squeezing around your breasts. Your body arched into him, your head tipping back at the feeling. Joel took this as an opportunity to kiss the front of your throat, your breath uneven.

“Fuck.” He muttered against your skin, pulling back just enough to look at you, his pupils wide with desire. “We gotta stop.”

Neither of you moved. You gulped. “Do you want to stop?”

His fingers flexed at your hips, his jaw clenching. “No.” He admitted.

You leaned in again, your nose brushing against his. “Then don’t.”

Joel breathed out through his nose, then in one swift movement, he stood up with you in his arms. You let out a surprised gasp, wrapping your legs around his waist as he carried you through the dimly lit house, navigating by memory alone.

Your heart hammered as he reached his bedroom, nudging the door open with his foot before stepping inside. The air was thick with anticipation, your pulse thumping in your ears.

Joel kicked the door shut behind him, then laid you down against the mattress, hovering over you, his body a comforting weight above you.

His fingers traced along your jaw, tilting your chin up so your eyes met his.

“This what you want?” He asked, his voice quiet. His eyes were just visible in the candlelight, and you silently thanked the heavens that Joel put a candle in here.

“I want you, Joel.” You muttered. “More than anything.”

You reached up, cupping his face in your palms. You pressed your lips to his, his hands moving with newfound urgency as they pulled you deeper into him.

Joel’s lips left yours, dragging down your jaw and to your neck, placing a kiss there. “So beautiful, baby. Smell so sweet.” He whispered.

You gasped as he rolled his hips down against yours, his cock straining beneath the denim of his jeans. One of his hands snaked up beneath your shirt, grabbing one of your tits firmly. You closed your eyes as his fingers worked your breast out of your bra, massaging your nipple between them. Your gaze flicked down as Joel worked your shirt up and over your chest, your bare breast on display for him. He lowered his mouth down, taking your nipple into his mouth. You whined as he flicked his tongue against the sensitive flesh, his other hands tracing down your waist and to your inner thigh.

“Joel.” You gasped as his fingers added pressure to your closed center, rubbing up and down.

“Want to taste you.” Joel said, pulling away from your nipple, his voice husky.

You nodded quickly. You sat up, yanking your shirt over your head and tossing it on the floor next to the bed. You reached out and grabbed the hem of Joel’s shirt, taking initiative to take his off as well. You ran your hands down the skin of his chest and belly, dragging your hand down to his crotch, squeezing the growing bulge there.

“Fuck.” Joel grunted, his hips rutting his erection against your palm.

Joel gently pushed you to lay back down, his hands lowered to your shorts, slipping his fingers under the waistband. He dragged them down your thighs, your baby pink panties on display for him. His brows furrowed in desire at the wetness gathering into a stain at your core. You tilted your head into your shoulder, watching him lower his mouth to kiss your pussy through your panties. Arousal boiled deep in your belly as you watched him, his cheeks getting rosy at the sheer sight of you like this.

His hands slithered up beneath you to your back, unbuckling your bra. You leaned up slightly to slip it off completely, your bare breasts now completely exposed to Joel. His hands dragged around your waist, landing on your breasts. You whimpered as he took them into his palms, massaging them gently, yet firmly. You squeezed your thighs together trying to alleviate some of your arousal.

“Want to make you feel so good, baby.” Joel murmured.

His fingers found their way to your panties, looping around the waistband, slowly dragging them down. You licked your lips at the sudden air on your bare center. They parted as you watched Joel lower his mouth to your core, his hot breath fanning over your folds. He dragged his tongue up your vulva to your clit, then wrapped his lips around it, gentle sucking it. You inhaled sharply, your back arching off of the mattress.

“Fuck.” You moaned, grabbing the sheets at your sides as his finger slid between your folds, rubbing at your opening to gather your slick.

He slowly dipped his forefinger into you, curling it upwards to stimulate your g spot. You sucked in a deep breath, and reached a hand down to tangle into his hair, tugging gently at his curls. You gazed down through hooded eyes at the sight of Joel’s face between your thighs, his tongue working in steady movements against your core.

You felt the coil beginning to wind tight in your lower abdomen already. Joel’s thumb moved up to rub gentle circles around your sensitive clit while his tongue began to prod at your opening with his finger. Your head rolled back in pleasure as he slipped a second finger inside you, deliciously dragging against your overly sensitive g spot.

“Fuck, Joel.” You whimpered. “I’m gonna come.”

Joel worked his thumb faster against your clit, quicker yet still gentle. His fingers pumped faster inside you, and you felt your climax drawing closer and closer. Joel rutted his hips against the mattress, the sight of your eyes rolling back in your head shooting pleasure through him.

“That’s it, baby. Doing so good for me.” Joel praised you, his breaths fast and a little ragged.

He kept the pace with his fingers, and suddenly the coil in your snapped, and your back arched off the bed as your orgasm overcame you, the heat shooting through your core. Your mouth fell open, your vision going white, your legs muscles tensing as you let your climax take over.

“That’s it, baby. That’s it.” Joel muttered, his thumb still rubbing circles against your clit.

As you came down for your orgasm, you squeezed your legs against Joel. The pressure was too overstimulating for your clit. Your eyes fluttered down just as Joel’s glistening fingers left your core, reaching them up to his mouth to suck off your come.

“Such a good girl.” Joel said, leaning himself forward to press his mouth to yours in a passionate kiss. You tasted twangy on his tongue, the taste making you whimper against him.

“You did so good for me. Gonna fuck you now, is that okay?” Joel asked, his hand grabbing at your breast again, pinching gentle at your nipple.

“Yes please.” You said breathlessly, nodding your head.

Joel stood up, and reached his large hands down to unbutton his jeans. He slid them down his legs, along with his boxers. You watched as his erection sprung up against his abdomen, his tip red and angry with arousal. He used his fingers to gather his precum, and stroked himself up and down.

You swallowed hard as Joel lowered himself over you, his bicep flexing as he held himself up with one arm, while the other pumped his length. You reached your hands up and cupped his face, and peppered kisses along his jawline, before landing on his lips. You kissed him with desperation, trying your best to show him how deeply you felt for him, how much you were falling for him. Your lips left his, but still ghosted over them, your noses still brushing together.

You lowered your gaze as Joel rubbed his cock up and down your folds, your arousal gleaming off of his tip. You sucked in a sharp breath and his tip nicked your clit that was still overstimulated from your orgasm.

“So fuckin’ beautiful.” Joel breathed out, his mouth trailing down to your throat, kissing it as he lined his tip up with your opening.

“Gonna take it slow, baby.” He said, then took your ear lobe between your teeth, lightly nibbling on it for a second before placing a kiss just below it.

“Please, Joel. Need you.” You whined, your brows furrowed in desperation.

Your core throbbed as he continued to tease your opening. Your lips parted as you waited for him to make a move. Joel slowly pushed the tip in, breaching your entrance. You gasped at the sensation as he slid his length in, inch by inch. A moan rose low in your throat as you took about half of him in, your walls hot and tight around him. Joel whined, your opening squeezing him perfectly.

“Fuck, baby. Feel so good on my cock.” He whimpered against your neck.

He began rutting against you, slowly but steadily. He pushed in completely, filling you to the brim with his length. You exhaled deeply, your hands winding up to his curls at the back of his neck, tugging on them softly. As he moved inside you, his mouth fell back to your tits, wrapping around your sensitive nipples. Your head fell back against the mattress, your eyes screwing shut and your mouth falling open at the added pleasure. Joel could feel your walls clenching around his cock as he moved in you, his pace quickening.

Joel’s mouth came off your nipple with a pop, the bud glistening with his spit. “Such pretty tits, sweet girl. Can’t get enough of ‘em.”

You ran your hand from his neck down the hot skin of his back, sweat already gathering there. You arched against him as he hit that spot deep inside you. Joel grabbed one of your calves, lifting it to rest on his shoulder. You gasped at the new angle, his cock somehow drilling into you deeper. The room was filled with the sound of your skin slapping together, and the staggered breaths falling from both of your heaving chests.

“Fuck, Joel. So fuckin’ good.” The worlds tumbled from your lips. You struggled to keep your eyes open as you felt another orgasm coming on. The new angle was too much, but you didn’t want to stop. “So close.”

At your words, Joel’s thumb found its way back at your clit, finding its rhythm again, rubbing it soft circles against the swollen nerves. You gasped sharply, your hand flying down to his wrist, grabbing him, but not stopping him.

“Look at me. Be a good girl and look at me when you come.” Joel said, his brows furrowed in deep concentration and pleasure.

“Oh my god.” You blurted out as your second orgasm washed over you, your body trembling against his.

Your hand pushed his hand away from your clit, your pussy clenching and throbbing around his length as he continued to pump in and out of you. You felt your breath leave your body as it tensed completely through your high, your eyes rolling back in your head, and your free hand grasping the sheets for dear life.

“Doing so good for me, baby.” Joel told you, leaning down to kiss your warm forehead. “Flip over for me.”

Joel helped you roll over onto your stomach. He grabbed your hips, helping you up onto your knees, your ass perched up for him. He groaned at the sight of you opened up him, both of your holes on display. He grabbed the plump flesh of your ass, spreading your cheeks open. You breathed out a whine when he bent down and placed a kiss on your folds, sucking gently on your aching clit before sitting back up straight to line his tip back up at your opening.

“Give me one more, sweet girl.” Joel said, then fully sheathed himself back inside you.

You fisted the sheets as he thrusted quickly in and out of you, your back arching instinctively. His hand snaked up your back and grabbed at your shoulder, giving him better leverage to pound you, his balls slapping against your center. You involuntarily whimpered over and over as he hit you deep, his tip bucking against your cervix every now and again.

“F-fuck, Joel.” You groaned out, your head tilting back.

Joel’s hands moved from your shoulder to your throat, not squeezing it, just wrapping it around your neck. He leaned forward and kissed you from behind, his breath hot against yours.

You felt your high nearing once more. You felt completely used up, and this orgasm was going to have to be your last. You moaned out as the hot heat flooded your core, your muscles beginning to tense already. You were so close.

“Can feel you squeezing me, baby. Go ahead and come for me.” Joel said between breaths. His chest heaved up and down, sweat littering his skin.

“Holy shit, holy shit.” You breathed out quickly, your knuckles going white as you squeezed the sheets harder than ever, your orgasm approaching like a freight train.

“That’s it, let go.” Joel said, his hand trailing back to your clit.

The added pleasure triggered your third orgasm, a borderline scream falling from your lips as you came hard. Joel fucked you through it, your vision and hearing completely going blind as your climax overcame you. Your walls clamped down hard around Joel, his orgasm following quickly behind yours.

Joel slipped out of you, and pumped himself to his climax, his come landing in warm spurts across your back. He grunted as he came, one hand holding himself up, the other massaging your ass cheek. Your slick dripped from your center, your folds drenched and used.

You were in a hazy state of exhaustion as Joel went to the bathroom to gather a damp cloth. He came back and gently wiped your back clean of his spend, then as soft as he could, he cleaned up your center, wiping you clean of your slick.

You were completely laying on the mattress now, still trying to catch your breath. Your cheeks were flushed, and your hair was messy. Joel leaned down and pressed a kiss to your hair, and ran a warm hand up your back, taking in how nice your soft skin felt against his calloused fingertips.

“You okay, sweet girl?” Joel asked softly, pressing a kiss to the side of your forehead.

“Mhm.” You hummed with your eyes closed.

Joel chuckled softly. At some point during your climaxes, the power had turned back on. The cool AC felt blissful against your burning hot skin.

Joel laid down beside you, propping himself up on his elbow as he traced patterns along your spine.

“You fallin’ asleep on me already?” He teased, his voice soft.

You forced your eyes open just enough to look at him, a small, sleepy smile tugging at your lips. “Maybe.”

He let out a quiet laugh. “Get some rest.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, then reached out to grab your hand, tangling his fingers with yours.

For a man convincing himself for so long that he didn’t deserve someone like you, he was sure holding onto you like he never wanted to let go. As you drifted off to sleep beside him, you hoped that he never would.

taglist: @thoughts-of-bear

[pascallftv]

where the tall grass grows | part III

‘let’s play cowgirl’

joel miller x f!reader | farmer’s daughter/neighbor

summary: the tension is starting to build between you and joel. he isn't too happy when you get drunk and try to use callus as your ride to the bar

warnings: age gap (reader is mid-twenties, joel is late thirties), mature language, lots of angst, pining, joel is too stubborn to act on his feelings, slow burn, traces of dbf!joel

word count: 5k

previous part

series masterlist | main masterlist

A warm breeze carried the scent of fresh cut grass and wildflowers as you guided Callus through the gate and into the open field, his ears twitching at the sound of the cicadas in the distance. Joel stood nearby at the fence, leaned up against it with his arms crossed. An amused look played across his face as he watched you. 

“You sure he ain’t too much horse for you?” Joel said, the corner of his mouth twitching.

You rolled your eyes and pet the fur at Callus’ neck. “Please. Somebody had to ride him for the last seven years.”

Joel sighed. He watched as you put your foot in the stirrup, grabbing the horn of the saddle for leverage. He stepped closer, his eyes trailing down the expanse of your back, further and further, until snap.

The stirrup gave way beneath your foot, the old leather strap splitting clean in half. You didn’t have much time to react before you felt yourself about to tumble to the ground.

“Fuck—“

Before you could fall, Joel moved quickly, lunging forward to catch you before you could hit the ground. One hand gripped your waist, the other landing much lower. On your ass. 

Your breath hitched and for a moment neither of you moved. His hands were warm and strong, and his fingers were curled slightly into the bare skin of your leg. 

Joel exhaled through his nose, his eyes flickering to your neck. The skin there was enticing, your sweet scent wafting back towards his nostrils.

“You alright?” He asked, his voice low and filled with concern. You swallowed hard and nodded.

“Yeah.” You breathed out, blinking rapidly. 

The weight of his hands sent heat through your skin, some of it pooling somewhere dangerous. You’d felt him close, but not this close, and it took everything in you not to act on your temptations.

You cleared your throat, forcing yourself to drown out your not so innocent desires to snap out of your daze. 

“You gonna let me go, or are you planning on holding me all day?” The words tumbled out.

Joel blinked, his hands releasing you as he realized just how close and intimate his grip was. 

“Was just making sure you didn’t bust your head open.” He grumbled. You couldn’t tell if his ears were red from the sun or from embarrassment. 

Joel sighed, running a hand down his face as his gaze flickered back to Callus. “Well, that stirrup is done for. Looks like you’re not riding today.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, before reaching below to Callus’s belly and unbuckling the straps. You took the heavy saddle in your arms, then draped it over the fence beside Joel. 

Joel watched as you swung yourself onto Callus’ back with ease, settling against his bareback as if you’d done it many times before. He watched the way your thighs flexed, gripping at the horse’s sides. Callus took a few steps, feeling the difference between the saddle and bareback, but quickly got used to the new sensation. 

Joel didn’t say anything, just watched as you clicked your heels against Callus’ sides, sending him into a steady trot. His gaze lowered to the arch of your back, the way you moved so fluid and strong. 

Joel tried to tear his gaze away, setting his jaw tight. This is not where his head needed to be. Not with you. 

But the longer he watched, the hotter the heat curled deep in his belly. You looked beautiful like this, your hair blowing in the wind, your muscles taut underneath your sun kissed skin.

He felt his cock hardening beneath the denim of his jeans, and he swallowed hard as he forced himself to walk away, something to keep himself busy.

He busied himself with the broken stirrup, inspecting the torn leather like it was the most interesting thing in the world. His fingers traced along the frayed edges, his jaw tight. 

He exhaled sharply through his nose, feeling himself still tight in his jeans. He forced himself to take a glance at you, finding you pushing Callus to a faster gait, your body moving in a steady rhythm. 

“How’s it looking over there?” You called out.

Joel huffed, shaking his head. “Looks like we need a new fuckin’ stirrup.”

You fought back a smile, slowing Callus to a stop a few feet in front of him. Your cheeks were flushed from the ride, and your hair was sticking up in all directions. You leaned forward, resting your arms against the horse’s mane, giving Joel a lopsided smirk. 

“Guess I’ll just have to teach you how to bareback then.” You said cheekily. 

Joel made a face and scoffed. “You’re unbelievable. Disgusting actually.”

“Joel Miller. What a dirty mind you have.” You gasped, slowly swinging your leg back over Callus and hopping down, pulling the reins back over his head to lead him.

“No more of that. Don’t need you out here bustin’ your ass and killin’ yourself.” Joel grunted, picking up the saddle and draping it over Callus’ back to take back to the barn. 

“I’ll be just fine.” You said, your tone softer. “Always am.”

“You say that now.” Joel muttered. “Can’t risk losing you too.”

Your heart clenched at his words. The way he looked at you made your blood pump faster. You knew he didn’t mean it in the way you desired. After so much loss, you can only understand and respect why he feels that way.

“You can play cowgirl again when I get a new stirrup.” Joel joked to lighten the mood, his hand reaching out to squeeze your shoulder. 

Joel made the mistake of looking at you again. Really looking. The top buttons of your tank top had come undone, revealing more than just a sliver of your cleavage. Your nipples peaked through the thin white fabric. You caught him staring and bit the inside of your cheek, heat coursing to your face. 

Joel’s pulse pounded in his ears, drowning out the sound of Callus’ hooves clip-clopping against the wooden floor of the barn. 

You didn’t say anything at first, just watched him with a knowing look. There was nothing you could say that wouldn’t make the moment completely awkward. You could sense what you were doing to him, which excited you, but you were too afraid to act on it.

“You alright, Miller?” You asked, tilting your head at him.

“Just fine.” He huffed, taking Callus from you and leading him into his stall.

You watched his hands as he removed the harness, draping it across the hook on the wall outside of the stall. Joel could feel your presence like a fire licking at his skin, too damn close, and too damn tempting. 

“Ya know.” You began. “I don’t think I’ve seen you ride before.” 

He glanced at you momentarily. “Ain’t much to see.”

“I find that hard to believe. Bet you are real good at it.” 

His mouth twitched. “I was alright.”

“I bet you could still do it. I could help you get back into it. I could make a real good cowboy out of you, Miller.” You pressed, your finger brushing his arm. 

Joel snorted, shaking his head as he lifted the saddle and carried it over to the rack. 

“Last thing I need is you bossin’ me around.” 

“I am not bossy.” 

Joel rolled his eyes and chuckled lowly. 

You stepped closer, latching Callus’ stall closed, then turned to face Joel fully. Sweat was glistening at your collarbones, your lips parted ever so slightly. 

And Joel was looking again, his eyes lingering, wanting. The air between you was thick, his mouth dry. He took a step back from you, like adding space would do anything to ease the tension.

“You sure you’re alright?” You asked sincerely.

Joel dragged a hand through his hair. “M’fine.”

His voice was uneven, and you could sense he wasn’t being truthful. 

And the way your gaze flickered, he knew you could see right through him. 

“Why don’t you come inside for a bit? Got some iced tea in the fridge. I figure you might need a cold drink after that.” Joel asked.

You hesitated, knowing you should probably just go home. But the way he was looking at you made you give in. You nodded.

“Alright. Lead the way.” You said, then followed him up to the porch. 

Once inside, the air was still thick despite the air conditioning. The weight of the tension between you from the barn was still residing. The way Joel kept stealing glances at you under the dim light of the sunset outside made your heart lurch. 

Joel busied himself in the kitchen, filling a couple glasses with ice and pouring them full of iced tea. You watched him as he stepped towards you and handed you a glass. You took it, your fingertips brushing against his. 

You took a slow sip, watching him over the rim of the glass. He leaned against the counter beside you, the scent of his cologne on warm skin wafting over you.

“So.” You began, setting your tea down. “Are you gonna let me teach you how to ride properly or are you just scared you won’t be as good as me?”

Joel huffed out a breathy chuckle. “You just don’t quit, do you?”

“Not when I know I’m right.” 

You were closer now. You hadn’t realized you were stepping closer to him not until you were practically touching. Joel shifted to face you, the proximity making his heartbeat pick up. The space between you felt small, way too small. 

Joel’s gaze flickered to your lips. It was just for a second, but you saw it. Your breath caught in your throat. 

You watched his Adam’s Apple bob in his throat as he swallowed hard. His hand twitched at his side as if he was fighting the urge to reach up and pull you into him. For a moment, you thought he would. 

Then suddenly, Joel inhaled sharply and turned back to lean his back against the counter, his knuckles gripping the countertop. 

“You should probably get goin’. I’m sure you got stuff you should be doin’.” His tone was abrupt.

It hurt more than it should’ve. You swallowed, stepping back from him.

“Yeah.” You whispered, your voice cracking.

You turned fast, and headed for the door. You didn’t look back, and you refused to consider if he was watching you go.

The moon was high in the night sky, casting long shadows across the fields as you made your way towards Joel’s barn, the beam of your flashlight bouncing with each step. The night was thick with humidity, but you didn’t care. You had a plan. 

You shivered, not because you were cold. Your outfit wasn’t practical. You wore a short skirt, a tight top, alongside your worn out boots. You knew exactly what you looked like. That was the point.

Callus was waiting, and you sure as hell weren’t going to let the lack of a designated driver deter you from blowing off some steam. 

Just as you reached the hatch for the stall door, a deep voice cut through the quiet night air. 

“What the hell are you doin’?” 

You startled, swinging the flashlight toward the sound. Joel stood in the doorway of the barn, arms crossed over his chest, and a scowl drawn across his features. 

Your lips pursed into a straight line. “Going to the bar.”

Joel’s gaze dragged over you, slow and deliberate. His nostrils flared slightly before he schooled his expression into something unreadable.

“Dressed like that?” His voice was gruff, laced with something you couldn’t put your finger on.

“That a problem, Joel?” You retorted. 

Joel sighed sharply. “Ain’t safe for you to be riding into town this late. You know that.”

You shrugged, running a hand along Callus’ face. “Don’t have much of a choice, do I? Can’t drive.” 

You pulled a flask out from your purse, flashing the metal at Joel. You smirked as you pushed it back in.

Joel rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. “Get in the damn truck. I’m takin’ you.”

You frowned. “Joel—“

“Wasn’t askin’.” His tone was harsh, leaving no room for argument. 

You hesitated, staring him down, but his jaw was set. His eyes were dark. There was no winning this one. 

“Fine.” You sighed in defeat, stepping away from Callus’ stall. You stomped past Joel and towards his truck. 

Joel followed, opening the passenger door before you could do it yourself. You slid in, crossing your arms as he slammed the door and rounded the front and got behind the wheel.

The ride to town was quiet. Joel’s irritation was pungent in the air. You could feel his gaze flickering over to you every so often, his grip tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. 

When you pulled up to the bar, you expected him to stay put, maybe grumble something about calling him when you were ready to leave. Instead, he shut off the truck and unbuckled his seatbelt. 

“You’re staying?” You blinked.

“Yeah.” He said simply and climbed out of the truck, slamming the door shut.

Your stomach flipped. This is what you wanted all along, Joel’s attention. But you didn’t want him babysitting you when you were here to act fucking stupid and blow off some steam with some random guy who didn’t bat an eye at your advances. You furrowed your eyebrows as Joel walked to the door. He stopped and turned to you, his face expectant.

“Let’s go, kid.” Joel grunted.

You reluctantly entered the bar as Joel held the door open for you. The bar was surprisingly busy. Lucky for you, you were already feeling the vodka from your flask. It was probably a good idea you didn’t end up riding Callus here, the chances are that this would’ve been the time you fell off and actually killed yourself.

You chose a stool at the bar. Joel settled onto one next to you, ordering a bourbon on the rocks, while you opted for a screwdriver. Joel nursed his drink, avoiding looking in your direction. He sat stiffly, one hand wrapped tight around his glass, the other clenched into a fist on the countertop. He hadn’t said a word to you since you walked in. Not when you ordered your drink, not when you crossed your legs beside him, the hem of your skirt riding higher on your thighs. He refused to look at you and give you and himself the satisfaction. He knew if he gave in and looked, he’d begin to lose the fragile grip he had on himself. It was wrong, truly fucking wrong that he was having to fight tooth and nail just to have some decency. 

You smelled like honey and cocoa, something that made his throat go dry. He hated it. He hated that you made him feel this way. He was stronger than this, at least he thought he was. It made him sick honestly, that you were so good at making him lose all of his morals and made him want to give in.

You sighed through your nose and looked around the bar. Over by the pool table in the corner was a group of guys. They looked college aged or a bit older. They were laughing, drinking, looking like they didn’t carry the weight of the goddamn world on their shoulders. 

Joel could feel it happening before it even started. Then you were standing, grabbing your drink, and walking away without another glance at him. Joel forced himself to stare ahead, his jaw clenched and his teeth grinding. He felt fucking pathetic. This is what both of you needed. For him to let you go and do what you want, to resist the temptations. For you to realize you didn’t need him, for him to realize you didn’t need him.

But then he heard your laugh, soft and teasing. He gritted his teeth so hard it made his head hurt. Against his better judgement, he turned. You leaned against the pool table, a sickeningly sweet smile plastered on your lips as one of the guys lined up a shot. The way you tilted your head, the way your fingers lightly brushed the man’s arm. It made him sick to his stomach.

That ugly, bitter feeling rose up in his chest, like bile burning his throat. It was unbearable and pathetic. The longer he watched, the worse it felt. You were doing this to him on purpose, and he knew it. You wanted to get under his skin, you wanted to pull something out of him that he wasn’t ready to give, something he couldn’t give. And it was fucking working.

Joel swallowed a big gulp of bourbon, adding to the fire in his esophagus. His breathing was tight, his hands clenching. His bourbon was still three-fourths full, but he pushed it away because if he had another sip, he might just vomit.

Then that fucking guy, some cocky little shit with an easy grin, leaned in closer, saying something in your ear that made you giggle. And when he slid his hand onto your hip, Joel saw red. That was enough.

He was out of his seat before he even realized what he was doing. He was crossing the room with heavy, determined steps. You didn’t see him coming, too busy fake laughing at whatever bullshit the guy was whispering to you. Too caught up in the way his hands were inching closer, how you despised that it wasn’t Joel’s hands instead. 

Joel’s hand closed around your wrist, firm but not rough, and suddenly you were yanked away from the pool table, and spun toward him with a small gasp.

“What the hell–” You began, but before you could finish, Joel was dragging you out the front door into the night summer air.

It was suddenly quiet, only the light thumping of the country music from inside the bar disrupting the peaceful night. 

“Joel.” You snapped, trying to tug your arm away. “Joel! Let go of me!”

The door slammed shut behind you, and you ripped your arm free, stumbling back a step.

“The fuck is your problem?” Your voice was venomous, filled with an anger you didn’t bother to contain. “You don’t get to do that, Joel. You don’t get to–”

“You were makin’ a goddamn fool of yourself in there.” He growled, his voice low.

You let out a short and bitter laugh. “By what? Trying to make friends? Acting like a woman my age? That’s real fucking low.

You stepped closer, jabbing a finger at his chest. “You’ve made it real fucking clear you don’t want me, so why the hell do you care?”

Joel’s expression twisted, emotion flashing in his eyes. “That ain’t–”

“That ain’t what? Huh?” You cut him off, your heart pounding in your ears, the heat of the vodka making your emotions bubble over. “You don’t want me, Joel. You’ve rejected me. Twice. You think I don’t notice the way you pull away from me? The way you look at me like I’m some sort of sin you gotta resist?”

Joel opened his mouth, but you didn’t let him speak.

“And then you pull this bullshit.” You spat, throwing your hands up. “Dragging me out of the bar like I’m some kind of kid who doesn’t know better. I don’t get it, Joel. I really don't get it. What do you want from me?

His hands curled into fists at his sides. “I just–” He inhaled through his nose, like he was trying to keep himself from saying something he’d regret.

You shook your head, disappointment and frustration bleeding into your voice. “I’m done.”

Joel’s brows furrowed. “What?”

“I said I’m done.” You repeated, your voice softer now, but still firm. “I’m done with the farm. The garden’s fine, the chicks are fine, Callus is fine. You don’t need me around, and I’m done pretending like I’m just helping out when we both know it’s more than that.”

His face hardened. “No.”

You let out a humorless laugh. “No?”

“You’re drunk.” He said, his voice less intense and much quieter now. “We’re not talkin’ about this right now.”

You stared at him, blinking slowly. “Jesus Christ, Joel. You don’t get to decide that we’re not having this conversation because I fucking mean every word.”

“We’ll talk in the morning when you’re sober.”

Your breath stalled in your throat and you bit the inside of your cheek.

Fine. If that’s how he wanted it.

“Fuck you, Joel.” You muttered. Then you turned on your heel and walked toward the passenger door of his truck.

Joel let out a sharp breath, running a rough hand through his hair before following suit. Neither of you spoke as he yanked open the passenger door, waiting for you to climb inside. And you didn’t even look at him as you did.

Your head throbbed.

It was the first thing you noticed when you pried your eyes open in the morning, the dull persistent ache pulsing at your temples. The second thing you noticed was how dry your mouth was, as if you’d spent the entire night swallowing sand. 

With a groan, you rolled onto your side, staring up at the ceiling as last night’s events started replaying in your mind. The bar, Joel dragging you out. The fight. The words you still meant, and the words you weren’t ready to face sober. 

You sighed, pushing yourself up to sit on the edge of the bed, cradling your head in your hands. The room felt stuffy, your skin clammy with remnants of last night’s vodka. You needed a shower.

The hot water did little to ease the tension in your body. If anything, it made you hyper aware of what you’d done. The knot in your stomach, the nerves creeping in at the thought of facing him.

After you threw some clothes on, you padded downstairs, and to your surprise, there he was. 

Joel stood in your kitchen, the coffee pot steaming beside him. His back was to you, broad and solid, like he hadn’t just spent the night on your too-small couch. Like last night didn’t happen, but it did, and now you had to deal with it.

He must’ve heard your footsteps, because he turned his head, eyes flickering over to you before returning to the coffee.

“Mornin’.” His voice was rough, like he didn’t sleep well.

You swallowed, tucking your arms over your chest. “You stayed.”

Joel didn’t look at you as he poured two mugs full of coffee. “Wasn’t gonna leave you like that.”

You shifted your weight, biting your lip. “I meant what I said.” Your voice was quiet.

Joel stilled, mug in hand. He sighed before turning to finally look at you. 

“I know.” He said simply.

Silence hung between you. You didn’t know what to do with your hands, your arms, your body. It was all so awkward, so exposed and vulnerable. You were much too aware of the fact that you’d laid your feelings out for him, that you were truly too caught up with him to hide it anymore. It was unbearable and you felt nauseous, and it wasn’t just from your hangover.

“I don’t know if I can give you what you want.” Joel admitted, his voice rough and uneven. “And that ain’t fair to you.”

Your throat tightened. You expected it, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

You took a slow breath, walking to the table and pulling out a chair, needing something solid under you. “And what is it that you think I want?”

Joel clenched his jaw. “Somethin’ good. Somethin’ real.” He shook his head. “And I don’t know if I got that in me anymore.”

You looked at him, searching his face for something, anything, that told you he didn’t mean it, that this wasn’t just his guilt or fear talking.

Because you knew. You felt it every time he looked at you like he was holding himself back. Every time he touched you, even in passing. Even when he pulled away because he was afraid of what would happen if he didn’t.

You leaned forward, your elbows on the table. “What if I don’t care?”

Joel shook his head. “You should, kid. That’s the problem.”

“Why?” You challenged. “Why do you get to decide that for me? I’m a grown ass woman, not a kid. I know what I want, and I’m not running from it. Not like you.”

Joel rubbed a hand over his jaw, looking more exhausted than you’d ever seen him.

Then his voice was quieter and softer.

“Because I can’t be the reason you regret somethin’.” 

Your heart clenched. He was doing it again, pulling away, pushing you away, all because he was scared.

“What if I don’t regret it? Then what?”

“I can’t give you what you need. You said it yourself, you want to move to the city. Have a great, fulfilling life there. I can’t do that for you. I’m almost forty, my own fucking kid won’t talk to me. It ain’t fair to you.”

You brows furrowed, frustration bubbling inside you. “I didn’t say I needed that. Yeah, I’ve thought about leaving, but that doesn’t mean I–” You cut yourself off and rub your temples.

“I choose what’s fair to me, Joel. Not you.” You want to scream, shake him, make him understand that it wasn’t about any of that. You didn’t give a damn about age or distance or what kind of life you were supposed to want. Not when he was here, sitting in front of you, still irresistible as if he wasn’t the bane of your existence at the moment.

“And you? You’re pushing me away because you’re scared.”

Joel looked away, lips pressing into a thin line.

Silence stretched between you again, Joel taking in your words. 

You leaned forward, gripping the table. “Tell me you don’t want me. I want you to look me in the eyes and fucking say it.”

Joel’s throat bobbed, and his fingers curled into his fists. But he didn’t speak.

“Say it and I’ll leave you alone. You won’t have to see me every day, we can go about our lives. But I need to hear it from you.”

He didn’t move. Didn’t deny it. And that was all the confirmation you needed.

You pushed your chair back, the sound of wood scraping against the floor cutting through the tension.

“I’m done fighting for something you’re too much of a coward to admit you want.” You muttered, your voice trembling. You couldn’t tell what was stronger, your frustration or heartache.

Joel flinched like you’d struck him. But you didn’t stick around to see what he had to say. Instead, you turned on your heel and walked out of the kitchen, leaving him there to stew in the unresolved tension.

You storm off to the front porch, heart hammering, trying to convince yourself you meant what you said. The second you’re alone, the ache settles in. You’re pissed at yourself. If you had just held on a bit longer, you’d still have part of him. You’d still be able to selfishly see him everyday, grasping onto the smallest touches and looks to convince yourself he wanted you.

Meanwhile Joel was still in your kitchen, breathing heavy, staring at the space you just occupied. His body was tense, his hands gripping the edge of the counter like it’s the only thing keeping him from running after you. But the problem is, he wants to. Fuck, he wants to more than anything.

He tries to convince himself he’s doing the right thing. That you were right, he’s a coward. But it was for your benefit. But then he hears it, the sound of you sniffling from the porch outside. And it pushes him over the edge.

Your arms are wrapped around yourself as you try to fight back the tears, but you fail when you sniffle, the sob catching in your throat. It all feels so fucking embarrassing. “Fuck.”

You don’t hear him until he’s there, opening the front door, stepping towards you.

“What do you want, Joel?” Your voice is hoarse.

His fists are clenched. His lips are pressed tight. But then he moves.

A few steps, just enough to be close, enough for you to feel the heat of him.

And then he finally says it, low and gruff, his voice just above a whisper. “I don’t want you with anyone else, anywhere else.”

It shocks you.

You barely have time to react before he grabs you. His hands are rough on your face, lips crushing against yours in a desperate, heated kiss. It’s not soft, and it’s not careful. It’s everything he’s been holding back.

You let yourself sink into him, your lips matching his in a heated exchange.

Joel’s lips leave yours, but he doesn’t move far. His forehead pressed against yours, his breaths uneven, his hands still cradling your face like he’s afraid to let go. Your chest rises and falls, and when you open your eyes, you realize your cheeks are wet with tears.

His thumbs move, calloused fingers brushing away the tear stains down your cheeks. 

“Shit.” He mutters, his voice thick. “Hate seeing you cry.”

You shake your head, letting out a breathy laugh.

His fingers linger on your skin, rough but careful, like he’s trying to make sense of you. Accept this and what he’s just done.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs. “For pushin’ you away. For being–” He pauses, shaking his head with a sigh. “For bein’ such a fuckin’ idiot.” His thumb traces over your cheekbone. “I ain’t perfect. I can’t be. But I’ll try. I’ll try my best for you.”

Your throat tightens, and you learn into his touch. “Joel–”

“I just–” He exhaled, eyes dark and searching. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.” You reach up, fingers curling around his wrist, grounding him. “I don’t want perfect, Joel. I just need you.”

His face crumbles just a little, like he wasn’t expecting that from you, like he didn’t realize how badly he needed to hear those words coming from your lips.

next part

taglist: @louisemadii @thoughts-of-bear

[pascallftv]

where the tall grass grows | part II

‘beyond the willow trees’

joel miller x f!reader | farmer's daughter/neighbor

summary: you convince joel to take a break from the scorching heat

warnings: age gap (reader is mid-twenties, joel is late thirties), mature language, angst, slow burn, traces of dbf!joel

word count: 3.9k

previous part

series masterlist | main masterlist

The next few days passed in a wave of unforgiving June Kansas heat. The kind of heat that was filled with humidity that clung to your skin, and any sort of clothing was far too hot. Even in the shade, sweat gathered at the nape of your neck, and no amount of breeze helped. 

You’d spent most of the afternoon at your father’s, helping water the garden amidst the scorching weather. With not much to be done while it was so hot, your father waved you on home. By the time you arrived at Joel’s, the sun hung lower in the sky, but the heat was still unrelenting. 

Joel stood outside his barn, wiping his forehead of sweat that beaded there. His shirt was almost completely damp, clinging to his chest and back in patches. When he spotted you climbing out of your truck, he sighed heavily. 

“You look like you’re five seconds from dropping dead.” You teased, keeping the door to your truck open, resting your perspiring forearms across the open window. 

Joel gave you a dry look and placed his hands on his hips to get some airflow. “Hotter than hell out here.”

You cocked your head towards the willow trees gathered in the back of the field behind your house. Hidden behind the willows was a pond that you spent a lot of time swimming in when you were younger. 

“Ya know, that pond is still back there. Cool water. Shade. You could take a break for once.” 

Joel shook his head. “Not really the swimming type.”

“Not really the fun type either, apparently.” You countered. “C’mon, old man. It’s only getting hotter and there’s only so much actual work we can get done today.”

He hesitated. For a moment you were convinced he was going to say no. 

But you saw it, the flicker of temptation in his brown eyes. His shoulders tensed like he was fighting the urge to tell you no, but part of him was betraying himself; he wanted to say yes.

“Fine.” Joel grumbled, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “But if I end up regrettin’ this, you’re paying for it.”

You rolled your eyes. “Try me, Miller.”

With that you climbed back in your truck. You leaned your head out the window and shot him a smile. “Meet me at my place in ten.”

Your truck rolled to a stop just before the willow trees. Tucked behind them just barely in view was the long wooden dock that you’d cannonballed off too many times to count when you were younger. The late afternoon sun was beginning to paint the sky orange, the heat lessening just the tiniest amount. The air was still thick and humid, making it still hard to breathe properly.

You shoved your door open and hopped out, grabbing your towel from the middle seat. 

“This is going to be so worth it.” You said to Joel, nodding towards the water just beyond the willow branches. 

Joel climbed out of the truck much slower, grumbling something under his breath as he wiped the beads of sweat away from his chin. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this shit.”

“You say that now, but give it five minutes and you’ll be kissing the ground I walk on for this idea.” You flashed him a smile, and led the way between the trees and into the clearing just before the dock. 

Behind you, Joel walked slower, as if he was hesitating. He eyed the pond as if it might bite.

“Scared of a little water?” You raised an eyebrow.

Joel huffed. “Ain’t scared of nothing.”

What he was really hesitating about was the sight of you in your little swimsuit. He should’ve been thinking about the cool water, the relief from the heat. But instead, he was focused on the tight tank top that you’d already begun peeling over your head. His eyes trailed over the soft skin of your back, the way your fingers ghosted over the waistband of your shorts before slipping them down your legs.

His jaw tightened. 

“Get a move on, Miller.” You called over your shoulder, already stepping onto the dock.

He forced his gaze up to your face, not the glistening stretch of bare skin beneath it. 

Joel stayed put for a second longer, exhaling deeply through his nose. You were going to be the death of him.

With the shake of his head, he yanked his shirt over his head and followed, ignoring the way his pulse picked up in his throat. 

The wooden planks of the dock creaked beneath as you strode forward, the boards warmed by the hot sun. You didn’t hesitate before diving in, disappearing beneath the surface of the pond. The water was a shock at first, way cooler than you expected. You surfaced with your back towards Joel, and wiped the water from your face and eyes, directing your hair to your back and out of your face.

Joel stood at the edge of the dock, his arms crossed over his chest, watching you.

“Joel, get in. It feels amazing.” You said, slicking your hair back.

His jaw shifted. “Fine.”

He lowered himself onto the edge of the dock and slowly entered the water. 

“Fuck it’s cold.” He grumbled, the water now up to his shoulders. You waded over to him, a smile tugging at your lips.

“Oh c’mon, it’s not that bad. You eased into it too much. Gotta jump in.” You muttered. You were close to him now, about a couple feet apart.

He stared down at you, the gears turning in his mind. He didn’t say anything, but before you could say anything else, he surged forward and grabbed you, dunking you under the water. You yelped as you went under, the world momentarily muffled, the water collapsing around you. When you pushed back up, you were close– too close.

Your breaths came fast, your chest rising and falling just inches from his.

Joel was frozen.

Your wet hair clung to your skin, water droplets slipping from your collarbones down to where the soft skin of your breasts met under the swimsuit that barely covered you. His gaze traced over the droplet, tracing the outline of your throat, your shoulders, your lips. 

“See?” You whispered. “Not so bad, old man.”

His gaze flicked up, meeting yours. The tension between you was heavy, stretching tight like a rope that was about to snap.

“Not so bad.” He murmured back, his tone soft and airy.

The space between you was slowly shrinking, though it felt like neither of you were moving. Maybe the water was working against you, pushing you together despite your best judgement. His rough fingertips ghosted over the surface of the water, close enough that you could see the etch of each line on them. 

“You know.” You began, your voice soft now. “They say pond water works miracles for the skin. Natural deaging properties.”

Joel squinted his eyes at you, licking his lips. “Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

His gaze flickered downward again, your heart pounding in response. You could feel his breath, warm against your already heated skin.

Just before the tension could snap, before something happened that neither of you could take back, you leaned back and splashed him, hard.

Joel recoiled with a sharp breath, his face twisting up in defense. He blinked through the water dripping down his face. You bursted into laughter.

“Just what you need, gramps.”

Joel exhaled sharply, running a hand down his soaked face before lunging at you again, water churning between you as you yelped. You shriek as Joel surges towards you, trying your best to escape, but you're not fast enough. His hands find your waist underwater, rough palms gripping your sides, and suddenly you’re being dragged back underwater.

The world becomes silent again, the cool embrace of the water swallowing you whole, bubbles slipping past your lips. When you break the surface of the water, Joel is already there, watching, the corners of his mouth twitching like he’s holding back a smirk.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, huh?” You say, wiping your face.

His shoulders lift in a casual, playful shrug. “Little bit.”

You launch yourself at him, hands against his chest to shove him backward, but he’s solid, unmovable. Instead of tipping him over as you expected, he holds his ground, and suddenly you’re the one stumbling, chest pressed to his. 

Joel stills, and the smile flickers from your face.

For a moment, neither of you move, your hands still splayed over his damp skin. His heart beats steady under your palm, and his breath is unsteady, matching yours.

You swallowed hard, tilting your head back to meet his gaze.

The thick summer air enveloped you. Joel’s throat bobbed. His fingers twitched against your waist, warring with himself. And then– he lets go.

He stepped back, the space between you becoming wide and the air is suddenly less thick and it’s easier to breathe.

“About time we get out.” He says, his voice low. He turns away before you can respond, pushing through the water towards the dock.

You stay back for a second longer, your heart hammering against your ribs, trying to comprehend what just happened. And you try to understand why you feel so disappointed.

As you follow Joel back to the dock and push yourself up onto it, the tension lingers like the humid air sticking to your hot skin. Neither of you speak as you pad across the dock, water dripping from your lips and hair.

You grabbed your towel where it was folded next to your pile of dry clothes. You rubbed at your damp skip before shaking out your hair. Joel doesn’t look at you as he runs a hand through his dripping curls.

“You’re awfully quiet.” You reach for your shirt.

Joel exhaled sharply, bending to retrieve his own. You catch him finally sneaking a glance at you, at the way your wet swimsuit clung to your curves, but he looked away just as fast.

Before he can answer, the sound of tires through tall grass make you freeze. A truck rumbles into view as it rolls to a stop beside yours. 

“Shit.” You mutter under your breath as the driver’s side door creaks open.

Your father steps out first, his gaze sweeping over the two of you. You barely dressed, Joel shirtless and toweling off his hair. 

Martha climbs out next, tucking a strand of gray hair behind her ear. She doesn’t say anything right away, just looks between you and Joel before a knowing smile tugged at her lips.

“You didn’t tell me we were taking a break today.” Your father says, his tone measured, but you can sense an edge to it.

You pull your shorts up your legs and they snap into place. “Just cooling off.”

He grunts. His gaze flicks to Joel, his expression intimidating. 

Joel doesn’t shrink under his stare. He clears his throat and runs the towel through his curls before nodding in greeting.

“Afternoon, Bryan.” Joel says simply.

Your father nods back at him. “Joel.”

Martha, ever the peacemaker, stepped forward and clasped her hands together. “Well, isn’t this a surprise? Nice to see you two getting along.” 

She gives you a look that makes your skin even hotter, like she’s already formed some sort of conclusion about your and Joel.

“Just swimming.” You say quickly. She hums in response.

“Well, we just wanted to stop by and check on the chicks. Saw Joel’s truck at your place and then yours back here. Figured this is where you’d be.” Your father explains.

“Chicks are settling in just fine. Gave ‘em plenty of water and turned the heat lamp off this morning.” Joel says. 

“Great. Well, we were planning on hosting dinner tonight. Feel free to join us, both of you.” Martha says, laying a gentle finger on your shoulder to pick off a piece of grass that had gotten stuck there.

“Yeah, sounds good.” You clear your throat, giving her a kind smile.

“Joel?” Martha turns to him, expectant.

He swallows hard and runs a hand through his curls that were already starting to dry.

“Sure, sounds nice.” He responds. Your pulse quickened.

“Perfect. See you both in a bit. Come around about six-thirty.” Martha said as she moseyed back to the truck, your father following suit. You watched as they climbed back into the truck and shut their doors. You gave them a small wave, and carried your damp towel in your arms as you walked towards your truck. Joel trailed behind you, his gaze avoiding your figure.

Even if nothing happened, the guilt made your cheeks feel hot. If your dad and Martha had arrived before they did, you couldn’t begin to imagine having to defend yourself from your compromising proximity to Joel.

“That was fun.” You mutter, glancing at Joel as you tossed your towel into the bed of the truck.

Joel glances up at you before tossing his towel beside yours. He’s silent for a moment. “Could’ve been worse.”

His gaze met yours, and for a moment, his expression softened.

You both climbed into the truck, and you inserted the key into the ignition and listened to your truck roar to life.

“Sorry about them.” You said as you backed up, your stare on your rearview mirror.

“Not a big deal.” Joel grunted, his hand finding the door handle.

“They do that sometimes. Just show up with no warning.” You exhaled through your nose. 

You tapped your fingers against the steering wheel in thought.

“You know, it just makes me not want to have anyone out here.” You begin. Joel’s eyes flicked over to you, watching your jaw clench and unclench. “I mean, imagine me having a guy over and in pulls Bryan and Martha, no warning whatsoever. That shit is embarrassing.”

Joel stiffens beside you.

You don’t notice at first, too caught up in the frustration at your scenario. Your cheeks were still hot from the residual heat, in the way your father and Martha had gawked at the two of you standing there, half-dressed, soaking wet.

Joel’s grip on the door handle tightens, his fingers pressing into the warm leather.

You keep talking, oblivious to the way his jaw clenches, the way he straightens his posture. “I mean, really, can you just imagine that? Me, trying to enjoy myself, and then boom. There they are acting all friendly like they didn’t just walk in on something that’s none of their business.”

Joel shifts in his seat. “Reckon that’d be inconvenient.” He grunts.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love them to death. It just makes me wish that sometimes things were different and I had stayed in the city. Maybe I’d be married by now, a house in the suburbs with the man of my dreams.”

You throw him a quick glance before returning your focus to park next to Joel’s truck in your driveway.

Joel swallows hard. He shouldn’t pry, and he shouldn’t be choking on the jealousy that was rising in his throat. His mouth is dry, his skin is hot, and the image is already there. Someone else, another man, sitting in your truck, someone else in that pond, someone else looking at you in the way that he did.

“That, uh–” He began, his tone uneven. “That somethin’ you want?”

You turned to look at him as you turned off the truck, the silence floated over you. 

“What? Have a husband?” You say.

“Do you want to move? Away from here?” Joel ignores your question and ponders further.

Joel keeps his gaze fixed on you.

“I don’t really know.” You start, your voice soft. You look forward to your house, the one you spent countless hours renovating to suit you perfectly. “I love it out here, I really do. But sometimes I can’t help but compare myself. Everyone else my age is settling down and I’m out here, alone, working on a farm in solitude. I do get lonely sometimes.”

Joel nods, slow and measured, like he’s turning your words over in his head. He keeps his eyes forward, but his hands flex on his knees, fingers curling and uncurling.

“You ain’t alone.” Joel says finally, his voice soft. Joel exhales, shifting in his seat to face you.

You sigh and lean your head back against the headrest, tilting your head to look at him.

“What about you?”

Joel gives you a wary look. “What about me?”

“You ever get lonely?”

The truck is filled with the sound of cicadas singing in the trees, the wind blowing through the tall grass.

“Course.” He mutters.

But his loneliness is different. It’s not just about not having started his life, it’s about the people he’s lost, the people he’s pushed away, his own daughter pushing him away.

You hum softly, watching him. “We’re not so different, huh?”

Joel swallows. The way you’re looking at him, like you’re trying to actually see him, makes his chest tighten.

He clears his throat and reaches for the door handle, slowly opening the door.

“I should go get ready for dinner. It’s already a quarter till six.”

You blink and sigh, surprised by his abrupt tone. 

“Yeah, me too.” You nod. “I guess I’ll see you later then?”

Joel looks back at you after he reaches into the truck bed, grabbing his towel.

“Yeah. See you later, kid.” 

He climbs into his truck and closes the door behind him, his truck coming to life. You feel him watching you as you walk towards your front door, an unsettling feeling twisting in your stomach. And Joel, forces himself to look away from you, just before you turn back to wave at him.

The mouth watering scent of slow-cooked pot roast and buttery mashed potatoes filled the kitchen as you stood beside Martha, peeling carrots over the sink. The rhythmic scrape of the peeler against the vegetables acted as a meditative noise, a welcome distraction from your relentless thoughts about your afternoon with Joel.

Your father and Joel had wandered off towards the barn to check on something. You feared it was an excuse from your dad to get Joel alone, to size him up in that quiet, unreadable way he had at the dock. That left you and Martha alone in the kitchen, working in a comfortable quiet to finish up dinner.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.” Martha noted, her voice warm as she peered at you from over her shoulder.

You shrugged, keeping your eyes on the carrots. “Just tired. Long day.”

Martha hummed knowingly, and turned back to the stove as she stirred the gravy. “Long day of what?”

You glanced back at her, your face faltering for a second.

“Work.” 

“Work.” She echoed, dragging the syllable out. “Right. And swimming of course?”

You stopped peeling for a moment. The sound of bubbling gravy and the clatter of the spoon against the pot filling the silence.

“Yeah.” You admitted, acting as if the simple statement didn’t mean more than it did.

Martha chuckled softly, setting the spoon down before turning to face you, wiping her hands on her apron. “I like Joel.” She said simply.

You blinked at her, not sure what you expected her to say, but it wasn’t that.

“Mhm.” You hummed.

She learned against the counter, arms crossed as she regarded you. “He’s a good man.”

You swallowed, dropping another peeled carrot into the bowl. “He is, isn't he?”

Martha nodded, studying you for a moment. Then she softened, her voice gentle when she spoke again. “You care about him don’t you?”

Your fingers paused around the peeler.

“I–” You breathe out, setting it down of the counter. “Of course I do, but Martha–”

“You don’t have to say it.” She interrupted, smiling like she already knew. “I can see it all over your face.”

Your stomach twisted, heat creeping up on your face. You wanted to deny it, tell her she was wrong. But what was the point?

“Even if I did, it doesn’t matter. It can’t—” You pause, unsure how to finish that sentence.

Martha tilted her head. “Are you sure about that?”

You hesitated, avoiding her gaze.

“Feelings don’t just disappear because you try to ignore them.” She said casually. “Trust me. I’ve been around long enough to know that. Dealt with it with your father.”

You swallowed hard and turned back to the sink, gripping the edge of the counter as you stared down at the half-peeled carrot in your hand.

Outside, the sound of boots crunching against gravel signaled that Joel and your father were on their way back.

And for the first time since Martha started speaking, you were almost relieved.

As you all sat at the table, it wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it could’ve been worse. Martha’s words put you at ease knowing that she knew, but she wasn’t opposed, supportive even. Joel was sitting directly across from you, quietly nursing his glass of iced tea while your father passed you the pot roast. The air smelled of warm spices and butter.

Martha set the table with care, little details that she always tried her best to make each and every meal feel like it was a holiday.

“Joel.” Martha said as she settled into her seat, offering him the bowl of potatoes. “I hope you’re hungry. She made me mash these by hand just for you.”

Joel glanced up at her, then at you. He gave a small smile and a sheepish nod before taking the bowl. “Appreciate it.”

Your father made a low sound of approval. “Tastes good, girls.”

You reached for the pot roast, spearing a piece onto your plate.

The meal moved in relative quiet, aside form the occasional clint of silverware. After a while, the conversation was light. Martha asking about the chicks, your father grumbling about the chance of severe weather next week, and you chiming in here and there, trying your hardest not to let your gaze linger too long on Joel.

But you could feel him. Even as you focused on poking your vegetables with your fork, you could sense the way his stare flicked to you every so often. And of course, Martha noticed.

“So, Joel.” She said, taking a sip of her tea before settling the glass down. “How’s she treating ya? A hard worker, isn’t she?”

You nearly choked on your bite of carrot.

Joel tensed, seemingly caught off guard. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat.

“Yeah.” He said after a pause. “She knows what she’s doin’.”

Martha hummed. “She does. Just making sure you know it.”

Your father gave her a pointed look.

You shot her a glare, but she only winked at you before returning to her plate. The conversation moved on, but the air was thick. The air between you and Joel was almost buzzing.

When dinner wrapped up and Martha began clearing plate’s, your father leaned back in his chair, eyeing Joel. “You still play cards, Miller?”

Joel wiped his mouth with a napkin and leaned back, giving him a small nod. “Haven’t in a while.”

Your father smirked. “Good. Let’s see what you got.”

Martha sighed. “Lord help you, Joel.”

You stood to help clear the table, but before you could pick up a plate, she gave your arm a squeeze and whispered, “You’ve got him all twisted up, honey. Don’t let him run from it.”

You swallowed hard, stealing a glance at Joel as he followed your father into the living room. 

What were you supposed to do about it?

next part

taglist: @louisemadii @thoughts-of-bear

[pascallftv]

where the tall grass grows | part I

‘a good garden’

joel miller x f!reader | farmer’s daughter/neighbor

summary: joel returns to kansas and you're determined to figure out why he left in the first place

warnings: age gap (reader is mid-twenties, joel is late thirties), mature language, mentions of blood/a splinter, angst, slow burn, traces of dbf!joel

word count: 7.2k

series masterlist | main masterlist

There’s nothing you will ever love more than a Kansas morning in the summer.

The gears of your truck squeaked louder than usual. You wrestled with the steering wheel, the impending doom of your truck’s life in the near future. You sighed as you turned onto the all familiar dirt road you knew all too well. You knew each divot in the road, knowing when to swerve into the opposite lane to avoid the dents in the road. However, your gaze veered from the imperfections in the road to the silhouette of the old Miller farm.

You were a mere college student the last time you had seen the farm full of life. Now, it was a ghost of the past. The fields were unattended to, overgrown with the long grass blowing in the dry Kansas wind. It was all a silent witness to the life that had suddenly up and left several years ago. You never knew why Joel left with his daughter. He had cut all contact with your father. He sold his livestock without as much as a heads up to your father, and left his garden to wither up and die.

Joel.

But that day, your eyes squinted in disbelief as you spotted a massive moving truck parked at the top of the windy driveway of Joel’s house. Your heart rate sped up as you slowed down suddenly, and took a turn into the driveway. You drove slowly up the gravel driveway, your neck poked out to try and catch a glimpse of who could possibly be moving into the farmhouse. Nosiness was a trait you weren’t necessarily proud of, but you couldn’t help it. 

With a clammy hand, you shifted the truck into park, the engine sputtering to a halt. Taking a deep breath, you unhooked your seatbelt and climbed out of the truck, your boots crunching against the gravel below. The morning sun was much brighter outside the tinted windows of your truck, your hand reaching up to block the blinding rays of light. 

You hesitated as you worked your way around the truck. Would this person pull a gun on you? If a stranger walked up to your father’s house unannounced, he’d have the barrel of his gun pointed at them in a blink of an eye. 

Then, you saw him. 

Joel stood on the front porch, his broad shoulders on display as his back was towards you. You swallowed hard as he turned to face you.

He was older than you’d seen him last. Lines just barely etched into his face, but otherwise, he remained the same as your memory remembered him. 

“Joel?” You muttered, placing your hands on your hips and squinting up at him in disbelief. 

“Um, do I know you?” He responded, his tone weary. In his large hand was a mug, presumably filled with black coffee.

“Oh, I uh, I live down the road. Bryan is my father.” You explained, clearing your throat with nerves. How did he not remember you?

“Oh my god, Bryan’s girl. You look different. My apologies.” He spoke, his voice deep and smooth. 

Joel looked you up and down, his gaze lingering a moment longer on your face. Your cheeks were rosy from the warmth of the sun, and from his intense eyes. You wondered what he could be thinking. Different could mean a multitude of things, but you hoped it meant something good.

Your breath hitched. There was something about the way his lean, hard muscles were visible beneath the fabric of his worn cotton shirt that caught your eye. The sun had kissed his skin a rich bronze. He was more ruggedly handsome than you remembered.

“No worries, twenty-six looks a lot different than.. what was I? 19 when you left?” You chuckled, your hands suddenly feeling like an awkward extension of your body. You slid them into your back pockets and rocked back and forth between the balls and heels of your feet. 

“Hadn’t really kept track.” Joel said monotone, taking a sip of the drink in his mug. 

Your teeth grazed your lip as a pit grew in your stomach. You couldn’t help but feel as though Joel was unamused by your unexpected presence. You cleared your throat and looked over towards your truck. You crossed your arms to seem nonchalant, attempting to hide your uneasiness.

“I live in that little house between here and my dad’s farm.” You said, your tone less confident. Joel looked off into the direction of your house, it perfectly in view across the field from his porch. 

“You fix it up?”

“Yeah, my dad helped a little bit, but mostly did it myself.” You said proudly. Joel gave you a small smile and a nod. 

“Well, I should probably let you get back to what you were doing.” You said, feeling the need to escape his gaze. You turned to leave, but something stopped you.

“I made some peach cobbler last night if you want to try some.” You said as you turned back to face him. His hand that wasn’t gripping the hand of his mug traced up and down the opposite side of his mug with his forefinger.

He looked at you surprised. “Peach cobbler?”

“Yeah, it’s.. pretty good. It was my Nana’s recipe.” You gestured towards your house. “I could bring you over some later.”

A hesitant smile tugged at his lips. “Uh, yeah sure. That sounds nice.”

You smiled softly back and turned to walk back to your truck, its chipped red paint doing the opposite of shining in the sun.

“Wait.” You heard echoing in your ears. You stopped again and turned to the sound of Joel’s voice.

“Yeah?” You pondered, your gaze finding Joel’s.

He hesitated for a moment. “What time?”

You felt a thrill course through you. “Hmm, how about after dinner? Around.. seven?”

“Seven.” He repeated. “Seven sounds good.”

You nodded and sent him another smile before retreating back to your truck. As you opened the door, you couldn’t help but look back at Joel. He was still standing on the porch, his mug in hand watching you, his expression unreadable.

As you drove down his driveway, you couldn’t help but feel the tightness in your chest. You didn’t know why you were so antsy about him. He was practically a stranger at this point. But maybe that’s why you were so uneasy. It’s strange to go from knowing almost everything about someone to barely anything at all.

You wondered where Sarah, his daughter, was. She was several years younger than you, but you’d always gotten along when you were growing up. You’d spend most summers on each other’s farms entertaining yourselves with various “chores” so that you felt helpful. Your chores consisted of playing hide and seek in the barns and fields and trying to get the goats to tricks like they were dogs, which wasn’t very successful. You missed her and wished you could catch up with her, but it was highly possible that she was off at college somewhere starting fresh.

Most of the day you spent doing random chores around the house to keep yourself occupied. In the middle of the afternoon you found yourself at your Dad’s farm, helping him tend to the garden and the animals.

When you arrived, you wasted no time in asking him the question that kept nagging at the back of your mind. “Why didn’t you tell me Joel was moving back?”

Your dad wiped sweat off of his forehead and rested his hands on the handle of his shovel. The fine lines of his face were deeper and more pronounced than Joel’s, having a couple more decades of life to him. His brows were tightly knit as he glanced at you with a sigh. 

“Didn’t know he was moving back.” He said, gripping the handle of the shovel again to dig up more potatoes. “Never told me he was leaving so why would he tell me he was coming back?”

You frowned at his tone of voice. He was annoyed. You knew he wasn’t irritated with you, but rather with Joel. They were always close when you were a teenager. They’d take turns hosting football watch parties, sharing a few beers on the couch and raising their voice at the television. During the bout of harsh winters, Joel helped your father get unstuck from the snow on more than one occasion, to which your dad would offer him bales of hay as payment. 

You cleared your throat. “I just thought maybe you knew.”

You grabbed the potatoes as he dug them up, slipping them into the basket by your feet. 

“I stopped by his house this morning.” You began, smacking your hands together to knock off some of the dirt. Your dad glanced over at you and raised his eyebrows momentarily before turning his attention back to the ground.

“He seemed off. He didn’t remember me.” You explained further.

Your father sighed. “Of course he didn’t. It’s like he didn’t want to remember shit about this place. Still don’t know why he left to begin with.”

“It’s been seven years, Dad. I can’t blame him for not recognizing me.” You defended. You clenched your jaw when your dad disregarded your last statement and kept digging instead. 

You worked for another hour or so. You had more than enough potatoes to last a couple weeks, and then some. You grabbed a sack full to take home for yourself. You weren’t too keen on potatoes, but you knew just the person to lend some to.

Staying true to your word, you drove back to Joel’s house that evening. In your passenger seat was a pan of peach cobbler and a sack of fresh potatoes. A wave of nerves washed over you as you shifted your truck into park in his driveway. The moving truck was gone now, leaving you a clear view of his porch. The sun was setting on the horizon, the sky a hue of pinks and purples behind the silhouette of Joel’s house. 

You took a deep breath as you climbed the stairs of his porch and rapped three knocks on his front door. You clutched onto the pan of warm cobbler, the bag of potatoes weighing down on your fingers.

Joel answered the door, his facial expression once again unreadable. 

“Food delivery.” You smiled, glancing down at your full arms. 

“Come in.” Joel stepped aside, gesturing for you to come inside.

His house was surprisingly cozy, filled with the scent of an older house and some sort of musky, amber candle that was lit in his living room.

You followed him into the kitchen, and sat the pan and potatoes down on the wooden table. The room seemed frozen in time. The appliances were vintage, and the cupboards were filled with mismatched crockery and cutlery. 

“What’s this?” Joel asked as he felt the sack of potatoes.

“Potatoes from the garden.” You smiled. Your gaze caught his, his eyes a warmer brown in this lighting. “Dug them up with my dad this afternoon. Had extra so I figured I’d give you some.”

“Thank you.” Joel said, his gaze faltering from your face back down at the table. 

Joel cleared his throat and looked over at the counter by the sink, where a coffee pot was about half full with fresh coffee.

“I know it’s late, but I made some coffee if you want some.” Joel offered. 

“That would be great.” You said. Your gaze took in the details of the kitchen as Joel poured the coffee. He wasn’t fully unpacked yet, but you noticed a framed picture of a young woman on the countertop. 

“Is that Sarah?” You asked.

Joel’s hand stilled, the coffee pot hovering about the mug. He looked over at the photograph, a flicker of something unreadable passing across his face. “Yes,” he said quietly, “that’s Sarah.”

The silence that followed the exchange was heavy. She looked much older than you remembered, granted you don’t look the same as you did seven years ago.

“Sarah… she’s doing well?” You furthered, trying to reach some sort of clarification.

He looked at you, his gaze searching. “She’s in New York City. Studying art.” He forced a smile.

You nodded, not wanting to pry any further. 

The rest of the evening was a strange mix of awkward silences and easy going conversation. You talked about your work on your dad’s farm and your successful gardening attempts. You learned that Joel had moved to Texas and worked as a carpenter with his brother, but he was back for good.

“Bryan has a girlfriend now.” You said, then took a small bite of cobbler. Joel took a sip of coffee and looked at you over the rim of the mug. 

“He does?”

“Mhm. He was always so lonely after my mom passed. I never thought he’d be able to find someone else. That was until he met Martha. Met her at the farm store in town.”

“Well, that’s.. good for him. Your mom was so lovely, I never thought he’d replace her.” Joel said lowly, setting his mug back down on the table.

“Yeah, I miss her a lot. But Martha has been really good for him, and really nice to me. We’re lucky.” You furthered, offering him a small smile. 

“It just sucks, ya know.” Joel began, running his thumb up and down the handle of his mug. “Knowing he’s got someone now, still got you around here. It’s like I’ve come back to some sort of alternate universe.”

Joel cleared his throat. You stayed quiet and you took in his words and the emotion running across his features. “It feels really strange being here without Sarah. With Bryan and I not being close anymore. But I guess that’s my fault.”

You processed his words for a moment, setting your fork down on your plate. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you were leaving?” You asked, leaning forward into your hands on the table. Joel took a breath and leaned back in his chair, his bicep flexing as he kept one of his hands on the table.

“We needed to be closer to Tommy.” He began, his voice rough. “He uh, he got diagnosed with cancer all those years ago. Only felt necessary to move to be closer to him. I was the only person he had left besides his wife.”

“Holy shit. Is he okay now?” Joel glanced up at you and back down to the table, tapping his finger on the wooden surface, a habit you hadn’t noticed before.

“He went into remission about a year after we moved to Texas. A couple years ago, the cancer came back. He fought as hard as he could, but uh.. he passed away a few months ago.” 

“Oh my god, Joel.” You said sincerely, your heart aching for him. You reached your hand across the table to rest on Joel’s, giving it a comforting squeeze. His hand was warm, yet rough and calloused.

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered, feeling a wave of sadness wash over you. 

“It’s alright,” Joel swallowed hard, his eyes filled with emotion. “Really.”

“It was hard to see him towards the end. He’s not in pain anymore.” Joel spoke, his gaze falling to your hands touching.

“How did Sarah do with everything?” You asked. Joel’s expression hardened a bit, and he retracted his hand from your grasp. 

“She left for New York when Tommy went into remission. We had an argument over moving back here. She said we didn’t need to stay in Texas anymore since Tommy was better, but I knew deep down he wasn’t going to stay better.” Joel’s eyes avoided yours.

“We fought pretty bad before she left. She applied to art school without telling me. She wanted more than anything to move back here, but I couldn’t do it. She packed up her shit and left for New York without even asking me for help. We haven’t spoken since. She doesn’t even know Tommy died because she won’t answer my calls.”

You swallowed hard. “She’ll come around, Joel. I’m sure of it.” 

The following week was as normal as usual, except for the inclusion of your new neighbor. You’d tried on multiple occasions to convince your father to go visit Joel and catch up, but he refused. His behavior concerning Joel was so odd. Of course it must’ve been hurtful for Joel to leave without as much as a warning, but if your father knew the reason, he’d be more understanding.

“I might offer to help Joel start a garden. Might even let him help me with Callus.” You declared. You were washing off some red beets in your sink. 

Your dad was tending to your refrigerator because the ice maker decided to up and quit suddenly. It was blazing outside, and nothing is more irritating than a warm drink on a hot day.

He glanced over at you and scoffed, and went back to messing with some wires behind the refrigerator.

You sighed heavily and tossed the beets into the sink and turned to face him, your lower back pressed against the counter.

“What the hell is your problem?” You spat. “I get you’re upset about Joel leaving, but the past is the past. He’s back, shit happens. If you’d just talk to him you’d know why he left.”

“Oh, so he told you?” Your father grumbled, not bothering to look at you. 

“Yes, because I took my happy ass over there and asked him. It’s not that fucking difficult. You don’t get to stand here and be a complete dick about it when you don’t even know the half of it.” You turned back around and began angrily scrubbing another beet.

“Quit your damn attitude. Do you know how much money we lost when he left? Thousands. We had money invested in that farm.” Your dad argued, slamming the door closed on the refrigerator. 

“And that money came back didn’t it?” You narrowed your eyes.

“Do me a favor, give him a chance. Before you regret it.” You spoke, shutting off the water forcefully and retreating from the kitchen to go take a shower.

That evening, you were sitting on your couch watching reruns of The Office. Your ice maker was still not working, so you were sipping on room temperature water. Luckily the sun had begun to set and there was less heat soaking in the windows of your little house.

You startled when you heard a couple knocks at your front door. You padded over to the front door with your socked feet. Behind the door stood Joel, a bag of ice in his hand. You stare moved from the ice to his face, confused riddled across your face.

“Hi.” Joel cleared his throat.

“Hi.” You responded, tilting your head at him. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you pull in.”

You gestured towards his truck that was parked next to yours. His gunmetal gray, new truck was a stark contrast to your rusted out truck that desperately belonged in a junkyard. 

“Sorry, would’ve warned you I was coming but I don’t have your number.” You stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. 

Joel entered your house, his musky, sandalwood scent brushing by you. He adorned faded jeans and a white t-shirt that had seen better days; it was littered with holes and a couple grease stains.

“Brought you some ice.” Joel lifted up the bag momentarily and nodded towards your refrigerator.

Your house was so small it almost resembled a one bedroom apartment. The kitchen was on display as soon as you walked in, with the living room flowing directly into it.

“How’d you know my ice maker was broken?” You said, taking the bag from Joel, and placing it in your freezer.

“I spoke to your dad earlier. He came to visit.” Joel said, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“You’re shitting me.” You said, your lips parting in surprise.

“We had a good, long talk. It was nice.” Joel said.

“I’m not doing anything, please come and have a seat.” You gestured towards your living room, leading the way to your couch. 

Joel sat down beside you on your two seated couch. You could really look at him from this angle. His broad shoulders filled the space beside you, and the worn denim of his jeans stretched taut across his thighs, hinting at the strength he undoubtedly possessed. There was a quiet intensity about him. His jawline was sharp, and the gray hairs sprinkled in his beard only accentuated his hardened exterior.

“How did the conversation go?” You spoke, putting a throw pillow in your lap. 

“He was… surprisingly understanding.” Joel began.

You looked up at him. “Really?”

He nodded, his gaze falling to the smile dancing across your lips. “He said he understood why I left. He said he was worried about me. He even apologized for being so harsh.”

You felt a surge of relief wash over you. “That’s good.” 

“Yeah.” Joel swallowed. “We talked for a long time. About Sarah, about Tommy. He even offered to help me get the farm back into shape.”

You sat up, your eyes widening. “He did?”

“Yeah. Seems like he missed having another farm to deal with.” 

You laughed. “I think he misses having someone to borrow tools from more.”

Joel chuckled. “He even suggested I start a small garden. Said you’d offer good help and we could start selling extra produce at the farmers market in town.” 

“That sounds amazing. I love gardening more than anything.” You smiled warmly. Joel turned to look at you, his eyes sparkling and a genuine smile flashing across his face. 

“I trust your expertise. You grow one hell of a potato, kid.” Joel said, patting you on the leg. 

You felt warmth wash over your face at his touch. You bit the inside of your cheek. 

“Just wait until I make you my cheesy hash brown casserole. It’s to die for.” You teased, flashing your pearly whites at him.

“I bet it is.” Joel said.

When Joel left later that evening, your mind was running one thousand miles per hour. You felt.. different about him, in a way that made a bunch of alarms go off in your head. The way his touch spread warmth throughout your entire body, how his smile made you feel giddy like a high schooler again. 

This was bad. Very bad. There was no way you were that deprived of romantic interaction that you were developing a crush on Joel Miller of all people.

You began to overthink the way Joel asked for you to put your number into his phone. The way he texted you as you got ready for bed about how he was excited to see you bright and early to help till the garden spot. 

It was all a harmless crush, something your brain fabricated to make your life more interesting. Right? There was no way Joel would ever feel the same. He remembers you as a youngster. And hell, he called you kid. You’re twenty-six years old and he called you kid. He was in his late thirties but that wasn’t nearly old enough for him to be calling you kid. 

You scoffed as you looked in the mirror. Your hair fell in loose waves past your shoulders, and your cheeks were rosy with a bit of blush. You had even applied a bit of tinted lip balm to your lips, as well as some mascara to your eyelashes. What the hell were you doing? You never tried this hard to go out and work. 

You were wearing a short sleeve, light blue baby tee with loose denim shorts, and of course your worn out boots. You’d shaved your legs and moisturized them that morning. And for what? To get them covered in dirt and sweat by mid morning.

The air was brisk and fresh as you drove down the dirt road to Joel’s house. It was still early, and the sky still looks like a watercolor painting of pinks, purples, and oranges.

As you pulled into his driveway and drove past his house and to his barn, you were surprised to see Joel already out working, getting things ready for the garden. 

You hopped out of your truck and Joel gave you a wave. God he looked too good in the morning sun. His white t-shirt had been replaced by a black t-shirt, his biceps straining against the sleeves of it.

“Hey, kid.” Joel said as you walked over to him. You had a small bucket in your grasp containing different packets of seeds. 

Kid. Fucking kid.

“Good morning.” You replied, ignoring the urge to gag at his choice of nickname.

“I’m thinking we can till up a plot west of this barn here. Big enough for a few different kinds of vegetables.”

You looked down at your bucket and shuffled the packets around. “We have tomatoes, onions, potatoes, and beets.”

Joel gave you a half smile, and rested his arms on the tiller in front of him. 

“Potatoes? Gonna make me start my own supply, huh?” Joel winked, and you felt your cheeks flush.

“Of course.” You gulped. “Can’t start a good garden without potatoes.”

Joel chuckled, the sound sending shivers down your spine. He adjusted his grip on the tiller, his muscles flexing as he grabbed onto the handle firmly with his large hands.

“Ready to get to work, kid?” You quickly averted your gaze from his muscles to his big brown eyes. 

“As I’ll ever be.” You answered, trying to keep your voice steady.

As you began to work, your crush on Joel simmered. You found yourself constantly glancing at him, his muscles straining under his shirt as he effortlessly pushed the tiller. The way the sunlight caught the sweat glistening on his brow.

You swore he caught you staring at him once, and quickly lower your gaze to use a hoe to create a canal in the dirt for the seeds to be spread in.

After some time, Joel was finished tilling and stopped to take a break and watch you create the rows for the seeds. Now sweat was beading on your forehead, and just as you thought, dirt was clinging to your freshly shaved legs. 

“I was thinking you could have Callus back if you wanted him.” You spoke, glancing up at Joel. He watched you intently as you worked. 

“No, no. I gave him to you fair and square before I had even thought about leaving.” Joel rejected, taking a swig from his water bottle. 

“Yeah, but that was when you were scared of him hurting Sarah when she’d sneak into his pasture.” You said, wiping your brow with your forearm.

Joel sighed and looked at his feet, his hands moving to rest on his hips.

“How about this, we keep him here if that’ll make you happy, and you can ride him whenever you please.” Joel offered, picking up the bucket of seeds.

“That can be arranged.” You smiled softly. 

The next few weeks you and Joel found an equilibrium, one that allowed you to focus both on Joel’s garden, but also tend your own garden, while also balancing your usual chores at your father’s. Joel had moved Callus back to his property. It would take some getting used to, but you felt as though it was fair that Joel had some sort of company, even if it was just a horse. You knew he got lonely over there all by himself without Sarah there.

You got unexpectedly lonelier at your house, and to blame was your newfound crush on the man next door. It was a cool morning at sunrise, and you sat on your front porch with your poem journal open in your lap, twiddling a pen between your fingers. Your journal started as a diary, but you quickly learned that conforming your complex thoughts and emotions into poems eased your mind far better. You tilted your head back against the back of the chair and exhaled deeply.

Other people your age were in long term relationships and were settling down while you had no prospects of your own except for Joel, which was a complete delusion. It was hard to meet people when your work consisted of being on the farm most of the day. If you really wanted to, you could go to the bar in town to get a few drinks, and hopefully broaden your roster, except the thought of having to mingle with strangers made your skin crawl.

You sighed and threw your journal on the side table. It was five till seven, which meant it was time to check in on Joel’s garden. 

When you arrived at Joel’s he was already out in the yard, as he always was when you showed up. You moseyed over to where Joel was working to hammer in nails on a busted portion of the picket fence by the barn. The wooden fence bordering his property had seen better days. Years of neglect had left it warped and splintered in places. He’d meant to fix it the week he moved back, but it had been easier to let things stay broken. He told himself it wasn’t an urgent fix, but with your presence around more often, he began to feel more conscious of the broken planks staring at him every time he meandered outside.

He had stripped off his usual button up and was down to just a white t-shirt and a pair of wrangler jeans, alongside his worn work boots. The air was still cool, but he already had a trace of sweat across the back of his neck and forehead. You swallowed hard as you watched his biceps flex as he hammered a nail to secure a new wood plank to the broken area of the fence.

“You could’ve told me you needed help.” you said, pressing your boot against a post to test its strength.

Joel adjusted his grip on the hammer. “Didn’t need help.”

You shot him a look. “Yeah? Then why was this thing held together with a prayer and a couple of rusty nails?”

He huffed, but there was no real bite to it. “I had a plan.”

“Oh, I bet.” You smirked, swiping your hair back from your forehead with the back of your wrist. “Let me guess. Ignore it long enough and hope it fixes itself?”

“Worked for a while.” he muttered.

You laughed, bright and easy, and damn if it didn’t make something shift in his chest.

“You’re just like my dad.” Joel flickered his gaze away from you and cleared his throat.

You were getting to him. Not in an obvious way, not in a way he could name, but in the quiet moments like this. When you were just there, standing beside him like you belonged, teasing him like he had never left all those years ago in the first place.

He focused on the fence, driving a nail in with more force than necessary. “You holdin’ that steady or just lookin’ at it?”

You rolled your eyes but pressed your hands firmly against the wood. “I’m holding it. You just focus on hammering straight, old man.”

Joel paused mid-swing, side-eyeing you. “Old man?”

You grinned. “If the shoe fits.”

Joel just shook his head, but there was something suspiciously close to a smile on his face. He let it slide; mostly because you were right, but also because, for some reason, he didn’t mind hearing it from you.

You worked in silence for a while, the only sounds were the steady rhythm of hammering and the occasional rustle of leaves in the breeze. It was a comfortable quiet, one he hadn’t felt in a long time.

When you reached the last section of the fence, you exhaled and stepped back, stretching your arms overhead. Your shirt lifted slightly, revealing a sliver of skin at your waist, and Joel looked away so fast it made his head spin.

“Not bad, Miller.” you said, admiring your work.

“Yeah, well,” he grunted, grabbing his water bottle. “Still gotta see if it holds up.”

You leaned against the post, arms crossed. “It will.” Then, after a beat: “So. You gonna admit you needed the help or keep pretending?”

Joel took a long, slow drink of water. When he lowered the bottle, he met your eyes, steady and expectant.

“Maybe.” he said.

That was as close as you were gonna get.

But you smiled anyway, like you’d won something. Like you knew him better than he wanted you to. And just maybe you were starting to.

Your gaze fell to his arm, where a jagged splinter of wood had nested into the skin of his forearm. You frowned and reached out to grab his arm, rotating it in the light to get a better look.

“You’ve got a splinter.” you muttered, your voice missing the teasing tone you’d had just a moment ago. 

Joel froze. Your touch was light, barely there, but something about it felt heavy and intense. Before he could pull away, you pinched the splinter between your nails and tugged it free. 

“There.” you flicked it off to the side. “You’re welcome.”

Joel flexed his fingers, watching your intently, as if you had just done something dangerous. 

You didn’t seem to notice, and wiped away the spot of blood the splinter had left behind. You gazed up at him with a taunting smile and wiped the blood on the thigh of his jeans. 

“Gonna check on the garden before I go to Dad’s. Want to come with?” you asked, licking your lips.

Joel should’ve said no.

He had plenty of things around his place to tend to, he could’ve said he was busy as a reason not to go. But instead, he hesitated. And when you cocked your head expectant for an answer, a part of him knew he was going to say yes.

He wasn’t good at this. Being around people, letting himself be pulled into their orbit. Not in years at least. He’d kept his distance after Tommy’s diagnosis and Sarah taking off. He’d done just fine keeping his distance. But then you had to go and touch him carefully as if he was breakable, and had to tilt your head at him as if his answer was the most important thing in the world.

“Yeah, alright.” He finally voiced, and followed you to take a look at the garden. He watched as you waded between the rows, inspecting a few of the plants here and there. He watched the way your legs flexed as you bent over. He had enough decency to look away.

“Looks good to me. Let's go, old man.” You flashed him a cheeky grin and led the way to your truck. Joel followed behind you like a damn fool who didn’t know any better. 

Now, he was crammed into the passenger side of your rusted out truck, the cushions worn out and the springs pokey. The truck smelled like old leather, a bit of hay, and something sweet he couldn’t quite put a finger on. 

You reached for the radio as you drove down his driveway, cranking up the volume with one hand. Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty filled the cab of the truck.

He huffed, shaking his head. “Figures.”

“What?” You asked, upturning your eyebrows.

“Nothin’.” He said, shifting in his seat and resting his arm against the open window.

You grinned and drummed your fingers along the steering wheel in time with the beat. 

Joel let his eyes flicker over to you, just a second. 

The wind caught your hair, sending strays flying in every direction. You didn’t seem to mind, and just rolled with it, singing along under your breath. 

You looked genuinely at peace and free, and that did something to him. 

He turned his gaze back to the road, his jaw clenching. He shouldn’t be looking at you like that. He shouldn’t be thinking about the way your voice softened when you sang, or how careless you made everything seem. It reminded him how much younger you were, how much hardship he’d faced that you hadn’t. He used to be like that once too, but now he’d been through too much shit to even remotely feel like that anymore.

“You drive like a bat outta hell, ya know that?” Joel grumbled, grabbing at the door handle as you barrelled well over the speed limit on the gravel road towards your father’s.

You laughed, glancing over at him. “You think I don’t know this road?”

“Knowing them doesn’t mean you gotta test ‘em.”

You rolled your eyes and turned changed it to the next song, Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac playing next as you turned into your dad’s long driveway. 

“You got a thing for old rock, huh?” Joel gestured towards the radio.

You glanced over at him with a playful look. “Please. You were probably my age when this song first came out.”

Joel shot you a look. “I ain’t that old.”

You just grinned and reached over, giving his knee a playful shove, before turning your eyes back to the driveway to pull in next to the barn. 

Your touch sent something sharp through him. Because you were touchy, way too touchy for his liking. And what got him was you didn’t even seem to think twice about it, but god, did he. Every damn time. 

He kept his gaze out on the barn, acting as if he hadn’t been internally affected by your touch, as if his pulse hadn’t quickened.

He should’ve said no to this, but part of him was glad he didn’t.

He followed you to the chicken coop next to the barn. 

“So.” You turned to face him. “Dad has some chicks he needs to get rid of. Was going to have me take them to the farmer’s market to sell, but I have a better idea.”

Joel eyed you wearily, arms crossed over his chest. “And what would that idea be?”

A smile tugged at your lips as you grabbed Joel’s wrist to pull him inside the barn. Inside was a metal tub, filled with tiny little fluff balls, huddled together under the heat of the lamp.

Joel let out a breath and shook his head. “Nope.”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, c’mon. You need chickens. Free eggs and they eat bugs. Would be great to keep bugs off the garden.”

“Absolutely not.”

“They’d be good for you.”

“They’d be a damn hassle.” He countered. “Would need a whole set up, a heat lamp, feed–”

“You can put them in the barn. And I’m sure my dad wouldn’t mind if you borrowed his setup for a few months.” You paused for a second. “And I know for a fact you have that old coop sitting behind the barn. I’ll help you fix it up. And boom, fresh eggs.”

Joel shot you a look, unimpressed. “You really think I give a damn about fresh eggs?”

“I think you’re pretending not to.” You step closer. “And, you could share with me. It’s a win win. Plus, Callus would probably enjoy the company too.”

Joel exhaled through his nose, and stared at the tub like he was considering it despite himself. One of the chicks pushed against the others and chirped as if it had a say about the matter. 

You crouched down and reached into the tub, gently scooping the chick up into your hands. You held it outward towards Joel, tilting your head. 

“Just hold one.” You coaxed. 

Joel stared at you like you asked him to do something impossible. “No.”

You gave him your best pleading look. “Please?”

“Not happenin’.”

You groaned and shifted the chick in your hand, running a finger over its head to gently pet it.

“You know, I never took you as the type to say no to something so small and helpless.”

Joel muttered something and ran a hand down his face. Then, he accepted his fate and reached out, taking the chick from your hand. Warmth spreads through you as his fingers brushed against yours.

The moment it pressed its tiny feet into his palm, it stretched out its little wings and fluffed up with a chirp. Joel stared down at it, like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

“See .” You said softly. “Not so bad. It likes you.”

Joel scowled. “It’s a damn bird.”

“A cute damn bird.” You retorted. 

Joel didn’t respond. Just kept looking at the small creature, expression unreadable.

Something about it made your chest ache. You wondered when the last time was that he’d held something so small and fragile.

After a long moment Joel sighed and put the chick back into the tub. “Fine.”

Your eyes widened. “Fine?”

“I’ll take em.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “But if they end up being a damn hassle, I’m sending ‘em back.”

You beamed. “Deal.”

Joel grumbled something under his breath and grabbed a crate off of the ground beside you. 

“Go do your shit while I get these little bastards loaded up.” He patted the side of your leg and moved back to the tub to begin loading the chicks in the crate.

You bit back a smile and swiveled, heading out of the barn with a pep in your step.

The soft peeping of the chicks was the last thing you heard before you dozed off. 

You hadn’t meant to fall asleep in Joel’s barn. You’d just come by to check on them, make sure they were settling in.

One thing led to another and before you knew it, you were curled up on a pile of hay, warm from the heat lamp, the soft rustling of tiny wings lulling you to sleep.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been out when you heard movement nearby. 

A heavy sigh. A creaking of wood. 

You cracked one eye open, blinking against the glow of the lamp.

Joel was sitting on the ground a few feet away, back against the barn wall, arms resting loosely over his knees. He wasn’t looking at you, just staring at the tub of chicks like he was still trying to figure out how the hell he’d ended up with them.

You yawned, shifting slightly. “Didn’t take you for a night owl.”

Joel glanced over at you for a moment before turning his gaze back over to the chicks. “Didn’t take you for the type to fall asleep in someone’s barn.”

You smirked groggily. “It’s warm.”

He grunted, glancing at you from the corner of his eye. “And here I thought you had a real bed over at your place.”

“Too far.” You hummed.

Joel just breathed out through his nose and shook his head. He didn’t tell you to leave. He didn’t tell you to go back to your place to sleep in your bed. 

And after a while, he leaned his head back against the wall, stretching his legs out. 

Neither of you spoke. The barn was quiet except for the soft chirps of the chicks, and the occasional creak of the rafters for the rustle of wind outside. 

You felt yourself drifting again, warmth pooling in your limbs.

Right before you slipped under completely, you heard Joel sigh, voice softer than you’d ever heard it.

“Damn birds.”

next part

[pascallftv]

where the tall grass grows | masterlist

joel miller x f!reader | farmer’s daughter/neighbor

years after joel's departure, your quiet life on a farm finds its peaceful existence disrupted by the return of your neighbor. upon his return, you uncover why he left without a trace.

in which you help joel rebuild his farm, and resist the urge to fall for him.

series warnings: age gap (reader is in her mid-twenties, joel is late thirties), mature language, angst, slow burn, fluff, smut, and traces of dbf!joel. please check warnings before each part!

a/n: i’ve been wanting to write something that’s less smut based and more focused on slow burn/angst. if ur looking for slow burn, angst, fluff, and stubborn joel turned soft, this is perfect for you ;)

main masterlist

comment to be added to taglist!

part I: a good garden

part II: beyond the willow trees

part III: let’s play cowgirl

part IV: tornado warnings

part V: golden line

(complete)

[capricornluna-deactivated201810]

this blog hates donald trump

[norththelemon]

In honor of gladiator day here’s Pan Comforting Psyche by Reinhold Begas.

But it’s Pedro.

[strang3lov3]

Mall Rats Masterlist

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

[pascallftv]

*invisible ink* rereading for the tenth time 🫦

[pascallftv]

Attitude Adjustment

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: Javier is assigned to watch over you after you had a run in with the cartel. Fed up with your attitude, he decides to give a lesson.

Word count: 2.2k

Content: 18+ MDNI, mature content: sex with minimal plot, unprotected sex, oral (m and f receiving), spanking, pussy slapping, edging, choking, spitting, hair pulling. (This is just filthy)

Your apartment was stuffier than usual, but you couldn’t blame the humid Colombian air. To blame was the DEA agent kicked back on your sofa chair, his legs propped up on your coffee table. He was tossing up an apple and catching it. The sound of it slapping his palm was the sole sound in the apartment aside from the ticking analog clock on the wall. You were seconds away from slapping that mustache off his fucking face.

Javier Peña. A DEA agent who was so graciously assigned to watching over you. You weren’t directly involved with the cartel, but a right place at the wrong time situation landed you under the protection of the DEA as crucial intel. Lucky for you, you were assigned the most irritable, arrogant asshole on the planet. It was evident Javier wanted to be anywhere else but stuck in that cramped apartment. He’d much rather be out in the field with Agent Murphy where all the action was, but low and behold, here he was babysitting intel.

“Jesus Christ, can you stop?” You snapped, the sound of the apple making you want to rip every hair follicle out of your scalp. Your arms were crossed as you sat on the couch, a scowl drawn across your face. Javier shot daggers at you with his brown eyes, gripping the apple with so much force that he was about to make it explode under his fingertips.

“Watch your tone.” Javier seethed. He leaned forward, dropping the apple on the table. He sunk back into the chair, rubbing his chin with his thumb and forefinger as he observed you.

He hated to admit that you were one of the most gorgeous women he’d ever seen. During his time in Colombia, he’d taken countless women to bed, but none of them even came close to you. Perhaps part of his irritation towards you was due to his underlying sexual frustration. The first time he met you after he was assigned to you, he was immediately drawn in by the innocence behind your eyes. He knew you weren’t guilty of anything, but you were a precious witness. If only you hadn't been at that convenience store that day; now you were a target for the cartel with knowledge you weren’t supposed to have.

“You’d be a whole lot prettier if you’d just smile.” Javier sneered, smirking at you with a malicious smile. You closed your eyes and bit the inside of your lip. You were fighting every urge in you to not beat the absolute shit out of the man in front of you.

“I wouldn’t particularly say I'm in a situation to smile, Peña.” You retorted.

The way your arms were crossed pushed your breasts up, leaving them on perfect display for Javier’s wandering eyes. He pinched his bottom lip between his index finger and thumb as he stared you down.

“A little bundle of joy you are.” Javier nagged, testing your patience more and more as the seconds passed by.

“I don’t need you to sit here and fucking nit pick me.” You fumed, your teeth clenching. God, you were so agitated. “So piss poor at your job that you have to babysit me while your colleagues get to have all the fun, huh?”

Oh, that pissed him off. He shot up off the chair and bounded towards you, grabbing your face in his hand. He gripped your cheeks with so much force that he was mushing your lips together.

“If I really fucking wanted to, I could leave you right now and I could have you killed by the cartel in a matters of minutes.” Javier spat, his hot breath fanning over your face. “Is that what you want? Those men are fucking relentless, baby. They’d use you as a sex slave then skin you alive and love every goddamn second of it.”

You swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat. As much as you hated to admit it, he was right. You were in no situation to be left alone, you’d be dead in no time.

“I don’t see why you fucking care.” You provoked, your voice muffled by his grip on your face. You kicked your lips as Javier removed his hand from your cheeks, slowly snaking it down to your throat. He gripped the sides of your throat, lowering his mouth centimeters away from your face.

“That's the thing.” He began. “I don’t fucking care. Yet here I am, watching over you like the scared little mouse you are.”

You gulped, the expression on your face softening. You couldn’t help the throb that radiated through your center at his hand wrapped around your throat and the proximity between your lips.

“Just maybe.” He paused, his eyes flickering down to your lips. “You need someone to discipline that filthy mouth of yours.”

Javier’s grip on your throat tightened, him only applying pressure to the sides of your neck so as to not cut off your air supply completely. He lowered his mouth so close to yours that they were just barely grazing. His other hand lowered to your chest, getting a palm full of one of your breasts. He squeezed it firmly, air hitting your lips as he groaned. His thumb dragged over your pebbled nipple that was peaking through the thin fabric of your shirt.

“Tell me, is that what you need?” Javier barked, his eyes locked on yours. Your heart was racing, his touch lighting your skin on fire. You were undeniably aroused by his forceful touch.

“Yes.” You squeaked, just barely audible, but it was enough for Javier.

He suddenly grabbed you by the waist, flipping you around on the couch. You were on your knees, using your arms to catch yourself on the back of the couch. Your ass was perched up perfectly for him, the round of your ass peeking underneath the short little skirt you were adorning. His hand snaked up the back of your thigh, squeezing your ass cheek before pulling it away to slap down on the flesh. You gasped, turning your head to look back at Javier. His brows were taught and his lips parted as he watched the way the supple skin of your ass turned red from his smack.

“Such a pretty ass, baby.” He grunted, bending down to grab your throat behind, then dragging it down the length of your back, following the bumps of your spine. His fingertips dragged down to your lower back, looping under the waistband of your skirt, pulling back the elastic to slap it against your waist. You inhaled sharply, laying your forehead down on your arms.

Javier smoothed his hands under your skirt, flatly rubbing the skin of your ass. He pushed up your skirt, leaving your rump on display for him. He snaked his finger under the thin fabric of your thong, pulling it up so that it pressed deep against your folds. You couldn’t help the quiet moan that fell from your lips.

“Me encanta tu culo, ángel.” Javier purred, leaning down to bite the skin of your ass cheek, leaving the ghostly imprint of his teeth.

Your pussy was throbbing at your core. You squeezed your thighs, you desperately needed some sort of friction.

“Ah, I don’t think so.” Javier taunted, his hand falling between your legs to split them back open. He laid a slap against your heat, and you groaned out in response. “I’d sit still if you know what’s good for you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt Javier’s fingertips tracing the outline of your folds over the thin fabric of your thong. You exhaled sharply when his finger circled once over your click, your thighs jolting under you. Javier chuckled behind you, amused at how desperate you were. Your heart race increased as you heard Javier undoing his belt buckle and unzipping his jeans. He kicked them off his legs, not even a pair of boxers underneath. He unbuttoned his shirt, haphazardly tossing it on the floor next to his jeans. His erection was throbbing as he stroked himself at the sight of you on all fours for him. He reached out, sliding your thong down your legs and off your ankles, before bending forward, his cock brushing against your drenched center from behind. He leaned over your back, grinding against you as he slid your thong in your mouth, muffling your quiet moans.

“Finally shutting that bratty mouth of yours up.” Javier whispered in your ear, planting a kiss against your neck.

His crotch left yours and as he kneeled down behind, grabbing your ass cheeks with his hands, spreading them apart to see all of you. He spit onto your heat, his saliva mixing with your soaking arousal. He reached his thumb up, circling your heap of nerves before lowering his mouth to you, laying it flat against your folds. You moaned into your thong, fisting the back of the couch.

“So fucking wet for me.” Javier grunted against your center.

He dove his tongue into your opening, fucking you with the wet muscle, his thumb still circle your clit. You felt your abdomen begin to tighten, the heat shooting through your thighs and up your belly. You were close, but Javier knew that. You were wound up as tight as you could be just before your climax when Javier pulled away completely, your muffled cry portraying your frustration. You clamped your thighs together, it almost hurt you were so aroused.

“I fucking said no.” Javier growled, parting your legs once more.

Without warning, Javier slammed into you from behind, filling you completely with his thick length. You cried out, grabbing onto the couch for leverage as he pounded into you. His thrusts were laced with anger, the sound of him slipping into your sloppy cunt filling the air. His hand latched onto your hair, snapping you head back as he relentlessly fucked into you, your eyes rolling back in your head. His tip was punching your cervix, and the pain was mixing with the pleasure, your mind completely cock drunk. His other hand reached from your throat, choking you from behind as he bent the damp skin of his torso over your back.

“You’re a cock slut, huh?” Javier seethed through his teeth, your skin slapping together as he maintained his hasty pace.

You panted through your thong as Javier released his grip on your neck and hair, letting your head go slack. His hand latched onto your thigh, lifting it to wrap around his hip to fuck you even deeper. You moaned, your eyes squeezing shut and your ears practically ringing.

He kept plowing into you, and you were dumbfounded at his stamina. His pace never faltered, his cock slamming into your wet cunt loudly.

“Being such a good girl for me, might just let you cum.” Javier panted, his free hand smacking your already red ass, the sting radiating pleasure through your core.

You grunted, his fingers snaking down to toy with your clit, pinching it softly then rubbing circles against it. You were completely and utterly fucked. Your orgasm hit you at once, the electric pleasure coursing through you. Your vision went blurry and your hearing was gone completely as your orgasm erupted through you, your abdomen feeling like it exploded.

“Fuck!” Javier shuddered as your release flooded over his cock, the sounds of his strokes becoming wetter and sloppier. Your walls clamped down around him, milking him to his climax. Still coming down from your high, Javier slipped out of your and grabbed your hips to flip you around, you on your knees, your eyes completely fucked out.

“Open.” Javier demanded, sliding his forefinger and middle finger into your mouth, dragging them along your tongue.

He removed his fingers and slid his cock inside your mouth in a swift motion, you wrapping your lips around him as he thrusted into you, his tip grazing the back of your throat. You moaned against his shaft, the vibrations sending a wave of pleasure through him. His head fell back, his mouth gaping open in pleasure as he felt his orgasm hit him, his release hitting your throat in thick ropes. He held the back of your head, your tongue wrapping around him as he milked out his high, painting your mouth with every bit of his spend.

“Good girl.” Javier told you as you swallowed.

He pulled his softening length of your mouth, his chest heaving with pants. His hair stuck to his damp forehead, and he sat down on the couch beside you, relaxing into the back of the couch. You gazed over at him, watching as his golden complexion glistened under the dim lighting of your living room. You sat back, propping your head up with your hand under your chin while you observed him.

“Do you fuck all of your informants like that?” You said, your voice raspy from Javier fucking your throat.

“Only the ones who need an attitude adjustment.” Javier mocked, rolling his head over to look at you.

“Hmm. I think I might be developing a chronic case of bad attitude.”

[pascallftv]

Girl Next Door— Part 6

Previous Part Series Masterlist

Summary: Your dad discovers you and Joel.

Word count: 5.1k

Content: Lots of swearing, arguments, threats

AN: The final part :’) thank you so so much for reading. Writing a series was a new experience for me and it makes my heart so happy to see you all enjoying my writing. Goodbye for now <3

The day finally came. A couple weeks from the first time you and Joel had sex, your father was home. It was easy to act normal when it was just you and your dad together. You could distract yourself from Joel when he wasn’t present. You filled your father in on all the things you’d done when he was gone, being sure to leave out the details of you and Joel’s intimacy.

Your bathroom was coming along amazing. Joel did an unbelievable job at turning your vision into reality. The dark green tiles and grout were exactly as you pictured, and the black and white checkered floor added the dimension to the room that you were searching for. Joel would be working on the finishing touches in the next few days. While you were excited to have your bathroom again, you felt gutted.

With Joel’s job finished, it would be impossible to see him as much as you wanted with your father home. Of course you could spend all the time you wanted together when your dad was gone, it still felt like a chapter was closing. The dynamic was so much different having your dad home. You and Joel were still just as infatuated with each other as ever, but it made things difficult when all you wanted to do was spend time with each other but couldn’t.

“I have an idea.” Your dad had said when he came home.

You were both sitting on the porch in the warm summer air. You’d been catching up on the past few weeks of each other’s lives. You hadn’t realized how much you missed your father. It sent a pang through your chest when you thought about the secrets you were hiding from him, but it was all you could do. You longed to be open to him about Joel, but you knew that was impossible to do without ruining everything.

“And what’s that?” You smiled, cocking your head to look at your father through your black sunglasses. The sun was extra bright that day, your skin hot under its rays. You felt like a baby chicken under a heat lamp.

“I was thinking we could have Joel over tonight. Drink some beers, celebrate him finishing up your bathroom.” He suggested, taking a swig of the beer he was already working on. He wasn’t an alcoholic by any means, but when he was home, he did enjoy drinking some cold beers while relaxing from his work.

Your stomach did a flip. You hadn’t really spent time with Joel in the last couple of days. You’d caught him a couple times when he was over to work on your bathroom, sneaking some kisses while you took your breaks. You felt like a couple of teenagers sneaking around like it was some sort of Romeo and Juliet love story. A forbidden love trope was a genre you enjoyed reading, but not something you wanted in your real life.

“I think that would be nice.” You smiled, tapping your fingers against the patio chair arm, looking off into the distance at the pond and field in the backyard. It was so peaceful, free spirited.

“Perfect. I’ll shoot him a text.” Your dad said, pulling his phone out and quickly typing a text to send to Joel.

You turned your head to look off towards Joel’s house, noticing his brown truck parked in his driveway, it appearing as more of a blob from this distance. Your mind flickered back to the night you first had sex, the steamy memories shooting immediately to your core. You cleared your throat and adjusted in your seat at the discomfort between your legs. Now was certainly not the time to be feeling like this.

“Y’alright, bear?” Your father asked, looking at you with a look of confusion.

“Oh I’m good, just fighting some swamp ass over here.” You lied with a chuckle. “Goddamn hot sun. You know how it goes.”

Your dad bellowed out a laugh, shaking his head and taking another drink of his beer. “Fuck, I know too much. God, when the sweat starts dripping down your back and then starts weaving through your ass hairs like a pinball—“

“Okay, Dad. That’s enough.” You laughed, standing up from your chair.

“I am going to take a shower.” You said, walking over to him and kissing him on the top of his head. “Holler for me if you need me.”

Your shower consisted of you fantasizing about Joel once again. It was probably unhealthy at how much that man consumed your every thought, but you couldn’t help it. What your brain couldn’t seem to shake off was the possibility of loving Joel. Sure, you’d only been close to him for a little over a month now, but you’ve never felt this way about someone before. Everything felt so incredibly natural and right with him. You craved his presence at all times, his touch and laugh being your two favorite things; two things that you’d grown accustomed to. Now that you weren’t together near as much, you were going through withdrawals.

You felt so weak. You knew you shouldn’t have depended so heavily on someone else to bring you happiness, but you couldn’t help it. He consumed you entirely and you couldn’t shake him.

The evening approached rapidly and you were now sitting on the couch waiting for Joel to arrive. You were growing incredibly impatient— you missed him so much, you were astounded at your own desperation. You felt like you were drowning, his touch and voice acting as your oxygen; without it, you couldn’t breathe and function properly. At the thought of him, you felt electrified.

You had already downed your first beer and you were working on your second. You didn’t want to get too tipsy. You didn’t trust yourself with concealing your feelings when you drank too much, so it certainly wasn’t an option for you to risk it with Joel and your dad in the same room.

You were mid swig when Joel walked in the front door, a six pack of beer bottles in his hand, his veins protruding. It was like you were like a vampire; his veins looked so delectable. His gaze locked on you immediately as he kicked off his shoes. He looked around, not catching sight of your dad yet, so he made his way over to you. He sat the beer on the coffee table and leaned over you, taking your face in his hands, kissing you with desperation. He evidently missed you just as much. The sound of the porch sliding glass door opening made Joel break away from you in a panic, retrieving the case of beer off the table. He walked away from you, leaving you a disheveled mess on the sofa. He wandered into the kitchen, finding your dad with a beer of his own in his hand.

“Thought I heard you pull in.” Your dad exclaimed, pulling Joel in for a hug, patting his back. He glanced down at the beer in Joel’s hand and grinned harder. “Yuengling, you know me so well. You better be sharing, Miller.”

“Consider me open to a trade.” Joel smiled, walking over to the fridge, placing the case inside before grabbing a bottle of his own.

Your dad leaned against the kitchen island, pulling his beer opener out of his pocket before tossing it to Joel. Joel caught it with ease, opening his beer casually. He tossed the opener back to your dad, then took a big swig of his beer.

“She’s been talking real highly of you.” Your dad said, half grinning at Joel. Joel cocked his head, swallowing the malty taste of beer on his tongue. “Says you’re doing a great job on the remodel.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Joel said, tilting his bottle towards your dad before bringing it back up to his lips.

“Talking about me?” You said, entering the kitchen.

“Only bad things.” Your dad teased, rubbing your head with his palm, making a messy of your hair.

“Dad!” You exclaimed, swatting his hand away, fixing your hair immediately. Joel watched the interaction with an amused expression playing across his facial features.

“Was just telling Joel about the amazing job he’s doing on your bathroom.” Your dad clarified, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. “Told him he probably needed a hazmat suit to get rid of that old toilet. Lord only knows the nuclear materials you unloaded in that thing.”

“Dad, what the fuck?” You groaned, pushing him off of you. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He had to have been at least four beers deep at this point. Joel laughed, his eyes lighting up when he made eye contact with you. You fought a smile back, shaking your head.

“Oh, bear. You always take jokes so seriously.” Your dad grumbled dramatically.

“Crack open another beer, see if you can keep up.” Your dad said to you, squeezing your shoulder with his hand. “Joel, come in here so I can AirPlay this fucking picture I took on the TV.”

Your jaw fell in disbelief. Yeah, your dad was definitely feeling goofy from the alcohol. He left the room in a hurry, leaving you and Joel alone in the kitchen.

“Holy fucking god.” You sighed, rolling your eyes. “I am so sorry about him, he’s a fucking idiot—”

Joel cut you off by walking towards you and pressing his lips to yours, his hand reaching up to grab the flesh of your breast through your tank top. God, he loved when you didn’t wear a bra. He pulled away from your mouth, kissing you on the forehead.

“S’okay, darlin’.” Joel said quietly. “Missed you.”

“I missed you too.” You whispered, your hand reaching up to his jaw, tracing the outline of it with your forefinger.

You snapped out of the sentimental moment at the sound of your father’s bellowing laughter from the living room.

“Fucking hell!” He exclaimed through his laugh. “Joel, come here!”

Joel laughed, patting you on the behind before leaving the room to see what your father had cooked up on the TV. You shook your head in amusement and made your way to the fridge, grabbing one of the beers Joel had brought over. You wandered out of the kitchen, your eyes widening at the sight of another trucker’s dick on the screen as he pissed on the tire of a semi.

“Dad?!” You bursted out, rushing over to the couch to grab his phone out of his hand, turning off his AirPlay. Joel’s jaw was practically on the floor, his eyes slowly panning over to your father.

“Holy shit, I can’t breathe.” He said through his laughter, wiping tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. “I hear something out of the corner of my ear, so Iooked out the window— and fuck, this guy is just fully cock out pissing.”

“So you took a picture of an unsuspecting man’s dick?” You said, tossing his phone back in his lap, just inches away from hitting him in the crotch.

“Naturally, yes.” Your dad responds, catching his breath when he finally calms down his laughter.

“Phew, have a seat, bear. Joel doesn’t bite.” Your dad gestured towards the open cushion between them. “Let’s watch a movie.”

You glanced over to Joel, a smirk playing across his lips as he sipped his beer. Oh he bites alright.

You obliged, wandering over to sit down between them. Biased, you sat a couple inches closer to Joel, your thighs nearly touching, but far enough away so that it wouldn’t raise any red flags for your father. Your father tossed you the bottle opener. You opened your bottle before tossing it right back to him.

“A-ha! Let’s watch Stepbrothers. Such a classic.” Your dad exclaimed, throwing his hands up in delight as he pressed play on the movie.

You raised your brows at him, then turned your attention to Joel who was already looking at you. The corners of his lips were tugging up in a playful grin. He glanced around you to make sure your father was locked on the movie before squeezing your thigh quickly. He leaned over to your ear, his hot breath fanning over you, sending chills down your spine.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered in your ear, quiet enough to where you could barely make out what he said. “When you finish that beer, meet me in the kitchen.”

You spent the next fifteen minutes of the movie trying to drink your beer. You downed it slow enough to feel sick, but fast enough in pure desperation for what Joel was hinting at. When you finally finished your bottle, you sighed before looking at it.

“I need another beer.” You announced, pushing yourself off the couch. You held your empty hand out in front of your father. “Opener?”

“So needy.” He grumbled, setting it in your palm, craning his head around you to try and keep his eyes locked on the movie.

“I’ll come too.” Joel said, standing up with you and walking around you to the kitchen, his fingers brushing your wrist, sending goosebumps up your arm.

“Grab me one!” Your dad calls after him. You ducked out of his sight and followed Joel into the kitchen.

Joel reached into the fridge, grabbing three more Yuenglings in one of his hands. It was casual things like that that he made so sexy. You loved how big his hands were, and you loved them even more wrapped around your throat. He sat them down on the counter, then turned around to lean his lower back against the counter, looking down at you with his big brown irises.

You walked up to him, running your hands from his abdomen up to his warm chest. He looked so good in that black t-shirt. His smell was intoxicating— the woodsy scent was your favorite. He smirked down at you, reaching to brush your hair behind your ear. He leaned down, pressing his lips against yours, his hands raking through the hair at the back of your head. His tongue slipped past your lips, licking your teeth. You both tasted the zippy flavor of beer as your tongues danced with each other. Joel’s empty hand snaked down the expanse of your back to your behind, squeezing the flesh there under your thin shorts.

“Make sure you grab me a Yuengling—” Your dad’s voice entered the kitchen. “What the fuck?!”

You jolted off of Joel, wiping your lips frantically. The beer in your dad’s hand fell from his grasp, shattering in a loud collision with the granite flooring. His jaw was slack, pure shock ridden on his face.

“Dad, I—”

“I swear to fucking god.” Your dad snarled angrily. He strode towards Joel, grabbing a fistful of his shirt, getting centimeters from his face.

“And what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He growled. “What gave you the audacity to lay a finger on my daughter? You fucking pervert!”

You watched in horror as your dad reared back a fist, ready to punch Joel right in the jaw.

“Dad, stop!” You screamed, bounding towards him and pushing him off of Joel.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Your father snapped at you. “Are you kidding me?”

“Lionel, it’s not what you—”

“You’d shut the fuck up if you knew what was good for you, Miller.” Your father interrupted him, his tone laced with venom. “You’re lucky I don’t beat your ass into a fucking pulp.”

Joel swallowed hard as your dad got in his face again. If looks could kill, Joel would’ve already been dead. You’ve never seen your father this pissed before in your life.

“I leave for five weeks and I come back to my fucking best friend’s tongue down my daughter’s throat.” He scoffed. “I don’t even want to fucking picture where else it’s been.”

“You,” your father poked Joel’s chest, “fucking disgust me.”

Your heart sank. Your hands were shaking as the scene unfolded in front of you. Your eyes were brimming hot with tears that threatened to fall at any second. Joel’s expression remained stoic, his knuckles white at his grip on the edge of the island countertop.

“If I had nothing to lose, you’d be a dead man.” Your father seethed with anger.

“Get the fuck out of my sight before I break all four of your limbs.” Your father threatened. Joel gulped. “You are to finish that fucking bathroom, but when you’re finished, I am to never see you again.”

“And you.” Your father turned to you. His face was the color of a chili pepper. “You better pray to fucking god that I don’t kick you out of this goddamn house. You are to work from your room, and so help me god you are to never see him again. You understand me?”

Tears flooded from your eyes, your lips quivering. You were absolutely broken. Your eyes flickered to Joel, his expression pained and defeated.

“Y-you don’t understand.” You hiccuped. “Dad, please just let us explain—”

“Shut the fuck up.” He snarled. “Go to your room. Now.”

You felt like a fucking child again with the orders being barked at you by your father. You felt so small in that room, your body on fire with embarrassment and guilt. You’d imagined your father’s reaction to the both of you to be sour, but you truly underestimated him. You’d never seen him overcome with that much anger— he was borderline murderous and you were terrified. You couldn’t bear to look at Joel again, so you turned on your heel and darted out of the room, running up the stairs to your room. You were like a toddler who had been banished to their room in timeout.

You fell onto your bed, the sobs hitting you with full force. Your entire body shook as you cried out, the tears streaming from your eyes. You were completely and utterly broken.

The week dragged on painfully slow. You spent most of your days hardly able to focus on your work. Anytime you let your mind wander, you got flashbacks to that night in the kitchen, the disgusted look on your father’s face as he looked at you with pure disappointment. You and your father had always been so close, and now it felt like your relationship was tarnished forever. Between your ruined relationship with your father and losing Joel, you felt destroyed.

You hadn’t seen Joel since the altercation. He’d finished the bathroom a couple days prior, working in a rush. You worked in your room, only leaving to use the guest bathroom and eat occasionally downstairs. Even on your restroom breaks, you couldn’t bear to sneak a peek of Joel. It would be too painful for you. You wanted to give in and go and kiss him. To tell him that everything would be okay and you’d be able to go back to normal. But that couldn’t happen.

With your bathroom finally finished, you clocked out of work for the day, and went to scope it out. In all honesty, you’d been too broken to even step foot in your new bathroom. You knew if you went in there, all you’d be reminded of was Joel. You’d be smacked with reality if you saw it, and you’d realize the job was completed and you’d have no excuse to ever see Joel again.

You needed to shower, and you knew it was time you utilized your new bathroom. It crushed your soul more to know that Joel spent so much time perfecting your vision just for you to not use and appreciate it.

You walked cautiously through your bedroom towards the bathroom door. You inhaled deeply as you reached out to grasp the cold metal of the door knob. You mustered up the courage to open the door, the bathroom absolutely breathtaking in front of you. The tiles were dark green, the floor black and white checkered. The sink and toilet were a beautiful matte black, the faucets a gorgeous shade of gold. It was absolutely perfect. You felt your lip quiver as you began to tear up.

On the sink was a folded piece of paper. On top of it was a messy heart. You frowned as you walked towards the sink, taking the piece of paper in your hand. You slowly unfolded it, revealing Joel’s handwriting.

I hope it’s as beautiful as you envisioned. I wish I could’ve seen your reaction. Don’t be a stranger. -J

A pang shot through your heart. At his handwritten words, your gut felt hollow as you realized you had your camcorder filled with videos of the process of the remodel. You were in much too fragile of a state to watch it now, but you knew you’d watch them eventually.

That’s when you began to sob again. Your body shook as you cried. You didn’t hold back, letting the sadness completely consume you. You turned on the shower, turning the heat as hot as you could stand it. You stripped off your clothing, leaving yourself naked in front of your mirror. Your eyes scanned your bare body. You got flashbacks to each and every memory of the gentle way Joel would touch you. The way he’d softly squeeze your breasts, the way he’d ghost kisses down the skin of your neck. You cried harder, taking in your bloodshot eyes and the bags under your eyes. You looked as defeated as you felt.

You were laying on your bed that weekend, you back flat against your mattress. Your mind was numb, your body exhausted. Your eyes were sunken in and lifeless. You’d gone from being the happiest you’d ever been to completely soul crushed.

Suddenly, you weren’t sure what overcame you, but you were feeling rebellious. A realization fell over you; you could sit here miserable at the turn of events you’d faced, or you could take a risk and try to talk some sense into your father. You could risk it and it work and hope Joel and your father reconcile, or you could move on and always wonder what could have been.

Your body was a zombie going through the motions and you walked down the stairs. Your father wasn’t in the living room or kitchen, but you spotted his figure sitting facing away from you on the back porch. It was sunset, the beautiful shades of pink and orange waging the war of peace in your mind. Your father had a bottle of water in his hand. He hadn’t touched a beer since the night everything went down.

You took a deep breath and your hand grabbed the handle to the patio door, slowly opening it. Your father’s head turned to the side at the sound, but turned back to the front just as quick. His fist was gripping the arm of his chair, his foot tapping against the cement of the patio.

You silently sat in the chair next to him, your feet flat on the ground, your hands resting on the arms of your chair. You pursed your lips, staring off into the horizon. You cleared your throat before speaking.

“You’ve always been my favorite person. My idol.” You began, your voice shaking as you spoke. “I always wanted to please you. The sheer thought of disappointing you broke my heart.”

You kept your eyes forward, but you felt your father’s eyes on the side of your face.

“These past few weeks have been some of the happiest of my life. I haven’t felt butterflies since high school, but there I went, feeling them again.” You shakily took a deep breath, feeling tears form in your eyes. “Dad, I can’t expect you to understand what I am feeling. What Joel is feeling. But I need you to understand that I have never felt like this about someone.”

You glanced over at him, your vision cloudy with tears. Your father was frowning, his own eyes blurring with hot tears. You turned your gaze to your lap, finding your fingers there, toying with each other as a distraction.

“I can’t expect you to be okay with it. But, what I can expect from you is to try and understand. I know it’s fucking bizarre for you, but I need you to try and see things from my perspective. Dad, I—” you paused, sniffling.

“I love him.” You admitted, staring off at the sun setting over the field in front of you. “I’ve never been so sure of something in my life. I’m not the best at describing how I feel, but I feel so incredibly happy and authentically myself with him. He’s everything I could ever want; he’s so kind to me, Dad. He makes me feel so beautiful and loved. He makes me feel so goddamn important.”

A tear rolled down your father’s cheek as you spoke. He swallowed the lump in his throat, closing his eyes shut, breathing deeply.

“I’m not a kid anymore. I know this is still your house and you’re so gracious to let me stay here while I figure my shit out, but I want you to allow me to be my happiest and not hold me back. I need you to give us a chance. If he hurts me, that’s my fault. But that’s my choice to make, not yours. I can’t expect you to understand what we have, but I can expect you to let me do what will make me happy.”

You hiccuped back a sob as you finished your speech, wiping your clammy palms on the fabric of your sweatpants. You wiped the tears from your cheeks that spilled as you talked.

Your father stayed silent for a moment, fully comprehending your words.

“Okay.” He said plainly. Your eyes snapped over to him. He was looking up at you with sad, but hopeful eyes. The slightest ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He reached his hand up to wipe away his tears with the palm of his hand.

“Okay?” You repeated, standing up from your chair, walking over to him, watching him for a second.

“Okay.” He repeated. “I don’t understand what’s happening between the two of you, but like you said, that’s none of my business. It’s not my decision to choose who you spend your time on. I just want what’s best for you, bear.”

You cried as you bent down and hugged him, pulling him forward from the back of the chair. He dropped his water bottle, hugging you back as tight as he could.

“I’m so sorry.” He cried. “I love you so much. I thought I lost you.”

You sobbed into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter.

“I love you.”

You pulled away from him, taking in his watery eyes. He reached up, wiping the pad of his thumb across his cheek to wipe away the tear stains.

“Go on.” He muttered. “Go see him.”

You brows taught together and you sniffled.

“I’ll have a conversation with him eventually. But for now, it’s important you go make sure you’re okay.” Your dad said softly, taking your hand and giving it a squeeze.

You nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek before rushing back towards the house, opening the patio door faster than you ever had. You scooped your keys up off the hook in the foyer and didn’t even bother putting shoes on. You ran out to your car in the driveway, not missing a beat to rev up the engine and throw it into reverse. That was the fastest you’d ever driven to Joel’s house.

You pulled into the driveway, parking behind Joel’s brown truck. You threw the car into park and hastily unbuckled your seatbelt, throwing the door open. You climbed out, slamming the door before running across the lawn and up the stairs to his front door. You were panting as you knocked on the door rapidly, only breaking to ring the doorbell.

The door swung open to Joel. He was disheveled, his eyes lifeless and sunken in. His hair was messy and unkempt. His eyes softened at the sight of you and your emotional state. Taking him by surprise, you rushed up to him, throwing your arms around him, pressing your face into his chest.

“Baby.” He said quietly, wrapping his arms around you, holding you tight against him. He rested his chin on the top of your head, breathing in your sweet scent that he missed so much.

“I love you.” You blurted into the fabric of his shirt.

“What?” Joel said, pulling away from you, not sure if he heard you correctly.

“I love you, Joel Miller.” You gazed up at him. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

You grabbed his face in your hands, taking in every square inch of his face. He parted his lips in disbelief. He didn’t speak, just stared back at you as if you’d just said the craziest thing he’d ever heard.

He still didn’t respond, but laced his fingers into the soft locks of your hair to pull you into a desperate kiss, his eyes squeezing shut as he tasted you. God, he missed you so much. Your lips moved in sync, your hands tugging at the hair at the base of his neck. The kiss was fast and hungry, but it was filled with every ounce of emotion you felt towards each other.

Joel pulled away, grabbing your cheeks in his large palms, watching the way you stared up at him with pure adoration.

“I love you.” He said. “I love you so fucking much.”

He kissed you again, this time slower, his lips moving so passionately against yours. He pulled your body closer to him, his breath warm through his nose. His tongue swiped against your bottom lip but didn’t breach past. He was savoring the taste of you.

He pulled away, his eyes searching your face.

“I talked to my dad. H-he’s still unsure but he’s giving us a chance.” You said, wrapping your arms around Joel, pulling him in for another hug. You missed how safe he felt. “He wants to talk to you eventually.”

“I— wow.” Joel breathed out, pulling you tighter to him chest, running his hand through your hair.

“I thought you would never want to see me again.” You muttered, squeezing his back with your hands.

“That’s the last thing I’d want, sweetheart. I thought the same for you.”

“You’re never getting rid of me, Joel.” You said, lifting yourself on your tiptoes to kiss him again. His hands ran over the expanse of your back, whining into your mouth.

He pulled away, taking your face in his hands again, admiring your beauty, admiring that here you were in his arms.

“I love you.”

And in that moment, you both knew everything was going to be okay.

taglist— @ghostwritesthings, @magpiepills, @laurrrra, @brittmb115, @kaislashes, @smccul

[pascallftv]

Girl Next Door— Part 5

Previous Part Series Masterlist

Summary: Joel sets up a date in the bed of his truck and he makes love to you.

Word count: 4.4k

Content: 18+ MDNI, unprotected sex, oral (m and f receiving), truck sex ?!

AN: :’) I think there might just be one more part to this series folks

The next couple of weeks consisted of stolen kisses between your work schedules, and head in positions you hadn’t even imagined. With Joel’s age came wisdom in many areas, with sex being one of them. Many nights you spent curling your toes under Joel as his tongue worked its magic in ways you’d never experienced with your past lover. Although you felt like you had both explored each other’s bodies in every way possible, you still had not had sex. You’d become so comfortable in your sexuality with Joel, and you knew it was just a matter of time before you took it to the next level with him.

Sex would be the point of realization for you. You were a moth drawn to a flame; you were completely and utterly infatuated with him. You thought about him constantly, your mind a tangled web of him: his body, every touch, the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed at a line in a movie you were watching. The four letter word had crossed your mind, but you couldn’t be sure if that was possible yet. You hadn’t been in love for years, but you couldn’t remember a time when someone gave you intense butterflies and overtook every ounce of your being like Joel had.

It was a Friday night, and Joel told you he and a surprise for you. Being proactive, underneath your comfy clothes was your sexiest matching set of underwear. You were wearing a lace black thong with a matching black bra, and you lathered up with your vanilla body butter and perfume after your shower.

When you pulled into Joel’s driveway, you were puzzled to find that his truck was nowhere to be seen. Joel's front door was unlocked as you stepped inside. His house was dark except for the dim lighting of his lamp in the living room.

“Joel?” You called out, walking towards the living room.

Silence.

You wandered passed the living room to the kitchen, and still no sign of Joel. You peered out of the window above the kitchen sink, and you caught a glimpse of Joel tending to the bed of his truck, the area being lit up by an array of fairy lights strung across the cab. Curious, you made your way out the back door and latched it behind you, the sound making Joel’s head whip around, his brown eyes landing on you. A smile toyed at his lips, and he turned around to lean against the hood of his truck, his hands resting behind him.

“Hi.” You said, smiling at him as you walked closer to him, your eyes scanning his truck to figure out what was going on.

“Hi.” Joel repeated, reaching his arms out to place his hands on either side of your face, leaning down to plant a slow, gentle kiss to your lips. You smiled into the kiss, pulling away to gawk up at him.

“What’s all this?” You asked, leaning to the side to investigate what was happening with his truck.

“Well, I may or may not have set us up a little date night in the bed of my truck.” Joel said almost shyly, and if your eyes weren’t deceiving you, you saw a trace of a blush on the apples of his cheeks.

“Oh my god, did you?” You gushed as Joel grabbed your hand and led you to the back of his truck.

Your jaw fell as the bed of his truck came into view. Joel had set up fairy lights all around the cab of his truck, with what appeared to be a mattress pad and a cocoon of blankets and pillows neatly laid across the bed. Placed on the metal toolbox at the head of the bed of his truck was an assortment of snacks and a bottle of wine. In the middle of the blanket was a pack of playing cards and a stargazing guide book.

“Joel, holy shit.” You muttered. “This is.. wow.”

“You like it?” Joel said, his hand reaching up to the back of his neck to scratch a nonexistent itch.

“Of course I do, this is so cute.” You said in awe, squeezing his hand.

“Here.” He said, grabbing you by the hips and lifting you up onto the bed of the truck, the mattress soft under you. He climbed up beside you, your eyes traveling to take in his outfit. He was wearing those sweatpants you loved so much. You loved his usual outfits, but he looked extra good in those goddamn sweatpants and those plain t-shirts. You slid off your shoes, tossing them onto the ground below. Joel mimicked your actions, throwing his in the same general area as yours.

“This might actually be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” You said as Joel sat next to you, his hand falling to rest on the warm skin of your thigh.

“You deserve nothing but the best.” Joel said, gently cupping your jaw with his fingertips, kissing you softly. His woodsy scent enveloped your senses, and you felt your stomach do a flip as his lips moved against yours. No matter how many times you kissed and touched, you still felt the frenzy of butterflies in your belly.

You pulled away, running your tongue over your bottom lip to taste him. “We better stop or this date will end early.” You teased, reaching down to grab the playing cards.

“Ever played king’s corner?” You asked, taking out the carts to shuffle in your lap.

“I think you forget that I’m old and decrepit.” Joel joked, watching you in amusement as you failed miserably at shuffling the cards. “I’ve played every card game you’ve ever heard of.”

“Gin rummy?” He nodded.

“Bullshit?” He nodded.

“Strip poker?” He gave you a funny look and sighed.

“Many times.” He said, dealing cards to both of you, and starting the game in front of you. He placed four cards around the remaining deck, letting you start the game.

“Loser gives the other head.” You said bluntly, putting down three cards in their respective places.

Joel gazed down at you in shock at your words and nonchalant behavior.

“You sure you want to bet that?” Joel asked, squeezing your thigh, before placing his own cards down, finishing off one of the corners. With the cards you put down.

“Wouldn’t have offered it if I did want to.” You said, looking up at him with a playful expression.

The game dragged on, the both of you nearing the end of your hand before having to draw from the deck.

“You’re edgin’ me, darlin’.” Joel said as you almost won but were forced to draw from the deck. You had two cards left, Joel with three. With two rows left, the game was bound to end very soon.

“Fuck.” You said with nowhere to place your cards. “Your turn.”

Joel kisses you on the cheek, then places down his remaining cards on the remaining rows.

“Uh oh, looks like I won.” Joel teased, reaching behind you to grab the bottle of white wine and his corkscrew. He popped the cork open, taking a swig straight from the bottle. He held the bottle out for you, you taking it and rolling your eyes, taking a sip.

“Seems fishy to me.” You said, handing the bottle back to him. Joel laughed, shaking his head at you.

“Was a win either way for me, baby.” Joel smirked, taking another drink of wine before placing it back on the toolbox.

The sun had set on the horizon, the shades of pink and orange in the sky fading into a black with the glistening array of stars glimmering overhead. The night air had settled into a crisp, gentle breeze. Your hair blew gently away from your face, your complexion glowing as Joel admired your beauty.

“Before I give you your reward, I want to figure out what these stars are.” You said, grabbing the stargazing guide and opening it up. You tilted your head up and observed the different stars above you, the brightest ones standing out to you.

Joel watched you attentively while you bit your lip as you tried to distinguish what star was what. You always did that when you were focused— you bit your bottom lip and your brows always taught together when you were deep in thought.

“Wait, that’s Polaris.” You said, pointing up towards the brightest star in the sky. “Which means that’s the Little Dipper.”

Joel followed your finger, spotting the constellation and smiling softly at your excitement. He looked back over at you, your eyes radiating in joy. Your eyes flickered back to him, his stare locked on you.

“What?” You said with a smile.

“You’re so beautiful.” Joel said softly, memorizing every inch of your face. He never wanted this moment to end.

His heart sank when he realized your father was going to be home soon. The past couple weeks had been the happiest of his life, but good things like you weren’t meant for him. He knew he didn’t deserve to keep you, and it was only a matter of time before you moved on for someone your age. It was also impossible to keep this from your father. As soon as he got home, he knew the dynamic would have to change. The realization broke him internally, but in this moment, he wanted to focus on you and memorize every moment just in case he had to let you go.

You felt your lip quiver at his words. He looked at you like you were the most precious thing in existence. Like Joel, you were just as much memorizing every wrinkle of his complexion, as well as the way his beard faded from a salty gray to a peppery brunette.

“What did I do to deserve you?” You said, closing the stargazing book and placing it behind you onto the toolbox next to the wine and playing cards. You sat up and shifted over to Joel on your knees, placing your hand on his chest, directing him to lay flat. He obeyed, laying his head down on the pillows, his body flat against the soft foam mattress pad. You carefully straddled him, leaning down to press your lips to his.

Joel pulled away briefly, grabbing your face in his hands, his eyes dancing between your eyes, taking in the moment. “I should be askin’ you the same thing.”

He kissed you again, your lips moving perfectly in sync, your tempo gentle and slow. His hands trailed down your back, his fingertips dragging along the back of your shirt. His hands stopped at your ass, squeezing the supple skin underneath your thin, cotton shorts. You moaned into his mouth, your center coming down onto his hardening erection. He grunted in response, the friction making him throb underneath you.

You pulled your mouth away from his, trying to catch your breath. “I think I owe you something, Mr. Miller.” Said whispered, rolling your hips against his before snaking back down his thighs, opening his legs with your knee. You settled on your knees between his legs.

“You’re a little vixen, you know that?” Joel mumbled as he watched you loop your fingers into the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers. “Drive me absolutely fucking crazy.”

You smiled up at him through your eyelashes as you pulled his cock out of his pants, catching his erection in your hand. You squeezed him gently, stroking him in the skin of your soft palm, before removing it to pull his pants all the way off. Joel’s brows taught inwards at the friction, his jaw going slack. Your touch felt like some sort of black magic, making him melt underneath you.

“Fuck, baby.” Joel groaned as you lowered your mouth onto his tip. He moaned when he felt himself nudge the back of your throat. You stayed there, bobbing your head up and down, your hand stroking rhythmically on his leftover length. His hand flew down to your hair and you took him entirely in your mouth, taking him down your throat to the hilt.

You moaned with him in your mouth, the vibration sending shocks of pleasure down his length and into his abdomen. Joel bucked his hips up, the pleasure driving him insane. You could feel his shaft throbbing in your mouth, it twitching at each bob of your head. You knew he wasn’t going to last much longer if you kept up the pace. You felt your center beginning to throb beneath you. You squeezed your thighs shut for some sort of relief, but you needed more.

“God, fuck.” Joel’s eyes squeezed shut, as you began stroking him again, pulling your mouth away from him to catch your breath.

“Joel.” You rasped, your voice raw from his length. “I want you.”

He opened his eyes, looking down at you with an expression as if he was trying to understand what you meant by those three words. You slowed your pace with your hand, leaning forward to kiss him gently.

You pulled away, your eyes searching his. Joel’s hand found your face, the pad of his thumb rubbing the supple skin of your cheek.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Joel asked, his gaze not leaving yours. He needed reassurance that that’s what you truly wanted.

“I’m sure.” You confirmed, lowering your hips down against his erection and grinding against it gently, the sensation making him groan immediately.

“I don’t have a condom.” He said, brushing your hair behind your ear.

“I’m on birth control, I have the implant.” You assured him, grabbing his finger and bringing it up to your arm, letting him feel the rod underneath your skin. He looked from your arm back to your eyes. “It’s okay, I promise.”

Joel nodded, pulling you down to kiss you harder. In a swift motion, Joel flipped you over, him now hovering over you with your back flat against the blankets. His hands began exploring you, trailing from your thighs, up your belly, to your breasts where he paid extra attention. He pulled up your shirt, pulling your breasts out over your bra and kneading them one by one as his lips moved against yours. You pulled away from the kiss momentarily, helping him pull your shirt over your head.

“Need to feel you.” Joel muttered against your lips, his hand leaving your chest to venture to the waistband of your shorts. You lifted your hips off the blanket to allow him to pull the shorts down your legs, leaving your black thong on display for him.

“So breathtakin’, baby.” He murmured, trailing kisses down your belly to the waistband of your panties, pulling the fabric back with two fingers, letting it gently snap back against your skin. Not wanting to tease you any longer, his finger traced your heat over the thin fabric of the thong. The moisture from your arousal was pooling at the material under your core, Joel ghosting soft circles over your bundle of nerves. You let out a quiet wine underneath him, bucking your hips up into his fingers. He exhaled deeply at the feeling of your arousal soaking through the lace of your thong. He pushed the damp fabric aside, revealing your glistening slick to him. He ran a finger up your folds, collecting the arousal to rub against your clit.

“Fuck.” You said breathily, your hands fisting the blanket for leverage. Joel pressed a kiss to your inner thigh, looking up at you through his eyelashes. The sight of him between your legs made your core throb. You were so wound up already, you knew you weren’t going to last long under his touch.

You inhaled sharply as Joel licked a stripe up your soaking folds, his finger still playing with your clit haphazardly. He stuck his tongue inside your opening, fucking you with his tongue. Your eyes rolled back in your head as you whimpered at the feeling. You exhaled deeply when he pulled his mouth away from your heat.

“Just needed a taste of you.” Joel said, kissing up the expanse of your pubic bone to your tummy.

Joel’s tongue was soon replaced with his middle finger. You gasped quietly as he pumped his finger in and out of you, curling it up perfectly to put pressure against your g spot. He always knew just where to touch you to make you go crazy. Between his finger inside of you and his opposite thumb toying with you clit, you already felt sex drunk. Joel added his ring finger, stretching you perfectly to prepare you for his cock.

“Can’t wait to feel all of you.” Joel said, planting another kiss to your public bone, his beard tickling your supple skin.

“N-need you.” You whined, your legs jolting when he bent down to suck softly on your bundle of nerves. At your words, Joel removed his fingers from you, making eye contact as he sucked your juices off his fingers. He then slid your panties down your legs, tossing them aimlessly behind him. Joel lifted his shirt over his head, exposing the soft skin of his stomach. He wasn’t buff, but he was perfect to you.

“Lift up, sweetheart.” Joel coaxed you, tapping your sides by your ribs, reaching behind you to unclasp your bra, sliding it off your shoulders. You were completely bare to each other now, feeling wildly exposed in the night air. Your skin was glowing under the dim lighting of the fairy lights, the twinkle in your eye illuminating.

“I could look at you forever.” You whispered, pulling Joel down to kiss you. You kissed him with everything in you. You weren’t the best with expressing your feelings through words, so every ounce of emotion within you you fueled into the kiss. Your soft lips tasted of white wine as your lips danced against each other, Joel settling between your legs. You whined into his mouth as his crotch grinded against yours, his erection warm against your glistening core.

Joel’s lips moved from your to your neck, his kisses gentle and warm against your skin. Your jaw went slack as you felt Joel’s tip rubbing against the slick of your folds. You were soaked with arousal, him moving against you with ease.

“So pretty, baby.” Joel reiterated as he slowly pushed his tip against your opening, the pressure driving you mad.

“Fuck, Joel.” You muttered, your forehead resting against his, your breath rolling over his.

He pushed slowly into you, inching his length to stretch your walls around him. You grabbed his biceps, squeezing his muscles as he settled into you, his hips touching yours as he filled you completely to the hilt. Your walls were tight around him, conforming to his girth.

“Fuck, you feel amazin’.” Joel groaned, sliding his cock out of you to the ridge of his tip, before slowly pushing it back inside. “Like your body was made for me.”

His words electrified your core, your lower belly feeling coiled tight with heat. His strokes were rhythmic, and you were completely and utterly fucked. He filled you so perfectly, and after this moment, you realized you never wanted to fuck anyone else ever again. It was almost as if his cock was molded just for you, his length hitting nerves deep inside of you that you hadn’t known existed.

Joel lifted one of your legs over his shoulder, his thrusts hitting even deeper within you. You whimpered as he hit your cervix, the sensation making your walls throb around him. His free hand fell to your pubic bone, his hand pressing down against you to push your g spot against his length, while lowering his thumb to rub circles against your clit.

“Oh my god.” You mewled. Your core was clamping and that familiar electrifying heat was rushing through your abdomen and through your limbs. You’d hardly realized when Joel leaned down to take your breast his mouth, lightly sucking on your pebbled nipple. He toyed with your other nipple, his fingers pinching it gently.

“You drive me absolutely fucking crazy.” Joel panted as he quickened his pace, the sound of your skin slapping together becoming more prominent. “You know just how to make this old man feel young again.”

Your vision went fuzzy as he lowered his hand to squeeze the supple flesh of your ass, his rough fingertips digging into your skin for more leverage.

“I can feel you clenchin’ around me, sweetheart.” Joel mumbled, his forehead damp with perspiration. “Let go for me, it’s okay.”

“F-fuck.” You let out a strangled moan, your eyes clamping shut as you felt your high drawing near. Your core was wound tight, and you knew the coils were going to unravel at any second with his relentless pace. Joel wasn’t far behind you, his cock twitching inside of you.

“God, baby. I’m close.” Joel whined, his thrusts becoming sloppier.

Your breaking point was when Joel’s thumb found its way to your clit again, working circles into your nerves. You saw stars and your ears began to ring as your orgasm overcame you, sending shocks through the nerves of your body. Every inch of your body was on fire, and you felt like your soul had left your body and was now among the stars overhead. While you were blissfully coming down from your high, Joel came, his release coating your walls in hot spurts, a strangled moan falling from his lips. Still inside you, he laid over you, but was sure to not crush you under his weight. You were both panting, your foreheads damp with sweat.

You laid like that for a while, basking in the aftermath of your highs. Your body felt way more weightless and relaxed than any of the orgasms Joel and gave you over the course of the last couple weeks. Not only was your body physically drained, but the explosion of emotions you were feeling in that moment for the man laying on you had completely taken over your mind.

He was perfect in every way. He was kind to you, had a sense of humor (despite being dry at times), and more than anything he made you feel happy. For the past few years you had felt incredibly discouraged at ever being able to find love again. It took years to finally love yourself and your body after being convinced by your ex that it was something wrong with you, not him. It’s hard to comprehend how one person can ruin every ounce of self love you’ve ever had for yourself in a singular moment, leaving you with years of healing to do. But in that moment with Joel, you felt content. How long this bliss would last was unsure to you, but in that moment, you knew he was your person.

“Get under the blanket, sweetheart.” Joel said, coaxing you to sit up to help you slither under the covers, the blanket soft against your bare skin. Joel laid flat, letting you cuddle up into his side, your cheek pressed against his chest.

The sound of his heartbeat was soothing to you, the thumps almost hypnotic. Joel’s fingers played with the end of your hair, twirling around strands here and there.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked Joel, glancing up to see his forehead creased in deep thought. He sighed and kissed the top of your head, breathing in the sweet scent of your shampoo.

“You.” Joel said simply, his other hand coming down to lace his fingers with yours on his chest. He kissed your forehead this time, brushing the flyaways that had gotten stuck on the damp skin.

“What about me?” You whispered, closing your eyes at his relaxing touch.

“Thinkin’ about you and me.” He began. “Our future.”

Joel frowned, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. You bit the inside of your cheek at his words, feeling your stomach do a flip. As amazing as things were between you for the time being, you couldn’t help but wonder what things would be like moving forward. Soon your dad would be home and you’d have to hide your relationship, or whatever the situation you had going on was. Neither of you had discussed labels, you were simply just enjoying your time with each other and relishing in your feelings.

“Your dad will be home soon.” Joel said quietly, his hand moving from your hair to your back, tracing small circles on your skin.

“I know.” You whispered, your tone defeated.

“I care about you a lot.” Joel muttered, inhaling a deep breath before exhaling. “And I want nothin’ more than to spend all of my time with you. I haven’t felt this happy in years, and I just don’t know what to do about your father. I care about him too, and I can’t stand the thought of hurting him.”

You felt tears brewing in your eyes, and you quickly blinked them away. As much as his words stung, it was the hard truth. The odds of your father being accepting of this relationship were slim to none, and you knew it wasn’t going to be easy for either of you trying to sneak around. While it was easy to maintain the dynamic you had with no one around, it was going to be taxing going from acting like you were together when your father was gone, to acting distant once he returned home from work.

“Don’t think for a second that I’ll give up on you, sweetheart.” Joel said, tilting your head up with his finger under your chin before pressing a kiss to your lips. Your cheeks were flushed and your eyes were glossy. The sight of tears in your eyes shattered Joel.

“It’s going to be hard but we’ll figure somethin’ out.” Joel said, but it was almost as if he was trying to convince himself, not you.

“I want you more than anything, Joel.” You said, softly kissing his jawline.

“Maybe my dad won’t be as opposed as we think?” You offered with hope laced in your tone, tracing your finger against his chest, watching goosebumps rise beneath your touch. Joel sighed, squeezing your hand again.

“It’s hard tellin’.” Joel murmured. “I do know one thing. What matters is how two people make each other feel, not how their relationship makes other people feel.”

You took a deep breath at his words, closing your eyes as you tried to relax.

“It’ll all be okay, I promise.”

taglist— @ghostwritesthings, @magpiepills, @laurrrra, @brittmb115, @kaislashes, @smccul

[pascallftv]

Taglist Announcement:

I’ve had a couple people reach out to me about starting a taglist for girl next door. For the remaining parts, I’ll be starting a taglist so you guys can be notified when I update.

If you’re interested, please reply to this post and I’ll get you added :) (I’ll update this post with the tags)

Thank you everyone for showing love for the series so far, it means a lot! The reason I write is to give something for everyone else to enjoy. An update is coming very soon <3

It’s not letting me tag some of you, if you’re not tagged yet, try changing your mention settings to everyone:

taglist— @ghostwritesthings, @magpiepills, @laurrrra, @brittmb115, @kaislashes, @smccul

[pascallftv]

Girl Next Door— Part 4

Previous Part Series Masterlist

Summary: You bake some chocolate chip cookies but you get a little distracted when Joel interrupts you.

Word Count: 2.9k

Content: 18+ MDNI, contains mature content, oral (m and f receiving)

AN: finally some action.. I expect there to be about 3 more parts to this fic. Part 5 should be coming soon, bear with me <3

You woke up to an aching pain in your neck. Your eyes slowly fluttered open, taking a moment to take in the environment you were in. It sure as hell didn’t feel like your bed. You lifted your head slightly, realizing you weren’t home. You’d fallen asleep at some point during the movie the night before, and evidently so did Joel. Joel’s head was slumped over beside you, his chest rising and falling with soft snores escaping his lips. You smiled, letting your head fall back down into his chest to reclaim the warmth emitting from his body.

You were enthralled by the memories of last night, the residual feeling of Joel’s lips against yours playing over and over. You lifted your finger to run it gently over your bottom lip, fighting back a grin and you remembered each and every minute detail. Joel’s coarse hands running up and down your back, his hips rolling against yours. A pulse went through your lower belly, feeling your arousal beginning to throb at your core. You glanced over at the clock hanging from the wall. It was 7am. You had to start working soon, disappointment spawning a frown to replace your smile. You weren’t ready for this moment to end, but you had to get home.

You sat up slowly, dismayed as the loss of warmth from Joel’s skin. You tried your best not to disturb Joel as you stood up from the sofa, adjusting your clothes that had gotten off centered during your makeout session the night before. You’d never seen Joel so peaceful. The furrow that typically taught his brows together was long gone, his eyes relaxed. Not being able to resist, you bent down and placed a gentle kiss to the lines on his forehead. Stirring slightly, Joel’s eyes opened, his eyelids heavy from sleep. He blinked slowly, his eyes brown in the center and bloodshot everywhere else. He groaned as he felt the stiffness in his neck from the uncomfortable position he slept in.

“Hi, baby.” He spoke, his voice thick and gravelly with sleep. He reached out, grabbing your hips and pulling you down onto his lap.

“I’d kiss you but I’m sure my breath is repulsive.” You teased, running your hand through his hair to fix the flyways.

“If yours is repulsive, then mine is probably a biohazard.” Joel countered, gently squeezing your sides.

“I should probably go home and freshen up before I start work.” You said gently, tracing your finger from Joel’s jawline down the course of his neck.

“It’s a shame.” Joel muttered, leaning down and peppering soft kisses to your neck. “Y’always smell so good.”

Joel breathed in the sweet aroma of your perfume, running his hand up to your hair and gently pulling at the strands at the back of your neck.

“I should go because if I stay any longer I’ll be kissing you with my ass breath.” You whispered, pressing a hasty kiss to his cheek before climbing off his lap.

He watched the way your ass jiggled in your thin lounge pants as you stood up and grabbed your wine glass. You glanced back at him with a smile before making your way to the kitchen to rinse out your wine glass to put in the dishwasher. This life felt so natural and homey to you, which was very dangerous. You could get used to mornings like this, but in a few weeks when your father returned home, it would all be forced to be different. As you were rinsing out your wine glass, Joel stepped up behind you, his front pressing to your backside and wrapping his arms wrapping around the soft skin of your belly.

“I need to wake up to this more often.” Joel murmured, pressing a kiss into your hair. You were sure your hair looked crazy from the unusual position you slept in, but Joel didn’t seem to care a bit. Your belly did backflips at the feeling of his body pressed flush against your own, the familiar heat of his skin radiating onto yours. “Wanna kiss you so bad.”

Joel tilted your head over gently with his fingertips, trailing kisses up the side of your neck up to your ear.

“Dunno how am I goin’ to get any work done when I’d rather be kissin’ you instead.” Joel said quietly in your ear, as if there was anyone else present to keep from hearing his words.

“I could say the same.” You responded, turning around, leaning your lower back against the counter. “I’d love to help you today, but after work I have to run to the grocery store. Maybe when I get back I’ll make you dinner this time.”

“Mmmm. Sounds amazing.” Joel hummed. “I might need a nap before I come over, an old man like me isn’t meant to stay up all hours of the night, let alone sleep on the couch like that.”

Joel leaned back and pressed his hands into his lower back to stretch, groaning when it popped loudly. You chuckled, grabbing your tote bag off the counter and throwing it over your shoulder.

“Might need to go to the chiropractor, grandpa.” You joked, dragging your finger up his arm as you walked past him. You ventured over to the DVD player, ejecting Scream from it to put back into its case carefully.

You bent over, Joel came up behind you and patted you on the ass, waiting for you to stand back up straight.

“Grandpa?” He narrowed his eyes on you. You slid the DVD case into your tote bag and gawked up at him.

“You’re lucky I want to take my time with you.” His voice darkened.

“So dramatic.” You whispered, patting him on the cheek, slipping by him to the foyer, sliding on your shoes.

He followed you around like a lost puppy, not letting you out of his sight. He wanted to keep you around and fuck you all day like he was a teenager again, but you both had responsibilities to tend to. The outline of your white lace thong under your thin pants was driving him insane.

“Bye, Joel.” You smirked, pulling your car key out of your tote bag, dangling it off your finger.

“Bye, honey.” He rebutted, stepping closer to you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

The next few days were spent full of you working your ass off to get your work done early so you could help Joel with the renovations. The materials for the bathroom came in finally, and Joel was able to begin piecing your bathroom together. Despite your pact to take things slowly, Joel and you couldn't resist the occasional kiss snatched between work tasks. The weekend rolled around, and you were finally free to spend the next couple of days with your focus completely on Joel.

It was Friday night, and you were craving something sweet. You decided to bake some chocolate cookies, so you got to work in the kitchen, mixing up the dough. Armed with sugar, flour, and chocolate chips, you made a little bit of a mess, flouring sifting through your fingers. Flour and sugar painted the counter white like a fresh blanket of snow. With your classic rock playlist shuffling on your speaker, you didn’t hear Joel enter through the front door. Your back was turned to the entryway of the kitchen, you humming softly to the song that was playing. Joel crept up behind you, lowering his chin onto your shoulder and snaking his arms around your midsection. His sudden appearance sent a jolt through you, but the surprise quickly melted away as his familiar scent, a comforting blend of woodsy notes and spice, enveloped you.

“Cookies?” Joel asked, observing the messy counter and the bowl of dough in front of you.

“Maybe.” You half smiled, tilting your head to look at him.

With a finger covered in cookie dough, you dragged the sweet substance across the skin of his neck. Raising up on your tiptoes, you lowered your mouth to his neck, lapping up the sweet dough remnants. Joel exhaled softly, leaning his head back and squeezing the supple flesh of your hip. You felt your clit begin to throb at the peak of your folds, squeezing your thighs together at the heat of his touch. You were needy. As much as you loved kissing him, you wanted more; you craved a deeper intimacy with him.

You turned your body, leaning your lower back shins the counter of the island. Your lips trailed up Joel’s lawline, peppering kisses over his beard, then making your goal destination at his lips. You intertwined your hands into the soft hair at the back of his scalp, pulling him closer to you. Joel grunted into your mouth, his hips jutting against yours, craving friction. You felt his hardened erection against your lower belly, firing you up more to want to feel him closer. Joel deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth. The taste on your tongue was that of sweet vanilla and sugar, mimicking the scent of your perfume that he adored. At that moment, Joel wanted to taste all of you.

Joel grabbed your behind, lifting you up onto the cold surface of the counter of the island, beyond the messy confines of your baking endeavors. With his warm touch, Joel squeezed the smooth skin of your thighs, his hands working gently to pry them apart. The pads of his thumbs massaged gently into your inner thighs as he kissed you passionately, slowly working his way up to where you were craving him the most.

“Do you trust me?” Joel said, pulling away from your lips, his breath fanning over your mouth as he waited for your answer.

You nodded, pulling him in for another brief, but firm kiss. You reached your arms out, grabbing his hips to pull him even closer to you.

“I trust you.” You murmured, kissing him once more.

With your consent as his cue, Joel slipped his fingertips into the waistband of your lounge shorts, toying with the elastic band for a moment before pulling them down the luminous skin of your thighs. Under them was a white lace thong with a pink bow at the peak of your pubic bone. You were wearing an off the shoulder cropped t-shirt with no bra, leaving your cute belly on display for him. He ran his fingertip over the fabric of your thong, gauging your reaction as he traced it further, feeling your folds under. Your arousal was already pooling into the fabric of your thong, sending a jolt of arousal to Joel’s already painfully hard cock. Joel pushed your thong to the side, exposing the pretty flesh of your pussy, your folds shining with your milky arousal. He ran his forefinger through your vulva, collecting your juices before moving up to your clit, working a gentle circle. You exhaled shakily, gripping the edge of the counter with your hands.

“So pretty.” Joel whispered, leaning forward to kiss you, his fingers still circling your sensitive bud. You felt your legs jolting under his touch, the pleasure much more powerful than when you took matters into your own hands.

Joel pulled away from your kiss, and he lifted his free hand to snake under the fabric of your shirt, squeezing the supple flesh of your breast. He lowered his hand to the middle of your tummy, pushing you down to lay back on your elbows. He ghosted kisses over your belly, trailing down to the top of your panties. Removing his finger from your heat momentarily, Joel hooked his fingers under your thong, slowly pulling the material down your legs, then tossing them by your shorts on the floor. Your pussy was on full display for him now, Joel’s brows furrowing at the sight of you glistening for him. You watched as he lowered his face to your core, his eyes flickering up to yours as he tongue flicked out to drag up your folds. His finger followed suit, circling the skin around your opening. Joel’s tongue lapped circles around your clit, taking a moment to suck down on the mound of nerves. You moaned out as Joel sunk his middle finger into your vagina, your head falling back in pleasure. He slowly pumped his finger in and out of you, curling up to graze the bumpy flesh of your g spot. Your mouth fell open at the sensation, your eyes darting down to watch Joel go down on you.

His free left hand wound its way back up to your chest, lifting your shirt to expose your breasts to him. He moaned against your heat, the vibrations sending a shock to your clit. His hand lightly pinched your left nipple, then ghosted over to your right nipple to do the same.

“Fuck.” You exhaled as Joel squeezed your breast, his tongue moving faster against your clit. He added a second finger to your opening, the stretch shooting another wave of pleasure through your lower abdomen. You weren’t going to last much longer.

Your hand shot down to Joel’s hair, pulling at the locks at the apex of his head. Your touch spurred him on to work his fingers and tongue faster, the hair of his beard tickling the skin of your thighs. Joel could feel your walls beginning to clench down around his fingers, more milky arousal seeping from your opening, thoroughly coating his fingers down to the knuckle.

Your orgasm crept up on you slowly, then hit you all at once. Your pussy clamped down around Joel’s fingers, your legs vibrating as the white heat overcame your senses. Your vision was starry, your head tilting back in pure pleasure. Joel slowed his pace, working you down from your high. He kissed your clit, pulling away so as to not overstimulate you. Joel stood up, running his fingers along your sides and then cupped your jaw, pressing a slow kiss to your lips.

“How was that, sweetheart?” Joel asked as your head tilted back up, your vision coming back to you. Your chest heaved lightly. Your body felt weightless and relaxed, you’d never felt better after an orgasm in your life.

“Amazing.” You said breathlessly, a smile toying at your lips.

You glanced down and noticed Joel’s erection bulging out of his sweatpants, and Joel’s gaze followed yours. You reached your hand out, cupping his cock. He exhaled deeply at your touch, his hips rocking forward for more. You looked back up to his eyes, lulling your head head to the side as you ran your fingers along the outline of him.

“Can I?” You asked with no context, but Joel knew exactly what you were asking for.

“Only if you want to. Don’t feel like you have to.” Joel answered, his hand resting on your thigh and squeezing it gently.

“I want to.” You assured him, hopping off the counter, and directing him to lean back against the counter.

You dropped to your knees, your eyes being leveled with his bulge. He leaned against the counter, his knuckles white with his intense grip. You looped your fingers into the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers, pulling them down his thighs to ankles, his erection springing free. His pink tip was sensitive and leaking with precum. He was thick and veiny, and you began to question how you were going to fit all of him in your mouth. You wrapped your hand around his shaft as you ran a stripe with your tongue along a protruding vein from your hand to the ridge of his tip.

“God, baby.” He whined, watching as you took him in your mouth, your eyes locked on his. You bobbed up and down, taking as much of him in your mouth as you could, stroking the rest with your hand.

Joel’s hand dropped to your hair, lacing his fingertips through it. His hips bucked up as your mouth stimulated the sensitive ridge between his shaft and tip, staying there for a moment.

“So pretty with my cock in your mouth.” Joel groaned. You placed your free hand flat against his thigh, gaining leverage to bob your head faster. “Fuck.”

You focused your tongue on his tip, his precum salty against your tastebuds. You moaned on his length, the vibrations furthering his pleasure. Joel felt his thighs beginning to shake, his high coming down on him.

“Just like that, baby.” Joel moaned breathlessly as your hand moved quickly up and down his length. Your other hand came down to cup his balls, sending him over the edge.

Joel whined as he released hot spurts on your tongue, his seed painting the inside of your mouth white. You kept stroking him, milking every last bit of his seed into your mouth. When he was finished, you swallowed, standing up from your knees, running your hands up his sides. Joel grabbed your face in his hands, kissing your hard, the leftover taste from your arousal mixing with his spend on your tongue.

You pulled away breathlessly, your chest rising and falling after your kiss. You glanced over at the cookie dough in the bowl on the counter and laughed softly.

“We should get those cookies in the oven.” You giggled, planting a quick kiss on his lips before going to tend to your cookies. Joel patted a quick spank on your bare ass, biting his lip as he watched it jiggle underneath his touch.

He couldn’t get enough of you.