Passing the time away

Just your "normal" blog?

[passing-the-time-away-now]

what am I dooooooooing… i don’t understand myself, so how could anyone else?

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Lmao. He gets me. It took a bit. But. He gets me.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Lmao. You a dumb bitch. xoxo

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Everywhere I go, everything I do, I’m reminded of you and it kills me. Why is it so hard to say what you really want. Because believe it or not. I. Fucking. Want. YOU. FOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE. FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO. I W A N T Y O U.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Reason I forgive you #1027

I forgive you because I know you’re not able to forgive yourself. I forgive you because I know it’s not your fault that you’re not able to show me or tell me how you feel. I don’t blame you. I love you. You’re forgiven.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Reason I love you #842

You sing songs for me because you know it’s makes me happy. Even though you know you can’t sing and I tell you differently everytime. I love hearing your voice.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Reason of Love #976

i love you because when we go out for food you always have me try a bite of what you get. i’m so sick right now and literally am contagious, yet you give me a bite of your Taco Bell because you know I want to try it. I love that you don’t care if you get sick because of me. I love you.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Love of My Life.

i think the best part about when you call me is that my ringtone is “love of my life” by Freddy Mercury. so. whenever you call and i don’t realize my ringer is on, i hear “love of my life, can’t you see...” and i don’t think i’ve ever been happier to hear my ringtone. please keep calling me.

[ohddaniellee-blog]

Reblog this if you are literally suprised when people find you attractive.

[fatpikachupics]

hey, bro? are we vibing? are we connecting on the spiritual plane, bro? your aura is striking. can i kiss you deeply, dude?

[spookyzachie]

pass the joint, enjoy a blunt, and smoke a bowl. ( with your best friend. ) ♥

[scoobydoomistakes]

How to Animate Scooby-Doo Reacting to the Word “Skeleton”

[scoobydoomistakes]

This is about to hit 80k notes, and I couldn’t be more proud of it.

Some faces are just too majestic to not share.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

what am I dooooooooing… i don’t understand myself, so how could anyone else?

[passing-the-time-away-now]

Lmao. He gets me. It took a bit. But. He gets me.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

April 3rd, 2017.

Ok. So. I literally know the situation and the fucking outcome of the situation, but yet this time I feel very hopeful? Why? I don’t know if it’s because I feel closer to said person or if it’s just something else in general, but either way I’m in some kind of situation. I feel like he’s in more need of a friend, but every time I act as a friend i get more and more attached and it hurts me a bit because I know how it’s going to end. I don’t want him to think that I’m using him just to get closer to him because that’s not what this is at all. I value our friendship very much because I want to be able to be there for him when he needs me. I want to be the one he runs to, I just want to be able to protect him because he doesn’t get it. He really doesn’t. It’s not that he’s stupid, no, not at all, he just doesn’t understand people sometimes and that’s ok. I don’t either. But I do understand him, and I feel like he understands me and I think that’s why I’m so attached. I’ve never had someone be able to actually understand me before, and I don’t think this is healthy. Fuck. What am I doing. I don’t want a repeat but that’s exactly what this is. A repeat. Except this time it’s a different year, a different girl and a different country. I’m confused. I need help. But legit, I don't get it! Fuck.

LMAO WE’RE WEARING THE SAME COLOR PROM DRESS TOO. LOL REPEAT OF FUCKING SOPHOMORE YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL.. HAHA KILLLLL ME.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

This is not good this is not good this is not good But honestly it's so damn good I don't know what to do because now I'm fucking stuck and this is what I was trying to avoid because of last time Now I'm attached and it's going to rip me apart when that day comes to say goodbye. I know how it works You get really close-- dangerously close, You say you'll miss each other so much and things won't be the same without one another The day comes where they leave You get all sappy and you cry-- a lot Then they're actually gone and it feels so empty You try to talk everyday-- but that never works You try to call-- but they don't ever want to hear your voice You try to make the connection last-- but it was broken as soon as they got on the plane. I can't go through this again I'm having dreams like before and when I have dreams I ultimately know what I want-- and also what I really can't have. This kills me. Because I can't let go when the time is right. Is there ever really a right time to let go though? Probably when they push you aside.. and forget about you. The only difference in my dreams now is that when I get in an argument with them, they come after me. The other one wouldn't. I would always have to chase after them but now I'm being chased after. I miss the touch-- as in the hugs, the cuddles, the hand holding. I miss wrapping myself up in that other person and just loving the feeling of the butterflies and the tingles whenever we brushed skin. The most amazing feeling of never wanting to let go. It's back now-- that feeling. But I wish it wasn't with this person because I know that everything will change and it won't ever be like this ever again. I'm so sorry to this person because even if it was a possibility-- I feel like I wouldn't be 100% open. But maybe with time I could be. I don't know if they would want to wait for me. I don't want to hold them back. They've got a whole life in another world and here I am dreaming about having some kind of life with them.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

what am I dooooooooing... i don't understand myself, so how could anyone else?

[passing-the-time-away-now]

I'm sad I'm pissed I'm guarded I'm pushing him away I'm broken Because of you I'm still not okay.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

YOU MADE ME SICK. I WAS SO DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU HURT ME. I'M STILL HURT. I HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME SINCE YOU LEFT AND I'M STILL NOT FULLY OKAY. YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS FINE BECAUSE WE STILL TALK EVERY NOW AND AGAIN. WELL GUESS WHAT. IT'S NOT. I'M NOT FUCKING FINE. I HAVEN'T BEEN SINCE YOU LEFT. SINCE THAT NIGHT THAT I STOOD IN YOUR DRIVEWAY AT 3 a.m. HUGGING YOU SO DAMN TIGHT I THOUGHT MY FINGERS WOULD BREAK. I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR LEAVING, NO. I BLMAE YOU FOR WHAT YOU LEFT ME WITH. A BROKEN HEART WITH NO WAY TO FIX IT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN OFFER TO HELP FIX IT. YOU LEFT ME TO ROT AND TO BURN IN MY OWN PERSONAL HELL. I COULD HAVE DIED. lol it's ok though, right? mom said I could spend a month with you in your house. that makes up for everything, right? FUCKING THANKS.

[passing-the-time-away-now]

February 13, 2017x It's been a while. Don't know how I've made it this far to be honest. Things are changed. Again. I'm not so sure that I'm so negative anymore, but I know that I still am. Medication is the only thing that's keeping me from bashing my head into a wall. That sounds fucked up. I know. But. The truth is the truth. I've decided I want to be a music teacher. Music has always been my life. I know that sounds corny and so unoriginal, but that's seriously the truth. I've talked with my old teacher and my present one about becoming a band director and they think that it's amazing and are supporting me 100% of the way. I'm taking this with a grain of salt because I know that it's going to be a wicked journey. I'm still in touch with my idiot. I'm still so confused with him. He tells me, 'Remember who was there first.' When I tell him about a guy I like. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. He seems to get jealous whenever I bring someone new up. Someone I may like. I don't like that he does that. He had a chance if he really wanted it. And honestly he still does.. I can't let him go. I can't tell anymore what we are if we even are anything. I stopped messaging him everyday. I only talk to him when i really really miss him. He's busy. He doesn't have time for my broken heart. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to deal with something that was broken either. He says he misses me. Sometimes he messages me first. I smile when that happens. There's someone new. Someone from another place that reminds me of him in so many ways but at the same time not at all. He's sweet, kind, funny, caring and he actually likes to be around me. That's a change from him. I feel wanted with the new person. I've never felt wanted before like the way I feel with the new person. It's funny because I always thought I was going to end up with him, but I suppose not. But then again maybe. My heart still wants to reach out for him because, yes, I do still love him very much. He left a large scar on me. I don't think he's ever going to go away to be quite honest. This new person might be the same way. However, because of the past experience with my idiot, I've made myself promise that I wouldn't do any chasing. The new person has to come to me. And they have been. Which again, I've never felt wanted in the way the person makes me feel wanted. My idiot never chased me. He gave up too quickly if I put up a front. He just didn't care I suppose. If he did he showed it in the wrong ways. And then towards the end he really fucked me up. I never want anyone to do what he did to me ever again. I was strung along and I really thought, I really thought... he was different. He wanted me for my mind body and soul. But he didn't. He wanted to get his last kicks out before he left. I resent him for that. I resent him because now I can't be normal with my new person. It makes me feel sick. Like I've been taken advantage of. Because really that's what happened. He used me. I'm always on guard and I hate it. I feel like I'm pushing my new person away, but maybe not enough because he's still coming around. I smile a lot when I'm with my new person. I haven't smiled like that in a long time. He smiles with me too. I feel like a little kid even though I know I'm not. It's fun to be with my new person. We really seem to enjoy each other for each other and nothing else. He plays the guitar and he sings. He played 'The A Team' by Ed Sheeran and I sang along. I think that made him happy. We like to share music. I like the music he gives me to listen to. It makes me smile. Music is the way to my heart. No strings attached like my idiot. Things are weird again. I don't know what I'm going to do. At least my new person told me he wanted me at the airport when he left. My idiot told me to stay home. I won't ever forgive him for that either. I miss him so much but I can't let go of some of the things he did to me. The memory of him is burned into my head and my skin. I can't let him go. He won't let me go. I just want to be free. Alright. I'm done for now. Until next time.