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@passingthru
i'm not sleeping that well. so i started taking clonazepam again. but i still wake up in the middle of the night. and i feel TIRED in the daytime.
perhaps i'm unsettled and overwhelmed. trying to sell (our) mom's place so we can buy a new, smaller one under my name. She's aware sometimes that she has dementia. my dad's mind is still strong. it's his body that is weakening.
And I like this guy and i'm pretty sure i'm friendzoned, like forever. i haven't had a relationship since 2008. omg. we text over instagram. He doesn't even have my number. but i will keep putting in my time even as a friend because i think he's worth it.
the world is too much for me. i try to see the good things most of the time. i save and repost the stories. but the news gets me down.
work is surprisingly ok though. i mean, i can deal with it.
i'm feeling a bit meh today. Don't have the drive to do anything. I do have a painting for a client due and I haven't started.
Evening murmurs.
i was not able to sleep last night.
If you can't stop thinking about someone or something. Explore it. There's a reason....
It’s ok to start over in your 30s
It’s ok to start over in your 40s
It’s ok to start over in your 50s
It’s ok to start over in your 60s
It’s ok to begin again, at any stage of life.
“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”
— Nayyirah Waheed
☆¤▪︎¤☆
i have not taken a picture of the clouds in a long time. that is why my heart feels empty and broken. i have not picked up the paintbrush or let my fingers strum softly on the strings of my guitar. that is why this season feels helpless. i have not let my feet lead me in an unattractive dance, or let my throat breathe strange vocals — some appealing, some not really. that is why the burden on my back seems heavier by the day. i have not gone on my knees or clasped my hands together, speaking words straight from the heart. that is why my heart mourns. i have not stared blankly at the sky, waiting for it to preach its story and assure me that i will be okay. that is why i am not okay. look at me and understand — the journey of life is filled with the little things we picked up along the way that made our hearts feel.
Source
hey man . ur doing great . high five .
(update: id added in alt text!)
365 self-discovery journal prompts #27
Write a list of your strengths.
My strengths are directly evolved from my experiences with mental health and I owe this largely to work.
I am accepting. I don't judge people who are displaying symptoms. Often, in my hospital campus, there are people who are talking or smiling to themselves. They're not causing any harm or real disturbance. I've only learned to embrace my mad bipolar self because of my peers in the ward or in care centres where I've learnt I'm not alone in facing mental health challenges.
I try to be kind. In group sessions when I'm facilitating and a peer veers off topic or can't stop talking, I try to gently bring them back to topic or ask them to let the next person speak.
I am artistic. I don't have any training, but when I apply myself, I often get surprised at the results.
I am mostly calm. haha. I laugh because that's obviously when I'm well only. In fact, with meds, maybe I'm too calm. I want to relearn fun (in moderation.)
I've retained my sense of humour and I don't care if no one else gets it. I can laugh myself silly if need be.
I'm still trying. I'm aware of my weaknesses. I will try to improve.
Reason to Live #13421
For the kindness of strangers. To hear people who don’t know you still have the compassion to say “that sucks.” “I’m sorry.” “you didn’t deserve to go through that.” (And by the way, if you haven’t heard that before, it’s true. I am sorry, it does suck, and you didn’t deserve to go through it.) – Guest Submission
(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.)