pastalemons

[yujateaandpi]

Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says “no eyes… no nose… no face. Don’t trust.” To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.

Cybertruck. It was a cybertruck.

[modernbaseball]

2 am: bedtime were meant to be broken 😈

7 am: I hope i get in a car accident

[adding-girls-to-posts]

2 am: bedtime were meant to be broken 😈

7 am: I hope i get in a girl accident

[wood-carbuncle]

the dachi rei

[belldachi]

reiling

[mutantrenegade]

You know Jones soda cap, as a tumblr user i can actually say i think I have.

[pealeii]

❌ “friends don’t look at friends like that” devalues friendship/platonic forms of love, pushes amatonormativity

❌ “historians will call them friends” devalues historians and forces complex relationships into modern simplicities, also devalues friendship/platonic forms of love

✅ “do they know its legal now” suggests the characters are stupid, poorly suggests that this is the only barrier to their relationship—both of which are funny as hell

[arteei]

you use ai baby pictures i use stupid gifs that don’t fit the situation we are not the same

[dontbelasagnax]

Mentioned to my mom I'm asexual a couple months ago and today.... we got into the car and she hit me with, "So you use they/them pronouns now?"

I went, "What. no. she/her."

"How does that work? With she/her/hers and they/them?"

I stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Well you came out as-" and I said, "I'm asexual."

She replied, "Like an amoeba, I know."

"Oh. My god. No. Mom. It doesn't- it's not the asexual you learned about in biology. I didn't come out as a single celled organism."

With heavy relief, she said "Oh, it has a different meaning?"

"Yes, mom."

[savetheworldkissaplushie]

[fluorescentbrains]

this lab safety training module is sending me

[fluorescentbrains]

I feel like whoever wrote these questions was speaking from experience

[uniformedwater]

music not hitting, phone not hitting, Minecraft not hitting, food not hitting, mouth taste like blood, death comes for us all

[orteil42]

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british

[luisonte]

Inventacos

[something-truly-evil]

me and my friends at the thingamabob and doohickey convention

[weepingchoir]

When a book is bad, oh well, the failed artistry of one rube, maybe co-authors. But when a movie is bad, and you consider the military-like scale of production, man-hours, the money involved: you must understand, it feels like I’ve been at war with the world for 29 years.

[elexuscal]

#when a book is bad you can be like. wow what a fascinating insight into One Guy's personal issues#when a movie is bad it's like. hundreds of people thousands of hours and millions of dollars were marshalled to make this thing#and it Completely Sucks (@specialagentartemis)

[prohaloplayer-deactivated202601]

we named it the computer mouse because it fit so comfortably in our hands and it reminded us of ancient times where our ancestors put their palms over the backs of cave mice and shuffled them across the ground to move the cursor on their cave wall mounted gaming monitors

[stay-the-knight]

[wingdingle]

attention to all dashcon attendees

someone urinated into the ballpit while it was empty and posted it in the tag

stay out of the ballpit

[wingdingle]

there are people who think this is a joke

this is not a joke

please stay out of the ballpit for the safety of your health

[otherside-picnic]

signal boost!!!

[galaxywarp]