soldier's Butt

a tf2 blog for reblogging and art?? maybe some other stuff

[idobelieveiamonfire-net]

you want meem? ok

[m19vergil]

[trueboredom]

[8bitnatsuki-deactivated20200525]

“I am heavy weapons guy”

“and this, is what I use to protect trans women”

[gaelic-galpal]

“trans rights are human rights. not big surprise”

[theabyssalmeme]

“Transphobes think they can outsmart me…maybe, maybe… But I’ve yet to meet one that can outsmart boolet.”

[phony-time-traveler-deactivated]

Grass grows, sun shines, birds fly, and brotha?

I HURT TRANSPHOBES

[aliensmoothie]

@random-cluster–missile

[atlassolid-prower]

“How am I gonna stop some big mean transphobe from disrespecting both dysphoric and non-dysphoric trans people? The answer…”

“…is a gun.”

[dikubutto]

IF GOD HAD WANTED TRANSPHOBES TO LIVE

HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!

[mepha-stop-it-please]

It get’s better! vhen the transphobe voke up, der skeleton was missing, and da doctor vas never heard from again!

[infamouslydorky]

What do you think Spy wears when he exercises?

booty shorts that say “baguette” across the back end of ‘em because he got class

[chateau-backstab]

dudebros are always saying that there couldn’t possibly be female mercs since men are stronger than women and therefore wouldn’t be as competent

even if that was true in what world are the canon mercs competent

[deltoca]

[deltoca]

Okay op forgot their log in so I made a new one

https://www.change.org/p/everyone-petition-for-soldier-to-say-let-s-get-this-bread-2-0?recruiter=924888025&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition

[mad-raddish]

https://www.gofundme.com/help-ramona-pay-her-hospital-bill

Hey guys my grandma is in the hospital and we really need your help ! The hospital bill is fucking ridiculous please anything helps.

[the-dragonlords-lair]

so, how long till this Tumblr bans us for being horny on main

[miedriwesley]

Well let’s see, we all use the internet let’s say 6 hours a day, times 4 years, minus we’re not bots…

Hmm…. 3 week, yes.

We all have 3 weeks to live.

[mnyehlike]

WOOOOO!

WOO-O!

Woo…

What?

[simonbitdiddle]

I HAVE POSTED NOTHING BUT PORN FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS!

[mermercs]

THERE IS, BTW, A MERMERCS BLOG

It’s been alive for a while but Haunted House season started so I was swamped with work

ASK THINGS

REQUEST THINGS

~GO~

[tarysande]

When your character tells you a thing and you, the author, are like, “No, you’re shitting me,” and the character’s all, “I absolutely am not,” and you realize that every single seed needed to grow that thing WAS ALREADY PLANTED IN THE STORY.

[thebibliosphere]

I’d like to lie and say I’m being deliberately clever when people notice things in my writing but honestly I’m just as much along for the ride as everyone else.

[imelopsittacus]

I’m just as much along for the ride as everyone else.

[randomslasher]

This is the most accurate description of writing ever

[eroscestlavie]

Church basement aesthetics:

Hot cocoa in a Styrofoam cup but there’s not enough room in the cup for a full packet of hot cocoa so it’s either too strong or too weak

A piano that hasn’t been played since the 1980s

A room that’s always closed and has adults talking behind it but you’re not quite sure who they are or if they ever leave

Donuts that you’re not allowed to eat

Scented markers and multicolored craft sticks in an old basket

Veggie tales on VHS and two rolling tvs on ancient tv stands

A room behind another room that has christmas decorations in it

This table:

that one bitch who’s always always wearing tights and a dress even though the basement never gets above like 55 degrees 

Dusty ass bibles and one lone dusty ass hymnal

Old programs for concerts, baptisms, events, and VBS printed with black ink on colored 8.5″x11″ paper folded in half 

Little acrylic bead craft projects in the shapes of lizards or cats that some girl made at church camp and forgot to take home 

Glitter but not in the joyful gay way

Moms in fleece 

[ebolazaire]

This is fascinating to me because I never went to church, I’m not a Christian, and yet I can so clearly imagine this it’s like I was there

[red-isotope-deactivated20181109]

I can smell this post

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”

I’m sorry?

That’s a challenge.

Oreos aquired.

I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first

But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

She is out of the house for a moment so it’s time to enjoy a few cookies

And find a new hiding spot

Hehehe

They up there

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Normally I’m a Oreos with milk kinda guy, but I’ll take coffee if coffee is available

Now to hide them right under her nose

She never looks under the TV for anything. Tonight when we are watching Halloween Wars I’ll have a big dopey grin on my face

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Time to up the stakes. It was fun having em here and hiding them around her while she didn’t know what was happening. Bit now it’s time for her to be in on the game she is playing

Four cookies packed in her lunch. Game on

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

I’ve been cleaning house today and feeling like I’ve done a pretty good job. Time to reward myself with some delicious Oreos

Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years

:)

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Got up early this morning and helped pack everyone’s lunch. Pulling a damn Oprah over here

You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!

Then a devious idea struck me…

I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…

And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

[kittyinhighheels]

If you two weren’t already married I’d beg you to marry her because you two are obviously perfect for each other and I love this post with all my heart

[masterofthenightscape]

This guy’s dopey grin at his success at hiding oreos is exactly what I’m here for

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

You like that eh? Well you are going to love today’s installment

Look at that. So sad. So few Oreos left

Guess I’ll just pin em right to the middle of the wall in the middle of the living room. She’ll never find em there

Oh, guess I should put this back up

Bwa ha ha ha! You guys! You guys don’t understand! I was planning on doing this and when I got home and looked at it I was like “aww, it’s too thin. They won’t fit.” I even TOLD my wife this and how I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hide them back there.

But then I looked again. They dooooo

Thank you all so much for the love. I knew y'all would like this, but I had no idea you would like it THIS MUCH. People calling us “goals” and stuff… Man…. It’s kinda hard to take in ya know? Anyways: if this post gets Over 9000™ before I get off work today I will pick up Halloween Oreos on my way home and this will not stop

And, as promised, a dopey grin

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Twasnt easy to get the stupid video to load. But I got it and I recommend giving it a watch here: http://keepcalmandcarrieunderwood.tumblr.com/post/179330357103

She is so happy that the Oreo Saga continues. Just look at how happy she is

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Came home to find this

But she never looked inside the blue chair

Good stuff, but it’s time for some cookies

Gotta have some while I think about where these guys are going next

Hmmmmm

Got it.

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Ohmygosh oh. my. gosh. You guys. Near disaster. Check this shiz out:

Wife and I were sewing Elly’s Halloween costume up

Yea, she is going to be a spider and it’s super cute and all but. But. Loooook

Holy actual shit the Oreos fell out from the table literally next to her.

The moment she got up I threw them into the closet

Also:shout out to whoever it was that lost a follower for this post

Sry bout that eh.

[samael-has-arrived]

This is glorious and I’m so damn happy this is still going.

[keepingcalmisoverratedgoddamnit]

My god I need to see where else they are hidden. You are a genius sir

[geekdawson]

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

[lysikan]

If it wasn’t stated outright - it wasn’t said.

[date-a-jew-suggestions]

If you would report an undocumented immigrant to ICE you would have reported me to the Nazis and I don’t fucking trust you

[prismatic-bell]

A note:

I live in a state where you “have to” report anyone you suspect of being undocumented (that wonderful hellhole of Arizona). Now in practice this law has fallen far short, thank goodness. But if you live in such a place and they start enforcing it, here is how you get around it:

Assume everyone who doesn’t speak English is visiting.

Never ask about their job, because if they tell you they work here then you know they’re not visiting. You see them a lot for several weeks or months? Hm. Someone in the family must be ill. That’s terribly tough. They always dress in old, ratty laborers’ clothes? I feel you, my dude, I can’t afford new clothes either, and my dad has the fashion sense of an aardvark, so sometimes it’s not even about “affording” them. They say they’ve been here for years? You must have misunderstood. Spanish isn’t your first language, after all. First and last name? It never came up, or you don’t recall–you meet a lot of people.

And then, if you’re asked: no, you haven’t seen anyone residing illegally in the United States. Just people visiting.

[date-a-jew-suggestions]

Very good very important addition

[appropriately-inappropriate]

Essentially, this is the civil society version of a work-to-rule strike.

Don’t do more than is expressly asked of you, and do what you are asked with such an intense attention to protocol that not asking you at all becomes more effective than even bothering.

In this case:

“Have you seen an illegal immigrant?”

“Could you describe an illegal immigrant, officer?”

*officer describes a person who is in the country without appropriate paperwork, or who has crossed the border illegally*

“No, sir, I haven’t seen any illegal immigrant.”

And this is correct. You have NOT seen an illegal immigrant, because you have no way of knowing if Jose Fulano is here legally or not. And since you can’t see his paperwork (or lack thereof), and did not personally see him cross the border illegally, you are only answering precisely the question asked.

[dancingwiththelostboys]

I’m not American, and I have like, three followers, but this is important.

[pandavalkyrie]

I like how fanfiction culture decided to drop all pretense about self-insert oc characters hooking up with canon characters and just leaned into “character x reader” stories. These were just non-existent in my early FF days, we’re talking 15+ years ago, and they’re everywhere now. I appreciate it, chase your bliss dears

[pandavalkyrie]

GOD I WISH I HAD THAT SPINE OF STEEL

[pandavalkyrie]

WHY DID YOU LEAVE OUT THE BEST PART, THIS IS A LEGEND

[ok-dingo]

the soldier from TF2 says a lot of goofy stuff but honestly “if God had wanted you to live he would not have created me” is a pretty raw fucking line

[t-i-g-g-s]

I always imagine these sweet little scenes where Solly is being uncharacteristically quiet and broody and the rest of the team try to cheer him up by doing little nice things- but they all lack knowledge of normal social etiquette and they end up being really awkward and gruff.

“…do you want one of these, mate.”

“WHY ARE YOU OFFERING ME LOLLIPOPS”

“…Pyro said they’re ‘happy food’ now do you fucking want one”

“LOLLIPOPS ARE FOR LITTLE SISSY GIRLIE-”

“TAKE A FUCKIN’ LOLLY BEFORE I CRAM ONE DOWN YER THROAT YOU BUCKET HEADED CUNT”