I learned about maladaptive daydreaming a long time ago. I made this blog around middle school or high school to find a community and people who understand. Its been completely welcoming, funny, sad, and everything that i needed when my madd was out of control.
It felt like the same day every day, going to school, making weird faces and almost whispering to myself the whole time while daydreaming, and going home. As soon as i was home, i would pace around and stim, and i would daydream for hours on end. I thought i hid it well, until my family would constantly mock me for “pacing in my room all the time”.
I remember pacing around so fast that i would constantly hit my legs or twist them the wrong way. I always had bruises on my ankles and leg pain because of it. I remember stimming with my hands too, especially the painful ones. At one point it was lightly slapping my hands, and when i got too into the daydream I would accidentally slap myself so hard i was snapped back to reality. Another one was rubbing my knuckles together, i remember doing them two different ways. Again, i would get too excited and my hands would be in a lot of pain.
And i would daydream so often that it became an important aspect of me, something that i felt like i needed to do, something that i couldn’t resist or stop. If i couldnt daydream, if i was interrupted, or if i was too frustrated, it was basically the end of the world. It was controlling me. It affected my grades in school, my friendships, and my relationship with my family.
Now im in my second year of university. Im not really sure when, but it got a lot better. When I catch myself daydreaming and pacing, and its easier to stop myself and move on to something else. I dont even stim with my hands anymore, and i never pace enough to cause any pains in my legs.
I still daydream an unusual amount for a normal person, and i still show signs of madd, but it kind of hit me that it’s not the same. Im doing well in school, and its easier to hang out with my friends and my family. I dont really lock myself in my room to daydream, and I dont daydream and whisper to myself as often when i’m in public. Somehow, i got better?
Im not sure if its because i’m older, or if its because i’ve had more responsibilities on me, or something else, but it made me emotional to think that things genuinely got better, and things aren’t the way they used to be. I’m not suffering like I once did. And the best part is, I feel like i can still daydream in a way that’s not hurting me or others around me.
I don’t know if anyone will actually read this, but I hope you’ve gotten better too. I hope that madd won’t rip your life away from you anymore. I hope that you’ll be able to get rid of these awful habits, or at least minimize them. I hope that you can still daydream and keep your para’s in a healthy way.
♥️♥️♥️
