I'm not the enemy here.

"for lovers who have solely survived war, rebellion, the apocalypse. for lovers who have no one else. for lovers who, despite all of this, are too alike to ever work." Independent Marcus Eaton. #paternaliisms

[acrophxbiia]

snapchat: tati_tattoo entertain me while i slowly wither away from studying so much.

[paternaliisms]

my feet really hurt

[wordsnquotes]

No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.

Mary Wollstonecraft (via wordsnquotes)

[alexturnerisababe]

Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes life just sucks.

Alexa Chung (via alexturnerisababe)

[paternaliisms]

OPEN:

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? DON’T YOU HAVE ANY SENSE?”

                         he’s screaming. he’s yelling. he’s shaking                          with fury as he throws the bottle of liquor                          at the wall. scattered shards of glass shower                          his features and the amber liquid pools at                          the grey ground. 

he doesn’t like thinking. he doesn’t like feeling. he doesn’t like this. he doesn’t like this.                   he is losing control.

                                                      the panic is settling in. the blackness                                                       creeping up on the corners of his eyes.                                                       optics are watering with rage.

he is drowning. he is blind. he cannot see. this is his call out for help. he doesn’t know it is. all he knows is that he doesn’t want you to touch him.

if you touch him, the pain will cradle him entirely. the gnawing feeling in his chest like claws dragging down the inside of his throat.

                              he screams again. but he doesn’t know                               he’s screaming and lunges, remorseless.

                     HE IS PUSHING YOU AWAY, HURTING YOU FIRST BEFORE YOU GET THE CHANCE TO.

[paternaliisms]

out of selflessness.

there’s literally only one woman marcus would probably love and that’s evelyn. due to his nature, i’m sure he’s had meaningless sex often, though. he’s just extremely secretive about it and dissociates that side of himself from the person he is in the day. but yeah idk i don’t see him capable of loving anyone else. but i’m open for whatever??? i guess?? it just prolly won’t happen.

[solemnty]

[paternaliisms]

wow playing marcus is really fucking hard.

[wnq-writers]

I may appear quiet but that is one thing my mind will never be.

tirednotsad (via wordsnquotes)

[paternaliisms]

€

send € for a bad memory that still haunts them

It’s not something he wants to think about, butthat’s just obvious. He lost control. He lost himselfin the airs of self indulgence and greed. He wasn’tbeing himself.

Then again he barely knew who that was. There wastoo much pain to distinguish. But at the same time, he’salso able. Able to persevere in the face of his fucked upmind. Fucked up with reasons that aren’t needed to bestated. He just was the way he was. Without explicationor psychological understanding as to why he felt the needto exert his dominance to anyone that made him feel. Anyonethat threatened his control. He was a man of power, of stature.Of poise.

He didn’t like remembering the shit that made him so painfullyaware of his humanness. Besides, he preferred not to focuson himself. But rather focus on the ones around him. What hecan do to better them.

He will beat the weakness out of you. He will make you strong.Make you fight. But also make you pliable. He will show you what it means to be strong. He will induce selflessness into you.Maybe if he hits you enough times with his belt, you’ll realizethat it’s out of sacrifice that he’s doing it.

It’s a painful sacrifice that he’s trying to instill in you. That painis constant. Pain demands to be felt. But that doesn’t mean ithas to own you.

But he doesn’t seem to understand your logic. And instead, youfurl in closer inside yourself. It only makes him want to whip youinto shape even more. But you’ve never really seen eye to eye.

You have your mother’s heart. And he doesn’t know what that means.He doesn’t feel guilty for hurting you.You can take it. But it’s when shegets the brunt of his violence that he checks himself again.

It’s the first time that always sticks out in him. The first time you stepped in. His hand collides with your cheek. Instead of your mother’s. And there’s a guiltless satisfaction in hitting someone that doesn’t cry, doesn’t react. A fleshy punching bag for all his grievances.

It’s the turn of a new page for him. He doesn’t like hitting your mother. He doesn’t find enjoyment out of it because with her, there’s repercussions. With her, there’s pain and guilt because he loves her and she tugs at his heartstrings. She makes him face the ugliest aspects of himself. But with you, he can disassociate. He can fully forget himself the wayhe’s supposed to. She doesn’t let him forget himself.And that’s why she’s his undoing. She makes himfeel wrong. Makes him feel anything. Makes himsee how broken and flawed he really is. And hedoesn’t like being that shattered person. It’s notgood to be so selfish. To indulge in his own personaldemons. So he projects his self loathing out onto you.

                                                 I never said I was a good father.

With you, he can be ruthless. He likes that. Like the politician he is. Maybe you did learn sacrifice, after all. And that’s what makes him think that every bruise you possess is a badge of honor. Self sacrifice is what he and she both stand for.

Even if she leaves him for it. Even if she’s exiled. You both would rather it be you than her. And that’s the silent agreement you come to.

[paternaliisms]

Send a symbol to hear my muse talk about their

◌ Mother/Father

⌘ Guardian

▶ Sibling(s)

▣ Relatives

🔲 Best Friend

❥ Crush

◉ Dream(s)

◖ Ideal Partner

¡ Pet Peeves

☰ Occupation

✯ Perfect day

☂ Preferred weather

☢ Personality Flaw(s)

☑ A Favorite (book/movie/song/etc.)

[jxyxus]

          Trembling, unable to stand properly, Allegra was shocked when he started to pull           away. Terrified that this was some trick or him pulling away to do something worse,           she eyed him carefully as he kissed her cheeks and brushed her hair away. Allegra           eyed him closely as she wrapped her arms around herself, still keeping a careful           eye on him. When he asked if she was alright, she simply shrank from him and           looked to the ground. Allegra slowly sank down the wall, panting a little as her nerves           began to relax.

[paternaliisms]

He watches her and blinks to himself, leaving her to her moment as he backs away and down the hall. He makes tea silently and with moderate haste as he comes back to her. Marcus is poised again, the stench of alcohol lingering around his home. He’s compartmentalizing. He’s good at that. There’s still a part of him that wants to rip her clothes off and be face first inbetween her legs but he represses that feral side of himself. Marcus wants her to want it too. Wants her to want him.

He’d noticed her for a while now. On his trips to the outskirts of the Factionless. It was against everything he stood for as a member of the council, but he had kidnapped her offered her a place to stay. There was something about her that made him HAVE to have her.

She’d come around, he told himself. He just needed to show her all aspects of himself. “Here, I made you tea. I understand if you’d rather not drink it. But if you do, it’s at your disposal.”

He sets it down on the minimalistic table in the quarters of her new room. “I’ll leave you to your thinking then.”

[paternaliisms]

✘

            *}           ——————— INSUBORDINATE CHILD {*

You stare at the figureon you couch for a while.You see so much of yourselfin him. And you don’t knowif that’s a good or bad thing.

                      Maybe if you hit him hard enough, you’ll eradicate                       the parts of yourself that are engrained in him.                      It really is for his own good.

Part of you wants to adjustthe blanket on him. Theother sees the bruises, cutsand lacerations all along hisbody. And this time it’s not yourdoing.

You want to express concern. Butyou’ve never really known how todo that. You’re hard on him becauseyou know he can take it.

And because you don’t know how elseto be.

So when you see him stir, the light justrising outside the small nondescriptdwelling, you take a sip of the coffeein your hand and then walk over withpurpose and poise. Head erect as youblink slowly and look down at what wasonce your son under you.

                        You empty the contents of your scalding                   hot coffee on his chest and wait for his                         reaction.

Through the sounds of pain, screamingand disoriented agony, you just blink andnod at him.

“Good morning, Tobias. I’d appreciate it if you would be so kind as to let me know when you’ll bevisiting next time. Wasting resources is indulgenceand against how I live my life.”

[jxyxus]

          When her gripped her hands, Allegra truly began to panic. She tried to wriggle them           free as tears began to roll down her cheeks. She felt a shiver rush up her spine as           his hand went… No, she needed to focus on getting out of this. She needed to work a           way out.                                “Please! P-Please stop. I-I don’t want this. Stop.”           she begged as she tried to wriggle free and get away from him, moving sharply and           violently                                “Just stop, please.”           begged through loud sobs. Allegra was looking around in a panic as she tried to see           a way out.

[paternaliisms]

He pulled back and looked at her, the hand from below her skirt suddenly laxing as he slowly let go of her hands. Marcus saw the tears and fear in her eyes and something faltered within him. He pulled his hand back and leaned forward, kissing away the tears on each cheek, lingering there before brushing the hair out of her eyes and pulling back.

                            “Please?” he husked, his eyes lost, an endless cavern                              his torn soul. He realizes what he’s doing and creates more                              space between them.

                     “I-I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over                                                                    me. Are you alright?”

[paternaliisms]

EVELYN:

      she isn’t sure if it’s fear that makes her hide her face, or the absolute       shame of being unable to pinpoint what she’d done wrong. where she       had said something that entitled marcus to such an aggressive display,       where she had acted upon something that warranted the dull throb in       her cheek where red now settles. purples and blues crawl forward to       the surface, painting her bruised beneath olive tones. her head is reeling       faster and faster and faster and                                 this was why she       had left erudite. if she couldn’t even recall the event that had been so       quick to anger him, what made her once believe that she’d manage the       initiation portion to a faction based around intelligence?

      green eyes remained closed, tongue nursing over teeth as she simply       allows herself to settle into his grasp. he apologizes, and she believes       him. he loves her, he does, he wont do it again.

                                               he wont do it again.

                   ❝ i’m sorry, marcus – i didn’t mean – ❞ 

                                      to do whatever it had been that she’d done.

              she just wanted to be a good wife.

                                       ❝ i’m sorry. ❞ 

      her tone is light as she drops her hands and keeps her head planted in       the curve of his collarbone, fingers set to the fabric of his coat, woven so       carefully into the stitching that she almost becomes apart of it.

he grips her wrists ever so gently, prying them away from those eyes he loved so dearly. so passionately. he immediately cupped her face and brings her lips to his repeatedly, handling her with such gentle care. 

                                           “hey, hey, hey. don’t apologize. it was my fault.                                            it was all me. i’m the one that hit you. i.. i don’t                                            know what came over me. i’m..” he sighed, the                                            tears flooding his eyes. “nothing you do could                                            ever make me mad. you’re perfect.”

his thumbs run along her soft, porcelain cheeks. god, he loved her. so painfully so. it was longing, yearning, the need to take care of her. the need to be the one to wipe away her tears and make her feel better.

                                  he loved her, he loved her, he loved her.

            but it was the other part of him that he loathed. the side that                 brought pain, that made him wrong. weak. a man that hit women                 to feel powerful. tapping into a side of himself that shut off all rationale.                 the smallest of things setting him off. the disorganization. the soup                 she made being too cold, so he’d throw it at the wall and guilt her for                 things that were out of her control. when he was the one slowly                 loosing any sense of reality. he’d blackout. forget who he was. who                 he really was. or maybe this wasn’t the real him. and his reality laid                 on the other side of the moon. but she grounded him. she turned him                 back. she always did.

his snapping had been getting worse as he got older. when he was young, he was always a rambunctious kid, always throwing temper tantrums. now his tantrums included alcohol and the build of a well built man that often didn’t realize his own strength. and often did and used it.

                                        he pulls her close and kisses the top of her head. he wouldn’t do it again. he                                     wouldn’t. but the darkness inside him that eclipsed any sense of morality would. and he knew that. and that’s what hurt him most.

[jxyxus]

          Allegra gasped at the feeling of his lips on her neck. What on earth was he doing!?           She was in a full panic now, shaking and trembling as he pressed himself against           her. She was terrified and confused and mostly freaking out. Allegra used her hands           on his chest to push him again in hopes that he’d stop. Allegra shook her head when           he tried to assure her that’d be OK.                                “N-No, please don’t. I-I don’t…j-just…p-please.”           Allegra stammered as his tongue was on her ear. She shivered at the sensation.           Allegra froze, terrified at his last words. She whimpered in fear                                                   “P-Please, d-don’t do this.”

[paternaliisms]

Her hands on his chest were futile, slowly bringing his own palms up to grasp her wrists and force them above her head. Trapping them both in one hand, the other slid up her skirt and gripped her inner thigh roughly, thumb ghosting along her sensitive skin carefully. “I promise I’ll be gentle,” he rumbled in her ear, the sound of her whim- per fueling something carnal inside him.

His better judgement was cast aside, regardless of the flicker of it in the back of his mind. 

                          “I’m going to take care of you, Allegra. Don’t you worry.”

[jxyxus]

          Allegra was shaking and his voice in her ear was not helping in the slightest, nor           was the fact that he was so close she actually felt the heat radiating off of him.           She was seriously starting to panic now, her breathing was erratic and heart was           beating so fast and loud she was sure that the whole room was filled with it.                                                    “I-I can’t. S-Stop. I-I..p-please.”           She stammered as she put her hand on his chest and pushed gently.

[paternaliisms]

He pressed his body flush against hers, snaking his hand into her hair as he trailed his lips along her jaw. “Shhh. It’ll be okay,” he purred, sliding his hand up her shirt and feeling the smooth bronze skin there as he confidently wrapped his arm around her waist. His tongue found it’s way to her earlobe, nipping and suckling as he let out a soft smirk.

“If you tell anyone about this, I’ll make sure you’ll regret it, my dear.”