xjexiste :
Even though he was being yelled at, Kai’s lips couldn’t help but to twitch up at the sound of his name. He missed Caelum’s voice more than anything. And even though he missed the ‘I love you’s in the morning and the sleepy laughing at night, he could settle for his name. At least for now. Kai wouldn’t stop trying until he got back everything he lost with that mistake that Caelum couldn’t seem to understand. Kai wouldn’t stop until he had Caelum back. His mouth opened and closed several times, he wanted to explain but this wasn’t the place. Storms seemed to destroy Caelum’s life and Kai didn’t want to be associated with them. He seemed to be doing fine ruining the other without them. He looked up and felt a couple drops hit his face.
It felt so suddenly, but the leash was in his hand and Caelum’s cold voice broke the storm. He was already walking back home and Kai wasn’t going to waste time anymore. He followed the other with Mona trotting at his side. “That’s not why I offered,” he pointed out, not slowing down until they were right behind Caelum and he couldn’t help but stare at his back. Those broad shoulders seemed to have been slumped and Kai didn’t know if it was because of the storm or because of him. Probably both. “I haven’t snapped my- since I saw you before. I haven’t done it again. Because I’ll probably never get it right, Caelum but I can try to fix this. What I’ve done to hurt you,” he was used to talking a lot around Caelum but he wasn’t used to doing most of the talking. He missed how he sounded when he was excited about something and then explaining it to Kai. He missed Caelum so much, but especially now even though he was so close but with his back turned towards him.
As soon as they got inside he grabbed onto the back of Caelum’s jacket with his free hand. Was it new? The two used to always share clothes, but was he trying to completely shed Kai out of his life? “And I’ll never do it again. I’ll never take that risk because I spent- I don’t even know how much time has passed anymore because I feel like I’ve spent a lifetime looking for you. I just wanted to get back to that point where I left. Where you would come back home from your meetings and I would be there waiting for you, like I always did,” he inhaled sharply and held onto the jacket more tightly. “I never wanted you to live with that, with that pain. I wanted to carry that. But I can’t find that moment and I can’t keep losing you.” Kai felt like he had to say as much as he could until Caelum couldn’t stand it anymore. Until he couldn’t speak anymore.
“It’s been a year. A year and two weeks.” He knows that they’re both fallible but this was more than something that could just be fixed. There’s something that just isn’t clicking with Kai he thinks, probably in his rush to find what makes him happy he hadn’t thought about Caelum’s happiness and that...that scared the little prince more than anything. “And if you could? If you could really go back or forward or wherever, you’d do it? That wouldn’t be me. This is me. If you did find me, that other me then—I’d still be alone. I feel so alone.” He shakes the hand away from his back and turns to kneel down at the whining dog, she’s ever so impatient, unhooking her leash from the collar before he finds himself finally standing to look face to face with Kai. His misplaced other half.
“You should have stayed the first time you found me. You’re a coward. You’ve always been a coward. That’s not something I need in my life.” And no matter how much conviction Caelum pushes into his tone he still doesn’t believe the words that are careless and poisoned. Kai has always been on the run and for good reason and Caelum never held him at fault for it before. How could he be so ruthless now? He thinks about past confessions whispered from under sheets and how their promises soaked through to the tiles of the bathroom floor. The only witnesses were their fingers locking together and their breaths falling short. But all this isn’t just a “mistake”, it’s not something you can “do over”. It’s a betrayal. It’s a gutless apology.
The first clap of thunder rattles Caelum where he stands, feet stepping back automatically, putting distance between him and the storm outside, and the one that was spinning recklessly between him and Kai. The noise of little paws pattering against the floor is the only thing that sounds over the rain for the next few long moments. Just enough time for Caelum to feel his gut twist because even if Kai was the closest he’s been in so long it still felt like he was so distant, so far. “You already lost me once. What makes the difference if you do it again? Go ahead. Snap yourself out my life. Leave. You think I can’t survive without you? I did. You can go now. Don’t even stay on Earth. Go back home, Kai. Your time here is done.”













