tired of being me

a side blog expressing thoughts that would raise alarms on my main. adult. mdni.

[pathetic-dragon]

Cool more fuel for my suicidal fire. Now they're running me out of fandom or trying to. Awesome. Fantastic.

[pathetic-dragon]

Screaming into the void. Not even he hears me. I wish I had stayed dead.

[pathetic-dragon]

I cant even cry. Not that im not capable of it because I very much am. Im crying right now amd I need to fucking stop before she sees me. She'll think im being dramatic or some shit like that. No, woman, you just scared me to death so badly that you made me worthless. Ugh. Whatever. I can't even think rn.

[pathetic-dragon]

The only way I'll ever even reach 200 lbs again is if I just stop eating. Period. Typically something like that would require exercise too but I can't even do that. I'm cursed to be fat forever, may as well get high since I can't get surgery.

[pathetic-dragon]

God i can't even draw without tracing. Even something like strangling. Pathetic.

[pathetic-dragon]

I dont blame Heero and Treize for leaving me. I'm not worth it. And by it, I mean anything. It wouldn't matter if I had a gun cuz im not worth the bullet inside it.

My alters wish they'd never formed. The ones with past lives wish they'd stayed dead, especially if being in my head was the alternative.

I wish i had someone I could trust to take care of my animals. They're the only things that matter anymore. Not enough to change me.

[fractured-atelier]

I need to write something depressing again but I've no idea what.

[pathetic-dragon]

I've already written two suicide fics, one via throwing Duo off a bridge and him drowning after impact and the other via Wufei overdosing. Granted I could get creative and kill one or both of them again. Ugh. Lucky fictional bastards.

[pathetic-dragon]

Maybe I should just give up my bariatric journey. Now I need to lose the same 50 pounds I fought to lose last year because it came the fuck back. I hate myself so fucking much. I hate being fat. I hate having fucking forty pound tits. I just hate all of me.

[pathetic-dragon]

Mom won't be home tomorrow. Maybe i can find a nice semi to snuggle with.

[pathetic-dragon]

I wish we would crash the car. I wish someone would hit me with their car while I was outside. I wish for once the popping outside would be gunshots like it was in Louisville and I'd get hit.

I wish i wasnt fucking born.

[pathetic-dragon]

I wish i could own a weapon.

[idunnoanymore34]

“this is a safe space” my ass bro if i told you how i really feel you’d call the cops on me and have me back in the psych ward by tonight

[memories-of-ancients]

Gold and Ruby ring, Venice, Italy, 16th century

from The Ashmolean Museum

[pathetic-dragon]

God i hate this shit. I am desperately trying not to be fat. Fat is horrifying to me because being fat is destroying my body and I can't get help because I'm too fucking fat! I would give anything to not be fat.

[m-a-k-k-u]

a bullet would really hit the spot right now

[ch0co-c0rn3t-lov3]

the three genders are "i should talk more", "i should talk less", and "i should never speak again"

[fayonnaise]

i’ve been so left Out and ignored My entire life i don’t even Try anymore