i don't want us to be strangers anymore

I'm Patrick, I'm 28 and you'll find me working in the ER of Javon Bea Hospital-Rockton. (glee au 1x1)

[patrickmcintosh]

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Throwback to when this dickhead @theodorefuckerman actually listened to me and did what I asked him to do

❤ 74 likes ✐ 10 COMMENTS

[patrickmcintosh]

[patrickmcintosh]

↳ INSTAGRAM: @patrickmcintosh uploaded a new photo

I just spent the night shift with you, so I don’t need you sending me pictures of your ugly mug on your way home @theodorefuckerman 🙄 #whyareyousoobsessedwithme

❤ 102 likes ✐ 30 COMMENTS

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

[theodorefuckerman]

patrickmcintosh‌:

Patrick almost jumped as he heard Theodore follow him and prepared himself for the punch he’d expected. When Theo didn’t punch him, Patrick swallowed hard and looked away from his best friend. He couldn’t look at him after everything he’d admitted. As he asked the barman for two whiskeys, he focused his attention on the bar and just listened as Theo started to get angry with him again. Everything Theo was saying was true. Patrick was a coward. He was a selfish coward who acted like a child and ran away. How could he ever expect Theo to forgive him? When Theo stopped talking, Patrick sighed. He figured he should say something in response. As he was about to speak, the drinks appeared so he picked them both up and walked back to the table. Sitting down, he waited until Theo sat down too before he looked over at him and started to speak. “Theo, I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t answer you. If I heard your voice, I would have run right back to you and that wouldn’t have done either of us any good. I had to delete all of your messages. I couldn’t even look at a picture of you without wanting to cry. I had to stay away, Theo. I had to. I didn’t want to. I hated myself for making you feel like that. You meant everything to me and that’s why I had to leave. I couldn’t let myself be in love with you. Not after what happened to my parents.” 

“Bullshit, You can’t do that, you’re not allowed to do this after 10 fucking years You know, you like to think you’re better than him, better than hunter, but you aren’t. You’re just like him, pretending to love me, when I’m nothing but a fucking prize.” Theodore muttered. It was all so overwhelming, he fucking loved him? you don’t abandon people you love, you don’t cut them off and pretend like they didn’t exist, right? “You don’t get to come back and turn my life upside down with this whole .. profession of love.” Theodore was angry that was evident, but he was also confused, he had always believed that the tension between Patrick and Hunter was because they had something before Hunter entered the scene. “You left Patrick. You left and you moved on without me, You didn’t give me a single second of thought.”

[patrickmcintosh]

“You’re right. I’m not better than him. That’s why I left. You had him and I didn’t want to wreck that so I left before I wrecked our friendship by doing something stupid. But it wrecked it anyway because I’m such a shitty best friend.” Patrick wanted to run away again. He never should have come back in the first place. He should have stayed away and maybe one day he might have been able to go a whole day without thinking about Theo. “I don’t, I’m sorry. I wasn’t planning on ever telling you but I couldn’t deal with you believing that I never cared about you, Theo.” The stronger alcohol wasn’t helping make the situation any better and all Patrick wanted to do was lock himself in the bathroom and cry like a child. He was such a fucking idiot and he hated himself for ever mentioning anything. “Theo, I have thought about you every day since I was seventeen. Without fail. Even when I shouldn’t haven’t been thinking about you, all I could think about was you.”

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

[patrickmcintosh]

theodorefuckerman :

Theodore almost choked on his beer when Patrick admitted that once upon a time, a long time ago that he had feelings for him, feelings, that he was in love with him, sure Theodore has suspected a crush but he assumed it was on Hunter. “I ..” He paused as Patrick spoke over him. all he could hear was excuses after excuses. He left because he couldn’t stand being around him and Hunter? bullshit, Patrick was a coward, and stupidly selfish, and as mad as he was at that moment, he couldn’t hate him for it, right? When Patrick got up to go to the bar, Theodore downed the rest of his pint, before following after him. “You’re a coward.” Theodore muttered, anger laced in his voices as he leaned against the bar, “You like to think that you’re better than Hunter, buy ou aren’t. You were supposed to be my best friend, I told you shit .. about him, about my dad .. and you chose yourself, you chose to leave just like Hunter, the only difference? at least he told me he was leaving. He made it pretty clear I was nothing, whereas you? you treated me like I didn’t exist, you cut me off completely. You couldn’t even pick up the fucking phone whenever I called, but you enjoy it right? listening to me beg on your fucking answer machine, while you laughed at me?”

Patrick almost jumped as he heard Theodore follow him and prepared himself for the punch he’d expected. When Theo didn’t punch him, Patrick swallowed hard and looked away from his best friend. He couldn’t look at him after everything he’d admitted. As he asked the barman for two whiskeys, he focused his attention on the bar and just listened as Theo started to get angry with him again. Everything Theo was saying was true. Patrick was a coward. He was a selfish coward who acted like a child and ran away. How could he ever expect Theo to forgive him? When Theo stopped talking, Patrick sighed. He figured he should say something in response. As he was about to speak, the drinks appeared so he picked them both up and walked back to the table. Sitting down, he waited until Theo sat down too before he looked over at him and started to speak. “Theo, I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t answer you. If I heard your voice, I would have run right back to you and that wouldn’t have done either of us any good. I had to delete all of your messages. I couldn’t even look at a picture of you without wanting to cry. I had to stay away, Theo. I had to. I didn’t want to. I hated myself for making you feel like that. You meant everything to me and that’s why I had to leave. I couldn’t let myself be in love with you. Not after what happened to my parents.” 

[patrickmcintosh]

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

[patrickmcintosh]

theodorefuckerman :

“You think my life stopped when you up and left?” Theodore asked, this was a conversation he didn’t want to have, sure he made snide remarks and digs at Patrick, but that didn’t mean he wanted to have a full-on conversation about their past, and the way Theo felt when he left, because he knew the moment they’d get into the conversation, he’d admit to it all, how betrayed and lonely he felt, and Theo didn’t want that, he didn’t want to be vulnerable and he especially didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of Patty. “We were supposed to go off together, you know? We had this plan, we were supposed to go to LA together, live in a crumby fucking apartment, because he wanted to be an Actor, how stupidly cliche, It was his plan, but I was a stupid kid, who thought they were in love, and I would’ve followed him off the edge of a cliff, but plans changed he got a full-ride scholarship. And he took it, hid the fact from me for months, and I ..  - when he left, he told me he didn’t love me, that I was a tool to distract him from how boring living in a small town was because I was broken and easily manageable.”

Patrick almost dropped the pint he was holding as Theo answered his question. Everything made sense now. Everything that had happened a decade ago explained why Theo was so pissed off at him right now. He’d left before Hunter had so he never knew what had happened and seeing the way Theo was now, he could tell that he obviously played a small part in why Theo was so upset. He’d hidden the scholarship from Theo too, just like Hunter had and now he felt like a dickhead for not telling Theo sooner or just staying. Why hadn’t he just stayed? But as he looked over at his best friend sitting across from him, looking pretty upset, he remembered why he’d had to leave. “Theo, I-I’m so sorry. I’m sorry Hunter treated you like you were nothing. You were never nothing. You will never be nothing.” Putting down the pint of beer, Patrick glanced down at the table for a moment as he felt his emotions getting the better of him. Swallowing hard, he looked back up at Theo. “I know it doesn’t matter to you and you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway but I left because of me, not you. I left because I fell in love with you, Theo and I had absolutely no idea how to handle it. I left because every time I got the courage up to even admit it to myself, Hunter was there or you mentioned him and how could I compete with that? I left because I’m selfish and I couldn’t deal with being around you and not being able to tell you. I’ve always been selfish, Theo and I’m so sorry that I hurt you because I can’t deal with my feelings.” He froze after he finished speaking as he realised what he’d just admitted out loud. Oh god, Theo knew he had fallen in love with him. Why the hell did he say something stupid like that?! “Right, I’m grabbing the next round.” Patrick quickly stood and headed over to the bar. He needed something stronger if he was going to face Theo after that. 

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

[theodorefuckerman]

patrickmcintosh‌:

There had been times where Patrick had wondered how different life would be for him if he had never met Theo. He wondered if he would have fallen in love with a guy still or if he would have ended up with a woman. Would he had made a close friendship like the one he’d formed with Theo? Would have have fallen totally and completely in love with them too? Would things have been different if he’d met Theo at a different time of his life? Would things be different now after ten years apart? “That’s because I have to put up with an asshole who doesn’t respect authority. But how about we don’t talk about work right now. I figured now might be a good time to just catch up on what happened with each other after I left.” Patrick took a sip of his drink and waited for Theo’s snide comment about him leaving him.

Theodore wanted to forget, he wanted to push everything Patrick and Hunter elated to the back of his mind, where he didn’t have to think of them ever again, but it didn’t work like that, everything reminded him that his best friend and boyfriend left him, I mean the only saving grace was that they didn’t leave him for each other. “I respect authority, so that’s bullshit right there, asshat. And you’re the one who asked about work? still pinning the blame on me, huh?” Theodore mused, his hand wrapping around the pint glass and he leaned against the table. “You didn’t leave, you ran. but I’ll bite.”

[patrickmcintosh]

There was so much that Patrick wanted to ask Theo. There was so much he wanted to say to try and apologise for running away like a child. He didn’t even know where to start. “That’s fair. I don’t know, I guess I just want to know what happened with you. Obviously we know that I left and look, I regret that but there were reasons. Whatever, anyway, I guess I just want to know what happened with Hunter, if that’s okay? Like, where did he go? Why did he go?” Patrick knew there was little chance that Theo would answer any of his questions but it didn’t hurt to ask.

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

[patrickmcintosh]

theodorefuckerman :

You ever wonder your life would be like if you’d taken a different path? What would’ve happened If Patrick and Theo never crossed paths? Or even Theo and Hunter? Where would he be now? How different would his life be? He and Patrick would be perfect strangers, right now. Two people without a pass, working together and getting to know each other without all the added drama, but despite what he might say, knowing Patrick back then, dating Hunter, It saved him from himself. “Alright, I suppose minus this obnoxious fucking twit, who won’t keep his backhanded, obnoxiously self-serving compliments to himself.”

There had been times where Patrick had wondered how different life would be for him if he had never met Theo. He wondered if he would have fallen in love with a guy still or if he would have ended up with a woman. Would he had made a close friendship like the one he’d formed with Theo? Would have have fallen totally and completely in love with them too? Would things have been different if he’d met Theo at a different time of his life? Would things be different now after ten years apart? “That’s because I have to put up with an asshole who doesn’t respect authority. But how about we don’t talk about work right now. I figured now might be a good time to just catch up on what happened with each other after I left.” Patrick took a sip of his drink and waited for Theo’s snide comment about him leaving him.

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

[patrickmcintosh]

theodorefuckerman :

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Theodore muttered, before heading up to the bar. He without a doubt missed his friendship with Patrick, but he wasn’t about to admit to it so easily, mostly because he knew Patrick, and he knew he’d end up holding it over his head and gloating. Now everything was different, they weren’t two teens sneaking away and getting drunk from a sip of vodka, but two grown men in a pub - still bickering like two idiot teens, “Here, no need to thank me.” Theodore spoke, placing two-pint glasses down on the table.

Patrick gave Theo the finger while he walked over to the bar. There was something about spending time with Theo that made him feel like the same, young teenager again. As Theo came back to the table, Patrick grinned at him as he settled back into the seat. “Well, I won’t then.” Taking a sip, Patrick watched the man sitting opposite him. What could he even say to him now that they didn’t have work to talk about? “So, how have your first couple of weeks been? Different than you thought?” 

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

[patrickmcintosh]

theodorefuckerman :

Theodore was wrong when he told Patrick that the basis of their friendship was him pitting the older male, in fact, it was quite the opposite, before Patrick, He wasn’t exactly what you’d call a social butterfly, he was shy and stupidly naive, and the only company he kept more often than not was his own. Being glued to Patrick’s side the last two weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions, he missed him that was evident, but he was still mad, and things were harder now because they were different people, they weren’t the same idiotic teens who whispered behind closed doors, but two stubborn idiots who wouldn’t let up. “I’d say the same about you, almost like a lion dragged you up, all mangled. and well you.”

Their friendship had never been conventional. It had basically started as an accident and then they grew closer and closer. Before Patrick had left, he’d spent every day with Theo, learning all his quirks, his hopes and his dreams. But now as he looked over at the man who was sitting across from him, he realised that he had no idea who this man was. Dr. Theodore Puckerman was a mystery to Patrick; a mystery that he really wanted to figure out. “So, where’s the first round? I’ll just take a beer, thanks.” With every beer that he had drunk so far, his confidence levels had raised higher and higher. He needed to slow down though if he was going to keep control though.

[patrickmcintosh]

Texts 📲 Thatrick

Theodore: especially hunter.

Theodore: I'm not a slut, dick.

Patrick: Wow, I didn’t expect that response.

Patrick: Right, well, if you’re going to keep trying to lie, this conversation seems pointless. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[patrickmcintosh]

A Drunken Mess // Thatrick

Patrick missed his best friend. He missed the guy he used to spend almost every day with, laughing about anything and everything. He was glad they were at least talking again now but he didn’t want to be snippy with Theo anymore. He wanted them to just talk everything out and become friends again. He knew he couldn’t have Theo the way he wanted him, but he was happy with being just friends with him. So he figured getting Theo at least a little bit drunk might be the way to get him to talk. Patrick was already three beers deep by the time Theo arrived. He’d been lucky enough to score them a booth, so he was leaning back against the back scrolling through his phone when he heard Theo sit down across from him. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

[patrickmcintosh]

Texts 📲 Thatrick

Theodore: If i do and i'm not saying i do, but if i do have a heart, It's buried deep within, where no living soul will ever find it.

Theodore: And you're a virgin

Patrick: Not even Hunter?

Patrick: The slut and the virgin. What a combo we are.

[patrickmcintosh]

Texts 📲 Thatrick

Theodore: Well, i would need a heart for it to break.

Theodore: BECAUSE YOU CALLED ME A SLUT

Patrick: Oh come on. You have a heart. It might be buried way down, but I remember you from high school. You have a heart and you have feelings.

Patrick: But you are a slut

[patrickmcintosh]

Texts 📲 Thatrick

Theodore: Are you trying to break my already fragile heart?

Theodore: ew, who said anything about me wanting to have sex with you?

Patrick: That was obviously my plan all along.

Patrick: Why else would you care about me being a supposed virgin?

[patrickmcintosh]

Texts 📲 Thatrick

Theodore: Maybe it's because he knew he was going to fall head over ass in love with someone one day, and you were going to be a little creep and check him out

Theodore: whatever you say virgin 🙄

Theodore: sucks to be you, asshat.

Patrick: I didn’t think Hunter was capable of love 🤷🏻‍♂️

Patrick: Just because you haven’t had sex with me, it doesn’t mean other people haven’t.