so no one was going to tell me that t. e. lawrence aka lawrence of arabia was out here being very queer and i had to find out via asmr history that was supposed to help me fall asleep but very much did not???? rude.
Hi! You probably don’t remember me. About a decade ago I asked you if I should join marching band, and you gave a very enthusiastic yes. We were much closer then, and hearing you say that gave me the confidence to join up.
I did all four years. I met my best friends, many of whom I still talk to. I kept it up in college, and got my first job working at a symphony. That job got me out of my little town, and now I’m getting my grad degree in a place I love. I still play saxophone in a local jazz band.
Thank you for changing my life. I was going through our old messages and remembered how much you loved band. Wishing you all the happiness you’ve granted me. <3
thank you so much for letting me know omg??? I've never expected to have any sort of impact on anything but I'm so glad that my response gave you the confidence to join band and subsequently change your life for the better!! I stopped playing in college because I majored in theater and there were too many conflicts but you've inspired me to look into community bands and maybe get back into it. thank you for the well wishes and I hope your happiness continues. 💜
Thank god soulmates (one person destined for you that you will never be happy without) aren't real but soulmates (people you understand and connect with on a special level, multiple, some of which you havent met yet) are real
bro last night was totally redacted! last night was fully expunged from the record. bro, do you... can you remember last night? what did we do...? what did... did we hurt someone? bro? why won't you look at me? what did I do...? whose blood is this...? bro...?
I started this with just the forced proximity spread from @3am-tarot's tarot & tropes in mind, but ended up adding the slow burn and forbidden love spreads too. The spreads and cards will be below along with the messy WWI patrochilles fic that ties them all together. Because I'm me it's as historically accurate as I could make it without going too overboard with research. 😂
Trope: forced proximity
Spread: can I have a moment to myself / wait where are you going?
Cards: IX of Cups / Death
Trope: slow burn
Spread: a subtle hint / a major move
Cards: King of Wands / Page of Swords
Trope: forbidden love
Spread: we couldn't possibly / I'll never tell
Cards: Queen of Cups / Knight of Wands
As a child of the upper class, Achilles had grown accustomed to comfort and luxury being the status quo. The house he grew up in was enormous, and when he was shipped off to boarding school he'd managed to have a private room.
Due to his background and education, he was automatically given the rank of a probationary Second Lieutenant when he enlisted, so he expected this comfort to continue despite entering a war. That reality quickly came crashing down before he even got to France.
During basic training he had to share a room since there were simply not enough rooms for anyone to have their own. He would have to share his room with another new officer and was not looking forward to it in the slightest.
Achilles was in the middle of unpacking his things when his new roommate entered. He looked up and found someone around his age who seemed to be equally annoyed that they would have to share this room. The other man looked over at him and quickly looked away, occupying himself with unpacking his own things. Achilles couldn't believe how awful his manners had been.
“Second Lieutenant Achilles Pelides. Who do I have the displeasure of sharing this room with?” He asked in an annoyed tone.
“Second Lieutenant Patroclus Menoetiades.” Patroclus had replied without even looking up.
His manners truly are awful, Achilles thought to himself. He didn't continue the conversation, and focused on unpacking the rest of his things. Once he was finished, he left the room without a word in search of better company.
Achilles was back in time for bed, and found that Patroclus was already asleep. He dressed for bed, and climbed into his own bed but had trouble falling asleep in such a new environment.
“Did you know you snore in your sleep?”
Achilles woke up to this question feeling like he hadn't slept at all. It took him a minute to process the words and he immediately frowned in response. “No. I don't snore.”
“You do. It woke me up half past four. I couldn't get back to sleep either because you never stopped.”
“Well I'm not feeling particularly rested either. If you're so sure, I'm sure there are ear plugs you can buy.”
Patroclus sighed and dropped the subject. He got ready for the day without another word, and Achilles did the same. Their day of training was exhausting, especially with their respective lack of sleep. Patroclus bought earplugs when they were released for dinner.
They continued this routine of snarky remarks in the morning and complete silence at night for the first week and a half. Their first mail delivery was what halted this routine. Achilles was busy opening his parcel before they were due for bed when he noticed that Patroclus wasn't doing the same. “Did you already open yours?” He asked, although he didn't see anything new on Patroclus’ side of the room.
“No, I didn't get anything.”
Achilles looked perplexed. “Maybe it's running late. I'm sure your family sent you something. You probably have a girl too. She'll send you something soon.”
“That's a lot of assumptions, none of which are correct. My father hates me and he'd never allow my mother to send anything herself. I don't have anyone else waiting for me either. Not all of us have beautiful blue eyes that any girl would fawn over.”
Achilles felt a thousand emotions at once. Did Patroclus really have no one? Had he just called his eyes beautiful? He looked at the other, trying to clear his head and focus on how to proceed. He shifted on his bed, making room for another body to sit. “I'm sorry,” he said with sincerity. “We can share mine if you'd like?”
“You hate sharing,” Patroclus said matter of factly. “And I don't need your pity.”
“It's not pity. I…” Achilles didn't know how to properly explain himself, but he knew he wanted to share this with Patroclus even if he didn't usually like sharing. “Just get over here and help me open this box.”
Patroclus got up, albeit a little begrudgingly, and sat down beside Achilles. “Okay, I'm here. Now open the damn box and see what your loving family sent you.”
Achilles took the lid off and revealed the contents of the box that his mother had sent him. It was likely she hadn't bothered to consult his father on the matter as she didn’t talk to him if she could help it. She'd sent a few things, one of which being a large bar of chocolate that had surprisingly not melted despite the August weather.
Achilles unwrapped the chocolate bar and broke it in half. He handed one half of it to Patroclus. “Do you really think my eyes are beautiful?”
Patroclus’ expression implied that he hadn't realized he'd used those exact words. “I…” He struggled for an explanation as he felt his face heat up.
“I don't have a girl waiting on me either, you know.” Achilles was nervous, maybe he shouldn't have said that. Maybe Patroclus hadn't meant anything by it.
“You don't?” Patroclus still looked bewildered, but he took the chocolate that Achilles was still offering. “Thank you,” he said, his hand lingering a bit too long before he pulled it away to take a bite.
“No, I don't.” Achilles looked down, his heart rate increasing as Patroclus’ touch lingered longer than it had any right to. “You didn't answer my question.”
“...yes.” Patroclus replied after he'd swallowed his bite of chocolate. “I did. Your eyes are beautiful. You're…beautiful.”
Achilles looked up at Patroclus, a smile on his face that only grew as he took in Patroclus’ appearance up close. “So are you. Especially when you blush like this.”
Patroclus took another bite of chocolate so he had an excuse to not respond and avoided Achilles’ eyes, his face heated up even more.
Achilles moved his free hand to settle on top of the one Patroclus had resting on his bed and took a bite of his own chocolate with the other. They sat like that in comfortable silence for a few moments before the call for “lights out” came echoing down the halls and Patroclus scrambled over to his side of the room.
There was a different tension between them now. They had both admitted something that could put them both in jail despite their families status if they acted upon it. Neither of them got much sleep that night.
In the morning, Patroclus acted as if nothing had happened. The only difference was that he didn't make a snarky remark to Achilles as he dressed for the day. Instead, he dressed in silence, his back turned and his eyes fixed on the wall. He left shortly after, leaving Achilles confused as he climbed out of bed.
Why hadn't Patroclus said anything to him? Had he said too much last night? It was one thing to say something, and a completely different thing to act upon it. What little touch they'd exchanged last night had seemed welcome, though. Achilles thought back to the revelation Patroclus had made about his family. Perhaps he couldn't risk doing anything further that would anger them.
Achilles dressed himself and shoved those thoughts aside. If Patroclus made no further advances, he would respect that. He went about his day in a bit of a haze, only to come back to their room and find all of Patroclus’ things gone. He could feel the panic rise in him and immediately went back out to find the Captain in charge of their room assignments.
“Second Lieutenant Menoetiades is no longer in our shared room, sir. Was he moved?”
“Yes. He requested to be moved because apparently he isn't getting any sleep due to your snoring. Congratulations, you have the room to yourself now.”
Achilles started to frown, but quickly fixed his expression to a neutral one before he saluted. “Thank you, sir.” He walked away without another word.
When he got back to his room, he hated the silence. He hated even thinking about it as his room instead of their room. This was what he had craved up until yesterday, but then Patroclus had called him beautiful. There was such a comfort in that phrase, but it had scared Patroclus off. The emotions that were stirring inside him were new, he'd never wanted to share his space before but now he felt he needed it.
Achilles had the worst night of sleep since he'd arrived that night. He'd been unable to stop his spiraling thoughts about Patroclus. He showed up to their drills looking absolutely miserable, but no one made a comment about it. He went through the motions, but his mind was still on Patroclus instead of proper bayonet techniques.
Patroclus continued to avoid Achilles, and by the end of the second week, Achilles didn't really want to even leave his room. He thought about how ridiculous it was that one encounter could alter his emotions so much but that didn't mean he could change them.
They were given a day off and Achilles used his free time to do what little research he could into the British and French sodomy laws. He was surprised to learn that homosexuality hadn't been criminalized in France since 1791. He realized that even once they got to France they would be subject to British Military law, but the realization was still a comforting one. He thought of how best to describe his thoughts and feelings with this new information to Patroclus. It took some time, but once he'd rehearsed it in his head more times than he could remember he went out in search of Patroclus. They still had a few hours before they had to be back in their rooms.
He found Patroclus sitting under a tree at the edge of the training camp with a book in his hands. The book was closed and upon closer look, so were the other's eyes. Had Patroclus not been sleeping well either?
Achilles cleared his throat and Patroclus opened his eyes, looking a bit startled. He looked even more so when he realized it was Achilles in front of him.
Achilles wasted no time. He sat down on the ground in front of Patroclus and launched into his speech, although it didn't come out as well as he'd rehearsed.
“Patroclus, please come back. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone like I've missed you since you left. I don't know why you left, but I can guess. Maybe I was a bit too forward. I didn't mean to scare you off. We don’t have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. We'll be in France soon and we probably won't even have much time to ourselves if any, but I still want you by my side. Did you know that homosexuality has been legal in France since 1791? I found that out today–”
Patroclus put his hand over Achilles’ mouth to stop his rambling. Achilles looked surprised, but fell silent.
“I didn't realize you were such a nerd. Looking up French law on the only day off we'll probably have? It's…well, it means a lot actually. I was nervous and I didn't want to tarnish your reputation. But if you want me at your side, I'll be there.”
Patroclus removed his hand and moved in closer to Achilles. “I'll do whatever you want.”
Achilles looked beyond relieved. He smiled, looked around to make sure they were alone and far from anyone's view, and kissed Patroclus softly.
The kiss was an exploration, a beginning with so much possibility, but Achilles kept it brief since they were still out in the open.
“Transfer back to our room and we can do more of that. We can figure out what to do once we're in France if we even have time. I don't want to waste any more time.”
So I wrote something for tarot tropes day one and figured maybe it shouldn't just sit in a google doc never to be read. It stems from a wider idea I have of a whole WWI Iliad/Trojan War retelling focused mainly on Achilles and Patroclus because who would I be if it didn't? Anyway, here's what inspired it and the rest will be below the cut.
Trope: hurt/comfort
Spread: it hurts / but I like it
Cards Pulled: XIII of Swords / IX of Pentacles
Achilles had dragged them out into No Man's Land and now they were stuck in a shell crater because the other side had spotted them and decided to use their machine gun. It wasn't like this was a charge, so a sniper would've made more sense quite frankly, but Achilles was grateful that hadn't been the case. Snipers were far more deadly. Patroclus looked exhausted next to him, but he still had a small smile on his face.
It was odd, even in the darkest moments Patroclus had this smile on his face whenever Achilles looked at him. At first he'd thought that maybe this was a symptom of shell shock, but Patroclus had displayed no other worrying symptoms. It never felt like the right time to ask him about it, so he still didn't know why Patroclus looked this happy in a hole covered in mud with gunfire above their heads. Now seemed like it could be a good time to ask Patroclus, since they were alone. They were also stuck, so it would be hard for Patroclus to escape the question, something Achilles was both grateful for and ashamed of. Nevertheless, he pressed on with his question.
“Why are you always smiling when I look at you?” Achilles asked, keeping the question short and to the point.
Patroclus flushed, and averted his gaze. He hadn't realized he'd been smiling. Achilles probably thought he was insane. It was possible that Achilles would still think that once he answered, but they were stuck here and could die at any minute so he might as well be honest.
“I like looking at you,” Patroclus replied, daring to look up at Achilles after a few moments had passed and he'd worked up the courage.
Achilles was taken aback, which no doubt showed in his expression, but he wasn't disgusted as Patroclus might fear. The truth was that he liked looking at Patroclus too. The realization that Patroclus could feel the same about him hit him like a ton of bricks and all he could do was lean closer to him.
“I like looking at you too,” he admitted, giving Patroclus a small smile of his own.
Patroclus smiled even wider as he heard this and closed what little space between them was left. He pressed his mouth against Achilles’ and rested his hands on the other's shoulders. His uniform was dirty, but he didn't care.
Achilles returned the kiss like it was a fight for their lives. In a sense, it was. They might not ever be able to do this again, whether that be because they died or just never again had a moment alone. He gripped Patroclus, pulling him impossibly close. He kissed Patroclus until he was completely out of breath and had to stop simply to breathe.
Patroclus was out of breath too, but there was a different smile on his face now. One of satisfaction. They very well may die any second, but he'd kissed the beautiful boy he'd fallen in love with and that's all that mattered to him in this moment.
COMING SOON! i'm hosting a totally free twelve-day tarot spread series here on tumblr (and also on instagram, follow me there at @ 3am.tarot!) all about tropes! whether you're a fanfic writer or reader, a romance lover, a gamer who loves narrative, or just someone who loves tropes in their many forms, i've got you. from june 1st-12th, i'll be sharing simple two-card tarot spreads inspiring by twelve different romance tropes (aka hurt/comfort, friends-to-lovers, #idiotsinlove, etc) that you can use to explore your characters, stories, relationships, and fantasies.
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it's totally free, and participation is highly encouraged! share these tarot spreads far and wide, and if you use them in your readings or as creative prompts, use the tag #tarottropes and i'll reblog. let's cheer each other on, make some new connections, and make some magic in these spaces together.
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these tarot spreads were SUCH a blast to write, and i hope you have a great time using them in your practice! see you june 1st 🌹💦
Neurotypical people will teach you that it's rude to interrupt others, that you shouldn't talk over people, and then make fun of you your whole life for being "quiet" and withdrawn because you're waiting for a break in the conversation that never comes.
re-reading tkm and realized that andrew is actually speaking german when he says "that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" and my 734 day duolingo streak meant that I could see the flaws in what google translate had to say so I spent an hour figuring out how best to translate it myself and taking everything into account, including the fact that andrew would probably use the simplest way, may I present my translation:
das bedeutet nicht ich blase dich nicht
it's after 2am now. I'm truly unhinged lmao. please let me know your opinions if you speak german tbh!
I've been useless all day after this news how am I supposed to continue my life without an ounce of information besides "apparently maybe this will be a thing"
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