Sand Castle
I felt a pain in my chest with each breath I took. I could feel my heart pounding. My whole body was covered in sweat, bleeding through what clothes I had on. My hands raised up to push another branch aside only to have it claw its way down my exposed arms. In the past I would have given up, but this was different. With each step she took, I was determined to follow suit. This particular dance had been going for hours, but it started way before all of this. Sometimes the body gives out before the mind does.
I gripped a tree trunk as I fell to one knee. My heavy breathing grew loud enough for her to stop in her tracks. She turned around and slowly made her way back to me. Her footsteps were silent as she navigated her way through the dried leaves and loose rocks on this midmorning autumn hike. I looked up and there she was, the sun brightening to top of her hair like a halo as she stood there with one hand on her hip and the other extending a bottle of water in my direction. Almost there I thought to myself.
“Come on slowpoke, we’re almost there,” she jested.
Unable to respond, I took a sip of water.
“If I remember correctly,” she said in a mocking fashion, “You’re the one who picked this trail.”
I handed the bottle back and slowly got to my feet with her help.
“I picked it because the app said it had a castle at the top, there was no mention that I would die on the way up.”
“You’ve gotten this far, no point in turning back. I can hear some other people, the top is probably just over this last hump. Isn’t it the struggle that makes the triumph feel that much better?”
She started to run ahead as I slowly began to follow. The gap between us was growing, but I knew I would close it, I had no other choice. She was right, we had gotten this far. All the ups and downs would make this moment that much sweeter. Pain is temporary even if it feels like it will last forever. We may go at our own paces, but in the end it’s always the two of us together. I pushed through the struggle and the doubt and found myself at a clearing. I had made it.
“Took you long enough slowpoke.”
Between gasps for air I said, “It was all planned. Perfect timing. The sun is just now starting to set.”
Just like the description stated, atop the mountain stood the vast remains of a castle. We walked towards it, taking pictures to show off, before parking ourselves on an empty bench that overlooked the trails we had taken to get to this point. It was strange seeing things from this vantage point. From up here you couldn’t see all the rocks we climbed or any of the branches we tripped over, the tops of the trees helped to mask it but we knew what it really took to get to this point. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled our bodies together. I could feel her heart beating. as I’m sure she could feel mine, as we admired the beauty around us.
I turned to her and said, “Legend has it that some guy built this castle as a symbol of his enduring love to his wife.”
She turned to me and asked, “Is that so? What if I wanted a castle, would you build me one? What would you build it out of?
I paused for a moment to think it over. A simple question, but at the same time a loaded one. I opened my mouth to speak, but I stopped. It was a few moments before I finally answered, “Sand.” I could see her forehead begin to crinkle and her eyebrows begin to furrow. As she started to open her mouth, I said, “Let me explain. I chose a sand castle because when the tide comes in, it sweeps through and often times washes the castle aw—”
Before I could finish I felt the sting of her hand across my face. Stunned by what had just happened, by the time I reached for her arm she had already walked away with tears in her eyes.
“A fucking sand castle?!” she screamed as the distance between us grew. I sat their frozen beneath the setting sun as she walked to bench on the other side of the castle. I couldn’t hear the sound of her sobs, but I knew they were there. I was no stranger, I’ve heard them before. I took a deep breath and tried to collect myself before walking over. I wanted to give her time as well.
A few moments passed and the sun was almost gone at this point. I looked back, half expecting to be stranded atop the mountain as night fell upon us. I made my way through the oncoming darkness until I found the new bench she occupied. I could still see the tears in her eyes. I took the seat next to her. She acknowledged I sat down, but refused to look in my direction. I cupped her jaw with one hand, turning it towards me and with the other I wiped her tears with a tissue.
“You know I love you more than anything right?”
“Then why would you say that you want our love to be a sand castle that easily gets washed away?”
“I didn’t finish”.
“That’s what they always say.”
“A castle made of stone or whatever that supposedly lasts forever isn’t true, or at least that’s not the love I believe in. Something like that stays stuck in one spot and won’t budge. How often is something so easy that you never have to change it?”
I paused as I felt her turning.
“Yes a sand castle may get washed away by the waves of the rising tide, but you go back and you rebuild that sand castle again and again knowing that the waves will return. You try a couple different things like a moat or another tower hoping that these changes will help the castle survive the next wave. Maybe the additions help or maybe you’re rebuilding it all over again, continuing to expand and evolve the dream.”
She slowed her sobs and began to hold my hand in hers.
“We’ve been knocked over by wave after wave and we’ve continued to get back up and keep building. We’re different from who we were when we first met, I’m sure of it. And I’m sure there will be more waves in our future as well.” I could feel her thumb rubbing my palm, mirroring my thumb on the back of her hand.
“I had hoped today would have been better circumstances.” I paused for a moment while reaching into my pocket. “Will you continue to build sand castles with me for the rest of our lives?”