bruised & broken

paxton ridley. twenty. junior.

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

It’s time for another giveaway~

I’m immensely flattered by how popular my rainbow-inked dice have been! *_* You’re all far, far too kind. So in thanks, I’m going to give one lucky follower their own rainbow-inked d20! Color of your choice, depending on what I have available at the time or can get. You’ll be the most dazzling person at your game table! If you’d rather not wait, I also restock them regularly in my Etsy shop.

Rules:

Must be following me! New followers count too.

Likes and reblogs both count for an entry! You may reblog as many times as you like.

You can get a THIRD entry by submitting a picture of your own dice to my blog! (One entry per person this way.) Depending on how many submissions I get, not all may be posted, but every single one I receive will count for an entry.

Do not tag your reblog as “giveaway,” it can lead to the notes getting messed up and no one wants that.

Winner will be chosen by RNG on January 15th, 2018. (Giveaway ends at 11:59:59PM Eastern US time on January 14th)

You MUST have your askbox or messages open and MUST be comfortable giving me a shipping address.

**This giveaway is not affiliated with tumblr in any way**

[paxtonridley-blog]

@teddyryker

                    Paxton had never truly experienced pumpkin carving before. They’d seen carved pumpkins of course, but had never carved a pumpkin themself. That was mainly due to their parents believing that it was a messy sort of chore that higher society people shouldn’t bother participating in. Though of course they paid people to carve pumpkins for decorations or just used the plastic ones that looked real. Pax never thought much about pumpkin carving. Like many of the holidays the Ridley family participated in, everything was mainly for show. Who had the best looking decorations, who was giving out the best candy... and that sort of thing. If the Ridley family wasn’t #1, they aspired to be as close to the top as they could. If the family looked good on the outside, maybe their flaws wouldn’t be on display. That was the problem with living like that and growing up around other privileged children. Pax had always known that other people didn’t live like they did and now being out in the world, Pax realized that there were so many traditions that they’d never done before. Pumpkin carving being one of those big ones. 

                    Picking a pumpkin was a challenge since Pax had no idea what they were supposed to be looking for. Should it be taller or fatter? Should they choose a pumpkin that was fairly plump and tall? Or something smaller? Pax supposed that it depended on the design they planned on carving, but that was a mystery too. They’d gone online, but were too overwhelmed with the possibilities. Maybe they’d just carve Palmetto’s symbol into the damned thing and call it a day. That was a little too predictable and Pax wanted to at least put a little effort into it. Gathering everything they needed, Pax headed down the hall to Teddy’s room. 

                    “So... I didn’t exactly know what kind of pumpkin I should get to carve, but I got like four. One of them should work, right?” Pax looked down at the bag they’d brought with all the supplies. 

[paxtonridley-blog]

caseyhendrix:

It’s a cliche at this point–a losing effort, a bottle of something strong, the roof of Fox Tower. But it’s the best he can do tonight with residual anger buzzing in his head, and a distinct desire to not be found by any of his teammates or anyone at all for that matter. He guarantees that if he opens his mouth right now what’s going to come out of it is going to be sharp, so he’s heading this whole thing off and just keeping it shut–removing himself until tomorrow when this might not hurt so much. He wants the sounds of passing cars below him and the lights in the distance to do something–to drown out everything else and just leave him with a comfortable numbness–but instead he’s still holding himself tightly, like the next person that walks through the door to the roof is going to start a fight. 

When did it get to be like this? Lately every time he takes the court it feels like throwing his body at a brick wall over and over, hoping for something to break and instead just coming away bruised and angry. It’s all the worse because there isn’t a solution in sight at the moment; he’s not anyone’s coach, he’s not a one man defensive machine, how is he supposed to right the ship when no matter how hard he fights it just keeps hitting the rocks? He takes a long pull from the bottle he has with him and exhales, runs a hand through his hair–and of course the old metal door slams. He doesn’t make an effort to move and see who it is, just leans his head against he brick wall and pulls his knees up to his chest, offers up the bottle.

“Save the pep talk, if that’s why you’re here.” He says lowly, his voice rough from disuse. 

                    Game day was always difficult for Pax even on a good day. There was always that slight worry in their mind that something would go wrong even if everything was alright and nothing had been going wrong for a while. This game had been different because Pax had decided -- along with Betsy -- that sitting this game out would be best for everyone. Pax didn’t like sitting games out, but sometimes it was absolutely necessary in order to feel comfortable and heal. This was some of the slowest healing that Pax had been going through and they wanted things to be normal like it had been last year before their sister had contacted them, but there was no way to turn back time. And Paxton actually liked that she was in their life again. It was almost comforting in a way to have someone in their corner, even if that wasn’t a feeling that Pax had often prior to her being in their life. Watching the games from the sidelines was difficult... though somewhat healing. But watching the Foxes lose while they sat on the bench, was even more difficult. 

                     Pax didn’t like to spend time on the roof because it didn’t make them feel free like it did for some people. They preferred being somewhere where they could run and move. Some nights though Pax wanted to lay down on the roof and look up at the stars. Of course, on a night that the Foxes lost a game, Pax should have been able to assume that someone else would have already claimed this spot. Though some people would say that the South Carolina October air wasn’t that chilly, to Pax it kind of was. It felt good, especially with the coffee that Pax had brewed to bring up here. They walked to the edge of the building and looked down. It was a long way down. Pax knew how the Fox’s loss felt. Like they on top of the world and then fell to the bottom of the world. It sucked. Pax sighed and took a seat down beside Casey. 

                    “Don’t worry. I don’t know that I could say anything to pep anyone up right now.” 

[rpstartersforyou]

October/Halloween starters!

🍁 Our muses rake up piles of leaves and jump in them! 🌾 Our muses go on a hay ride! ☈ Our muses go through a corn maze! ☠ Our muses watch horror movies! 🔥 Our muses roast marshmallows by a bonfire! 🔼 Our muses go camping! 🐤 Our muses go on a nature hike! 🍂 Our muses collect leaves and make a scrap book with them! 🏬 Our muses go costume shopping! 🎨 Our muses make their own halloween costumes! 🍬 Our muses go trick-or-treating! ( no matter the age! ) 🏰 Our muses go through a haunted house! 🎃 Our muses go pumpkin picking! ✄ Our muses decorate the house for halloween! 🍎 Our muses make candy-apples! 👻 Our muse visit a haunted place! ( House, graveyard, ect ) 🏠 Our muses go around town scaring people! 🎉 Our muses throw a halloween party! 🚽 Our muses tee pee peoples houses! 📖 Our muses tell scary stories! 👀 Our muses play truth or dare! ( Scary related ) 🔪 Our muses carve pumpkins!

[paxtonridley-blog]

mckennamonroe:

McKenna gritted her teeth as she used every ounce of strength to lift the pumpkin out of the trunk of her car. Maybe, she was ambitious with her choice of pumpkin. It was huge. Her grandparents never celebrated Halloween, and her mom had no idea how to carve a pumpkin, so she was fulfilling a childhood wish she missed out on. She already had the stencil picked out from something she found on Pinterest, which was also probably too ambitious, but she was always pretty creative and had some confidence that she could pull it off.

She carried the pumpkin as far as the corner of the parking lot before her back buckled from the strain, causing her to nearly drop the pumpkin on the the street. “Oh, shit,” She cursed before steadily bending down and placing the pumpkin between her feet. Righting herself, she made eye contact with the person watching her nearly destroy a pumpkin and laughed. “I should’ve picked a smaller one,” She shrugged. “Feel like helping carve a pumpkin today? I figured I would do it before the game.”

                    Halloween had always been on of Pax’s favorite holidays. Mainly because it was a chance to dress up like someone else for a night and pretend that they weren’t themself for an evening. As a kid, their parents spared no expense: full sized candy bars, custom made costumes, and great decorations. That was never Pax’s favorite part of it -- being around friends that just wanted to have fun was the most fun. Candy was a plus as well. Carving pumpkins didn’t happen though. It was the only tradition they never did. Because it was messy and they rotted quickly in the southern air. So it was only a tradition that Pax picked up when they moved up to South Carolina, but it was something they did every day. 

                    They were thinking about what they were going to do for their costume this year, when they spotted McKenna. Though Paxton didn’t spend a lot of time around the Vixens, they did know who they all were. She almost dropped the pumpkin and Pax rushed over to help. “Uh, actually that sounds like fun!” they exclaimed. “Too bad I don’t have my own to carve as well. It’s been a long week and I forgot how close to Halloween it was.” Pax smiled. “What are you going to carve on it?” they asked. 

[paxtonridley-blog]

camtrask:

Cameron was achy all over. She was also far more tired tonight, having finally played her first full half since joining the Foxes, while also pushing herself further than she ever had as a goalkeeper. So she was exhausted physically, but mentally she didn’t even know how to begin to shut her brain down. She’d gone out to get food, which was usually her first plan and tended to help her fall asleep once she was back in her room, but on her way back to her room, she had yet to feel like sleep was calling to her. If anything, she’s even more awake. The bright florescent lights of the diner had only woken her up more, the sugar from the milkshake actually making her buzz a little bit, as if the game energy hadn’t been enough.

But still, even in her heightened state of excitement, Cameron could sense that not everyone was on the same page as her. She couldn’t say she completely blamed them. The second half of the game had been nervewracking, far too close for any actual comfort or certainty. To her, the outcome was not only something to celebrate, but also an opportunity to learn. She wouldn’t say they’d gotten arrogant, but it was safe to say they’d gotten comfortable. They couldn’t get comfortable like that. She was lost in that particular thought when she ran straight into Pax, unable to tell who exactly had been the cause of it. Regardless, she smiled and waved away the apology. “No worries! I wasn’t really paying attention anyway. How are you?”

                   Usually games felt good for Pax, but this season was worse than any other season Pax had ever played. Though the Foxes were doing well this season score wise, Pax wasn’t doing well at all. Hopefully when it came down to it, Pax would come through for the team. Things just weren’t looking up for them right now. It was difficult to think that it was going to get better because things just seemed to keep going wrong. Normally they were an optimistic sort of person, but right now they just couldn’t muster up any sort of positive thought. And that was probably part of the problem. They needed a vacation already. A week or two alone – maybe on a road trip or something. Just anything to get them away from Palmetto – from South Carolina and Georgia and the south. Maybe they’d go to New York. That break wouldn’t come for a while, so it was futile to even think about that.

                   They weren’t the only one that wasn’t in the mood for celebrating. Pax hadn’t looked at the score yet, but that didn’t mean much anymore, considering that everyone seemed to not be in a mood to celebrate wins this season. They felt more like a zombie than a human being right now. There weren’t a lot of people on Pax’s list to run into, but if it had to be anyone, they were glad that it was Cam. “Oh… um…” Pax wasn’t sure what to say to that question. They weren’t okay, but it was difficult to admit that things were alright. “I’m… not really that okay.”

[paxtonridley-blog]

lilith-price:

“Paxton Ridley,” Lilith repeats, testing their name on her lips like it was the first time she’d heard it (When it absolutely wasn’t, Wymack had shown her the full line-up just a few weeks ago, not that she’d cared enough to look at it) “I’m Lilith, as in, like, Lilith Price,” She hadn’t felt at all bothered by the fact that she hadn’t joined until the Foxes were well-settled into the year. She’d wondered, in passing, if her arrival would effect them at all when they’d seemed to be doing pretty well until now. It went without saying that if their performance declines at all now, it would probably be safe to say it was on her, and she couldn’t help but wonder if people would care enough about her anymore to comment on it. “And yeah, I guess I’m pretty late. I’ve been a little bit busy with some stuff—“ She shrugs, not wanting to go into much detail with them, “Any chance you know if this is my room?”

                    She said her name as if Pax should know who she was, but they didn’t. But the way that she said their name made them think she at least knew who was on the team. Not that Pax cared because they’d known the lineup their first year. “Oh, um, hi,” they replied, with a slight smile. It was a bit awkward considering that Pax didn’t know there was going to be someone else moving in or even if she was moving in. “Uh, yeah totally. I understand that.” They’d gone through their stuff before joining the Foxes too. And Pax wasn’t the type to pry. “No, I don’t. This... is um, well -- I don’t know who’s room is yours.” 

[paxtonridley-blog]

lilith-price:

First impressions are everything. Or so everyone always says, all the damn time. Besides, it’s not like these are first impressions really – she met some of them briefly back when she first came to see Wymack, and she’s pretty sure that any of them that any of them who care enough for these first impressions to matter would have already read up on her anyways, leaving her fucked from the start. Oh well. No need to paint up a false pretense if they’ll just figure everything out eventually anyway.

“Hello. Howdy. Guten tag. It’s me. Is this my room?” Even if it’s not, she’s already halfway through the door and dropping her things down onto the floor – smile wide to the point of being unnerving.

                    Paxton’s week had been taken up with homework and practice. They had made an appointment with Betsy and even with that, Pax was still feeling a bit on edge. Although they’d had panic attacks before, that was the first one Pax had on court. This season was not looking good for them. They’d been avoiding Wymack as much as possible and their teammates as well. It wasn’t as if they were ashamed of the panic attack, but of their horrible performance this year. Someone was going to have something to say sometime and Pax didn’t know who was going to be first. They wanted to do better, pushed themself during practice. Practice was... well -- it was one thing. It was the actual game that mattered, so it hurt knowing Pax felt they were doing so poorly this season. Things had to start looking up soon. 

                    They were working on homework when they heard a knock on the door. Someone Pax had never seen was standing there. They looked around. As far as Paxton was aware, no one was supposed to move in. They weren’t exactly ready to share the space with more people either -- though they wouldn’t complain if they had to. They smiled at the stranger. “I wasn’t aware anyone else was moving in... but, uh, hello. I’m Paxton Ridley.” 

[paxtonridley-blog]

colinjessup:

Maybe this is what it feels like, when you start expecting something more than failure. A win is a win, he shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, but it still feels like he’d set his expectations higher—like they all had—only to come up just a little short. 

Maybe it’s karma: after the last game he’d been uncharacteristically surly, hiding from his teammates, licking his own wounds. Being in another hotel again, it’s hard not to remember it: they all look the same. He’s not sure if that’s a good reminder or a bad one—it’s funny how distant just two weeks ago can feel. 

So he’s looking on the bright side, or at least he’s trying to—at least he got to play his entire half. At least he wasn’t taken off the court bleeding this time. At least Arlo scored and bailed their asses out. At least they won. Their path to the Championships continues, still unimpeded, and that’s all that really matters. If they’re playing in a Championship game come January, then they won’t even remember what it felt like to win but just barely tonight. 

Someone has to make sure the Foxes don’t fracture, someone has to make sure they treat a win like a win. It’s a task Colin usually relishes, being the life of the party, pleading and cajoling to get everyone to join him. But he can admit that lately it’s just felt so hard. He’s just felt so tired. But he also hasn’t felt like himself—so maybe he should just suck it up. Fill the role he’s meant to fill. 

And, well, he’d wrapped a bottle of vodka in his sweatpants, just for this occasion. No point letting it go to waste. “Hey!” he calls down the hall, head poking out of his room. “You better not think you’re getting out of celebrating. But if you want mixers, that’s on you.”

                   Everyone seemed to have low spirits as of late, but there was no real explanation as to why. So far, the Foxes had a perfect – well at least score wise – season. But it was like everyone wanted more than just to win. Like people wanted a perfect game, an easy game, a win that didn’t have to come with the usual drama. Everyone seemed to be on the same page: not celebrating the wins that they worked so hard for. Maybe they all had their expectations set far too high. No game would be perfect. Every game couldn’t be easy. Every game couldn’t be without some bit of drama.

                   Perhaps Pax had been a little too confident going into this season. Their summer had been the first truly easy summer in a long while. Where they didn’t have to work two jobs and feel like they didn’t get a true break. They’d actually gotten some time to relax. Perhaps it was false confidence and they just tuned out their true feelings for what this year was going to be. Maybe everyone had been right and Paxton Ridley truly couldn’t play Exy anymore. That’s why they’d been struggling this year – a year with seemingly no setbacks like the past two years. Although that was probably stretching it. There were setbacks this year, Pax just didn’t want to acknowledge them.

                   There had to be something that would help Pax fix whatever was wrong with them. Hopefully they would get their shit together and would be able to finish this season stronger than ever. Pax had a long conversation with Emma about giving Pax time. They needed to focus on themself for a little bit longer. She was just going to have to give them some space – let Pax contact her when they wanted to. They made sure that Emma knew Pax still wanted her in their life. They just didn’t want to be the reason the Foxes lost this year. Not that they could help that.

                   Pax wanted the Foxes to go back to normal. For them to celebrate the wins that they deserved. They never celebrated like some of the Foxes did. With the parties and other people, but that didn’t mean that Pax wanted the other Foxes to get back to normal. Someone needed to step up and be normal for once. It just wasn’t going to be Pax. They were walking to get more ice when Colin showed up.

                   “Sorry. I really don’t feel like celebrating tonight. I’m tired. But... maybe I can help you find other people to celebrate with.”

[paxtonridley-blog]

@camtrask

                    Pax had always been a stubborn person. As a child, even their parents would eventually give into Pax’s wishes eventually. It just took a while to give in. They could have given up an Exy career when they’d been injured, but the enticing call from Wymack had proved to them that Pax was still a player -- and Exy had always been more important to them than anything. They weren’t giving up without a fight. Confidence in themself or not, Paxton refused to give up on this. Everything just seemed to not be going in their favor -- like the universe didn’t want them to play. Still they’d never let anything tell them what to do, even the universe. Whatever was going on, Pax was going to fight tooth and nail to play Exy. Without it Pax had nothing and they’d already seen what it was like to not have anything. It was difficult to figure out what was going on. Where to start figuring out what was wrong. 

                    They weren’t avoiding the the rest of the team, Pax just wanted a night alone. They spent a lot of nights alone. Pax wouldn’t avoid anyone, but they weren’t going to seek out any members of the Foxes. If they wanted to see them out, that was different. Pax just wasn’t going to them. It didn’t seem as if anyone wanted to celebrate wins like last year. They’d just been happy for any win in general -- but now it seemed like everyone wanted more. Pax just couldn’t figure out what more they wanted. After settling into the hotel room, they decided to head downstairs to take a moment to get some air and go grab a bite to eat. Pax wasn’t looking where they were going -- lost in their own thoughts -- and ran straight into someone. 

                    “Sorry. I’m sorry. My fault.” 

[paxtonridley-blog]

jakefeldman:

     He should have known better. Every inch of his body and mind is screaming at him that this was a mistake, and the results of his first game with the Palmetto State Foxes do nothing to prove them wrong. They won, technically, but the somber mood in the team doesn’t exactly reflect that.

     He’s numb. Has been ever since he walked off the court after the second half and even as he gets off the bus he’s just following the herd. In his mind he’s replaying every moment where he knew he could have done better but didn’t. He should have seen the bluff that lead to the first goal, should have been able to follow his Captain’s plays better as the Tornadoes’ strikers continued to pummell them, but he hadn’t…. Maybe he shouldn’t have even come to Palmetto in the first place.

     “I need to get some fresh air,” he mutters to his room mate from where he’s stood with his back to them, and he’s out the door and heading to the nearest exit of the hotel before they can even reply.

     He’d frozen when he heard the buzzer ring out not moments after the second half had started, staring down towards the other end of the court as the Tornadoes’ players all swarmed together in celebration of the goal. In that moment he had felt so displaced from everything he’d just wanted to fall to his knees and scream. He had failed. And on the first ever test he’d gotten in Class I as well.

     “FUCK!” He shouted into the void of the cold night sky above Raleigh the moment the doors shut behind him, hoping that it would relieve any of the tension that had so desperately built up inside of him from the moment he’d lined up to get on the coach. He’d fucked up, he’d let everyone down, he was a fucking fraud. Wymack had signed him based on his performance in Boise, but those days were long gone, and it was obvious that the gossip columns from oh-so-long-ago were true. The death of his father and brothers really had taken all the talent Jacob Feldman had from him.

                  Pax didn’t know that the Foxes had won until they heard the cheers of all the other players as the entered the hotel room. They hadn’t gone with the rest of the team. After Abby calmed them down, Pax had gone with Emma to get some dinner and have a bit of space away from the rest of the team. They’d told Abby that they didn’t want to go back with the team. They needed to be alone for a bit and it seemed like the best choice. Emma had promised to have Pax back at the hotel at reasonable hour. Normally Pax would have turned the news on just to watch the score, but Luana had confiscated their phone saying that they could wait until after dinner to get the news on if the Foxes won or lost. Not that Pax would have tried to look at the scores.

                   They felt terrible about their performance this whole season. They were a mess and they still couldn’t figure out why. Abby had made Pax promise to make an appointment with Betsy as soon as they got back to Palmetto, though Pax wasn’t waiting that long. The second they said goodbye to Emma and Luana at the hotel, Pax gave Betsy a call. She already seemed to know what happened and Pax promised to stop by before their next afternoon practice. Pax chatted a bit with her before saying goodnight.

                   The hotel room’s air felt stale, so Pax decided to get some fresh air before they had another panic attack. This time Pax didn’t feel as embarrassed as they had with the last game. Pax felt like they had to prove that they were good enough to play with the Foxes. Pax partially wanted Emma to see how well they were doing – except that had never been true. They had been falling apart ever since senior year in high school. The Foxes supported them and that mattered to Pax – but sometimes that wasn’t enough. They didn’t know what to do when Emma was there. If Pax should pretend that nothing happened between them. If they should just forgive her for everything she’d done in the past. It felt wrong to use it against her because she was trying, but having this supportive woman in their life was different. When no one had ever supported Pax except their teammates, it was strange to have someone else – real family, caring about them. It wasn’t a problem they were going to solve overnight, but they needed to start figuring it out and stop it from causing their terrible game performance. 

                   Apparently, they weren’t the only one feeling terrible about the game. Pax hadn’t talked to the new member of the Foxes yet, but it wasn’t because they hadn’t wanted to. They’d just been busy this week. They didn’t want to laugh, but they’d been in the same position last week – the frustration yelling and everything. It was a sight. Pax knew Jake hadn’t spotted them yet which wasn’t difficult. “I thought we won the game,” Pax said, hopefully not scaring him too badly. “Sorry, I don’t know if you want to be left alone. If you do, I’ll gladly leave. I just… wanted… I don’t know. You know what... I’m just going to... uh, head back to my room. I’ll leave you alone. Sorry for bothering you.” Pax turned to leave, but then decided not to. “You know there’s a decent place for food around the corner. Maybe a nice walk and some good food will help?” 

[paxtonridley-blog]

striker-brayden:

As Brayden watched Paxton take their first sip, he felt like he was sneaking beer to a sixteen year old, rather than a college student. It was pretty obvious that Paxton didn’t know anything about drinking, a strange concept to Brayden who spent a good portion of his life drunk. Raising a brow, he choked back a laugh, shaking his head as he sipped his sub-par beer. Paxton also didn’t know anything about good beer apparently. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, do you?” He deadpanned with a little smirk. Placing his can between his feet, he pulled out his carton of cigarettes and tapped one out into his palm, lighting it up. “Beers probably the easiest drink to start off with, I guess, but not the most…fun tasting.” 

If he had the right stuff, he’d mix Paxton a real drink, but there was no way he was blowing any money on the overpriced minibar in his hotel room, so beer would have to do. Brayden wouldn’t get drunk off of it, but that honestly wasn’t his goal for the night. At some point, he was hoping to check on Arlo after the game, and he probably shouldn’t be wasted for it. “You shouldn’t pass out on just beer,” He shrugged as he took a drag from his cigarette. “Depends on how much of a lightweight you are.”

                   Most of Pax’s medicine after the injury didn’t mix well with alcohol, though that was only partially why Pax didn’t like drinking. They liked to be in control of a situation no matter what it was – and alcohol didn’t allow for that to happen. Pax didn’t have a rebellious bone when it came to drinking and partying. Though that had more to do with the fact that Paxton didn’t like parties and drinking alone could be dangerous. All of that together meant that Pax didn’t drink any and the small amounts that they did drink was just a few sips every once in a while. “I know enough,” Pax replied, defensively. They’d seen enough people drinking to know what to do. Not how to buy it or what it tasted like, but how to act. “I wouldn’t know. My parents would have never been caught dead with beer in the house. It was wine or champagne or some fancy crap they got from overseas.” They rolled their eyes. “A lot of the medicine I was on for pain I wasn’t allowed to take with alcohol. I just never developed a taste for it,” Pax shrugged.

                   Hopefully there were drinks that tasted better than this because if this was what all beer was like then Pax was not going to drink again. At least it was still cold because it would have tasted worse warm. Pax had a feeling that Brayden was going to teach them more. Not that Pax cared if they didn’t know anything about drinking. “That was kind of a joke. Don’t leave me out here.” Pax didn’t care either way. They didn’t want to go to sleep at all tonight. That was the goal on the way back to South Carolina. That way they wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. “I don’t know. I’ve never had more than a little bit.” It wasn’t like Pax was going to drink often enough for it to matter. “Okay, I don’t want to offend you because I really like you and want to be friends. Except, I kinda wanna be left alone. I’m sure you have better things to do.” 

[paxtonridley-blog]

caseyhendrix:

“You’re gonna be fine, Pax.” He smiles warmly and meets their gaze from where they’re standing in front of him. “All that stuff you just told me? It sounds like someone who’s coming into their own as a human being. You’re owning how you feel about yourself and about your life, and you’re absolutely in the right. Anger is part of that, it means that you’re done being passive.” He feels like he should preface everything he says with a huge red warning sign that he doesn’t know what comes after being angry, that the whole reason he’s out here in the first place is because he hasn’t stopped being angry about what happened to him. “And I mean, I don’t know if there’s a point that you get to where your family stops finding new and creative ways to mess you up. You just, learn how to deal with it in a way that’s authentic to you. For you right now, it’s being angry. That belongs to you.” 

“You and your sister–sound brave.” He shrugs his shoulders and worries his bottom lip between his teeth, his gaze focused on the stitching in his sneakers. “It’s good that you have each other, even if it’s weird at the moment. My whole family have no idea, I mean, we don’t talk–so it doesn’t really matter if they do know. But I was never brave enough.” He exhales and smiles again, gently as he meets his teammate’s gaze. “You have a lot to be proud of too, I’m pretty proud of you right now, as a friend. You didn’t have to tell me any of this, but you did.” 

“Though, I think there’s more productive ways of feeling angry than yelling at strangers for being happy.” He grins and chuckles softly. “I’ve been throwing Exy balls at my dad in my mind’s eye for years now.” 

                  Pax wasn’t sure that they wanted to be angry. It had never been an emotion that Pax felt was necessary to survive. Not for themself at least. They thought that standing up for what they believed in was way more important than to just stand by and let someone run over them with their opinions. “Anger isn’t the only way to not be passive though,” Pax replied. They didn’t want this feeling of always being angry to take over and become everything. There weren’t many other emotions that Pax felt could embody what they were feeling. Some days it was anger, most days it was just anxiety. They weren’t sure what was worse. It was probably just the impending feeling of being an adult that was making them feel like this. Otherwise Pax wouldn’t feel so worried about things. “I don’t think there is a chance my parents are coming back. Emma made it quite clear she didn’t want them in her life unless they changed their opinions or at least accepted us.” And they never really got me, Pax thought. They doubted that their parents would even try with them – they hadn’t in two years, not even sending money. The two of them had made it very, very clear that Pax wasn’t allowed back home.

                   “Maybe,” Pax thought. But then thought about all the times that Emma wasn’t brave and more afraid of what their parents would think about what she was doing. Pax wasn’t sure when that had stopped. For Pax, being comfortable with theirself proved more important than anything else, including if people saw them as an equal or not. People that didn’t see Pax as a person weren’t people that they wanted to spend their time around. Considering Pax had never planned on telling their parents, they understood that feeling, but they hadn’t had a choice in the matter. They tried not to be bitter about how that ended up, however, that was difficult. “I don’t think that’s you not being brave. I don’t see it like that. I think it’s survival. People are still getting killed for being different. You can never be too careful when being yourself.” That concept sucked – but it was true. “Yeah, okay.” It wasn’t like they’d had much of a choice.

                   “I’m not letting my parents ruin Exy for me again,” Pax shrugged. They’d already done that once. There had to be other effective ways of getting rid of anger that didn’t include throwing Exy balls at someone’s face mentally -- although there were some people that Pax wanted to do that to.

[paxtonridley-blog]

01 / BASICS

Full Name: Paxton Taylor Ridley  Nickname: Pax Birthday: October 19th  Gender: Agender  Sexual Orientation:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i mean idk... pax probably doesn’t even know either Astrological Sign: Libra  Spoken Languages: English, French  Birthplace: LaPlace, Louisiana  Relationship status: Single 

02/ PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: Short, light brown  Eye Color: Blue Face Claim: Max Schneider  Height: 5′7″ Tattoos: None Piercings: None Unique Attributes: Scars 

03 / PERSONALITY TRAITS/TYPES

Positive Traits: Agreeable, Calm, Enthusiastic, Hardworking, Passionate  Negative Traits: Determined, Predictable, Progressive, Overly Careful, Over Emotional,  Hobbies/Interests: Exy -- that’s it. Pax has no other hobbies Insecurities: Getting hurt on court, Not being respected by the people they care about Quirks/Eccentricities: Rambling, Pushing up glasses, Always has coffee, Watching ESPN on their phone during class MBTI Type: INFJ (The Advocate)  Enneagram Type: Type 4 (The Individualist)  Moral Alignment: Pax is the most chaotic good character ever Temperament: Phlegmatic

04 / FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family: Carl (Father), Eileen (Mother), Emma (Sister) & Luana (Sister in-law) How do they feel about their family?: Pax doesn’t talk to their parents anymore. It just isn’t going to happen at this point. They’ve made their decision to not accept Pax and while that does hurt, Pax would rather be healthy than be in a negative head space. Their sister is a different story. While Paxton doesn’t trust Emma all the way, they’re beginning to become closer to her. They do really love Luana though.  How does their family feel about them?: Pax’s parents hate them. Emma cares about Pax and is ashamed of the way she treated them when she was younger.  Pets: Pax has a goldfish named Luna. Where do they live?: Palmetto, SC Description of their home: Pax’s home is Fox Tower. Description of their bedroom: Their room is covered in posters of their favorite Exy players. Other than that, it’s plain. Pax likes to keep their room H E L L A clean. It’s a thing, if Pax is in a bad mood, they clean. Meaning it’s always clean -- especially this year. 

05/ THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert. Optimist or Pessimist? Both. When it comes to themself, a pessimist, but optimist when around everyone else. Leader or Follower? Depends on the situation.  Confident or Self-Conscious? Self-Conscious  Cautious or Careless? Both. Passionate or Apathetic? Passionate. Book Smarts or Street Smarts? Hahahahaha. Neither. Compliments or Insults? Compliments.

06 / FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Purple  Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: Pax will wear anything, but they mainly end up wearing a white shirt with jeans. Very plain, very ‘I don’t stand out.’ Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: Pax likes pop music, but also instrumental versions of pop songs. They’ll listen to anything except country.  Favorite Movies: Pax has a variety of different movies that they’d consider their favorite, but a favorite is Howl.  Favorite Books: Harry Potter series. Favorite Foods/Drinks: Water, Sports drinks ( ie: gatorade )  Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: Obviously, Exy. Trojans Foxes, Pax follows Exy players rather than just a team.  Favorite Time of Day: Morning.  Favorite Weather/Season: Spring.  Favorite Animal: It’s a tie between foxes and elephants. 

[paxtonridley-blog]

striker-brayden:

Brayden shrugged in reply, because he didn’t know what to say to that. Siblings weren’t his forte. He and his own haven’t talked in years, unless Landon coming up to say something at the last banquet counted, which Brayden tried not count that incident. He got the impression at the wedding that Paxton’s sister cared about them, but he wasn’t going to comment on it, because he didn’t know shit other than what Paxton already told him. Nobody liked it when people pried. What he did know about was drinking, and if there was anything he could talk about, it was that. “Well, that’s part of it. But that habit forms somehow,” He mumbled. He’s been drinking, since he was way too young, and it got worse now that he couldn’t rely on other shit to get by. For him, it was both habit and trying to feel better. 

He didn’t think twice before taking Paxton’s offer, cracking open his own can and taking a long sip. He wasn’t feeling like the others after the game, but he was still sore and tired and could use a drink. Not that one beer would do anything. The whole six pack would only get him a little buzzed. “Thanks,” He murmured after swallowing. “This isn’t your first time, is it?” He asked suddenly with furrowed brows. “Because I’m not carrying you back to your room after you pass out,” Brayden warned them. He didn’t take care of people when they got too drunk, he was usually gone by the time that happened anyway. 

                    Siblings were not something that Pax even knew a lot about. Even when Pax was younger, they avoided their sister at all costs. It wasn’t like Emma wanted to talk to Pax other than to be annoying. All of this loving sibling relationship was new to them. They weren’t sure how to handle this sort of relationship. Especially since it came out of nowhere. So maybe this wasn’t the worst situation to be in, but it obviously was still stressing Pax out more than they wanted to admit. They didn’t care if people pried because it wasn’t like Paxton set out to hide things from people. “Uh, oh.” Drinking was a bit of a foreign concept for them. They’d never gotten drunk before. A few sips of a drink every now and again, but nothing more. But Pax could act drunk. “I suppose, uh, that makes sense.” 

                    The drink was open a few seconds later, and Pax watched Brayden take a long sip of the drink. Beer tasted gross to Pax -- there just hadn’t had a lot of options at the gas station’s store. A drink to forget, a drink to celebrate. Some people found every excuse to drink. They weren’t sure how much it would actually take to feel the effects of the alcohol, but it had to be more than one or two. Pax took a sip and made a face. “Uh, no. Of course not.” It was only half a lie. “If I pass out, I give you full permission to just leave me here. I don’t even know what my room number is anyway.” Pax looked down at the drink. They took another sip of the drink. At this rate, Pax was only going to get through this one anyway. Or maybe not. They were determined to not think and a lot of people drank for that specific reason.

[paxtonridley-blog]

caseyhendrix:

“Okay,” Casey says easily, shrugs his shoulders before taking another drag of the cigarette. He doesn’t make to move, if Pax is as angry as their outburst at those random strangers had made it seem, it’s best to give them space to be able to breathe. “You realize that by admitting to that, you just like, contractually obligated yourself to talk about it now.” He smiles as warmly as he can, which tonight he realizes is probably a pretty hollow gesture–he still doesn’t entirely feel like he’s watching the world from behind his own eyes. But he’s getting there; the smoke is keeping everything he doesn’t want to see out of his line of sight, and the boy he left sleeping up in his hotel room had more than shown him that he was here and now. That he had fought a lot of battles already, and won. He stubs out the cigarette with the toe of his sneakers and comes to sit on the curb, stretching his legs out in front of him. 

“But then again, I’m not the kind of guy to make anyone talk about anything. Hell knows I got plenty that I don’t have any mind to discuss tonight.” He’s too tired to really think hard about the words that he’s using like he normally does, to keep his speech from drawling. It doesn’t matter to Pax he knows, they’re too nice for that and they’re too angry about something else at the moment. “So, dealer’s choice. But if it were me? I’d chose talking. Since stuffing it all down is clearly working so well. I won’t take anything you say personally or anything, I think we’re all–pretty less than okay tonight.” He sighs and shrugs his shoulders again. “Especially me. Good night to let it out.” 

                   “Yeah,” they replied. They weren’t in the mood to talk to anyone. Pax was smart enough to know not to mess with any of the Foxes. They didn’t deserve Pax’s random outburst of anger, as angry as they were. Pax was thankful that Casey was giving them some space. “I did?” they blinked in response. Pax was sure that talking was going to bring up things they hadn’t planned on thinking about this evening. Maybe in therapy with Betsy when they got back to campus, but tonight it wasn’t something they wanted to focus on. Pax watched Casey for a moment before the other Fox came down to sit beside Pax on the bench. Maybe on another night Pax would have been the ear for someone else’s rants and raves about what was going on with them, but tonight Pax needed to be the person that vented about things. If this was the way the rest of the season was going to go, then Pax wasn’t looking forward to it as much as they had before the summer.

                   “I…” don’t want to talk? don’t want to bother you? don’t want to what? Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing to talk about what they were feeling. And Casey was offering. “I just have a lot going on. You know, emotionally.” Pax’s physical health was fine for the most part. Aches and bruises from Exy aside, they were fine. “Having support from someone I never thought I’d ever have support from is weird. I don’t want to let people down, but I feel like I’m letting everyone down.” Pax had never let themselves be emotional because of anything. Hiding behind a mask that showed them being perfectly alright all the time was difficult, but not impossible. “I’ve never really let myself be angry at anything. Growing up there was no point in being angry at my parents for choosing my sister over me. It wasn’t going to change anything, so it was pointless. I can’t fault my sister for acting the way she did when she was younger because she was afraid of my parents – and I had been too. Being angry at that was idiotic too. I’ve never been angry. Frustrated, sure. Annoyed, absolutely. But anger’s foreign to me.” Pax let out a sigh. “This summer I saw my sister scared out of her mind that our parents were going to hurt her because she’s gay. I got angry for the first time. And it made me realize that people have been and always will try to tell me I’m not enough. I’m tired of it. So I’m embracing it. Whatever. I’ll be okay.” 

[paxtonridley-blog]

dominic-murphy:

Dominic knew about the lack of confidence; it was obvious every time Pax stepped out onto the court. It wasn’t always so easy to see during practices, when things were more of a flurry of bad jokes and teasing on top of the working out, and when it was game time there were unfamiliar bodies who distracted him. Maybe it’d be different if he couldn’t just pull Pax’s file out of his brain and compare different versions of them from games past and the most recent ones- and maybe it was simply as obvious to him as it was to someone else whose brain worked a little differently.

To be honest, Dom didn’t know or care.

“You can only run from things for so long,” Dominic said. His voice was oddly personal, but he was quick to shrug the moment off. “It’s not always going to fix things; running I mean. This coffee shop’s got a weird way of making you feel better about life.” It sounded so dumb, but it was true. It had saved him his freshman year and his sophomore year during finals, and just any other time the stress got to be too high. People came in for the coffee but ignored the plush couches tucked away in a quiet corner where they always had a nice candle burning.

His expression must have been incredulous at the question, but he fought it down quickly. He had to smother a laugh as well, though that did spill out anyway. “I’m an English major. I love to read. Doesn’t exactly fit the aesthetic I’ve got going on, but neither does giving a shit.” Dom cocked his head to the side, and then nodded at them. “What about you? Any book recommendations?”

                   Pax had gotten a lot better at being less of a mess on court. Injury happened on court no matter how cautious a player could be. Pax could be run over by a car on campus or get injured in everyday life. Yet that wasn’t the same. Pax didn’t know what would happen if Exy was taken away from them. They didn’t want to be in the same mental state they’d been in when they got their injury in the first place and especially not right after it had happened. Pax didn’t know if they’d ever play again. Losing Exy after getting it back would not be good for Pax. So they attempted to play it as safe as possible as to not get hurt again. They didn’t know how obvious it was to others at how terrifying it was to be on court sometimes. This season was going to be different because Pax was determined to at least attempt to not be so worried about things they couldn’t control. They’d worked with Betsy over the past few months to help alleviate that worry.

                   “Sure, but I don’t run from my problems,” Pax smiled. Now that was a lie as much as Pax didn’t want it to be. They ran to stay healthy – because it was fun. If Pax wanted to avoid their problems they’d just talk to someone about their own problems. That’s how they ran from their problems. For Pax, running way a way to clear their mind so they could solve the things that were bothering them. “Coffee always makes everything better,” they said with a laugh. People tempted to ignore the things around them when they were in a coffee shop. It was a great place to relax for a little bit. Reality away from reality. That was sometimes a good feeling. Pax spent a lot of time in different coffee shops, but tended to not stay for very long, finding the best place to concentrate being elsewhere.

                   “Oh,” they nodded. “What aesthetic?” Pax asked, brow furrowed in confusion. Dom’s prickly exterior had nothing to do with anything as far as they were aware. Reading wasn’t exclusive to nerdy types that wore glasses and could be found at the library at all hours of the day. “Oh, I don’t read. I’m not very good at it.” Pax didn’t hate to read, but it was actually quite difficult to sit down and concentrate on a book, so most of the time they didn’t. “That’s more my sister’s thing. She was the one that got the better grades in English. Or well, the better grades in general. I prefer...” they trailed off, “Exy. It’s the only thing I’m semi decent at.”