Thank you for training me to be a whore for you, I say while licking his balls.
It’s really hot dirty talk for both of us. It’s a lot more than that, too though. It’s just…true.
I’m not saying he changed who I am. Not at all. Neither of us have ever wanted to use kink or D/s to change who I am.
But through the years the depths of our intimacy has continued to grow. When we started D/s, I found an intimacy with CD that I didn’t know was possible, and it’s continued to deepen since then.
Sometimes as we seek deeper intimacy with each other, we end up learning about ourselves, too. Sometimes we become aware of assumptions we’ve made without even realizing we were making assumptions. Sometimes we notice scars that have been there so long we forgot we weren’t born with them there…that there was pain inflicted there. Sometimes we become aware of blind spots we’ve had and wrestle with how to feel about ourselves after seeing ourselves more fully.
Striving for deeper intimacy can bring up so much emotional labor. It’s hard sometimes.
When we put in that work, though…we come out of the other side with a deeper understanding of ourselves and each other. This often has a side effect of boosting self-confidence.
He has taught me to be his whore. Not by breaking me and rebuilding me. Not by meeting my needs and wants only if I do what he wants. Not through manufactured rewards or punishments.
He’s taught me that he loves me. That he accepts me. He’s taught me that I am safe with him. He’s taught me that he believes to his core that I am not dirty, or bad, gross, or inferior.
He’s taught me that he has faith in me, because he believes I am good. That even if I fall short on something multiple times, he won’t cave to the human impulse to assume bad intent. Because he has faith in me, he knows that if I‘m missing the mark, there must be some stumbling block in my way that he’s not seeing.
His faith in me helps me to find more self-acceptance. With that added confidence, I kick more bricks off the walls that I built around myself as a terrified child. These walls have kept me safe, but they’ve also confined me. He didn’t craft me, he made me feel safe enough to let myself out.
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