[pearlfuad]

Often i ask myself why i've fallen for you, how is it possible im in love with someone who was a stranger to me?

But then i replay and remember our interactions over and over again in my mind. The way we tease each other, our playful fights, and stupid inside jokes. The way you look at me when i didn't noticed, the way your head jerks up looking for me. And the answer becomes more clearer and obvious.

I'm in love with you because you're my someone special. You're incredibly silly, mysterious, immature, but you're also talented and funny and unique in your childish ways.

It's so crazy to think how possible i can madly in love with someone stranger so fast. Our memories don't lie. Thinking of how and when and where all the feelings started. You're the one who asked for a dinner, you're the one who asked for movies, you're the one who asked for a kiss, but you're also the one who's afraid he's lost his chance.

I'm not sure what makes you wanna keep me at first when you knew i was in relationship. The fact that you know, it's gonna hurt you if things didn't happen as we wish. But you took the risk.

Why me? Is it because i start to care for you? Was i too easy for you to get? I still remember how polite were you asked me for a kiss. And definitely i can't forget our first kiss.

Oh my, i hope with all i have now will last forever. I can't be apart from you. We had our ups and downs together, and no matter what we will still be together. We had our first baby, but it was a mistake from us. We need to let it go.

Those three words i love so much. Those three words i always wait to hear it. I became addicted to them after you first said them, and now i can never hear them enough. So, my heart has a request...

Tell me you love when you see me. Tell me you love me when i make a mistake. Tell me you love me before ever saying hello, and say it twice for goodbyes. Tell me you love me to break the silence. Tell me you love me when you can tell i'm crying. Tell me you love me while i'm laughing one of my crazy, loud laugh. When we're sitting silence watching movies, tell me you love me. When we're picking on each other or possibly having a tickle fight, tell me you love me. When we're arguing, maybe serious or over something silly, interrupt me and tell me you love me. When i asleep in your arms, tell me you love me. Send me random text in the middle of the day telling me you love me.

Whisper it, mumble and murmur it, write it, say it plainly, yell it, moan it, speak it in another language.

I just wanna know and want you to tell me you love me.

Because, i love you unconditionally baby..

#lostsoul #drkr

[pearlfuad]

It's been 12 years.. The end of us..

That night was where the nightmare starts. We had our last conversation in the car at the train station. That night was so quiet and so were we.

I couldn't think of other thing other than us. About us. About our relationship. Relationship that i never had with anybody else until today.

You were my love at the first sight. I remembered when i first layed my eyes on you when we first met at the studio. I audition a band for my school prom. You came with your friends (which is they were my friends too). And you were the lead singer. The moment i hear you sang, my heart just melt away. Right there and then. Few days later, you texted me and wanted to get to know me. And the best thing was, you were my prom date and you were the first guy that i had dance with. And from that moment, i started to feel something.

TBC..

[pearlfuad]

I feel lost again..

A month ago, i kept thinking and dream about he's getting married. But i tried to deny it and ignored it. Try to ignored it as if its real. I didn't noticed that after those dream about he's getting married, the dreams stop. It just STOP. Until i asked a friend of mine, to check on his life story. She knew it way before, but she couldn't have the heart to tell me. She scared i will devastated. Again.

Finally, my dream is real. Nothing but real real. Although to me it feels surreal. But, he belongs to someone else now. With all his heart and his life, belongs to the luckiest girl.

I'm trying to feel okay. Trying to feel nothing. Trying to tell my brain that he won't belong to me. Never. He wasn't meant for me. Not in this life. But. Why my tears keep on dropping? Why i feel so empty? I feel so lost again.

[pearlfuad]

A good life is when you smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realize how blessed you are for what you have.

[pearlfuad]

Beauty

Beauty isn’t always a picture, a face, a body. Being “beautiful” isn’t about the flawless face, the makeup, the pearly white teeth, the long legs, the long hair, the jet straight hair, the beach waves, the perfect curl, the best manicure. It’s whats inside and you are beautiful both inside and out. I don’t have to see a picture to know that. Being beautiful on the outside isn’t a bad thing, but it is a bad thing to be selfish and rude and insulting on the inside. Having a crappy personality but having a flawless outside isn’t going to get you anywhere. You need both, or should at least try for both. Beauty is both inside and out. Pictures are just what one wants to be, how they want to look, but that doesn’t mean that reflects what’s on the inside.

[pearlfuad]

Moving On

Moving on is not forgetting about someone in an instant. It is not as simple as deleting a phone number or burning old pictures. It is not a slam of the door, walking away without looking back. There is no erasure, no wiping away. It’s never a clean break. It’s never a clean slate. Moving on is pretending not to see his face every time someone mentions the color blue. Moving on is lying awake at night, trying so hard to sleep but you can’t, telling yourself that it’s not because you miss him, you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine. Moving on is walking past his house and sipping your coffee, trying to focus on how bitter it tastes. Don’t look at that house. Don’t look in his window. Don’t hope that he’s there. Moving on is fingers hovering over the delete button of a voicemail from twenty-seven weeks ago. You’ll press it eventually. Eventually. Eventually, you’ll move on. Eventually you will forget what his voice sounded like, what his skin felt like, what his shirts smelled like. No more missing him, no more losing sleep, no more knots in your stomach or in your hair. Moved. But for now you are just moving. And you will move as slowly as you need, for as long as it takes.

[pearlfuad]

If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person. It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you.The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it. #happysaturday #keepsmiling #nevergiveup #lifeisbeautiful #everyoneisbeautiful #Day73

[pearlfuad]

me

I’m wondering what are you thinking now. Since I have checked that you read my message for several time. Hmmm. I think you just want to read it the sake of reading it. If you really love her, just tell me. 

[pearlfuad]

Love

"Love is such a cruel, wonderful, heart shattering, reassuring feeling. Love is abstract, like the clouds cluttering a bright blue sky on a warm day, or the constellations formed between the stars on the coldest, darkest nights. Love and life, the two very things that you enter the world with. They are integrated within each other and we only strive to achieve greatness in both, somehow feeling a sense of loneliness as both have rarely been achieved. We are consumed by the romance and broken by the lack of correlation to our lives, lifted up by the beauty of the world and disappointed by the love that becomes dull. We are searching for the great perhaps, the lingering possibility that maybe just one day, love and life can be our company not only when we enter the world, but when we leave it as well." -S.S

[pearlfuad]

You

I hope he'll find someone who will love him on his bad days that she'll miss him even though he only left 15 minutes ago i hope she'll love him even when he's distant. I promise he'll apologize for making you upset earlier that day, because nothing is worse to him than seeing you cry. I hope he doesn't have troubles getting comfortable around her i hope he gets to wake up with her next to him with the biggest smile on his face realizing how lucky he really is to have her; i hope he'll hold her while she gross sobs and tells her it'll all be okay, because he used to do that to me and it always seemed to solve my problems. His friends and family mean everything to him and if she can't give him the time and space it won't work trust me. I learned that the hard way; i hope she becomes his best friend and someone he can't imagine being without; i hope she becomes his favorite memory, because he's mine.

[pearlfuad]

You

Monday, 8/6/2015 

Today I checked again and found that you still read my messages last night at 8.57pm. Why?? Why are you still reading it if you don’t care. I’m trying to live my life here. I can’t keep dreaming of you when you are not even around. It’s killing me!!!

[pearlfuad]

Love this pic. I want this hair color! SOON ;)

[pearlfuad]

#hopeforthebest #hopeforbetterfuture 

[pearlfuad]

You

I found that you still read the message on 31st May 2015 that i wrote to you. I still miss you. However, i have not dream of you that frequent as how it used to be. Is it because of me or you getting farther from my heart?. 

[pearlfuad]

You

I think a lot about the conversations I would want to have if I saw you again. I think a lot about the things I’d want to tell you. I’d want to tell you that I miss you so much that it hurts sometimes. I’d want to tell you that I think about you most at night when no one but me can hear the way my breath still feels a little shaky every time the thought hits that I’ve spent another day without you. Sometimes I think I’m just lonely and sometimes I want to scream because I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way that I loved you. Sometimes I’m not sure I want to. I’d want to tell you that I’m sorry that we made so many promises to each other in the light when we never knew if we could make it through the dark. I guess we couldn’t, and I’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry everything fell apart and I’m sorry that it blindsided me so much that I couldn’t see the idea of us lasting but God, I was so scared. You were everything to me and I didn’t know how to handle loving someone so much that every morning felt like a sigh of relief from the loneliness the days used to be. I really tried to give you the world, but it turns out I didn’t even have any skies to give after you stole my heart. Turns out I didn’t even need to give you anything spinning on an axis, because she gave you a whole universe. I was so sure that you were mine, so sure that I had you and that it was stuck in the concrete and flattened to the permanence of the sidewalk. I was so sure that I never even considered how wrapped around you I was. I never even considered how easily you had me sitting in your palm. It never occurred to me that you’d need somebody else’s love, because I was so sure mine was enough to fill the weight of my heart against your sleeve. I think a lot about the things I’d tell you if I saw you now, but I don’t think I’d get a word in edge wise over the sound of my heart cracking all over again. I was never good at letting go of things, but I swear it would've been easier to rip my own heart out than seeing you love her the way I loved you.

[pearlfuad]

You are farther from me now. 

[pearlfuad]

me

My heart is broken & devastated. I’m sad. But i can’t let that stop me from living my life. I need to get out of bed every morning. Makeup. Smile. Get through the day. And whenever i don’t feel up to it, just look at him who did this to me. Do i think he cried himself to sleep last night?. Probably not. As a matter of fact, I’ll bet that he’s doing just fine. He’s on vacation at the moment. So when i wake up and feel like laying in bed all day, just remember that he has other plans. He moved on (~_~,)