Okay, so, um, I may have a SMOL PROBLEM. A verrrry tiny dependence on a constant supply of MORE KATE DRUNK LONDON. SOPLEASEMORENOWPRETTYPLEASEWITHSUGARONTOP?
They laid face to face in the bed, sheets twisted mostly around her ankles, his body bare to her. A knee drawn up. His arm extended towards her so that his fingers played with the ends of her hair. Brushing the strands against the tops of her breasts as he talked.
“I got turned around,” he was saying. His face was so animated when he was honest with her. “I’m better with words-” Here he chuffed at himself, shrugged in the bed. “-obviously, I am, twenty-six bestsellers, but I mean, when I’m told, with words, point blank, no beating around the bush.”
“Direct,” she supplied. “I’m - that’s what I suck at. According to my therapist.”
He laughed, and she stiffened, but his knee came up and knocked into hers. “According to everyone, Beckett, you suck at being direct with your emotions. I believe Espo has called it ‘close to the vest.’”
“How kind,” she muttered.
“But you’re talking to me now.” Her hair was brushed against her chin; he was grinning. “You’re ridiculously in love with me.”
She laughed, but her cheeks were burning. She caught his hand and tugged, but all she managed was to drag herself forward into him.
“I’m not wrong,” he said, grumbling a little but his eyes were still amused. Kind. He had such a beautiful smile when it was real; she hadn’t often seen it these days.
“Missed your smile,” she sighed, touching his lips with two fingers. The heat in her face burned higher. “Stupid. Never mind-”
“I got turned around,” he husked. His hand curved around hers, hung on. “I got twisted up, Kate.”
“No, don’t just… talk to me.”
She let out a shaky breath, curling her hand into the protection of his. “I wasn’t. I’m not. I mean, I can talk to you. I am talking. I promise.”
“I thought we said,” she choked out. “I thought it was clear. We talked that day at the swings and you came back.”
“I was just trying to - be more than this, wanted to be more than busted up and walled off before we… but I’m sorry, you’re stuck with my neurotic fucked up-”
“When I said talk,” he interrupted, so grave, “I didn’t mean you could talk like that about yourself.”
She stared at him, too astonished to go on.
“If I made you feel that, I’m sorry. Neurotic? You?”
“Com-complicated,” she whispered.
His face blanked. But she knew him now; she had seen his face when he loved her, and this was panic in love.
“She messaged you at breakfast,” Kate added weakly.
“She did?” His surprise was organic, and he actually reached past her to pluck his phone off the bedside table.
He saw her face and dropped his phone. “Oh. That’s. Oh.”
Wide eyes. “I wasn’t - I didn’t mean to-” He closed his mouth, stared at her.
“You hurt my feelings,” she growled.
He laughed, a little plosive from his lips, but he was shaking his head and reaching in to snag her by the arm before she could climb out of bed. “No, not - I’m just surprised, pleasantly surprised by the fact that you just told me. Words. Like I said, right, telling me directly.”
Her nostrils flared; she gave a half-hearted struggle.
“Kate. I’m sorry. My intention was not to hurt your feelings. It was thoughtless. I was only - she borrowed my car. We didn’t have sex. It was just-” He stopped, watching her. A helplessness in his face.
She tried to think, not react, not be so - so messed up. “Don’t apologize for her,” she said finally. “I’m not - that’s… God, Rick, if we have to go back and start enumerating our sins, I’m gonna be here all week confessing.” She tried to make that all of it. She had made mistakes too; she had lost the faith. But it burst out of her mouth in a rush. “But why would you answer her text in bed with me?”
His hands caught hers even as she tried to hide her face. Pulled her arms down, hands clasped between his. “Because you’ve made me confident in you,” he said. He kissed her knuckles, the impression of his lips to her fingers. “Because it’s obvious I love you, it’s all over my face, it’s pressed into your body from mine, it’s in the space between us that isn’t space any longer.” His kiss trailed to her wrist, lingering, before his head lifted to give her his undivided attention. “Because what can possibly compare to you?”
She still felt the burn of his lips at her wrist where her heart was doing its mad and desperate pulse.
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