ā In which Newt almost dies from the Flare (he survives dw), but the letter he left Y/N and the love they share might just break their heart and mend it at the same time.
Genre: Fluff (ish)
WC: 2,040
Inspired by the song bleed by malcom todd and sweater weather by tnbh (and that one kuroken fanfic i forgot the name of)
Y/N hesitated at the edge of the small wooden table in the room theyād been given for the night, her fingers brushing the envelope Newt had left. It wasnāt unusual for him to leave notes, but this one felt heavier somehow, as if it carried a piece of his heart.
She carefully opened it, the paper crackling softly under her fingertips. The handwriting was unmistakable, a little slanted and imperfect, just like him, with loops and quirks that made her smile despite the nervous flutter in her chest. She could hear his voice in every word, every pause, every careful sentence heād crafted just for her.
Ā Dear Y/N,
My strong, stubborn, beautiful Y/N,
If youāre reading this, it means I didnāt make it. Andā¦ I am so, so sorry for that love. I never wanted things to be like this. I never wanted to leave you, to leave you with the ache in your heart I know this letter will bring you. Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten, makes me wish I could turn back the world and keep breathing just to hear your laugh and snarky remarks one more time.
But I couldn't control my outcome no matter how hard I would've fought,love. I canāt fight it anymore, and I canāt pretend the Flare isnāt taking me if it has its way. So Iām writing you this, because I need you to knowā¦ in case I donāt get to say it to your face, and in case you never see me again.
I know youāre probably sitting there, maybe shaking, furious even, that I made you read this, and for thatIām so sorry. I wish I could take away the fear in your eyes, the weight in your chest. I wish I could tell you in person, hold your hand, see you cry and try to laugh at all the awkward situations . But I canāt.
I love you. I love you so much that it hurts to think of a world where you donāt know it. I love you in ways I didnāt know were possible, in ways Iāve never said out loud because I was too terrified it would all be taken from us. I love you for every look you gave me, every word you spoke, every stubborn, brave thing you did that made me fall harder every day.
Iām proud of you. Proud of the way you survive, the way you fight, the way you keep going even when it feels impossible. Iāve watched you carry burdens no one should ever have to carry, and yet youāve still carried me in your heart. Youāve made me feel alive when the Flare wanted to steal that from me. Youāve made me feel human when I was barely holding onto what was left of me.
I canāt imagine leaving you. The thought of never seeing your face again, never holding you, never hearing you tell me itāll be okayā¦ itās unbearable, it scares me to think about what is to come without you, and empty spaces in the afterlife where your soft touches and gentle words wouldāve filled. And yet I canāt promise Iāll survive. So I write this letter, as my last words to you, and as the last piece of myself that I can leave behind as a human whit emotions that deeply loathe for you.
Please donāt hate me for leaving you like this. Please donāt let it destroy you. I need you to live. Even if Iām gone. Even if it feels impossible. I need you to laugh again, to breathe, to feel the warmth of life even when my absence is cold in your chest. I need you to survive, Y/N. I need you to be happy, because you deserve it, even if I canāt be there to give it to you.
Every time I wanted to tell you I loved you and couldnāt, every time I was too weak or too scared, I wrote it down. Iāve left those scraps for you in the box this letter came with. Every word, every memory, every small piece of my soul is there, waiting for you. Open them when youāre ready. Or never. Iāll understand. But know this, even if my body fails, my heart has always been yours, when the last beat of my heart stops it doesnāt mean I wonāt be there, because i will, This letter, the notes, the necklace are all parts of me that have made me grateful to have been loved by you. And every letter means just as much.
Iām terrified of leaving you. Terrified that youāll feel abandoned, that the world will feel colder, and emptier without me. But I also need you to remember that I am alive in your memories, in the moments we shared, in the quiet ways that can never truly be taken. You will carry me, even if I canāt carry myself. And I will carry you, always.
Thank you for existing in a world that tried to tear us apart. Thank you for giving me the smallest light in the darkest time. Thank you for letting me love you, even if it was only for a fleeting, impossible while. I never deserved someone like you. But you gave me everything anyway.
And so, I leave you my heart. Every beat, every whisper of it, every piece of me that could have been yours for longer. I love you, Y/N. I love you until the end of everything. And Iām so, so sorry that I may never get to say it aloud.
If the Flare takes meā¦ know that Iāll always be with you. Know that nothing can ever change that. Know that I loved you with everything I had, with every ounce of strength, with every shred of hope, with all the pieces of me that are still yours.
Yours, forever,
even if itās only on paper,
Newt
Y/Nās hands shook as she reached the end of the letter. She read it again, and again, wanting to commit this one last piece of Newt to memory. Somehow, Newt had accounted for how she would feel, even when his own world was crumbling inside him, ensuring that she wouldnāt be completely lost once he was gone. She pressed her fingers on the lid of the box. Even though she knew what was in there, the thought of it terrified her. Terrified of what it would do to her heart. She sniffled, and opened the lid.
Inside the box were hundreds upon hundreds of pieces of paper, different colors and shapes, some post-it notes, some torn scraps, some bits of fabric he had written on in haste or while shivering from fever. There were countless, perhaps as many as the stars in the sky. To Y/N, it appeared as though there was one for each day theyād shared, perhaps even more.With shaking hands, she pulled one of the notes from the top of the box, then another, then another.
āI love you, when you shivered under that thin blanket in the maze and I wrapped my jacket around you, just to see you smileā
āI love you, when you whispered my name in the dark after I saved you from the trap and I thought the world could end in that moment and it would still be perfectā
āI love you, when you laughed at my ridiculous British accent attempts and I thought I could stay like that foreverā
āI love you, when I noticed the way you tucked your hair behind your ear when you were nervous, and I swear it made my chest hurtā
āI love you, the first time you handed me food after Iād gone days without proper meals, and I wanted to cry because of how thoughtful you wereā
āI love you, when you rested your head against my shoulder for a moment of warmth, and I wanted to freeze time just to hold it foreverā
āI love you, the night we watched the stars from the ridge, and you admitted you were scared, and I held you close because I was terrified tooā
āI love you, the way you said my name softly in your sleep, and I wanted to memorize it foreverā
āI love you, just for being you, for surviving, for daring to love in a world that tried to teach you not toā
āI love you, just becauseā
There were countless more, each unique, some memories Y/N had almost forgotten, but apparently had meant more to Newt than sheād realized. Y/N couldnāt believe this. Couldnāt believe how much he had thought of her, how much care he had poured into preserving their moments, even when he believed he would be lost forever. Even when he was sick, infected, certain of death, he had found a way to leave a piece of himself for her. Only Newt would be so gentle, so thoughtful, putting love into every word, every scrap of paper, that it almost felt like he was still there with her.
Clutching a handful of the notes to her chest, Y/N let herself feel it all, grief and love. The emotions hit her like a tidal wave, uncontrollable and overwhelming, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed quietly, clutching the fragments of Newtās heart as if they were lifelines.
A soft cough made her flinch.
āY/Nā¦ā
Her head snapped up, and there he was. Newt, pale and ragged but alive, sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes brimming with a mixture of fear, relief, and love. āIā¦ I wanted you to have it,ā he whispered, voice trembling. āIn caseā¦ in case I didnāt make it. But I didā
Y/N dropped the notes in her lap and threw herself into his arms. He held her tightly, burying his face in her hair, and for the first time since reading the letter, she let herself cry not just grief, but relief, love, and overwhelming happiness all at once.
āI thought I lost you,ā she sobbed, her voice muffled against his chest.
āYou didnāt,ā he murmured, his own tears falling freely now. āIām here. Iām here because of you. Every word, every note, itās all trueā¦ I mean it all. Iāve always loved you. I still do. More than youāll ever know.ā
They clung to each other, shaking with sobs and quiet laughter, the tension and fear of the past weeks melting into a fragile, trembling peace. Y/N lifted her head slightly, her fingers brushing the tears from his cheeks.
āIā¦ I love you,ā she whispered, barely able to get the words out through the lump in her throat.
Newtās hands cupped her face, thumbs wiping her tears as his own heart spilled through his gaze. āI love you too, Y/N. Always have. Always will.ā
For a long, suspended moment, they just looked at each other, breaths mingling, hearts hammering in unison. Then, slowly, as if they were drawn together by every letter and every heartbeat they had shared, they kissed soft, desperate, trembling. A kiss full of everything they had felt, everything they had feared losing, everything they had survived.
They pulled back only to rest their foreheads together, tears still streaming, laughing and sobbing at the same time, holding each other so tightly it felt like they would never let go.
āI promise,ā Y/N whispered into his chest, āIāll never let you go again.ā
āAnd Iāll never leave you,ā Newt replied, pressing his lips to the top of her head. āNot ever.ā
The box of notes lay forgotten on the bed, spilling tiny pieces of their shared history, but they didnāt need it now. They had each other, alive, here, holding on, and for the first time in what felt like forever, that was enough.
(imagine a cute divder here i don't have one)
so umm.. Hi this is like one of my first projects in all honesty i just started this blog because i wanted to practice my writting skills since my grades for AP Lit are terrible so yayy this is for the funsies. aside from writting i get very lazy in my grammar so i try to tripple check my works if you guys have any critism and ways to improve IM BEGGING YOU GUYS I RLLY NEED ADVICE
