❗️ON HIATUS Rina • She/Her • Member of the Dave York Pit • ❗️18+ ONLY❗️ Masterlist • Join The Pedro Taglist • Ko-Fi • AO3 My Writing (Slow to update due to life.)
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Series Masterlist ❖ Main Masterlist ❖ House Of The Dragon Masterlist
Rating: 18+
Word Count: ~3k
Summary: Cregan has a much needed conversation with Arra and Sara shares some news. Meanwhile, you contemplate what the future could hold.
Warnings: Angst angst angst, language, fluff, slow burn, pining
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Cregan put his head in his hands and let out a heavy sigh.
Why must the gods torment me?
Since waking from his dream, he had sat in bed, staring at the ceiling.
Why?
He was perplexed by the images he had seen.
The words he had heard.
The feelings that had been evoked in him.
He had dreamed of you.
Of having you.
Of loving you.
But it would not be so.
Why must they taunt me in this way?
He had made a mistake, and the dream had given him a glimpse of what he could never have.
Cregan sighed again, then stood up and got dressed. As he looked out his window at the dimly lit sky, a feeling of unease filled his heart. Making his way to the stables, he noticed a dark figure crossing the courtyard toward the kitchens.
He watched as the figure stopped and slowly turned, his grey eyes meeting yours. He sucked in a breath as you turned and shook your head, hastily making your way to the kitchens where you would surely find his sister breaking fast.
Cregan watched you disappear through the doorway before turning and continuing his walk to the stables. It had been some time since he had ridden through the Wolfswood, and he felt it would do him some good. As he arrived at the stables, he spotted an unexpected figure.
Arra.
“Good morrow,” he greeted politely, approaching his horse and stroking its back.
Arra turned at the sound of his voice and smiled, patting her own horse.
“Good morrow, Lord Stark,” she replied. “I thought I was alone in being awake at such an unearthly hour.”
“I thought the same,” Cregan responded, watching her place a saddle on her horse. He walked over to his own saddle, picked it up, and ran a hand down the leather.
“May I inquire as to why?” Arra asked. Cregan turned, setting the saddle atop his horse and fastening it a bit more roughly than intended, causing the stallion to let out a huff.
“I could not sleep, and it has been too long since I’ve ridden through the Wolfswood.”
“It is unfortunate that sleep eludes you, my lord,” Arra said sincerely. “Would you be opposed to me accompanying you? It has been quite a while since we last rode together.”
Cregan inwardly cringed at her words, knowing that he had been avoiding her due to his inner conflict about you, and he had hoped that she had not noticed.
“Nothing would please me more, my lady,” he spoke with a smile. Arra returned his smile and swung her leg up to mount her horse, and Cregan did the same.
“Shall we, my lord?”
“Lead the way.”
The two rode out of Winterfell. As they crossed through the South Gate and turned toward the Wolfswood, Cregan took in a deep breath. The cold wind stinging his cheeks provided a strange sense of comfort, and he closed his eyes, savoring the near silence around them, the steady beat of hooves the only sound he heard. As they crossed the tree line into the forest, Cregan slowed his pace to a trot, and Arra fell into place beside him.
“May I speak freely?” Arra asked, her voice breaking the silence and drawing Cregan from his thoughts. He had nearly forgotten she was there and chastised himself for it.
“Of course,” he answered, turning to meet her gaze.
“What ails you?” she asked, her concern evident. “It has been some time since we last rode together. One might think you are avoiding me.” Cregan bit his lip, trying to think of an excuse that might satisfy her.
“You need not answer if you do not wish to discuss it,” she continued, sensing his discomfort. “I am merely curious. Have I done something to offend you, my lord?”
“No,” Cregan finally replied. “You have not offended me, my lady. There are just… some matters that have arisen and drawn my attention more than I anticipated.”
“I apologize for my behavior,” he added. “It was not my intent to cause you distress with my actions.” Arra shook her head at his words.
“There is no need,” she stated. “I understand that you have more pressing concerns to tend to as the Warden of the North, and you have much on your shoulders.” Cregan offered her a smile, not knowing how to respond.
She is too kind.
“However, as your betrothed, I feel I am owed an explanation regarding your behavior.”
Cregan’s throat grew dry as she spoke. She was right; they were betrothed, and he knew he should do what was right and tell her the truth, even if he wasn’t sure what that truth was. The weight of his unspoken feelings pressed heavily on him.
“I apologize, my lady,” he finally said, anxiety twisting in his stomach. “I have not been forthcoming, and as my betrothed, you should know the truth.” Cregan looked down at his hands, reins clenched tightly in his fists.
“Please know it is nothing you have done, or are lacking,” he began, uncertain how she would react. “But I have realized that another may hold my affection.”
“I see,” she replied. Cregan looked over at her as she pulled her horse to a stop. “However, we are betrothed, and it is my duty to uphold that oath.”
“Does this person know of your fondness for them? And do they return such fondness?” Cregan shook his head.
I doubt she feels anything but hate for me at the moment
More likely, she would wish to see my head on a pike.
“I do not completely understand my feelings,” he admitted, “but regardless, I do not intend to forsake my duty.”
“I do not think it fair that you set aside your feelings, my lord,” Arra responded. “If this person were to return them, would it not be more prudent to pledge yourself to them?”
“My lady, Starks do not forget their oaths. I have made mine to you, your family, and the North.” As Cregan spoke, bile rose in his throat, knowing he had already broken an oath to you. “In time, I’m sure feelings may grow between us instead.”
You are an idiot.
“Perhaps, but perhaps not,” she countered. “In any case, I would like for us to be completely honest with each other from now on. Should things change between you and whoever holds your affection, I hope you will tell me so as not to make a fool of us both.”
“Of course, my lady,” Cregan agreed, nodding.
She truly is too kind.
“I am glad to have gotten some clarity from you, my lord,” Arra said, looking up at the now fully lit sky. “Shall we return?” Cregan nodded and they nudged their horses forward to return to Winterfell.
Upon their return to Winterfell, the two parted ways—Arra heading to the Guest House and Cregan setting off to find Sara. He needed to speak with her and perhaps gain more advice, especially after the conversation he had just had with Arra.
Cregan’s first stop was the kitchens, knowing his sister loved experimenting with new recipes, but she was nowhere to be found. His next destination was the library, yet that too proved fruitless. Finally, he made his way to the Glass Gardens, where he found her tending to various fruits, carefully picking the ripe ones and placing them into her basket.
“Cregan!” Sara greeted him with a warm smile when she caught sight of her brother. “What brings you here?”
“I wanted to speak with you,” he replied.
“Yes, I gathered,” she retorted, rolling her eyes at his lack of subtlety. “What is it?”
“I spoke with Arra,” he began, and Sara raised an eyebrow.
“And?”
“She asked why I have been avoiding her.”
“It seems that has become your latest talent, brother,” she quipped. Cregan shot her a glare and shook his head, refusing to let her get under his skin. “But go on.”
“I spoke of my feelings,” he admitted, “and apologized for my behavior.”
“Oh? And what feelings might those be?” Sara asked, curious of what he had told the noblewoman.
“I told her that I may hold affection for another,” he confessed.
His words took Sara by surprise.
“And what were her thoughts on the matter?”
“She was unexpectedly understanding,” he replied. “And –“
“And?”
“I did not say who it was I held feelings for, but it seems she supports them regardless,” he said.
Sara hummed thoughtfully at his admission.
“In support of your feelings?”
“Yes.”
“In what manner?”
“She said she did not think it fair for me to set aside my feelings for the sake of duty.”
“Well, she is not mistaken.”
“Do you think I don’t know this?”
“No, but you have been quite stupid as of late,” Sara responded. “And you have also made it abundantly clear that you will chose duty above all else.”
“I know,” Cregan said softly. “And now I am unsure of what to do.”
“What is it you mean?”
“I have a duty to uphold, but I also cannot deny what my heart feels.”
“Best you come to a decision on that, and soon,” Sara warned.
“For what reason?”
“For the reason that she may be thinking of her future,” his sister spoke, “one with someone else. One without you.”
Cregan’s heart clenched at what his sister’s warning.
Could it be?
Were you truly considering marriage to another?
You absently stared at the ceiling as hot water swirled around you, licking your skin with its heat. After your conversation with Sara, you had gone to the library to reflect on she had said and began to write a list of suitors who had made their intentions known to you over the years. The more you wrote, the more daunting the idea of finding a husband and leaving Winterfell became. You compiled over a dozen names, many of them belonging to men you had never met, much less heard of, though a few familiar ones stood out.
Manderly.
Bracken.
Lannister.
Glover.
Blackwood.
Dustin.
Royce.
Baratheon.
Mooton.
Bolton.
Hightower.
Tully.
Arryn.
Tyrell.
Frey.
Reed.
Hornwood.
Cerwyn.
The last one piqued your interest. Over the years, you hadn’t paid much attention to who your suitors were, often brushing them off without even looking at their names. So, seeing the name of Cregan’s best friend on your list struck you as strange, though not entirely out of the realm of possibility. After all, the three of you had grown up together, with Castle Cerwyn only half a day’s ride from Winterfell, and you were all around the same age.
You were certain that Lord Cerwyn faced just as much pressure as Cregan when it came to marriage and producing an heir, so it shouldn’t have surprised you that he might consider you as a match. Yet, you couldn’t help but feel confused, given that he was well aware of your predicament regarding Cregan.
You bit your lip, recalling the last time you’d seen Lord Cerwyn and the conversation that followed. It had been several moons ago, when he came to join Cregan on a hunt. By then, Arra had been in Winterfell for some time, and Cregan spent all his time with her, prompting you to keep your distance. Still, you had run into Lord Cerwyn in the kennels on the morning of the hunt, and the two of you had spoken about why he hadn’t seen you around as often.
- FLASHBACK -
The crunching of footsteps pulled you from your thoughts, and you looked up to see Lord Cerwyn entering the kennels, a surprised expression crossing his face as he took in the sight of you sitting on the ground, the head of a large hound resting in your lap.
“My lady,” he greeted, bowing his head politely. “I did not expect to find you here. And at this hour.”
“I often come here to think. Either here or the godswood,” you replied with a small smile. “It has been some time since we last saw each other, Lord Cerwyn.”
“Indeed, it has,” he agreed. “How do you fare?”
Unsure how to answer, you drew in a breath and looked down at your hands, running your fingers over the hound’s ears to maintain your composure.
“I have seen better days,” you admitted with a sigh. “And you?”
“I’ve been well,” he replied, noticing the shift in your demeanor. “What troubles you?”
“Nothing of importance,” you deflected. You knew each other well enough to recognize when the other was lying, so you tried to dodge his questioning—especially since he was Cregan’s best friend.
“My lady, we’ve been friends since we were children. Please, don’t lie to me,” he insisted, sitting beside you on the ground. “Does it have anything to do with your absence around Winterfell?”
Damn.
You groaned, turning to look at him. “Nothing eludes you, does it?”
“Few things do. Now, tell me, are you avoiding a certain nobleman?”
“I’m not avoiding anyone,” you snapped a little too quickly.
“Ah, so you are,” he retorted with a chuckle. “And does this nobleman happen to be tall, with dark hair and strikingly good looks?”
“I’m not avoiding you if that is what you’re asking.”
“I wasn’t talking about me, my lady. Though it does warm the heart to know you find me so handsome.”
“Shut up,” you bit back, rolling your eyes at your friend’s teasing. You knew exactly who he meant, and he knew that too.
“I only jest,” he said with a grin. “But it seems you’re avoiding our dear Lord of Winterfell. Now, why would that be?”
“I already told you—I’m not avoiding anyone.”
“You and I both know that’s a lie.”
“It’s not.”
“Then why haven’t I seen you and Cregan together? Not once have I seen you around him. In fact, you always seem to vanish whenever he appears.” You silently scratched the dog’s ear in response.
“Does a Lady Norrey have something to do with it?”
“No,” you mumbled, and he nudged your shoulder. “Maybe.”
“Tell me.”
“It does not matter.”
“It does.”
“I – I don’t – I don’t want to talk about it,” you muttered, gently pushing the hound’s head off your lap. Lord Cerwyn placed a hand over yours and gave it a light squeeze.
“I know.”
“What?”
“I know,” he repeated. “About your feelings.”
“I don’t know what you mea – “
“I know how you feel about Cregan,” he said. “I know you love him.”
“I don’t,” you huffed.
“You do,” he insisted. “Everyone sees it.”
“No, they don’t,” you argued. “Because it’s not true.”
“Yes, it is, and yes, they do.”
“I don’t lo –“
“Don’t lie to me,” he interrupted. “And please don’t lie to yourself.” You glared at him.
“I’m not lying to myself,” you growled.
“Yes, you are,” he said, chastising you. “We both know it.”
You crossed your arms and let out a frustrated huff.
“Fine,” you conceded. “But it means nothing.”
Lord Cerwyn shook his head.
“It does to you.”
“Yes, well,” you said, standing and brushing dirt from your clothes, “it doesn’t mean anything to him. And nothing can be done about it.”
“You don’t know that,” your friend countered, rising to his feet.
“Yes, I do,” you replied with a hint of annoyance. “If it mattered to him, he wouldn’t have pledged himself to her.” Before he could respond, a stableboy appeared at the entrance of the kennels, pausing when he saw you and the young lord.
“Apologies, my lord, my lady,” he said. “Lord Stark asked me to fetch the hounds for the hunt. My lord, your horse is also saddled and waiting at the gate.”
Lord Cerwyn nodded, and the two of you left the kennels as the stableboy went to gather the hounds. Once outside, you stopped and turned to your companion.
“Lord Cerwyn, it was a good to see you,” you said, “I pray that your hunt is successful.”
“Thank you, my lady,” he replied, leaning in to place a light kiss on your cheek. “Until next time.”
You gave him a smile before turning toward the library, his gaze lingering on you as he headed in the opposite direction toward Hunter’s Gate, where his horse awaited.
- END FLASHBACK -
If you had glanced behind you that day, you would have seen Cregan sitting astride his horse by the gate, waiting for his friend.
If you had taken a moment to turn and look, you would have caught Cerwyn smirking as he watched his best friend watching you, a glint of jealousy in the Warden’s eyes.
You sighed, absentmindedly dipping your fingers into the water as you reflected on the memory—and on Cerwyn’s name appearing among the suitors on your list.
There could be worse choices.
Like a Lannister.
Or a Bolton.
Besides, Cerwyn and I already know each other.
And he knows how I feel about Cregan.
So why would he want to court me?
Then again, it might not be so bad.
Maybe I could even grow to love him one day.
But how would Cregan feel?
You groaned; even when thinking of your future with another man, you still thought of Cregan and his feelings.
Fuck his feelings.
Like Sara said, I need to start thinking about myself.
You shook your head and stood up, grabbing your robe as you stepped out of the water. Retrieving a hairbrush, you padded over to a chair by the fire, took a seat, and began to brush your hair.
At least I have some time before I have to make a decision.
Little did you know, the next few months would hold more changes than you anticipated.
obsessed with the way that agatha simply got herself pregnant because she wanted to, had nicky and loved him so deeply and unconditionally. and then proceeded to involve him, a six year old child, in her murderous rampages. gleefully. agatha harkness living or dead you will always serve cunt.
She was doing it to give Rio bodies in place of Nicky’s. The day she didn’t kill witches was the day Rio came for him. She kept killing witches after he died as a way to try and power up so she could basically fight Death. And that’s how she knew the Darkhold couldn’t bring back the dead because she basically got it to try and bring him back.
Summary: You were smart—brilliant, even—a genius. With three master’s degrees and a leadership role in the robotics research division at work, your career was soaring. But when it came to men, you felt completely lost. You didn’t have the time to date, and every man you met seemed intimidated by your achievements and intelligence. So, you decided to take matters into your own hands.
Series Masterlist ❖ Main Masterlist ❖ House Of The Dragon Masterlist
Rating: 18+
Word Count: ~3k
Summary: Sara gives you some much needed advice and Cregan finds that dreams can be overwhelming, but so can reality.
Warnings: Angst angst angst, language, fluff, slow burn, pining
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It was just a dream.
You were wrapped Cregan's arms, his body radiating a warmth that not even a fire could offer. He had held you all night, keeping a firm hold on you as you soundly slept against him. And he had laid a kiss on your cheek before pulling you into a passionate kiss.
The near silent closing of your door had drawn you from your slumber and when you opened your eyes, you found yourself nestled beneath the furs of your bed and felt a tingling sensation on your cheek.
You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and let them adjust to your surroundings. It was still dark, so you guessed it was around the hour of the owl, which meant you hadn't been sleeping for very long. You were confused because you were certain you'd fallen asleep on top of your bedding the night before.
Stretching your limbs, you rolled over and caught a whiff of something you hadn't smelled in a very long time. A mix of oak, chestnut, and leather, with a hint of cinnamon. The distinct musk of a man who you'd been chastising mere hours ago.
Was it truly just a dream?
A hundred thoughts swam through your head as you sat up and looked at the spot beside you. To the untrained eye, the furs looked undisturbed, but to you there was a clear sign that someone else had been there. You placed your hand on the empty space and felt a lingering heat. Someone had laid beside you for much of the night and had left just moments ago.
You knew of only one person who would be brave enough, or in this case, foolish enough to come into your chambers. You rubbed your temples, unsure if your mind was playing tricks or if you were still dreaming, or if he had truly been there.
Why would he have been in here?
And why would he lay beside me?
You tried to think of every possible reason why Cregan would do such a thing and kept coming up blank. You let out a huff as you swung your legs over the side of the bed and padded over to your open window. The North was a cold and unforgiving place to those who were unaccustomed to such a cold climate, but to you it was home.
You leaned against the frame and admired the rare sight of the moon. Due to how cold it was, snowfall was not out of the ordinary, and the sky was often blanketed in clouds, but tonight the sky was strangely clear and the night peaceful.
You let out a sigh, reflecting on the events of the day. You’d given Cregan a piece of your mind, and then he’d decided to come into your room and lay beside you. You were conflicted. Cregan’s words in the godswood had cut into your heart like a knife, and yet his actions spoke differently.
You were a jumble of emotions. Irritation. Sadness. Anger. But beneath it all was also happiness. Knowing that Cregan had laid beside you made your heart flutter. As much as you claimed you hated him, you still loved him and couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought of him lying next to you in such an intimate way.
You groaned at how childish you felt and how you still clung to the idea that he felt something for you. You huffed and stood back from the window, shaking all the thoughts from your head and decided to go to bed.
I need to talk to Sara tomorrow about what happened.
Cregan must have said something to her at least.
The next morning you’d woken up at the hour of the nightingale and quickly dressed, making it your goal to find Sara and talk to her about what had happened yesterday. Your head was still a mess of thoughts, and you needed her perspective on things.
You tip-toed through the halls as quietly as possible in case anyone else was awake at the same time, a certain Lord of Winterfell in particular, and made your way to the kitchens. As you crossed the courtyard, the hairs on your neck stood up and you felt like you were being watched. You paused and turned to look behind you and spotted his silhouette.
So much for trying to be sneaky.
Your eyes met his and even in the cover of near darkness, you could tell that he did not sleep well.
That makes two of us.
You broke eye contact and shook your head, tugging your pelts tight around you, and quickened your pace. You were already anxious about speaking to Sara about what had transpired, but at the sight of him your anxiety doubled.
He had looked very tired, but he also had an unreadable expression on his face, and if your intuition was correct, he had probably kept watching you as you walked away. After a moment, you crossed the threshold to the kitchens and spotted her bend over a steaming bowl of soup.
“Good morrow,” Sara greeted as you approached, her voice soft yet curious.
“Good morrow, Sara,” you replied, anxiously gnawing at your lip. Her eyes narrowed as she noted your restless fidgeting.
“What’s the matter?” she inquired, tilting her head. “You’re never so troubled at the day’s first light.”
“Erm—Cregan… ambushed me in the godswood,” you confessed, casting a quick glance at her. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything of that, would you?”
Sara set down her spoon with a sigh. “I may have told him where to find you.”
“Why?” you pressed, frowning deeply.
“Well, he wouldn’t stop hounding me, for one,” she admitted, waving her hand as if to dismiss the gravity of it.
“That does not answer my question,” you said sharply. “He’s been avoiding me for months, pretending I don’t exist, so why would he ask where I was?”
Sara winced, clearly withholding something. “He and I spoke of… certain matters. And no, I won’t tell you the details. Just know that I knocked some sense into him—or so I thought.”
You huffed in frustration, shaking your head. “And how did that go?” she asked, crossing her arms.
“Not well,” you muttered.
“What did he say?”
“He said… enough.”
Sara groaned in irritation. “Let me guess—you did not like his words.”
“Seven hells, no,” you scoffed. “He tried to apologize, then turned the blame on me. Said I’d been avoiding him too and claimed we were children when he swore to marry me, so it didn’t matter.”
“Ugh, he said that again?” Sara’s face twisted in disgust.
“Again?”
“Yes,” she sighed. “When we spoke, I told him why you had been avoiding him. And before you start, know that I care for you both, but he is still my brother—an utter fool, but my brother nonetheless.”
“So, he truly said the oath was made in youth, as though it carried no weight?”
“More or less,” Sara said, leaving out the part where she told him of your feelings. “But that’s all we spoke of.”
“I see…,” your voice trailed off, thinking about what had happened later that night after speaking to him. You were snapped back to reality when you heard Sara speak.
“What else happened?” she asked, not letting you slip away that easily.
“Nothing… Well, no, not nothing,” you began hesitantly. “I… I fell asleep in my chambers—”
“As one does,” Sara quipped, earning a sharp glare from you.
“—and I awoke later, likely around the hour of the owl, and… I believe he had been there.”
“What makes you think that?” Sara asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well… for one, I awoke covered by my furs. And…”
“And?”
“I could smell him,” you sheepishly admitted, wringing your hands nervously, recalling how his scent had filled your nose. Sara cleared her throat and shook her head.
“Smell him?” Sara’s mouth twitched into a grin. “Are you a direwolf now?”
“Do not mock me,” you snapped. “You asked, I answered.”
“I’m surprised that he would do that.”
“As am I,” you admitted. “Considering how we parted in the godswood, he had no reason to come to my chambers, let alone lie beside me.”
“Wait, he laid beside you?” Sara’s eyes widened.
“Uh… yes,” you confessed, blushing. “Which only confounds me further.”
“I would be as well if I were you.”
“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m just wasting my time waiting for something that will never happen,” you said dejectedly. “Waiting for someone to love me the same way that I love
them.”
“Then perhaps it is time to stop waiting,” Sara suggested, her voice firm yet gentle.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean it may be time to consider other suitors. Since your sixteenth name day, you’ve had suitors practically throwing themselves at you, and you’ve turned them all away. Maybe it’s time to think about your future.”
Her words hit you harder than you expected. You knew she spoke the truth, and you had been wrestling with the same thoughts, but hearing it aloud made it feel real.
“I - I don’t know,” you stammered, torn.
Sara took your trembling hands in hers. “I know it is hard. But you deserve happiness, and my brother cannot offer that.”
Your chest tightened, tears welling in your eyes. “Winterfell is my home,” you whispered. “If I wed another, I’ll have to leave… And I don’t know if I can bear it.”
Sara’s eyes softened with sympathy. “You deserve more. As much as I love Cregan, and as much as I wish things were different, he cannot be the one to give you what you need.”
Tears began to fall, and Sara pulled you into a warm embrace. “I don’t want to leave him,” you sobbed. “I love him, Sara. I love him.”
“I know you do,” she said comfortingly. “But he does not deserve that love. You deserve a man who will cherish you, not one who makes empty promises.”
You wiped your tears and nodded.
Sara offered you an encouraging smile. “In the next moon’s turn, we’ll hold a banquet to welcome the summer. Many of the Northern lords will be there, and it may be the time to consider your options.”
Your heart ached at the thought, but you nodded again, knowing she spoke the truth.
The fire crackled quietly in the hearth, casting flickering shadows across the room as the warmth of the flames bathed the stone walls. Cregan watched you standing by the window, your thoughts drifting like the cool night breeze that seeped through the cracks. His presence was quiet but undeniable as he crossed the room, the sound of his boots against the floor echoing softly.
“Are you alright?” he asked, his deep voice gentle, fearing that any sudden movement might shatter the fragile peace that hung between you.
When you turned to face him, your eyes met his, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. The weight of unspoken words lingered in the air, heavy and thick. Cregan’s gaze softened as he stepped closer, close enough that you could feel the heat of him even before he touched you.
“I don’t know,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. Cregan lifted his hand, carefully brushing a strand of hair from your face, his fingertips grazing your skin in a way that sent a shiver down your spine.
There was a vulnerability in your eyes that he had not seen before, a vulnerability that mirrored his own. Without thinking, you leaned into his touch, and the space between you seemed to collapse. Cregan’s other hand found its way to the small of your back, drawing you nearer, his breath warm against your temple as he rested his forehead against yours.
Time slowed, the world outside falling away until it was just the two of you, wrapped in the quiet of the moment.
“I should have said this a long time ago,” he whispered, his voice strained with emotion. “I…. I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I’m sorry it took so long for me to see it.”
I’ll watched as your heart pounded visibly in your chest, the weight of his words sinking in. You closed your eyes, breathing in his scent—familiar, comforting, yet laced with the tension that simmered between you for what felt like an eternity.
The confession hung in the air, fragile and raw. Cregan’s fingers gently tightened against your skin, as if he feared you might slip away, but you remained still, rooted in the moment.
Slowly, as if giving you the chance to pull away, he tilted his head, allowing his lips to lightly brush yours. The kiss began softly, hesitant, but as you responded and pressed closer, it deepened into a dance of emotions that had finally boiled over.
You melted into him, the feel of your warmth grounding him amidst the storm of feelings surging through him. Each kiss was a promise, slow and intense, whispering the truths he had long kept hidden.
When he finally pulled away, his breath ragged, his forehead rested against yours once more. “I am yours,” he breathed, his voice thick with emotion. “If you would still have me.”
You opened your eyes, searching his face for any trace of doubt, but found none. There was only the truth of his words, the sincerity that echoed in the deepness of his gaze.
“Yes,” you said so softly that he almost didn’t hear it.
A smile broke across his face, and he dipped his head to capture your lips once more, pulling you flush against him as he wrapped his arms around you. The air in the room grew thick with desire as his tongue battled yours for dominance.
He kissed you like a man starved, as if you were the very air he needed to breathe. As he began tugging at the laces of your dress, you pulled at his tunic, the urgency of the moment igniting a frenzy.
Both your movements suddenly grew frantic, a flurry of clothes being haphazardly discarded onto floor as Cregan picked you up by your thighs and carried you to the bed, your lips never breaking contact.
As your back met the soft furs, he finally broke the kiss, his steel grey eyes meeting your own. In the depths of your gaze, he saw a fiery blend of longing and desire that matched his own in their intensity.
Cregan took a moment to take in your features—cheeks flushed, hair tousled, lips swollen—each detail stirring the emotions he had finally dared to embrace.
I almost lost her.
I can’t let it happen again.
It won’t ever happen again.
His heart was pounding in his chest as you threaded your fingers through his hair and brought his lips back to yours, a tenderness in your touch that lit a fire in him.
He wanted you.
He needed you.
And he was going to have you.
In that moment, something in Cregan snapped. He trailed a hand down your body to the apex of your legs and groaned at the wetness that greeted his fingers as he slipped one into your heat. You moaned at his touch, arching your back as he peppered your neck with kisses. The sounds he pulled from you spurred him on as he added a second finger and swirled them inside of you, pulling another loud moan from your lips.
He groaned when he felt your hand wrap around his length and began to pump, matched the rhythm of his own fingers. As he quickened his pace, your teeth met his shoulder in an attempt to quiet your moans of pleasure, and he grinned against your skin.
Cregan draw circles on your sensitive bud with his thumb, and he was filled with pride when he felt your walls clench around his fingers as you came with a small wail.
He brought his fingers to his lips and groaned at the taste of your essence. Never had he tasted something so sweet before, and he wanted more, but before he could make his way down, you wrapped your legs around him, pulling his hips to yours.
He nearly lost it when you guided him to your opening and rubbed the tip of his hardness with your juices, but he managed to stay in control for just a moment longer as he looked at you.
“Are you certain?” he asked, knowing that there was no going back for the two of you after this.
“I want it to be you,” you answered. “Take me, Cregan.”
Cregan saw stars as he finally sank into you. You felt so good. So soft. So tight. So perfect. He gave you a moment to adjust before he began to slowly move, groaning at the way your walls squeezed him. You felt good, too good, and he wasn’t sure how long he was going to last. You fit him like a glove, and he was in paradise.
Cregan’s breathing grew heavy as he looked down at you, admiring the way your face contorted with pleasure as he thrusted into your heat. The way your mouth fell open when he hit just the right spot, the way you dug your nails into his arms, and the way you sounded, pushed him closer to the edge. He was lost in the moment, plunging into you over and over, driving himself deeper and deeper, when he heard it.
“Cregan. Cregan, please.”
Cregan buried his face in your neck as he reached his peak and spilled inside of you with a grunt, your melodious voice being the catalyst to his release.
After a moment to catch his breath, he carefully withdrew himself out of you and rolled onto his back, pulling you to his side, with your head resting on his chest. You both lay there in peaceful bliss, savoring the intimate moment you had just shared—Cregan with his eyes closed, tenderly caressing your back while you drew small circles on his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. The room was quiet, save for the light crackling of the fire, and as Cregan began to drift off, he heard it.
“I love you, Cregan.”
Cregan woke with a start. He sat up in bed and looked around franticly. The sky was dark but slowly starting to lighten, and he was alone in his chambers.
It's so sad that she loved him and Cregan loved her too, but he didn't respect her.
She could have prioritized her future and married a good man, but she didn't because she kept waiting for a man who in the end will never go for her. Now she finds herself at the end of the road, alone and with no one to turn to.
It is so sad because she is a totally worthwhile woman. She may not know about arts and crafts or embroidery, but she has her own good skills, the only bad thing about her is that she waited and still waits for love from a man who is not worth it, instead of prioritizing herself.
She may love Cregan, but it's time to prioritize herself. She's spent so much time living for Cregan, she doesn't know what it's like to live for herself. Besides, even though Cregan seems to love her in the same way, he doesn't seem to be willing to be with her openly as husband and wife.
Besides, it would be very disrespectful if Cregan suggests her to be his mistress. That woman doesn't deserve to be anyone's mistress, not even his. Arra also doesn't deserve to be disrespected like that by her husband, who has a mistress. They are both too much woman for so little man. If Cregan decides to take a mistress, then Stark honor would be in tatters.
Our girl must choose a new dream, perhaps walk other paths, choose other battles. I know it's sad, but we women must know how to choose our battles. We cannot stay and fight among ourselves for a man who says he loves you, but at the end of the day he is going to marry another woman. That only means that he only loves himself, he is not capable of loving anyone else.
It is undignified and very sad that she (I say Reader like this because I can't imagine myself as her) and Arra are chasing the love of a bad man. Sometimes the right decision is not to marry the man we want, but to marry the man who loves us the most, and Cregan doesn't really love either of them.
I think it's more than clear that I want to come to blows with Cregan for getting these two girls' hopes up for nothing.
I wonder if Lord Cerwyn (Cregan's canon best friend) and Lord Glover (Cregan's canon cousin on Cregan's mother's side) wouldn't like to seriously court our girl. I mean just because Cregan rejects her all the time doesn't mean other men are the same.
Lord Cerwyn and Cregan were best friends since childhood, their home is only half a day's ride from Winterfell on horseback. I think it would be good for our girl to be appreciated by a man who really sees her.
Summary: girls if a man promised you something and not only didn't deliver, but also started dating another woman. Leave that man, that man is not worth it, you can't go crawling around for a man's crumbs. More if that man made it clear to you that for him everything was a game, if you accept him back into your life, then you won't know when he is serious and when he is just playing with you.
Reader is definitely going through it. But don't worry, Cregan will be going through some stuff of his own too. He's not going to come out of all this unscathed.🤫
Series Masterlist ❖ Main Masterlist ❖ House Of The Dragon Masterlist
Rating: 18+
Word Count: 800+
Summary: In the beginning...
Warnings: Angst angst angst, language, mean!Cregan, enemies to lovers.
Next Chapter ⟹
To say you hated Cregan was an understatement. Hate was too kind of a word. You absolutely despised the man, detested his very existence on this planet. Some would go as far as to say that you wouldn’t bat an eye if he simply dropped dead. And you weren’t the only one to share that sentiment. Cregan could care less about you, and he had made it clear every day since you could remember.
Your families had been neighbors since childhood and your twin brother was Cregan’s best friend so the two were inseparable, which meant you were privy to Cregan’s presence all the time. To Cregan, you were Jace’s annoying younger sister, and he never failed to make your life hell at every opportunity.
Elementary school was filled with little things like pulling on your hair or sticking gum in it. Middle school was much of the same, only he’d taken to hiding your glasses whenever he could, and sometimes breaking them, which caused issues with your mother, but you never told her how your glasses kept breaking. For some twisted reason, you didn’t want Cregan to get in trouble for constantly breaking them, and you’d chalked it up to boys just being boys in middle school.
However, high school was a completely different story. In freshman year, you’d gotten braces, and Cregan made it his personal mission to make fun of your appearance every chance he got. It had become second nature for him to greet you with “brace face” or “nerd” whenever he saw you, and despite Jace’s efforts to have Cregan be nicer to you, they fell on deaf ears.
Sophomore year was when Cregan and Jace joined the football team, and you’d joined the mathletes, further solidifying your status as a nerd, and giving Cregan more reasons to make your life miserable. At the start of junior year, Cregan began dating Arra Norrey, the head cheerleader at school, and your life seemed to get worse from there, if that was even possible. As the head cheerleader and captain of the football team, Arra and Cregan were royalty, and whatever they said was law. You thought things couldn’t get any harder, but you were wrong.
Arra seemed to be jealous of you. Why? You didn’t know, but she always found a way to trip you in the hallways, and if she didn’t, then her lackeys would do it for her. Other times you’d be shoved against the lockers so hard that your head would spin. You had grown so used to being drenched in some kind of liquid on a daily basis that you had begun bringing a change of clothes with you. On more than one occasion, your backpack would disappear and would later be found covered in mud or some other substance, and sometimes your textbooks would have pages ripped out, making you have to buy a new one each time.
By senior year, you could count the number of friends you had on one hand. And by one hand, it was really just one finger. Jace. Cregan and Arra had spent the entirety of junior year and all summer alienating you from everyone. You were branded a pariah and those who associated with you in any way were dubbed “losers” or called “sad excuses for a human beings for wanting to be your friend”. Other days you would hear words like “nobody likes you” or “you’re such a freak, no wonder you don’t have any friends.” The insults were not new to you, but that did not mean they hurt any less.
Throughout the year you’d managed to keep your head down enough that the torment had decreased, but only by the slightest bit. Arra’s insults lessened from a dozen a day to a mere half dozen, and Cregan’s antics with vandalizing your locker and belongings had surprisingly become less and less frequent. You had later learned from Jace that Cregan was focused on keeping his grades up and hopefully get a football scholarship. You were relieved at the news since you had also resolved to maintain your impeccable 4.0 GPA in hopes of securing a full ride yourself, particularly to King’s Landing University. It was the most prestigious school anyone could get into, and it was your dream to get into such an exclusive school and take part in their elite doctorate program.
You had hoped that by getting into KLU, that you’d be rid of Cregan and his endless torment and be able to move on with your life, but life had a sick sense of humor and would not grant you such a reprieve so easily.
Much to Cregan’s chagrin, you were still skillfully avoiding him, but he had managed to convince Sara to aid him on his endeavor to get you to speak, or even just acknowledge him. Sara had of course rebuffed him at first, but after several days of his nagging, she gave in. She told him that the only place where you would surely be alone was the godswood, and that she would inform him the next time you were there, but the rest was up to him after that.
Cregan expressed his gratitude and the wait began. Two days passed before Sara informed Cregan that you were making your way to the godswood, and his throat grew tight with anxiety.
What am I even going to say?
He waited a while before making his way to the godswood, careful to avoid catching anyone’s attention lest he be pulled into other matters. He needed to patch things up with you as best as he could. The snow quietly crunched beneath his feet as he walked through the godswood, an eerie silence filling the air as he neared the heart tree. As he grew closer, he could make out your silhouette sitting on a rock at the foot of the heart tree, head bowed in silent prayer. As he took a step forward, a twig snapped, and he winced as the sound echoed through the trees.
Cregan’s breath caught in his throat as you whipped your head around at the noise and met his eye. Despite the day already beginning to grow dark, he could see how beautiful you looked. You sat frozen, heart pounding in your chest at the sight of him standing there, staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face. After a moment, you stood, silently dusting the snow off your cloak, and acted as if he wasn’t mere feet away. Realizing what you were about to do, Cregan closed the distance between you with a few short strides, catching your arm as you turned to walk away.
“Wait,” he managed to choke out. “Please.”
You turned and narrowed your eyes at him as you freed your arm from his grasp.
“What do you want?” You spat; voice laced with venom as you addressed him for the first time in months. Cregan cringed at your tone, having never been on the receiving end of your anger, and the usually composed and strong man suddenly felt like a child. He took a deep breath to steady his thoughts, silently praying to the old gods for strength.
“I - I wanted to apologize,” he began. “I’ve been horrible to you as of late.” You scoffed at his words.
“Oh, you’ve realized that now, have you?” You shot back, crossing your arms with a glare. “What? Did you fall off your horse?” Cregan looked at you in confusion.
“Did you hit your head? Have a little too much ale or something? Because why else would you suddenly remember that I existed?” He flinched at your response, not knowing how to reply.
Seven hells, this is off to a great start.
“No -,” he started.
“No? So, what is it then? Why are you here?”
“I’m trying to say that I’m sorry,” he answered, head bowing with remorse. Cregan felt so small in your presence, with your wrath directed at him, that he wanted to curl into a ball and hide from your fury.
“You’re sorry?” You retorted. “After months of ignoring me, all you have to say is ‘sorry’?”
“You’ve also been avoiding me!” He replied. “You’ve come up with an excuse at every turn just to keep your distance, and you never told me why.”
“Oh, so it’s all my fault now, is it?” You sneered, your anger rising with each passing moment.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Well, it certainly sounds like it. Do you even know why? Why I avoid being near you?”
Cregan opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off.
“I avoid being near you because I couldn’t stand to look at you. I couldn’t stand to be in your presence, listening to you talk about Arra and how great she is. How perfect she is. How I could never compare to her.”
“I’m -.”
“And that’s not even the half of it,” you continued, ignoring his attempt to speak. “You can’t possibly imagine how it feels to be replaced. To have your best friend ignore you and spend his time with someone else, doing things that you used to do together, and then come back and talk about how great of a time he had. Do you even remember? Do you remember the words you spoke to me right here where we presently stand?”
“Yes,” he managed to say, “I remember.”
“What were the words then? What was it that you said?”
“I told you that we’d marry, and I’d make you the Lady of Winterfell.”
“You promised. You swore it,” you said softly. “You swore it by the old gods and the new.”
“I know.”
“And yet you betroth yourself to Arra.”
“I - I know that I’ve wronged you, but it was never my intention.”
“Oh? What was your intention then?”
“I - you - it,” Cregan stumbled over his words as you looked at him in rage. “It’s what’s best for the North. It’s my duty.”
“What’s best for the North? Your duty?” You snapped, hands now shaking with rage. “Is that your excuse?”
“No, but -,”
“You are an arrogant fool,” you seethed. “You think yourself so honorable, but you are far from it. You are a disgrace to your house and bring shame to the Stark name. You swear an oath, but then proceed to break it. You are nothing but a coward and don’t deserve to be a Stark.”
“We - we were children,” he defended, and the moment the words left his lips he knew he’d made a grave mistake.
Fuck!
“We were children,” you slowly repeated. “We. Were. Children…. So that’s it? It was just a game to you then.”
“No - it,” Cregan tried to backtrack, but you held your hand up to stop him.
“I’ve heard enough,” you said, and you straightened your back and looked him in the eye. “It may have been nothing but a game to you, but it wasn’t a game to me, Cregan Stark.” With that, you pushed past him and marched out of the godswood, not sparing the dejected man another glance.
Once you were out of sight, Cregan’s knees buckled, and he fell to the ground despair. He let out a growl as he hit the snow in frustration. He should have told you how he felt, told you how he had been blind to his own feelings. But instead, he’d completely mucked things up and made the rift between the two of you even bigger.
You were right, he was nothing but a coward.
But he also had a duty to uphold.
A duty to the North.
A duty to his people.
And duty is sacrifice.
Tears silently streamed down your face as you solemnly walked to the Great Keep, skillfully keeping yourself hidden in the shadows and away from prying eyes. The cold unforgivingly nipped at your wet cheeks, making your tears feel like ice against your skin, but you paid it no mind, too distraught from Cregan’s words to feel the frosty bite of the North. You were angry that he had managed to corner you in the godswood. You were angry at him for breaking your heart more than he already had. But mostly, you were angry at yourself for hoping that he would say something different than what he had.
How could I have been so stupid?
So blind?
Your mind raced with so many thoughts as you finally arrived at your chambers and sat on your bed. You slid off your shoes and stripped off your cloak before lying down and staring at the ceiling. You weren’t sure what to do anymore. On one hand, you wanted to leave Winterfell so you wouldn’t have to see Cregan anymore. On the other, you wanted to stay because you loved him and couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again. Your heart ached at both options because no matter what, you’d still be losing and knew you wouldn’t be happy no matter which choice you made.
If only I could turn back time and she never came to Winterfell.
Maybe even farther back so Cregan never made his promise.
Your heart clenched as you remembered his words, the phrase tauntingly echoing in your ears.
We were children.
We were children.
We were children.
He had said those words so easily, as if he’d practiced saying it. As if it was acceptable to make such promises as children and they weren’t to be taken seriously.
Oaths of marriage shouldn’t be taken lightly, but I guess they don’t matter if we made it when we were children.
I really thought it meant something to him.
You let out a huff as you sat up, running a hand through your hair. You needed to move on. You needed to do something other than pine for someone who clearly didn’t care about your feelings. Who would rather break his word and toss you aside as if you had not been by his side your whole lives. As if you hadn’t made sacrifices of your own.
You had turned down numerous suitors over the years because of your feelings for Cregan and hopes of marrying him, but now you knew that you should have done what was best for you. If Cregan had really meant his words that day in the godswood, he would have told his advisors and made it known. Instead, he kept it a secret and put it out of his mind because you were both children and he thought of it as another one of your childish antics.
He never had the intention of actually marrying me.
He was just a stupid boy making stupid promises to a stupid girl.
A stupid girl who was stupid enough to listen to his stupid words.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
That night you cried yourself to sleep, unaware of the man who stood just outside your door, listening to your sobs of pain, and knowing he was the cause of such sorrow.
After you had left Cregan in the godswood, he had stayed beneath the heart tree praying to the old gods. Praying for guidance and for help to make the right choice. He was torn. He knew his feelings for you. He knew that they had always been there, but he was too blind to see it until now. But he had also made an oath to Arra and her parents. He had made an oath to his people, to the North. He simply could not forsake his word for his own selfish desires, but he had also given his word to you all those years ago, and the pain that he was causing you was eating him up inside.
Some time had passed and by the time Cregan returned to the Great Keep it was nearly the hour of the bat. As he walked through the quiet halls to his chambers, he decided he wanted to try and speak with you again, in hopes of somehow repairing the damage he had done. Once he arrived at your door, he took a deep breath and was about to knock when he heard it.
You were crying.
Cregan’s heart dropped to his stomach.
He had caused this.
He was the reason why you were currently bawling your eyes out alone. It felt like a lifetime ago that he was the one comforting you when you were upset, but now he was the cause of your misery. Cregan stood there, forehead resting against the wooden door, unsure of what to do. Should he go in and comfort you? Should he leave?
You’d probably yell at him and throw him out if he came in, especially after the earlier interaction, but he wanted nothing more than to pull you into his arms and tell you everything was going to be fine and that he was sorry. He knew he should probably leave, but his feet refused to move, and guilt consumed him as your weeping continued.
If only he’d had the courage to tell you his feelings, you wouldn’t be going through this.
If only he had remembered the oath he’d made, you wouldn’t be so broken.
If only he wasn’t bound by duty as the Warden of the North.
It felt like hours, when it was really minutes, before your whimpers eventually stopped and Cregan knew you’d fallen asleep. He turned as if to walk away but paused. You were always a heavy sleeper, especially after crying, but there was still a slight chance that you would wake up, but Cregan was willing to risk it. He took deep breath and quietly opened your door, and the sight that greeted him made his breath hitch. There you were, hair splayed out around you, the dim light from the moon illuminating your delicate features.
He took the chance to admire you, noting the way your lips were parted just a bit, and a quiet snore coming from your mouth. He smiled at how peaceful you looked, free of the despair he had caused. As he trailed his eyes over your body, the evening breeze graced the room and made you shiver in your sleep. You had been so distraught that you hadn’t even sought comfort in the warm furs adorning your bed. Cregan tip-toed to your side and slid his arms under your small frame, careful to not rouse you from your slumber, as he shifted you just enough to cover you with a blanket.
As he pulled the cover up to your chin, he caught sight of your tear-stained cheeks. As he wiped them way with the pad of his thumb, you turned your face and nuzzled into his palm, letting out a small sigh at the contact. Cregan froze, worried that he’d woken you up, but breathed a sigh of relief when you made no other movements. He tried to draw his hand away slowly, afraid that you would somehow wake up, but was stopped when you abruptly grabbed his arm and rolled over, unexpectedly pulling him into the bed.
He quickly caught himself before he landed on you and held his breath as he gradually lowered his body to lay next to you, praying that you wouldn’t choose that moment to wake up. He thanked the gods when he managed to settle himself behind you, arm slung over your body, trapped in your grip. Cregan steadily shifted until he was right up against you, nothing but the thick material of the wool and furs separating your bodies and closed his eyes.
He smiled as he recalled how the two of you would often fall asleep like this as children. How you two would somehow always manage to wake up in each other’s arms, your head resting on his chest, his arm tightly curled around you. He had never given it much thought back then since you’d been children, but then chastised himself since that kind of thinking was what got him into this mess to begin with.
He tried to think of the last time you’d fallen asleep in his arms and realized that the last time was shortly after your sixteenth name day, several months after his father had passed. Your septa had admonished you the next morning when she’d found you in his arms, saying that it was not appropriate to sleep beside a man that was not your husband, especially when the man was the young Lord of Winterfell, and she had not hesitated to give him the same scolding. The two of you never slept beside each other after that.
Cregan was saddened at the memory, having never recognized the obvious affection between you two. He closed his eyes, listening to your breathing and occasional snores, and breathed in your scent. The smell of pine with a pleasant undertone of smoke invaded his nostrils, and he draw soft circles over your hand as he felt how your body perfectly fit against his. He committed it all to his memory and wanted to savor this moment for as long as he could, knowing that he would probably never get another chance at this with you.
Cregan laid awake behind you for several hours, and as the hour of the owl approached, he reluctantly released you from his embrace and stood. He couldn’t help himself as he leaned down and placed a kiss on your cheek and forehead before exiting your chambers, giving you one last look before he shut the door silently behind him.
Unbeknownst to him, you had opened your eyes just seconds after the door had shut.
