✧私は雨✧

deviantART ✧ AO3 ✧ main blog — (Mobile header by @Pixlokita!) — Hey! Pekoeboo/Aria here! Welcome to my art blog where I draw a mix of cute, angsty, and dark art. (And sometimes writing!) Most of the art here is of original stories I've made with friends... but asks are always open if you have any questions about the characters or stories! — As an addition, I am an adult, so some of my content can dip into darker themes at times that may be unsuitable for minors. I do try to tag appropriately when possible, but some things may slip through when I'm unsure of how to tag. — Side note: please don't expect to see much fanart. This blog is heavily OC-oriented. I don't really draw shipping/romantic art, either - as familial and platonic relationships are far more interesting to me, anyway.

[pekoeboo]

haven't been feeling very well lately so I tried journaling a bit to help, but then I ran out of stuff to write about and scribbled some silly arts at the bottom of the page instead, lol. just felt like sharing because I thought they turned out kinda cute ;o;

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

sunrise

Rating: G Word Count: 1,673 Content Tags: Alternate Universe, Original Character(s), Light Angst, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff Summary: (Based on a Hitman Freelancer AU that I've been working on involving my OC, Khalan.)

After a particularly rough night, Khalan spends some time outside of the safehouse to watch the sunrise and calm himself down as he wrestles with his emotions and the stress of being in an unfamiliar world. 47 decides to join him, and the two share a brief, calm moment together as a new day approaches.

Just something kinda quiet, contemplative, and slightly fluffy... with a vague sprinkling of angst (though not much). 47 takes on a guardian/caretaker role in this AU, so there are hints of that as well.

(also on AO3 and deviantart)

———

A misty haze settled over the lake. Fog gently swirled about in the faint breeze; illuminated by the dusky traces of morning light. Khalan drew in a deep breath. The fresh scent of pine and dewy earth met his nose. He pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders as a tiny chill swept over his body.

Sleep had been unsuccessful that night. The nightmares still hadn't let up. All he could think to do was to come outside for some clean air and watch the sunrise across the lake in an attempt to keep himself calm and grounded, and so far it seemed to be helping. But a hardened, troubled expression remained plastered on his face even despite the tranquil environment he surrounded himself in.

The boy sniffled – a sign that he had been out in the cold for a bit too long - and tucked his knees just beneath his chin so he could rest his head on his arms. The roughness of the wooden porch rubbed against his bare feet when he shifted position, but he didn't pay it any mind.

By now, the sun had cast its bright, golden rays across the entire lake. The fog had dissipated once met with the warmth of the sun, and the long shadows of the safehouse at Khalan's back stretched on ahead of him. A chorus of birds began to sing, their flitting chirps signaling the dawn of a new day.

The sight was beautiful, yes, but an underlying sense of unease still ate away at the boy's heart as he watched the world wake up before his eyes.

He didn't feel at home here. This house, this world... all of it was so foreign and complicated and overwhelming.

It was clear he didn't belong.

Hot tears stung his eyes for the umpteenth time that morning. Khalan pressed his lips tightly together in an attempt to try and hold back that emotion that threatened to push through.

No, he wasn't going to cry again. He was already too exhausted. Crying would only make him even more tired. And the idea of going back to sleep after the nightmares he had...? Well. He didn't really want to deal with that again.

A slight click of a latch pulled him out of his thoughts and sent a jolt of panic through his heart. His entire body tensed up at the sound of the porch door sliding open and the feeling of eyes on his back.

"Mind if I join you?" 47 softly inquired in Khalan's native tongue. Reluctantly, the boy turned his head to briefly acknowledge 47's presence, but quickly buried his chin in his knees again not a second later.

"Sure, I guess," was all Khalan could say in reply.

Faint footsteps made their way onto the porch and over to the lounge chair just behind Khalan. The creaking of the chair and a quiet tap of a cup against the coffee table signaled to the boy that 47 had plans to sit there for a while.

Concern swirled about from deep within Khalan's stomach. Would 47 be upset with him for going outside without permission? He still didn't understand what his boundaries were regarding his stay here at the safehouse. And part of him was too scared to ask.

For a moment, silence sat between them like a heavy curtain. Khalan was unsure if he was expected to say anything or not, so he chose to stay quiet. Perhaps 47 simply just wanted to enjoy the morning in peace.

But after some time, that deep voice met Khalan's ears once again.

"Did you sleep?"

Very few words, as always. Khalan decided the best way to reply would be in as few words as possible, to try and mimic 47's straightforward style of communication.

"No."

A pause. Another round of birdsong cheerfully called out amidst the trees, lasting only a few seconds before fading away.

"...Bad dream?"

Khalan shifted uncomfortably, clasping the blanket tighter around himself to the point that it became terribly constricting.

How did 47 know about the nightmares? Was it really that obvious?

"Y-yeah," Khalan faltered in reply. Anxiety slowly bubbled to the surface, quickening his pulse. He didn't want to have to talk about this. Oh, how he prayed he wouldn't have to talk about this.

A small hum resonated from 47's chest, though Khalan couldn't determine the emotional intent behind it. Was it one of confirmation? Displeasure? Understanding? It was hard to tell with that quiet, mysterious man.

"I wish I could say that it gets easier over time, but I wouldn't know."

The sentence that left 47's lips was striking. Khalan's brow furrowed, and he finally turned himself around so he could face the man directly. Despite the implications of what was said, 47's posture seemed calm and unfazed. He merely took a small sip of the coffee he had brought outside with him and stared straight ahead at the picturesque landscape.

Khalan swallowed hard, unsure if he should pursue the topic, but his curiosity was now piqued.

"You too?" he nudged.

47 nodded, ever so slightly.

"Memories are... complicated things. They're persistent. Haunting." His expression darkened. Khalan took notice of the fact that 47 refused to make eye contact and kept that icy gaze of his locked on the water. "But still... it's better to remember what happened. Even if it's painful."

Something about the way he spoke those words sent a chill up Khalan's spine. The look that came over his face – that indiscernible emotion that sat in his eyes – was all Khalan needed to see to know that he needn't press the matter further.

"I'm sorry," the boy mumbled, his face burning with shame at the thought of causing 47 any distress. He curled in on himself and dropped his gaze, but immediately felt those piercing blue eyes at his back once again; watching him intensely.

An awkward beat of silence followed. Khalan felt his breath hitch in his throat, worrying that he had done something wrong.

Finally, 47 broke the silence and brought a small bit of relief to the boy's anxious heart.

"Don't be. You were just curious." At this, the man stood up, smoothing out his perfectly-ironed dress pants and removing his coffee cup from the table. "But maybe we should focus on breakfast instead. Is that alright?"

Khalan drew in a deep breath and slowly released it in an attempt to quell the jittering of his nerves. He gave a small nod.

"Okay," 47 said, his expression softening – though not by much. Reaching out, he offered to help Khalan to his feet.

The preteen graciously accepted the help, taking a moment to steady himself once he stood up. Truthfully, he still felt a bit weak from the lack of sleep, but he hoped that some breakfast would make him feel a bit better.

Quietly and obediently, he followed 47 back into the safehouse and sat at the kitchen table, resting his chin in the palm of his hand and watching as 47 got to work. It was strange for Khalan to have someone else cook for him, but he felt it wasn't his place to take over an unfamiliar kitchen as if it were his own. Plus, he learned very quickly that 47 seemed to take some pride in his own cooking ability. Every movement was precise; calculated. This terrifying man who took lives as a day job slipped effortlessly into the role of a master chef – skillfully weaving to and fro throughout the room like a dance. It was captivating. Hypnotic.

Khalan slowly began to nod off, only to see a plate of hot, beautifully-presented crêpes set before him when his tired eyes opened once again. They were topped with a generous helping of fresh whipped cream and sliced strawberries, and a thin layer of sweet berry jam could be seen poking out from between the layers. A cup of cold milk was placed beside the plate to round off the perfect, magazine-worthy breakfast spread.

"Ah," the young boy quietly breathed, rubbing his burning eyes. "Thank you."

47 took a seat beside him, with a mere fruit bowl and some expensive, imported mixed nuts for his own breakfast. It looked like so little in comparison to the 5-star masterpiece that had been set in front of Khalan, but he seemed content with his choice.

Although the two ate in silence, Khalan's mind wandered aimlessly; filling in the space where words remained unspoken. There was still a lot that he felt unsure about, an awkwardness that he couldn't quite shake, a fear that always sat at the pit of his stomach in regards to everything that had led up to his current circumstances. He still didn't really trust 47, despite how much this man had done for him already. The idea of living with a deadly assassin was something that Khalan was wholly uncomfortable with, though he wasn't given much of a choice in the matter, either.

But despite all of that uncertainty, this moment – this one, quiet morning with the most delicious breakfast Khalan had ever had in his life – was peaceful. Lovely, even. A feeling of warmth settled into the boy's chest at how pleasant it all was.

Sure, there was still a lot to be afraid of. But right now? In the soft glow of the morning light? Everything almost felt... okay.

Khalan felt some of the tension leave his body. He chose to focus on the small sensations around him that brought whatever comfort he could find. The sweetness of the berries on his tongue, the rays of golden sunlight spilling in through the tall windows, the feeling of being cared for - even if said caretaker was equal measures intimidating and awkward most of the time. Little pleasures that made life worth living, no matter how seemingly insignificant they may be.

If this was how things would be from now on, Khalan mused, then maybe adjusting to this strange new life really wouldn't be so bad after all.

[pekoeboo]

freelancer screenshot redraw. Hitman has been on the brain lately, so I tried some digital painting in an attempt to get myself to draw again ;o; (screenshot reference under cut)

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

sis let me try out her iPad for funsies so of course I had to draw the angel boyo of all time!! \^o^/ ✨

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

small showcase of the new Minecraft skin that my friend Paradoxion and I worked on recently!!! he did most of the work though, since it's a Custom Player Model and I don't understand anything about that mod or how to make it work. mega kudos to him!!

I'm SO happy with the end result! Khalan is sooo tiny and cute (only 1 1/2 blocks tall!!) 🥺💕 I have the ability to swap between his main outfit and a yukata at the click of a button, and his eyes glow in the dark to reference his spooky bakeneko nature - which is really cool! he even blinks, but since I wasn't planning on recording any footage, you'll just have to take my word for it, haha!

it's so nice to finally have an updated version of my boy in-game ;u; yippee!! (ﾉ*^∇^)ﾉ

[pekoeboo]

I should not care, but I don't know how.

felt like drawing some Khalan angst since this song reminded me of him when I listened to it again recently ;n; my poor son suffers so much he breaks my heart, ugh;;; 😔

(please ignore the fact that I skipped over some lyrics, btw - I couldn't come up with a visual for them that fit the flow of what I was going for ><;; hope that's okay.)

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

rough sketch to showcase the fact that I had decided Antony's blood is actually golden (ichor, basically), but for some reason I forgot to reference it in the previous art I drew ><;; so I had to rectify that with this art I guess haha

(he's fine btw - probably got in a bit of a scuffle, but that wouldn't really bother him much lol)

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

so... I'm adjusting some of Antony's powers because my friend and I keep reworking Atria's lore in Home Is Where You Are, and this is the result of those changes ><;;

tried to go with a sort of "angel of life and death" vibe with these concepts :0 imo, the sketches turned out kinda nice even tho they're really rough, so I figured I'd share 'em with y'all!

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

don't worry - it'll grow back.

(just felt like messing around in a non-canon setting with the concept of Antony being able to regenerate limbs, since it's an interesting concept but not something that ever happens within HIWYA. RIP my boy tho 😔)

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

some more arts to showcase the healing process just a bit ;o; even though these sketches aren't as angsty and ouchie as the other art, I still felt like they made a good addition nonetheless :0

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

I thought of a REALLY GOOD (if simple) QUESTION about Khalan last night as I was falling asleep, and fool that I am, I said, “I’ll remember it tomorrow when I wake up,” and I didn’t write it down. Obviously, I do not remember it now :|

So I’m hoping that if I start writing as if I’m about to ask you the question I’ll HHOMIGOSH— JOG MY MEMORY YES IT WORKED I REMEMBER NOW LOL— NO THIS IS NOT STAGED IM GIVING YOU MY THOUGHTS IN REAL TIME OMG ASJDHFG

Okay okay it was about khalans mom— I know about his dad but I don’t know anything about his mom! I get the sense that she’s not in the picture at all, but did something happen to her? What was she like? Would her being there have made things better or worse for khalan as a little kid?

hahhaa I'm glad writing it out helped you remember! xD

ah! I actually did make mention of her sometime last year when I finally decided on the whole bakeneko thing for Khalan ;o; here's the post in question, since I technically answered some of this already: [link]

as far as the latter part of this ask is concerned, I'm not sure if Mina being there would've made things better for Khalan. No matter what, he's basically considered an abomination within that world and wasn't supposed to exist, so regardless of whether or not his mom was still in the picture, life would've been difficult for all of them in one way or another. the family dynamic might've been a bit better? but Jal really didn't want kids to begin with, so there still would've been some issues in that regard too. I don't think he'd be as physically abusive with Mina around, but he'd still probably take issue with Khalan being there, unfortunately.

personality-wise? I kinda mentioned it in the post, but I feel like Mina was generally kind, but also incredibly inquisitive and a bit of a trickster who liked to have fun. she wasn't malicious, tho she had a tendency to flirt with danger and play around with things that were considered taboo, just because she was curious.

they say curiosity killed the cat, after all. so that's... kinda what happened. RIP 😔

idk if this really answers your question much, but that's my best way of keeping this as short and simple as I can haha. thanks for showing so much interest in this story and these characters tho - it means so so much to me 🥹💕

[pekoeboo]

*skates in on heelys* hey hi what would you say the main three’s greatest strengths and weaknesses are? if you’ve talked about this before no you haven’t i wanna hear it again

waaa hihi!! ;o;; ooooh that's a really good question lol

since I'm still working on this story and these characters, whatever I answer here may or may not be fully applicable sometime in the future, so just keep that in mind ><;; this story has also changed a lot in recent months and I've since shifted it into a solo project, so the "main three" in question have been adjusted a bit.

gonna put these under a cut because it ended up getting just a bit long lol xD

---

Khalan

greatest strength - his kindness and deep love for people. no matter how much the world itself kicks him down and spits in his face, he always just wants to do good and to help those around him (yes, even the people who hurt him). this can also backfire into a weakness tho so it's a bit complicated, but I mostly consider it to be a positive thing about his character.

greatest weakness - his own insecurity and self-hatred. he doesn't see himself as anyone worth loving and feels like he's a burden to everyone around him and a horrible little monster who deserves every bad thing that happens to him. his entire story arc is built around him confronting this and learning to love himself and accept love from the people around him who care.

---

Samara

greatest strength - I'm still trying to figure her out, so she might be more difficult for me to answer right now. but maybe her emotional stability? she's very calm and collected in most situations and is great at navigating more complicated emotions with a level of grace and finesse. this makes for a really good contrast to Khalan, who is very emotionally volatile and needs an anchor point like Samara to lean on.

greatest weakness - she's a bit of a lone wolf and has trouble adapting to a new life of having someone younger than her depend on her for support. she's not used to caring for anyone other than herself, so I guess living entirely for herself ends up being a weakness for her after meeting Khalan. hard to say for sure right now though, I need a bit more time to develop her further.

---

Antony

greatest strength - his tenacity. if this kid gets it in his mind to do something, he'll make sure he sees it through no matter what. it might not always be the right thing, but he will absolutely put 110% into whatever he personally believes must be done.

greatest weakness - probably his temper. he would never harm anyone that he doesn't think deserves it, but if something is said that sets him off, it's difficult for him to pull back and clear his head once he gets mad. usually this is tied to a righteous anger of sorts - it usually kicks in the most when he feels that some kind of injustice has taken place, but it's still a weakness nonetheless because it isn't always a beneficial or helpful kind of anger in how it surfaces.

---

yippee!!! I rarely get to talk about my babies like this outside of like. DMs with friends so thank you so much for dropping a question that actually took me some thought to answer!! <33 really appreciate it!!!! :'D

[pekoeboo]

don't worry - it'll grow back.

(just felt like messing around in a non-canon setting with the concept of Antony being able to regenerate limbs, since it's an interesting concept but not something that ever happens within HIWYA. RIP my boy tho 😔)

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

some little ghosties from my notebook~! 👻 (camera refused to focus properly, tho. apologies for the poor image quality >n<)

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

skeleton horse!!! yippee!!! \^o^/

wanted to draw something based on some recent Minecraft adventures, since I got a skeleton horse that I love so, so much and I feel like Antony would too 💕 my friend made a typo when naming the horse, so his name is Totilla and it's so silly, I couldn't ever change it xD

@pixlokita helped out by drawing Totilla (also gave me some guides for the wings and hands lol) because I have no idea how to draw horses OR skeletons haha! he turned out SO cute I love Pix's Creachure Art™ so much :'D thanks for collaborating with me, my friend <3 it was so much fun as always ;u;;

-also on deviantart-

(Minecraft screenshot under the cut!)

here he is, my weird horse whom I love and cherish <3

[pekoeboo]

been feeling really nostalgic and was going through some of my old art and writing recently... so I decided to draw a sort of vague mix between both Nocturne AU and Minecraft AU Jimmy because I think his long hair is still pretty cute even after all these years :'0

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

ok listennn he has a tendency to absentmindedly scratch at stuff sometimes it wasn't intentional it's just a stimming thing 😭 (Samara isn't upset tho, she was just curious lol)

-also on deviantart-

[pekoeboo]

cozy boyo wrapped up in a warm blanket like a lil kitty cat!! /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\💕 he's loafin'!!

-also on deviantart-