A la esquina del inicio

EVO DEVO: Adaptación desde el origen

[pelandocebollas]

Is this s new feeling. A new feeling for a new person. Not an unknown feeling, but is new each time, is the excitement of simply feeling this, the excitement of the possibility, of wanting more, of discovering you, of learning how you see the world.

Let me get closer to your world, i don't want to be but a part of it, not all. And your world is so full of things that i think you can make a space on it where i belong.

Keep me close to you, learn to know me, make me change for you, be mine at the end, not now.

Be mine when you're sure you want me as much as I want you.

Be mine when, two couple years from now the sky shines and we look at it together.

Be mine when holding your hand becomes the routine that i love the most.

Be mine when hearing you talk is the end of my day.

Be mine when I can't help it but be completely yours.

[pelandocebollas]

Missing you

Missing you is a different experience,

because i don’t need you to be alive,

but because i feel i need you to be complete.

Because my life won’t be over if you’re gone

but my happiness won’t be full in your absence

Because I’ve learned that i can be that happy,

because after knowing you part of me would be missing

That’s also why i fear loosing you even when i don’t have you,

Because I’ve known can you can add to my life,

because i just don’t want to go back.

I’ll be fine, but I wish i were with you.

I wish we were together forever.

I don’t want to hold you in a place, 

but i want to know i’ll have another day with you,

that it has not been the end

Do you miss me too?

[pelandocebollas]

Escuchando el cambio en el ritmo de mis latidos.

Desde hace un tiempo, estar a tu lado es una experiencia distinta. No sé que quiero, no sé qué busco, quiero lanzarme y detenerme. Sé qué deseo, sé qué anhelo. Y al mismo tiempo temo, temo tanto y pienso tanto.

Cada vez es más difícil concentrarme estando a tu lado, a veces es más simple. No trato de cambiar, como dicen ser la mejor versión de mi.

Pero de un tiempo a esta parte me siento distinta, una cierta angustia me embriaga cuando no estás y también cuando estás cerca. Pensaría a veces que lo vale porque al hablar contigo me siento sonreír, siento la alegría de hablar contigo, la admiración al escucharte hablar y la paz que me da verte. Sin embargo, me temo que está angustia es un síndrome de abstinencia. Me he acostumbrado tanto a tenerte cerca, me he acostumbrado tanto a depender de tus comentarios en mi día a día, de ser la persona a quien le cuentes tu día, de compartir cosas contigo solo por poder conversar y escuchar tu opinión. Ed eso más que todo lo que busco, quiero saber qué piensas porque siempre me llena de admiración hacia ti. Y ahora que el tiempo es menos y las posibilidades de otra gente son más, siento la incertidumbre de no verte, la inseguridad de perder lo que realmente nunca he tenido, el miedo de no verte ni hablar más contigo. Quisiera que pudiera durar más tiempo, pero se que no es sano esto que siento, quisiera no generar esta necesidad de tí.

[pelandocebollas]

You know, when everything is great you're happy and calm and life is moving forward. You don't need anything. And then she exist and you don't want anything from her, but seeing her smile transports you to a complete different dimension, to an elevated degree of happiness where you have so many emotions you feel like crying. And suddenly just seeing her smile is worth your whole day, you'd give anything for seeing that again. And suddenly there is more..

[pelandocebollas]

The first time I had a relationship it was worth it for those small moments of happiness. Even if it was mostly filling my day to day with sadness. I thought it was valuable enough.

However, that applies the first time. It was the first time and it was only temporal. That situation has happened again many times. Is not longer worth it

I'm happy now, I love my life being by myself. I'm complete.

When I'm with someone else I'm not complete because I feel I'm not enough for them.

My happiness is not in a relationship.

[pelandocebollas]

I don't like myself when I'm with someone.

And I think I'm happy, but I'm forgetting who I am becoming part of someone else's life and erasing my own.

I think I'm happy, even though I cry every night. I think I'm happy for those special moments.

But once is over I realize, I wasn't happy. Those small happy moments are not worth the sadness that surrounded me. Those small happy memories are good as a memory, but would never be as a way of living.

That's why is good that is temporal but should not be planned long term.

I prefer to be my own person being alone, than to love and forget who I am

[pelandocebollas]

I dreamed of you

I dreamed of you and time disappeared,

I was living in the dream and in the moment that had passed.

I believed that wasn’t real, but what is real? 

And does it matter? When is there is no one else around.

I dreamed of you an I remembered, a moment when it was truth. 

Because we can’t tell when one is lying, but you know when is it true.

I dreamed of you and now I wonder,

did I ever felt a slightest of love,

do I care about someone else,

or dreaming of you was finding my own.

I dreamed of you and I can’t tell if I miss you or miss myself

[pelandocebollas]

r felt you were failing? Probably yes, many times...

Or that’s what people say...

But I’m not used to that.

I’m afraid, I feel I;ve taken many wrong choices and I know I’m not doding enough. I feel ashamed andd also with no motivation.

I feel I’m faliing, in my studies, in my personal life, with my friends, I’m not worth it. Because I’m not putting enough effort. But how can I put more effort itf I don’t fidn a reason to ddo that?

Also idk what kind of motivation I’m looking for. Everything feels wrong , everything feels useless... Idk .. I feel I’m not supossed to be here, I feel I don’t deserve it and every thing i do or stop doing shows that I’m right by thinking this. Idk, ican’t . I wonder if seeing my familiy could change something, I’m not good enough with them or anybody, but i don’t think i want to be a different person, am I wrong 

[pelandocebollas]

There are moments where things don’t matter any more. When you don’t care if you are ready for the next day, when you don’t care about how people around you is or even you.

There are moments when you just want someone to hug you or know that they are there for you.

There are moments when you just want to be alone in the world and cry, being silence all around the only one that can hear you.

I we are lucky those moments will be short, luckily it won’t last

[pelandocebollas]

If I allow myself to have feeling, I would be crazy for you 

[pelandocebollas]

Home is wherever you are. Where its me and you

[pelandocebollas]

I met someone, you know?

I don’t want to tell you who she is, but I really want to talk about her, can I?

This person, is awesome, I wish you could see her the way I do.

She is funny and smart like no one. 

She is so decided, I love that about her, that she knows what she is looking for.

And also sometimes she is afraid of the world, but I can understand her, I wish I could do more, but I feel so happy when she knows she can rely on me.

And also, she is a great friend. I may not always understand her she understand me, but we know each other a lot. I don’t know how we arrived to this point but I really feel that I know her and she knows me like no one.

Sometimes I wish I could be with her forever, she is amazing.

And Idk what it is, but I just feel so good and feel so happy when I spend time with her. The last thing I want to do is risk to lose her.

There are many people I wanted to keep always in my life, no one like her.

And sometime I want more, but i don’t need it and i’m fine with that. She is worth more than any other friend for me. Maybe that is a problem, maybe not, is just simple math, I haven’t feel so happy being with anyone else.

But at the same time, what am I next to her. I’m just ... I’m just a friend because that’s all I can offer and even then I’m not good enough, I’m not capable of always understanding her, idk how to comfort people, idk how to give good advice, idk how to help her when she cannot help herself. I’m not good enough and I just want to be something good in her life.

She makes me so happy and she can make me feel ok with myself, Idk why you are in my life but I want you in my life forever.

But doesn’t matter what I fell or wish in this case, that’s not going to happen. She will leave me rather soon. She may stablish, who knows, she will probably met some guy and marry him.

I won’t wait for her, she won’t wait for me because there is nothing to wait for.

But she is so much in my life, she is so important. 

I know my decisions involving her may be irrational but are not dumb, I value my own happiness a lot, and I know that I’m happy when she makes me happy. I’ve never spend so many days in a row feeling happy before I met her.

However, also the downside, when she goes sad it affects me, like always happened before, but I have to learn, I’m willing to learn to make her life better and my own.

We are just friends.

And as friends, I do love you, I do...

[pelandocebollas]

No sé que es, me siento tan llena de dudas y contradicciones en lo que siento cuando pienso en ti.

Nadie me hace mas feliz, pasar el tiempo contigo, hablar contigo, pensar en tí. Son cosas que me hacen tan feliz a diario. La alegria que siento de pensar que volveré a casa y te encontraré ahí, la emoción de pensar que puedo hacer algo que pueda alegrarte...

Y luego, darme cuenta que no es más, darme cuenta de que siento tanto por tí y en algunos momentos quisiera que esto fuera más.

Pero no, no quiero que esto pase a ser algo más que una amistad, tal vez temo perderte, tal vez no quiero arriesgar. Pero también se que si eso pasa sera como siempre, algo con fecha de caducidad.

Asi que me he dado cuenta que por más que seas la persona perfecta, no es el momento perfecto asi que no somos las persona para una relación, no ahora, no quien soy o quien eres tú en este momento de nuestras vidas. Quien sabe si algún día o nunca, pero eso no es parte del ahora.

Pero lo que es muy cierto es que te quiero, muchísimo, te quiero... y a veces quisiera que sepas cuánto pero sé que es mejor que no, tú sabes que te quiero como amiga, eso me basta/ No sé si sabes que eres aquí la persona más importante para mí, no sé si sabes cuanto te admiro, no se si sabes cuanto te pienso, no se si sabes que yo solo quiero lo mejor para ti y sé que vas a lograr tanto y aunque quisiera estar contigo más tiempo no es posible.

Hemos coincidido en un punto del camino, pero luego yo seguiré acá y luego me iré, tú te irás y tal vez volverás cuando ya me haya ido. 

To get to know you have been one of the best things in my life, idk why I’m so happy being with you.

[pelandocebollas]

Why do I feel so happy being with you

[pelandocebollas]

Acaso he mentido... me siento mal de recordarte y que la tristeza ya no me invada.

Sé como te sientes y cómo duele, no quiero que sufras por mi culpa, me siento cullpable por no sentirme mal.

Pero era verdad, te quise y mucho. Tal vez estando a tu lado te vuelva a amar, o tal vez ya pasó todo. No te extraño aunque se que tu aún me has de extrañar algo.

Lo siento, pero no te mentí. No quiero que te sientas mal por mmi

[pelandocebollas]

Hoy estuve pensando en ti, me sentí nuevamente muy triste por no estar contigo y me he dado cuenta de algo, tal vez podría haberme dado cuenta antes... Me siento feliz al estar contigo, me siento real y auténtica, y quiero que conozcas lo que pienso, no trato de ocultarme. Eres perfecta para mí y me iré de tu lado Es una decisión que no voy a cambiar, el irme. Pero quisiera poder sentirme con alguien más como me siento contigo, esa necesidad que no se siente a presión, necesidad de que me conozcas

[pelandocebollas]

Volverte a ver fue hermoso, no fue triste como cuando nos despedimos, no lloré, no tuve miedo. Me dí cuenta de que aparte de los días en que nos despedimos, estar junto a ti me causa algo que impide que esté triste. Tú me haces feliz, yo soy feliz a tu lado. Y me pongo ha pensar si sería realmente posible estar contigo para siempre, si es algo que podría existir en el futuro. No quiero decirte adiós para siempre, te quiero tanto, quisiera ser parte de tu vida y que tú seas parte de la mía mucho tiempo más, tal vez siempre... Deseos, deseos y anhelos vacíos...