Chapter Two: Always Charge Your Phone
With red-crusted lips, Alisha lolled to the side of her laptop, jolted awake from almost falling off the edge. She felt like a torn stocking, every movement adding to the destruction and disgrace of the previous evening. She swiped a hand down her face, hoping it would slide her back into reality. Unfortunately, it only served to bring attention to her dry mouth and aching feeling in her head like a rubber ball stretching behind her eyes creating a feeling of nausea and discomfort.
She blinked through the initial aches and tried to get it together She grabbed her glasses and jiggled her screen to life using the Bluetooth computer mouse. As her eyes came into focus on her screen she almost immediately sobered. Almost two thousand five hundred notifications on Reddit between DM’s and responses. She stared blankly at the screen and the numbers kept rising like a stream of confetti. Instead of elation from the sudden burst of popularity, all she could feel was a shock. She couldn’t even clearly remember what she did last night to warrant such a reaction. That is until she saw what she wrote. She immediately thought that the best course of action would be to take it down and pretend that nothing ever happened. But, curiosity got the best of her. And although Alisha started looking at everything around noon when she woke up, it was nearly dinnertime by the time she finished.
There were many different responses, some she felt she could respond to, some not even worth the time. But the one thing she definitely wanted to answer was why she decided to make a boyfriend application on Reddit.
So, instead of listening to common sense or reason that her mind desperately tried to push through the foggy haze of what was left of her hangover, she simply replied,
I’m curious.
And suddenly, she received a text message. When she saw who it was from, her heart pounded relentlessly in her chest. The memories poured from her immediately, and her breathing became shallow. She tried to shake it off—she wasn't a teenager anymore. Yet, she couldn’t even believe he still had her number after fifteen years.
Hey, apple. Hope this is still your number.
She couldn't breathe. The number was unknown but in those first two words, she knew exactly who it was. She already left those feelings behind, or at least she thought she did. Waves of nostalgia from her teenage youth began with a gentle pulse but quickly beat down on her like a tidal crash threatening to drown her in emotions she so desperately thought she let go. But of course, it was impossible. It’s always impossible when it comes to your first love. But why now?
I’m surprised you still have it.
I’m guessing you remember who this is.
Don’t play games with me. What do you want?
I got a job in New Haven this week. Are you free for drinks?
She struggled to type an answer. Too many things were happening way too fast. It seemed all too coincidental that he would send a message after her post went viral. But there was no way for him to know, was there?
She turned on airplane mode, flipped her phone over, and decided to take a shower. In the steamy confinement, her worries began to melt and her mind wandered to a distant plane. She knew it was only temporary but if it were even for mere seconds, she was happy to be free. To live a life imagined where everything was…perfect. At least until her toes pruned up and her lungs started contracting, begging for fresh air.
She stepped out of the stall, threw her shower cap on the hook, and dried herself off with her thick, Egyptian cotton towel. Little luxuries that made small moments of the day a little bit better. Realizing she hadn’t really had a meal today, decided to one of her favorite diners. A little vegan spot that served everything you can find at a real diner, but the food actually tastes amazing. Some vegan chicken and fluffy waffles with blueberry syrup might be just the thing to help her ignore her problems.
She opened her phone, only to update her very few followers on Twitter.
Today is absolutely a Baked Galaxy day.
She noticed her follower count had gone up a few dozen. Maybe that tweet about Cole Sprouse caught some extra eyes? She tried not to think about it.
She braided her hair back in two plaits and quickly popped on a bob wig with sweeping bangs. Some light mascara, eyebrow lamination, and brown lip gloss were the perfect light look for a date with herself. She put on a tan tube top, black skinny jeans, and her favorite pair of chunky black sneakers. Accompanied by a furry black purse, she walked over to her white 2020 Toyota Yaris and was on the road within moments.
She decided some second-generation K-Pop at high volume would help her on her path of forgetting all her problems. But even as Big Bang’s “Twinkle, Twinkle” kept her focused on the lyrics she could remember in Korean, she still couldn't help the itching feeling of being watched. She tried to ignore the cars on the merit parkway and mind her business but her eyes kept catching on a navy blue Chevrolet just behind her. Shaking it off as paranoia, she just continued to her exit, finding her diner and finding an excellent parking spot.
“Things are looking up already,” She said to herself.
As soon as she stepped out of the car, she heard a camera.
Click. Click.
Before she could get an eye on the culprit, the Chevrolet she thought she imagined earlier zoomed out of the parking lot. Just as it drove away a fence of reporters turned in her direction. Before she knew it, they started shuffling toward her like a pack of cattle at the beginning of a stampede. She tried to close her eyes but they were jolted open by the sudden pull at her elbow from someone she couldn't recognize right away. She briefly pulled back before recognizing her cousin.
“If you don’t come with me in this damn restaurant—“ Cerisa pulled harder straight through the doors and to a booth in the corner where Ivy, Cerisa’s 13-year-old daughter and Rose, her best friend were tucked away reading through the menus.
“Is the burger worth it or nah? I don’t eat beef but since it's vegan…” Rose asked without looking up.
“I’m thinking about getting this Mac and Cheese. I heard it really tastes like cheese here.” Ivy noted.
“Before we get into orders—Alisha. Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on?” Cerisa barked.
“Actually I was hoping you could tell me. Were those reporters out there for me? And how did you know I was coming here?” Alisha responded, still dazed.
“It's not hard to know where you’re going when you tweet it to the whole world. Why is your phone off?” Cerisa implored.
“My phone isn’t off, it's…” Alisha remembered. Airplane mode—only wifi messages but no texts or calls. “Shit…” she turned the data back on and like lightning notifications of texts and calls poured in. “Oh, my God.”
“Oh my God is right—it's a good thing Ivy follows you.” Rose tossed her menu to the side. “Do you have any idea—“
“Welcome to Baked Galaxy where all the food is vegan and if you don’t like it you can leave! Can I start you off with some drinks?” The server cut Rose off. Everyone at the table glared. “…I can also come back in a bit…”
“Actually no, we are ready to order. I’ll have the chicken and waffles, and a chocolate shake for the drink.” Alisha responded.
“Mac and cheese with iced tea for me,” said Ivy.
“I’ll have the BLT please, and a cafe latte hot,” said Cerisa.
“And how are the burgers here?” Asked Rose.
“As if you were eating beef!” Responded the server cheerily.
“I'll take that and also a chocolate shake, thanks!” Responded Rose.
“Okay, ill put your orders in and be back soon with your drinks. My name is Jamie if you need anything.” Jamie the server headed off to the POS machine.
“So… can you tell me why you suddenly decided to garner the attention of the entire country? Are you out of your mind?” Cerisa angrily whispered.
“I truly and honestly have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alisha said, knowing that ignorance was a wicked thing. Even as the alerts kept going off on her phone and she silenced them, she knew what she did and somehow despite the fact it was an anonymous post, it circled back to her. All of them looked at her with knowing faces.
“You can’t put yourself in the delusion box for this one sweetie,” said Rose. “I already had three random men from my MFA program send me a DM through Instagram trying to get to you.”
“What?” Alisha looked up.
“Yea, this morning at school, this boy in my pottery class asked if you would wait a few years until he turned eighteen.” Ivy chuckled.
“And I cannot begin to tell you how confused I was when my coworker showed me the website,” Cerisa added.
“Website? What website?” Alisha questioned. Everyone looked at each other, wondering if it was a good idea to tell her about it since she didn’t know. The tension heated at the table until Alisha snapped, “What. Website.”
“I cannot believe this.” Alisha kept scrolling through the profiles. “I literally cannot believe this.”
“Yea girl,” Cerisa licked her fingers. “It hasn’t even been 24 hours.”
Someone created a website called “Her Reddit Bae” where men and even some women and non-binary people can actually submit applications to date Alisha. The owner of the site has been trying to get in touch with her ever since. People were making TikToks. Votes were happening on Twitter. Debates were spurring between the sexes for hours on end since the post went live not even a full day ago. And somehow, apparently, with a fully honest bullet-point list of expectations and standards, so many men were determined to make the cut.
Despite posting anonymously and only using initials, it didn’t take long for people to find out who it was. In fact, the moment she sent out that Twitter saying where she was going, people flocked to her accounts like birds during migration. She had hundreds of thousands of friend requests. Her Twitter was gaining traction on every minute detail of her life. She didn’t post many pictures, but people were suddenly using her in their mood boards. “Put in your app” became a trending hashtag in the online dating community. Alisha was the story that everyone wanted to see, but she hadn’t responded to a single thing yet. Especially that little text message from a certain someone.
“This will all blow over in days if I just ignore it,” Alisha said and put down the phone. Her waffles were starting to really soak in the syrup.
“No, you won’t!” Demanded Ivy. “This is literally the coolest thing to ever happen to me.”
“But this isn’t about you,” said Cerisa with attitude. “Look, if you want to let this go cold, fine just let it. But, I have to say I saw that post. You were pissed and for good reason. Dating sucks—not that I would know ‘cause I’m happily married to my college sweetheart—but you deserve the best.”
“Yea, this could be the universe giving you that chance,” Rose added. “But you would never know until you try.”
“I am almost positive a lot of these are catfish,” Alisha laughed.
“Excuse me,” a deep voice inquired behind her and she turned to see who was cutting in on their conversation and was left speechless. A gorgeous man, tall, with bright brown eyes, wearing nothing but a simple white tee shirt and jeans that squeezed all the right places.
“I recognize you from Her Reddit Bae. I don’t want to disturb your meal but I just wanted to introduce myself,” he put out his hand. “My name is Rashid.”
“Alisha,” she said mouth still hanging in the void.
“Alisha, you have a beautiful name and you’re even more stunning in person. You and your friend’s meal is on me. I hope you take a look at my application,” he said with a wink and walked away.
Alisha slowly turned her head in shock. “Um, let's finish up and head to my place,” she said. “I need to charge my phone if I am going to respond to these boyfriend applications.”
