(wrinkled and dying from laying eggs) tbhhhh dubstep was better in 2009 (lays another egg) there has honestoy not been another producer like Benga (stress from that last egg makes me go blind) my eggs , where are my eggs

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Keni

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@penisvortex
(wrinkled and dying from laying eggs) tbhhhh dubstep was better in 2009 (lays another egg) there has honestoy not been another producer like Benga (stress from that last egg makes me go blind) my eggs , where are my eggs
if rick and bp dont fuck by the end of this season yall need to put me on suicide watch
where costco
I was bored
by disagreeing with me on this topic, you're aligning yourself with everyone else who disagrees with me, which includes the Chaos Death Cult, and they chaos kill people so....
we dont chaos kill that many people.
Well If You Say It's Not That Many
Dont be very woried about me since i deserve all of this
I am not fucking "kin" I am JUST WILSON. I am not a fucking roleplay blog I am JUST WILSON. I am JUST WILSON. JAMES FUCKING WILSON.
YOU WILL NEVER BE ME, YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ME. YOU WILL NEVER WAKE UP IN MY BED, IN MY HOME, WITH MY NAME. YOU DO NOT KIN ME. YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.
Genuinely. Fuck all of you that claim to be me. Fuck you from the bottom of my heart. You will never understand what it's like to be punished. Every day. Every day. Every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day every day
society: heh. i pity the fool
the fool:
Domestic Klance Headcanons
Lance tries as hard as possible to sleep in for as long as possible
this is a difficult task considering Keith is an early riser he doesn’t even need an alarm he just naturally wakes up at 7 to work out or whatever
one time lance tried to wake up early enough to surprise keith with a birthday breakfast-in-bed, but of course keith didn’t get the message to sleep in and was already awake
they made a mess making pancakes and bacon together instead
lance is a neat freak. it annoys the crap out of keith because he never had to clean up for anyone else whereas lance’s mother pretty much programmed him to clean up after himself and his little siblings
keith affectionately labels these tirades as The Nag™…brace yourselves, The Nag is coming
lance can also cook??? he chops vegetables like it’s nothing and keith is alway afraid he’s going to lose a finger at the speed he’s going
they couldn’t decide on a color scheme for their room so it’s just a mismatched mess of soft blues and and calm grays and vibrant red and angsty black and it looks awful. but it’s theirs
lance convinced keith to do weekly Couple Luxury Night where they did relaxing at-home spa treatment-esque routines. he told keith it’d be fun but really it’s just an excuse for him to pamper his boyfriend and take goofy pictures in face masks and cucumbers
lance always fixes keith’s hair before he walks out the door because that boy does not know that bedheads aren’t acceptable. keith always pretends to be annoyed but his favorite thing is feeling lances fingers run through his hair
lance got them really into competitive cooking shows and naturally it turned into a heated cooking war between the two. since lance is 1000x better at cooking (keith can barely peel a potato) keith is allowed to distract him by whatever means necessary. lance is extremely susceptible to neck kisses, side tickling, and obnoxious raspberries
lance in aprons with flirtatious sayings
keith complying with the aprons’ suggestions
lance totally has a childhood teddy bear that he still sleeps with with named tigre (as a child he didn’t really have a clear grasp on the difference between bears and tigers). He is now señor tigre, respect the title, and is appalled when keith calls it ratty and old-looking
whenever lance is mad at keith he pretends keith isn’t there and complains about him to tigre
when keith needs comfort and can’t get any words out, lance lets him hold tigre—he might be old as hell but he is soft—and just talks to him about anything until keith feels better
they have matching red and blue mugs with cute lions on them
keith sleeps on the left side of the bed, but always manages to roll all the way to lance’s side by the morning
keith also has deathgrip when he’s asleep, so lance had to buy him a body pillow for those nights when lance just wants to sprawl out
lance taped a fucking picture of his face to the body pillow the first night keith slept with it and the next morning lance was woken abruptly by keith shrieking in terror
lance likes to do voices and impressions all the time to keep himself entertained and uses random objects around the house as props. keith’s reactions range from tired-of-your-shit to must-hold-in-laughter, but most of the time keith likes to film him on his phone so he can watch it again later. he says it’s blackmail material but these are keith’s videos of the lance that only he gets to see every day
whenever lance decides to fart in front of keith he turns it into a punchline
keith would never fart in front of other people because it’s fucking barbaric but he feels comfortable enough to voice his body’s concerns (oh god lance i have to fucking dump pause the tv i can’t miss gordon ramsay ripping this neglectful chef a new asshole)
they have a weekly chore chart with shifting roles, except keith can’t do the dishes because sticking his hands under hot water and touching grimy dishes is a nightmare for him
keith never likes to walk around barefoot esp in the kitchen, so lance makes it fun by gifting keith with funky socks. his most recent pair has shooting stars with a moon made of cheese at the ankle. (keith unintentionally called them cheesy and lance keeled over) keith is known at work/school as the serious guy with uncharacteristically fun socks
lance likes to blast music but when it bothers keith, he turns it down and sings along at a moderate volume, which keith finds comforting
lance: KEITH HAVE U SEEN THE THING
keith: did u check between the couch cushions
it was between the couch cushions
they have a codeword for when keith misses a social cue and says something too blunt or rude, that way they can communicate easily in private and when company’s over
they also have a word for when lance is doing something annoyingly repetitive that keith can’t deal with
lance is superstitious and it’s all pretty humorous, but he never risks going to bed without saying i love you, even if they’re angry at each other. keith doesn’t understand why they need to say it out loud all the time but he knows it makes lance feel better so he doesn’t ask questions
some nights they like to sleep outside on the back porch so they can see the stars together, and they make their own constellations
when the Bad Thoughts hit lance, keith just stays with him, cradles him, strokes his hair. keith’s blunt honesty is a solace whenever lance splits
when lance dissociates, keith finds a simple activity for them to do together to coax him back like watching crap tv or going for a drive with the windows down
lance bought this weird porcelain duck cookie jar and every time keith comes into contact with it he stares it down for a good minute out of suspicion and spite
if either of them don’t feel like using their voice at any particular time, they bought mini whiteboards with tons of colorful markers
keith really likes to doodle?? its not his passion or anything but lance lets him draw on his skin and loves to show off his “new tattoo” to literally anyone
keith really wants a cat but lance thinks cats are too boring and moody. lance wants a dog but keith thinks they’re too high-maintenance and overwhelming
when they went pet shopping they became unwittingly enamored with a turtle struggling to eat a tomato. it was inspirational, and they named her Rita
they probably start a small garden and grow tomatoes for Rita and lance in floppy sun hats and keith digging gleefully into the earth
lance naming their gardening hoe keith and promptly running from an angry dirt-covered keith
im dy i ng I could go on about these dorks and their habits
if anyone wants to add anything more please do I'm thirsty for domestic klance fluff
-Keith lives on caffeine and Lance heroically attempts to pull all nighters with him ( he fails entirely and Keith just drops a blanket over him when he falls asleep )
-Lance has a major weakness for junk food . If it wasn’t for Keith, they’d be living off of Cheetos and soda . As it is , half of their cupboards are devoted to junk foods. Shiro would faint if he knew what Lance is eating.
-Lance is no longer allowed to feed Rita unsupervised. There’s a reason Coca Cola isn’t part of a turtle’s normal diet, Lance….
-Keith sings in the shower
-They went to a haunted house for Halloween, and Keith got BANNED for life because he threw an actor into a wall and busted the guy’s collarbone. Lance thinks it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen.
They’re now TRYING to get BANNED from places .
-On April Fool’s day , Lance dyed everyone’s hair to match their lions . Keith was enchanted with the red color and kept it. Pidge threatened to throw Lance into a trash compacter. Shiro was annoyed to be left out . Hunk was cool with it. Lance looked great with blue hair
^^^ I love these
-Watching horror movies and Keith just mumbling in Korean while Lance just straight-up fucking //yells// profanities in Spanish. -Don’t tell the crew but they got matching tattoos on their backs, right between their shoulder blades. ~Keith has a blue lion curving upwards, whereas Lance has a red lion curving downwards. If you were to put them together, they’d fit perfectly. -Lance originally wanted a bunk bed when they first moved into a house, but Keith denied the request, saying how it was childish. (He actually just wanted a single bed for the both of them so that he could snuggle up to Lance.) -The first week or so of sleeping in the same bed of the new house, Keith had nightmares. They weren’t unusual; they happened often but had lessened since he slept with Lance. He supposed the change of background had risen his anxiety, and, as a result, his mind made up terrifying scenarios. ~Every single time, Lance would cradle his head and be as close to him as as possible. He’d hum soft tunes that Keith couldn’t identify, but it helped all the same. His nightmares slowly began to reduce to none. -Challenges of who can clean the house the fastest when a guest is coming over. ~“NO! I WON FAIR AND SQUARE!” ~“It literally took you five minutes to turn on the sink!” -Lance absolutely ADORES tickling Keith nonstop. The Red Paladin doesn’t laugh that often, so when his giant grin spreads across his face and his laughs of pure joy echo around the house, he couldn’t be happier.
-Really confusing late night conversations where a sleepy Keith wanders into the kitchen for a snack and bumps into Lance , Lance asks what he’s up to in Spanish , Keith replies in Korean , and they both blink at each other in sleepy confusion until their brains go “ wait, we know English”
-Keith playing K-Pop songs as he trains
-Lance rigging the doorbell to play mariachi music and the first time Pidge visits they stand at the door laughing for ten minutes straight
-Keith adding teriyaki sauce to every meal and Lance being both amused and frightened by it
“You eat so much teriyaki that your blood is probably 50% teriyaki by now ” “That’s my GOAL, Lance. To be delicious inside and out. ”
- Lance blushing and dying of laughter -
-When they adopt kids they make sure that the kids are fluent in English, Spanish, and Korean so arguments get interesting because Keith is screaming at Lance in Korean while Lance curses him out in Spanish and their son translates the argument to Pidge who’s quietly listening
“That phrase sounds really rude. Is it?”
“ Eh, not really. Dad just called Keith an 80’s trash heap , and Keith countered by calling Dad a self -worshipping Rihanna wanna be. ”
- Keith interrupts the arguing to tell off the son for translating-
“ What’s he saying now, Reito? ”
“ He says I should stop translating and help him win the argument, but I refuse to help them decide whether a zebra is black and white striped or white and black striped. ”
- The weirdest fusion decor you’ve ever seen. Tons of K-Pop and traditional Asian decor mixed with cactuses and Cuban folk art . Sombreros and Spanish lyrics painted on the wall. Varied Hispanic, Cuban, Spanish, and Latino celebrities decorate the walls.
There’s a Tabasco jug next to a Buddha statue.
Signed J-Pop poster next to a painting of Mexico City.
Their feud over decor is the best thing Pidge has ever seen. Pidge visits a lot just to see who’s currently winning the decor war.
this was a good post but youre a racist
This was good and u ruined it with your little milk white hands
tfw you’re blocked for giving them the benefit of the doubt that they weren’t trying to be racist
that scene in the day of the dove when the klingon commander is like this is my wife who is also my science officer and it cuts to a kirk and spock reaction shot even though they aren’t saying anything. What was that about
spock in the naked time
"STAR TREK" S2E1 - "Amok Time"
ANOTHER AMAZON PACKAGE FOR THE WHITE BUDDHIST
ordering a pup cup for my chikorita in lumiose
INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 2.03 "No Pain"