Vaishdas

The world of Vaish's words An observer with a pen ✒ under introspection ✒ https://www.instagram.com/vaishdas/

[pennedbyvaishdas]

The breeze in time became cold and my frozen fingertips started taking a toll on me. This might be the last chance. This might be the final excuse I could get. To slowly walk not knowing whether there could be even a negligent chance of you running towards the shadow of the Oak tree. 

Although the trail was familiar, for I have taken that so many times only to find myself back in that place. In that very place, under the shadow, holding a bouquet of withering paper flowers.

This time I close my eyes tight, march in that same trail and let myself be engulfed by the darkness.

Like that one flower in the garden looking up at the sky to feel jealous of the fireworks, for the fireworks are colourful, flying up in the sky and bringing joy.

From the window of my house, I see the blue and the ocean. I see no melancholy. Indeed, a sunny day of my entire life. I let myself out there under the Sun, hands wide open and wonder if that bird up above feels the same.

-Vaishdas

[pennedbyvaishdas]

[pennedbyvaishdas]

I was bleeding inside out,

All the love I held,

Every ounce of it I stored so dearly,

I saw the same on the very ground I stood.

Then I see you just existing

Just breathing your life

With no idea of what you do to me

I swear, God, why should you keep here,

And him there so far?

Could you descend right now,

To make your deed so right?

Or just take me away,

I can fly with you anywhere you say.

Not in this despair of love,

If only you could stop this play.

[pennedbyvaishdas]

No! I'm not creative at all.

All I write is twisted versions of how much the silence between us has torn me apart.

All I write about is you who never will read these thousand versions of me making confession of my love for you.

All I write about is how much I wish for you to be near me. Here. Right now.

[pennedbyvaishdas]

I jumped into an ocean. Without knowing how to swim. Now I drown into a darker and deeper ocean. No way out, no land to stand and no light to seep into it.

I know I sound ridiculous. But trust me. I am true, to myself and to you. For the only thing I desired in this bloody world has ever been you.

Have you ever wondered why this vast universe casting you to come in front of me, without a screen?

This whole dark story humours me, every time I see.

God damn! What have you done to me! You are not even here, to free me from this fear.

I clear my head once. Twice, I ignore. Thrice, I deny. And more, I sit back and let my head run a theatrical.

Fear, I do for quite a while. For this life is too short to regret after anything, when all you will hold in days to come is nothing.

Oh God! Yes! If you are there, to save anything, do this for me.

Just put aside the tragedy and enjoy alongside me.

-vaishdas

[pennedbyvaishdas]

To my journey that starts with you but the end unknown

I shattered in middle, at the door smeared with silence

And you, the only thing I was sure of,

Now seems so unsure and I still stand there.

Your silence, my silence, never similar

Yours in denial and mine too in denial of yours.

[pennedbyvaishdas]

[pennedbyvaishdas]

I start off with oozing emotion-filled words to choking myself with essence of soul stirring poetry . That's how you fill me with culture, my love. -Vaishdas

[pennedbyvaishdas]

I know who criticizes me more when I let it slip.

It is me and the guilt rejoices every second of my failure.

I know I shouldn't let this emotion grow on me. But this blinking keen ache over my forehead says otherwise. It doesn't know how to fake.

Hate to admit. But it is what it is.

The moment I let it grow, I fail.

I fall.

I fall harder.

And the hardest each time.

-vaishdas, wishing someday I can smirk on this guilt

[pennedbyvaishdas]

Why do you think the emotions always burn? To make it more tender and sensitive so that when it touches your core, you get to receive it like a hug.

-vaishdas

[pennedbyvaishdas]

I want to disappear virtually and get plunged into the reality more. More alive and giving more life to the life I live. Does it make sense? I hope it does!

Secretly I wish that reality would be you and with you.

-Vaishdas

[pennedbyvaishdas]

I see life in your silence. When the whole world screams, you remain silent but your eyes. This paralyzed heart, stuck at the moment it fell for you one fine afternoon. At one of the most nerve wrecking places.

Then for all these twenty thousand days of my life I spent as if days never passed. As if my life danced to the rhythm of your eyes.

This is the most I could say about you. But not the most I ever felt about you. How do I make logical sense about this tangle of emotions?

Can you come help me untangle for my own good and for your peace of mind?

I stop here else, this manifestation might strike you like lightning. But I want to take this slow and steady, and not so perfect.

-vaishdas

[quotespile]

“Still, being alone doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. In that sense it’s different from losing something. You’ve still got yourself, even if you lose everything else. You’ve got to have faith in yourself and not get down just because you’re on your own.”

— Yōko Ogawa, The Diving Pool

[pennedbyvaishdas]

Looking back, I am not surprised how everything is about that one person and this very fact makes sense. Makes you feel like it's natural. And that thing eventually leads you to believe that person owns your heart.

I confess and cut all possible contact with the person. Sit alone in a room and overthink. For some reason the dark room has become visible. Daylight blinds eyes. Aloof.

How to draw a line inside amidst the chaos?

-vaishdas

[pennedbyvaishdas]

somehow, somewhere in the places and in front of some, I lose my preferences and still tend to be like me. just leaving behind a few and picking up a few unwanted emotions and a stranger self.

"Courage"

So alien to me and my life.

[pennedbyvaishdas]

Wings that fly in the blue sky,

I aspire to be the flight,

fight against the tight gust

and hum victory in the full moon nights.

Dark, darker and the darkest,

never the light conquers,

until you embrace only the latter,

a step I take and it sparks.

In the cloak of elegance,

behind the period we stand,

I see no sign, but some teases,

and the story just begins.

And Life says more -

'This day girl, in your life,

will never come again,

far away your cry for me

in bliss or fear, will say you more

when I hear more, still I lie.'

-Vaishdas

[pennedbyvaishdas]

Even when my body simply let gravity win over my will, my hope-brimming eyes had run the reels of you, the ones where you and I walked past each other, a surprise bloomed in your face as my face wore it like make-up. As I wished for, this version of us slowly let ourselves feel how it should have felt. Not like the present me, getting all the honest feelings covered, putting on a show, regretting as soon as the curtain falls.

How often do you put some effort into thinking about me? Does it ever cross your mind? That, when I keep trying to connect,  the failure sounds like your voice asking me just to forget you.

-Vaishdas