Excerpts From My Existence

This is a Photo blog that I populate exclusively with photos that I have taken. I enjoy looking at photos a lot, but I feel a much greater connection to photos when I can understand the subject or why they were taken. These photos are just things from my life that stood out to me for some reason or another.

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This is someone I did not know very well nevertheless came in contact with and heard about long after they were no longer around. I do not mean to say they were popular because they were not and I do not mean this in a negative way, that is simply the way it was, and I am sure they wouldn’t care if I stated this. I took this photo while we were aboard a train in Alsace France. It was Saturday sometime in September, and we were headed out to visit the city of Strasbourg. It was around nine in the morning, which explains the hard back lighting. At the time, we were sitting in a group of other students talking about clothes and cheek bones, and more similar things. I took a good number of photos of the group, and after a while of having my camera out, people stopped reacting to it, which is usually what I wait for in a situation. I do not know much about the girl in the photograph aside from the fact that she was a classical dancer, who I believe also sang a bit. Even though she spoke French well, she had to be the most quiet person I have known. Only replying with enough information to answer your question, and never volunteering conversation. Another student from Mexico said he liked her, because quiet personality made her mysterious to him, and there was something irresistible about her modest persona.

 She was studying abroad in France from Italy and only a month into her program she returned to Italy saying she was not being challenged enough academically.

While this very well might have been true, I personally suspected she was returning at least in part because she was not well accepted by the other Italians in the program.  One group of Italians, The Italian Faction, as I came to call them during the course of my stay, drew a circle for themselves which left number of their fellow countrymen without a group to call their own. Whether this was done on purpose, or had malicious intent, I do not know but with those who were excluded it did not bode well. But this intentional or inadvertent action created another group of independent Italians with whom I came to know well.

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This is not the photo that was taken that night but it from the same place that I am speaking of. The day had been bitterly cold. The temperature was well below zero and but the air was still. It was the day that I was due to meet my girlfriend’s parents. Most of that day we had spent getting ready and packing and a day which was already cold began to turn to an even colder evening. Just after sunset we boarded a train bound for her hometown and her childhood home. This night I was supposed to meet her parents there was to be no regalia. Her mother would finish working her job only at 8:00 at night and her father had to leave shortly after this to go to his parents’ house to spend the night. I should mention that I was in Slovakia and it wasn’t long before Christmas; I myself had just left a job and had very little to do throughout the day and felt almost a weightlessness I hadn’t felt for a long time. I had graduated from school and still had the feeling that I could do almost anything, but was a bit beaten down, because life after school is really just more school trussed up to look like something else. But I was still content.

After we got off the train it was still a walk of about ten minutes to her house and the freezing air punished every part of me that it could reach; the tips of my ears, my teeth, my throat. But we walked together arm in arm, until we finally reached their house. I met her father first and little while later met her mother. And after I had given them the gifts I had brought, and her parents ensured that I was well enough fed, things in the house slowed down and when it was late I found myself in their living room on their sofa. On the television a soviet era detective show was playing; I only knew this because my girlfriend had told me. She sat beside me her head on my shoulder. Her mother sat in a recliner not far away and was just beginning to doze. As time wore on the head of my girlfriend drifted from my shoulder to my lap and I began to smooth her hair over and over and over. We stayed like this for long time, and then I started to nod off. I woke her and quietly we went to our respective rooms to go to sleep. Later that night she snuck into my room and we cuddle together. The cold outside felt like it had permeated my bones, but her warmness seemed to drive it further and further away. After exchanging a few words and goodnights we fell asleep in each other’s arms.  My first night in her childhood home was not what I expected but, I was still very content. 

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My last night in Washington D.C.  This is Federal Triangle near Constitution Avenue in the District Of Columbia. I took this photo a little after sunset before night had completely fallen. Earlier in the day I had been packing and making preparations to move. I had found out that some old classmates of mine would be in town for a conference and I decided to meet them. After I got down town I walked around in the cold for a little bit before I found them. We walked to a restaurant that was nearby. Dinner was good and we were able to talk about what had gone on in the last few months in our lives. After the food was gone we talked for a bit longer and joked with one another.  It had been quite a number of weeks since I had been downtown. The last time I  was in the city the weather was hot, and sun was brilliant, traffic was impossible, and people almost seemed to be scurrying everywhere. 

This was the first and only time I saw the city in what I can only describe as a reposed state.  After dinner we walked to their hotel and said goodbyes. On my way home I walked past the Trump hotel that is in D.C and saw a security guard that looked extremely bored, pacing near the driveway to the hotel. I approached them and asked what they were doing.  They told me they were working the night security shift for the hotel. 

“How is it?”  “It's not bad.”  “Do you like it?” “It's a job.”  “You work at the Trump hotel... Did you vote?”  “I did.”

“Did you vote him?”

“No.” They said with a little smile. 

“That's crazy.” I said. “Working at this hotel and voting against him.  But he doesn't own the building, his name's just on it.  “I know.”  There was a small break in the conversation. And I think we were both thinking about the future and what that might look like. I know from my own thoughts I thought about how infinitesimal I felt when all is going on a system so big. A building with someone’s name on it who doesn’t own it but nevertheless has some say about what goes on there, and then he runs for president. And the employee who doesn’t want vote against him, in effect opposing. But after it’s all over they keep the worker because they need a security guard and the security guard stays because they need a job. Something so profound just happened, and nothing really happened at all.   

“I suppose this would be a pretty cool job as long as the weather is good. It's not too cold yet. When it rains it must be bad.”   “Rain is the worst.” 

We talked for a little more About comedic parody and other jobs we had.  And a little while later I left. Seeing the city so quiet was not Erie, it was just different. In a little while, hopefully, it takes a breath and begins going back to what it had always done. Racked with fatigue and with all the election news and coverage finally over, the city seemed like it had just given up.   And contrary to how this may sound this is how I’d like to remember the city. In peace. Even if that peace was brought about by exhaustion.

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These are some photos I took on photo shoots when models were not posing for the camera. The first is a girl watching a plane as it flew overhead. It was a little late in September, in the mountains, and the weather was chilly. She crossed her arms, and balled her fists in between shots. Just right of her is someone else who was smelling the blossom on a tree. The one below is laughing at something someone of camera said, and the one to the left is just waiting for me to adjust the height of my tripod. These just happen to be the time when someone sitting does not have their face on for a camera. These are what I call the spaces in between; this was actually going to be the name of this blog. But I decided against it for different reasons.  

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This is a girl I call Alice. This photo matches her personality very well I think.  I took this photo while she was having a drink of water. She looked at me. She didn’t ask why I had taken her photo, she just looked at me with her eyebrows raised. I took this photo in the afternoon on a Saturday. We had gone out to an open air market in Mulhouse and while we were there she invited to come back and have lunch with her. All of her roommates were out of town and I think she wanted a little company. For being the middle of November the day was actually very warm somewhere in the mid-seventies. When we got home we were both quite thirsty and she poured us each a glass of water. And then I decided to take this photo.

We started to spend a little more time together and one weekend we spent 50 hours plus watching the office watching Friends eating Kebabs and talking about our families. At 1:00 Sunday afternoon we decided that we should both spend some time in our respective houses and get some work done. And finally at 6:00 I was leaving with her to walk her home. On the way home I took her hand and we walked like that for the rest of the way to her house. I sang a few of the words of the song Violet Hill by Coldplay. She told me that once she got back to her home country she thought she might miss me (I think this was her way of saying she liked me as more than just a friend). I ended up telling her that I had the same sentiments. A block away from her house we sat down on the side walk next to one another and talked about what would happen in our lives after we left France in the next few weeks. As we talked she placed her chin on my elbow and looked up into my eyes as we talked. I knew she was about to cry but I didn’t say anything. A few minutes later I let a tear roll down my cheek, but I pretended to watch a dog walk down the street and brushed the tear away before she could see. That had to be one best days I had in France but also a very sad one.

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There is a lot more to him than meets the eye. But then again I suppose that is true for just about everyone. I had quite a photos of him and I didn’t think he would end up here, but he is. A lot people here on this particular blog are often not people I know very well. But I think people should know at least a little about him

I suppose one of the problems I have with putting up pictures of people I know is that I have a lot of photos of them, and I have a much greater understanding of who they are as people at the prevents me from taking just a single photograph and posting it, but there is no way I could justify their whole existence in one photo.

But to say just a few things about him. He was studying for his doctorate degree, but he hadn’t really got his master’s yet. His final thesis, for his master’s was written all he had to do was turn it in, and a friend invited him to go on vacation. Instead of turning him down he went and never turned in his final thesis. He said he had a much better time on vacation and anyway all the teacher would do would be to forget it a few hours after they read it so what was the point of turning it in anyway.  

But he was also a very selfless person always giving to others, always ready to help. One of the students living in my residence he gave a blanket from his own bed for them to keep, until they left again for home, even myself was privy to his aide more than once, with homework, advice, and a set of cooking utensils he let me borrow during my stay in France.

The angel around his neck was something he wore all the time, that has its own significance, but the story for it is far too long to talk about right here.

The photo was taken on the bank of the Rhin river in Basel Switzerland. He, some friends and I went to Basel, on of one the last warm days of the year. We had stopped to eat lunch, and at this point he was listening to a story on the girls was telling him.  

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I actually don’t know him that well; he was the Friend of a German girl that I got to know well, while I was in France. During her time in France he decided he would come visit her and I happened to be visiting her the same day. 

It was a little after sunset when I took this photo. (It was that time of evening just after the sun sets but you haven’t turned on any of the lights yet. And things are comfortably dark in a room). I saw the light near the window and if I could take the German girl’s photo, and then I asked him. And he said yes. 

Even now it puzzles me as to why people let me take their photos, total strangers sometimes. But I suppose if I really think about it, it would be more odd for them to tell me ‘no.’ Either way I don’t question it. I am very grateful to every person who has let me take their photo. Part of it is because most of  them have no idea how important photography is to me. 

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This is a picture of the Kawuneechee Valley; it is on the western side of the park. On the way to Grand Lake, Granby, Fraser, or Winter Park, you will pass by area. Although the photo was not taken that day, it always reminds me of a day that I was in the area.

It was one of the most beautiful days; the sun was out it was warm but not hot, we spent the first part of the day driving over the continental divide from the eastern side of the Rocky Mountains. For the first part of the drive she was wide awake and at the top of highway 34 we walked around. Once we started our descent, she fell asleep. There was construction on the road so traffic was moving slowly, but it was a day off work for both us and we didn’t really care about the time. On the other side of the mountains, we still had the drive through the Kawuneechee Valley and then it was another hour to Winter Park, where we were meeting some family for dinner. After having dinner we left Winter park to go back home. The sun had just set, the air was perfect; we drove with the windows down. The wind was streaming through her hair. She turned and put her feet in my lap as I drove; this was something she did when took long drives. The wind blew her hair over her face; she didn’t bother to move it. On our way back home we talked about the best colors for eyes of a child, and watched the sunset. Later we got home some time after dark.

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This is Cabrillo National Monument. I took this photo during Spring Break in March. The monument usually closes a little bit before sunset, but I parked my car near the closed gate and walked down. When I got to the coast there were sailboats out on the water; many of them were just sitting and watching the sunset. 

I thought for a little while about posting the photo in color but the waves that day were spectacular. Some of them got above 10 feet. I decided to go with the black and white because I liked the clouds and waves.

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It was just about dusk when I took this photo. This is the view from the TGV in France. After more than 13 hours on a plane, in a middle seat, I boarded train from Paris to Marseilles, and was finally able to stretch out, and take a nap.  I took this photo after I woke up, about an hour from my destination. It was actually an accident that this became a partial portrait of myself. I was trying to snap a picture before all the light was gone and it turned out like this.

The TGV runs at over 150 mph; at that speed the silence is incredible. it was my first time on a train, and as you could imagine there is a sound of rushing wind but not much else. Maybe it was just the fatigue of flight but it was so refreshing, to fall asleep and wake up to the sound. I wish a train like this would be closer to home.

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This is an image of a place just across border in northern Colorado. I took a trip to Yellowstone National Park close to a year ago. I saw this as I was driving down the interstate. The sun had just set, and I pulled over and took this picture, and finished watching the sun set, on the side of the highway. It was something that struck me with a bit of finality. It was the closing of something, an ending. About an hour or so later I arrived home.

I took many photos on my Yellowstone trip this was the last one I took. It is also the picture I never show to many others.  I took this photo for myself, which I do sometimes,(not nearly enough though). It is just some thing that speaks to me. Maybe it for someone else as well. 

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This is actually my first diptych that I made, and it was not actually as hard as I thought it would be.

This is a couple, by the names, Dima and Alla, they were a couple from Moscow, university students who came here to work for the summer. Near the end of the summer I took them shopping. Both of them had worked very long hours of the course of the summer, coupling that with the fact that they, had not been in a car for nearly three months. Was enough to lull them to sleep for the hour long car ride. They were a wonderful couple and I have since fallen out of touch them, unfortunately.

I Used a diptych for this image because I do not have a wide angle lens large enough to capture the entire back seat of my car.

Something else I thought was so cool was that even though they were asleep they continued to hold hands. I apologize for not capturing this, at the time I was driving and asked my friend in the seat next to me to take the picture, and this was something they left out of the frame.    

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I know it's not winter right now but I thought I would post this anyway. I did this a long time ago, for someone I loved.I made this a few years ago in October. I woke up at three o clock in the morning. It was the only time the street was empty enough to do this. The only thing I saw was a tow truck towing a crumpled car. It had just finished snowing and it was below freezing, but for some reason I didn't mind. Now when I think about this I feel incredibly stupid, there are so many reasons, based in cynicism primarily, why this was such a bad idea; I wasn't hurt while making this, but this was such an unnecessary gesture on my part. I don't if what I did was appreciated, but at the time I got just as much pleasure trying to make that someone happy. I don't if any of you have ever been involved in something and the whole time you felt like you were levitating,and when it is over you feel like everything you did was in a different world, and your real life was on pause and now that you are back you can continue your life, and everything you did in the other world counts for so little, it wouldn't matter if none of it ever happened. That's kinda the way I feel about this photo.  

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Not the best photo I have taken, but this is one of the last photos I was able to take on Trail Ridge Road, before it was closed for the season. After driving for a few miles on the road my car punched through the clouds. It was dawn, and the exposure was 30 seconds long. So the there is a little movement to the picture.

    More script will follow...

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      This is one of the waterfalls in the National Park that I visit every once in while. This time that I went up it was raining all day, finally, I decided to to just go on a hike, regardless of the downpour. I had been out for a few hours, when the rain letup. I was able to climb up part of the waterfall and compose this shot while the sun set. This shot was taken earlier in the year. Right now this waterfall is an ice-fall.

      Maybe later I'll try to post a photo of what it looks like now.

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It was just after sunset, when I took this picture. This is a view from one of the many pull-offs on Trail Ridge Road. One of my favorite places to visit is the National Park. Before I got into college I used to come to the park just about everyday. And most of the time to take pictures. Back then I used to shoot film only and now I have a tidy collection of 35mm slides. In the day during summer the park is very crowded with people. When the sun starts to go down, the majority of people begin to leave the park.This is one of my favorite times. When I go into the Park around sunset I usually am hustling to get my photo gear ready to take a shot. I have yet to go into the park without a camera. But at some point I will tour the park without the aid of a camera, and see its profound beauty without looking through an eyepiece. 

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This is Taylor. For the past month she has been staying at a campsite, just outside of town. One of my co-workers (someone else who lives there) invited me up, to see how they live. The trail to where they live is only accessible by high clearance four-wheel-drive. So you have to hike for about ten minutes to get to where they stay. Taylor was there when we arrived, napping in a hammock.  

    I guess you could call them hippies, although they would probably negate that assumption. I thought about asking if they considered themselves as such, but was afraid to. This photo was one of six that I made. I took this photo while she was waiting for me to tell her when to smile. She had hair that came down to past the middle of her back. It was breezy. And wind had played with her hair, the whole hour I had talked with her. Right before I left, I asked if I could take her picture. And she said yes. I did also take one with my "645" on a roll of, Provia 100. That picture will be coming as soon as it is developed. In my opinion It's better than this one here.