Prompt idea: What if Peter had a secret podcast as Spiderman telling everyone all the stupid things that happen in the avengers tower????? lol love your blog btw
Peter feels like he’s in trouble. Which is mainly build on the fact that Tony made him sit down in the lab and now he’s standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest, watching him with that look that he always has when Peter is trying to lie about an injury that Tony already knew about because Karen is a tattletale (Tony calls her responsible, but whatever).
However, Peter isn’t hiding any injuries. Not right now, at least.
“Am I in trouble?” Peter eventually asks.
Tony raises an eyebrow. “What do you think?”
“It feels like I’m in trouble.”
Peter expects some witty remark or maybe some Baby Monitor footage, but Tony simply smirks, a spark of mischief in his eyes. Oh no. Peter is in a lot more trouble than he thought. “FRI, play it.”
Before Peter can ask more questions, he hears something he’s more than familiar with. Immediately, the blood in his veins turns to ice.
“Hi, everyone! It’s me, your favorite bug boy with your favorite podcast Earth’s Dumbest Heroes, the only podcast that will shatter your entire world view, because I will reveal why the Avengers are actually just a group of too tall children – except for Iron Man, he’s not that tall. You may wonder: But Spider-Man, how can you say that? Aren’t you an Avenger yourself? Good question! And here’s the answer: No. As those tall children like to remind me way too often, I’m not an official Avenger. Technically, I said no to that offer, but let’s not dwell on facts like that. Now, let’s get right into what happened this week at the compound.”
“Cut to the next clip,” Tony orders his AI, his eyes still trained on Peter, who is trying his absolute best to not move a single muscle in his entire body.
“I saw an article today about, like, the top 10 most wholesome things the Avengers have ever done. You know those articles, right? Like, Captain America hanging out with vets, Black Widow teaching girls how to do ballet and how to break someone’s wrist if someone touches them, Iron Man paying off, like, a million students’ debts or something. And it’s not like those things aren’t nice or that they’re only doing it for publicity. I know these guys well enough to know that they all mean it. But I think it kinda paints a faulty narrative here. Because they can also be so childish and cattily to each other. So, here’s my own list of the top 10 things the Avengers done to annoy each other. Place number 10 goes to the time Black Widow somehow managed to set everyone’s alarm two hours too early.”
“So, this one was requested by a lot of you. Like… a lot! You wanna know the story behind the short clip Falcon posted the other day of Captain America doing an epic rant about how he’s too old for all of this. I have to say all your theories had been amazing – but not even close to the truth. It all started with a game of Monopoly.”
“You all have seen the news footage of that last Avengers fight, right? The one I helped out in? Yeah, it was epic! I mean, like, two or three buildings were destroyed which is a bummer, but nobody got hurt, so that’s always a win. And we managed to send those ugly aliens back into space. However, that’s not important right now. Did you all see how one of them practically tackled Iron Man out of the sky? He’s fine, by the way, but it damaged his armor to the point where he couldn’t get out of it and I’m not even kidding when I’m saying that it was the funniest thing in my entire life to watch him try getting out of it.”
“Okay, I get the picture,” Peter says, cutting off the AI before the story could start.
Tony keeps staring at him, his eyebrow traveling even higher.
“In my defense, those were all really funny stories,” he says. “And I didn’t talk about any, like, classified stuff or something. No secret codes or entry ways or your Kryptonite or anything.”
“You think that’s why I’m mad?”
Tony shakes his head. “Think again.”
“Well, yeah, I mean, those are private stories and they don’t really make you all look like superheroes, but the people are loving it!”
“Wrong again. And, by the way, since you started your podcast, the Avengers’ public imagine has improved a lot. Pepper plans to buy you as much ice cream as you want as a reward for it.”
“Then I don’t get what this is about,” Peter says, seriously confused right now. If Tony isn’t mad because of the stories he told or because of the public imagine, then what is it.
Tony leans forward, the smirk growing on his face. “I’m mad because you have a podcast about the Avengers and haven’t asked me to be on the show yet.”
“Welcome back to Earth’s Dumbest Heroes and today, my friends, I have my first guest on the show. The one and only flying tin can himself – Iron Man!”
“Flying tin can? Really?”
“Everyone gets an embarrassing nickname. Mine is bug boy.”
“Which you gave yourself. Aren’t you trying a bit too hard here?”
“That’s rich coming from someone who basically blackmailed me into being part of this. Oh no, I know that look. Please don’t. I don’t know what you have in mind, but please don’t.”
“Too late. Now, I know Underoos-”
“Can’t believe you called me Underoos on here.”
“-made an entire list about his favorite of my lab fails. I know you all enjoyed that list. I read those comments. But I promise you’ll all love my list of the time Spidey fell from the ceiling.”
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