Viola really saw the messiest lesbians and was like “I need to make sure they keep this toxic shit up for the rest of eternity, for my own entertainment” and honestly I love her for that
THOSE BITCHES ARE BURIED NEXT TO EACH OTHER! Not just in the same place, not just the same row, next to. At the same place Ernest and his WIFE are being buried next to one another?? Right. Right. Right. How’d that convo even go????
Walk with me. It's not my best work but I gotta get the bees out of my brain. *jingles keys* its gay *jingles keys* and its pride month
She sits up against the headboard, glasses sliding down to the bridge of her nose. It feels unfair how Helen only got to enjoy 20/20 vision for four years until Madeline blasted a hole through her. Now it feels like her vision is worse if anything. She pushes them back up her nose, eyes reading over a few paragraphs of options.
“We could get you a mausoleum?” She says, scrolling through the website of a cemetery.
“Ooo that could be fun!” Madeline lays on her stomach next to her, feet kicking in the air while she scrolls through her phone. Their pinkies are hooked together in the middle of the bed, both of them focused on their own screens. Helen has been combing through a few cemeteries in the area that would be a fitting place for Thee Madeline Ashton to be buried. Did you know she was a two time Oscar nominee?
Helen has already done this once for herself four years prior and Madeline cried like a baby at her fake funeral. She couldn’t understand why for the life of her. She was standing right next to her during the service. “But it still feels like you died!” Madeline had sobbed into her chest while Helen soothed her…at her own funeral.
“Jesus this is expensive.” Helen’s eyes go a bit wider when she sees the range of costs for mausoleums.
“Who cares! We'll get a big statue of me right on top. No one will ever forget this beautiful face.” She flutters her lashes looking up at Helen who just rolls her eyes with a soft smile.
“Whatever will the world do without you.” She hums out, scrolling a little further. “Are we doing the whole casket thing for you?”
“Duh! I don't want a boring urn like some people.” The words have Helen shooting a glare her way.
“Hey! My urn is beautiful.”
“It's gold and black Helen, it looks like my grandmother's.” She sticks her tongue out with a grossed out look.
Helen yanks her glasses off in annoyance, “I'm doing research for you, I can stop right now. You only wanted to plan the fun part of your death.” She says, thinking back to the absolute nonsense that was Madeline's fake death.
“Don't act like you didn't have any fun with that! I saw your face when we blew that yacht up.” The two of them had sat side by side in the middle of the night on a little dinghy with enthralled matching grins as the yacht went up in flames. Madeline’s fake body going with it. It was a little romantic, the soft glow of boat flames in the back ground on the gentle sway of the ocean.
“That was pretty sick.” Helen had to admit. Rigging the boat to blow had been one of the most fun yet insane things she’d done in her life…and she’d scaled the wall of a mental insa–health spa. “But you have to pick a place soon, your funeral is going to be in a couple weeks.”
“Stop worrying, I already have.” The words are said almost nervously but Helen doesn’t pick that up just yet.
“Then why the fuck am I still looking for you right now?” Her laptop is snapped shut with a little too much force. She'd been perusing cemetery websites for the last hour!
“Because…I didn’t know how to tell you.” Madeline puts her phone face down on the bed, not meeting Helen’s eyes.
“Is this about the drone thing again? We CANNOT spread fake ashes with a drone over Broadway.” That’s one of Madeline’s tamer options.
“No not that…killjoy.” Madeline grumbles under her breath.
“Well, Hollywood Forever said no to having your own fountain installed.” She still can’t believe she had to call and ask about that.
“One, fuck them. Two, it's not there either.” Still she won’t make eye contact.
“Then where is it, Mad?” Helen sighs exasperated, not in the mood for a guessing game. It takes a few more moments of silence for Madeline to finally speak again. She picks her phone back up and Helen gasps at the cemetery on the screen.
“With you.”
It's the same place Helen is buried.
“What?” She can’t believe it.
“The spot next to you is still open. I thought a lot about it, and all the other, much cooler places my headstone could be but I don’t think I want that. I want to be next to you. If you’ll have me.” Her eyes are trained on the pattern of the sheets as she speaks. Did she think Helen would say no? That she wouldn’t like that? How on earth could she think that? They were spending eternity together already, not by choice but Helen thinks they might have found their way to one another eventually, potion or not.
“Mad, I would love that. Are you sure though? You said the cemetery I picked was for and I quote, 'Boring nobodies’. ”
“Did I say that?” Madeline winces, feeling a tiny bit guilty.
“Yes, yes you did.”
“Then I guess I don’t care anymore. I want to be boring with you forever.” She finally looks up at her with that adoring look that always makes Helen’s brain stop working.
“That’s a backhanded compliment.” Helen says with a sniffle, feeling her emotions get the best of her. God she was always such an easier crier. It doesn’t help that whenever she starts up Madeline can’t help but cry too.
“It's what we do best.” Tears well in Madeline's eyes, the two of them meet in the middle of their huge canopy bed, wrapping their arms around one another. Madeline pulls back slightly so she can look into those pretty green eyes, cupping Helen’s cheek.
“I can be boring in death with you over there but here, Hel?” She kisses her gently. “I’m never bored.”
Her words only have more tears spilling from Helen. Madeline has the terrible habit of making Helen want to strangle her most days and yet she still manages to say the most romantic heart stopping things Helen has ever heard. “Besides, I already have a memorial being built for me in my home town.”
“You’re paying for your own memorial to be built?” It shouldn’t be shocking, that’s such an on brand Madeline thing.
“Mmmhmm.”
“Are we going to have to fly there to keep that one pretty too?” She asks, cuddling into Madeline’s side.
“Maybe once or twice a year.” She shrugs, resting her head on a shared pillow.
“Oh great.” Helen sighs but she doesn’t really mean it. She’s up for anything as long as Madeline is with her.
Or: an analysis of why Madhel is (at least in my mind) basically canon.
(This is a long one, sorry)
First of all, the whole thing with Ernest not caring about Helen's "unattractive" traits (eg: wearing a retainer ot crying at SPCA ads) is supposed to be in a positive way, as in he loves her regardless of those things, but the bit about how he doesn't care that she gives up on her dreams because she's too scared to try kinda feels off.
Like, surely your partner should encourage you to follow your dreams, and help you when it's scary. The idea that he doesn't do that just feels wrong.
And then there's the fact that, while helen says "You're my person", Ernest only responds with "That's right, dear." Never does he say the words back (at least in the soundtrack. I haven’t actually seen the musical live) Madeline, on the other hand, does.
Also, Ernest leaves Helen as soon as Madeline shows up to seduce him, and only goes back to liking her after she drinks the potion and is, in his eyes, more attractive. That, on top of Helen's reaction and Ernest's distinct lack of response to "How's Helen in the sack?", which to me implies that maybe they don't have much sex, gives the impression that Ernest saw that he could have a relationship with more sex and physical intimacy with Madaline than he could with Helen and jumps ship. Once he realises that a marriage to Madeline isn't all he thought it would be (a lot of which I attribute to my headcannon that Mad doesn't actually love him, and is probably a lesbian), he happily goes along with Helen's ideas and likes her, because now she's had the potion and is acting more like Mad was in "Tell Me, Ernest."
And now, some of the reasons Madeline loves Helen (and vice versa):
In "That Was Then, This Is Now", Helen's main focus is how her engagement affects Madeline, and how her reaction was "delicious" and "addicting". She wants to provoke a reaction from her because she wants her attention (even if this isn't a particularly kind way to get it, but these sapphics are toxic, what can you do?) Furthermore, Mad used to send her "spiralling into a hopeless place". Gay pining? Probably.
Later in the song, Hel describes Ernest as "My boring old willow tree/whose eyes only pone for me". That isn't the kind of description one would give to someone they love. And the mention of how he only pines for her could be reflective of how she wants Mad to pine for and focus on her and only her, but she's always off with other men (usually Helen's boyfriends)
On the topic of Mad stealing Hel's boyfriends, I've heard several theories but the one I like best is that Madeline knows she's jealous, and just assumes it's because she wants Helen's boyfriends, and so takes them, not realising she's actually in live with Helen (just to be clear, that doesn't make it okay or good that she stole them, but it does explain it. And again, they're both toxic). It's also a way of retaining Helen's attention, when she might otherwise be focused on her boyfriend.
And then, at Madeline's wedding, not only does she hire an opera singer and basically sing her vows with him rather than to Ernest, but she also changes Ernest's vows to remove any trace of him professing his love or him remaining with her (as he does in "Ernest's real vows) Mad is trying to make this wedding as unromantic as possible. Whether she knows this is what's she's doing or not is almost beside the point. She doesn't really love him.
Skipping to the end, not only do we get Mad saying she's Helen's person, she also apologises, to which Hel responds with forgiveness. (This whole song is very "For Good", which is also a very gay song). They both acknowledge their flaws and the toxicness of their relationship, but commit to staying together (something that Mad removes from Ernest's vows). And, lo and behold, 50 years later they're still together, mocking Ernest.
There is so much more I could say on this, but this post is already obscenely long, so I'll save it for another time.
TL;DR: Ernest doesn't really love Hel, as shown in how easily he leaves her and how he doesn't really care about her, and Mad doesn't really love Ernest either, but loves Helen.
The fact that Helen told Ernest “you’ve got me and I’ve got you.” but he never confirmed that, nor said she was his person, but then Mad went “I think I’m your person” and said “you’ve got me” without expecting Hel to have her back as well (singing I’ve got glue instead of I’ve got you), is so special to me. Like she really does love Helen more than Ernest ever loved her (if he ever even did) and she doesn’t even require for it to be mutual (although she wants it to be, at the start of this song desperately asking Helen to admit she loves her).
“Admit you called me trash behind my back” is perhaps the worst excuse I’ve ever seen for the raging comphet frenemies vibes you’ve sustained for 30 years Madeline babes
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