The Bucket List (doyoung/taeyong)
Doyoung’s always been a bit depressed, but this last year has really put him through the wringer and he’s been pretty suicidal. So his therapist cuts him a deal. Make a bucket list. A real, actual bucket list, of all the things he wants to experience, and then do everything on that list. If, at the end of the list, he still wants to kill himself, then they’ll go from there. His therapist has a feeling that won’t be the case. Doyoung would beg to differ, but he plays along anyway. And then he meets Taeyong, who finds out about the bucket list and makes it his mission to help Doyoung fall in love with being alive again.
Chapter 1: The List | next mlist
Characters: Doyoung, Taeyong; misc family members
Genre: heavy angst, eventual romance, slow burn, hurt/comfort, college!au
Warnings: discussions of suicide, depression, self harm, mental illness; homophobia, bullying, family dysfunction. heavy heavy shit. please read my note below.
This work is very heavy, and potentially triggering. There are serious, lengthy, and often detailed discussions of bullying, homophobia, mental illness, self-harm, and suicide. Please proceed with caution.
It was a bit of a trial to write because of this, so I have to pause to thank my beta readers, Margot (@perfeggso) and Leon (@jongins-tiddies), for their tireless energy in editing this fic and for offering to share in its burden. They are the best beta readers a writer could ask for, and, more importantly, the best friends in the world. I could not have completed something this difficult without their help.
All that being said, this work was also incredibly therapeutic to write. While it is a story of grief and loss, it is also one of joy, healing, and hope. I hope you will find it as comforting as you may find it heart-wrenching, just as I have.
Lastly, if you or a loved one are suffering from severe depression and suicidal ideation, please seek help if you can. I will be linking resources at the bottom of each chapter; please use them if you need them. Remember that life is always more than just the things you have lost. It is not easy and it is not mandatory, but to commit to the act of living is one of the best and bravest things anybody can do. If you have found the strength to do so today, you have my respect. And if you have not, but you’re here anyway, you have my love in addition. Happy reading!
taglist: @pastelsicheng @doiefy
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The A/C is humming louder than usual today, though it’s no hotter out than it was when Doyoung was here a week ago. How often does A/C need maintenance? Maybe that’s why; maybe the mechanisms inside are heating up, and he won’t even know it before he’s blasted backwards by the force of the explosion.
“Doyoung.” Doyoung snaps his gaze forward, realizing he’s been completely zoning out. “I don’t think your parents are paying me to watch you stare out the window.”
