The perks of having no filter

  Being someone who has no filter between my thoughts and my voice, I tend to come out with some parculiar ideas. This blog will collate these random outbursts for your entertainment.  

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Date Blunder!

So, I haven’t posted in a long while onto this blog but fear not - the corkers have been reeling in. I arrived back in York for my final term at University ( yep, somehow I have made it to third year) and I was sitting at our kitchen table with my housemates discussing what date Easter Sunday is this year. Of course, this led us to discuss why Easter is never on the same date but always on the Sunday. I was like but surely Jesus rose on the same day? Anyway, we then got onto the topic of religious festivals and I said well, if Easter is always on a Sunday then why on earth isn’t Christmas always on a Sunday?

What date is Christmas Harriet? 25th of December changes day each year - duh!

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You’re joking! Twins are born on the same day?

So, working in a local shop I bump into a wide variety of people including, twins. Yes in case, like me, you are unaware of what twins are, they are two people born from the same mother on the same day. Like siblings but with the same birthday, including the year. So when I wished a lady I knew a Happy Birthday and had to think for a moment about whether it was also her identical sister’s (stood right behind her) birthday as well, I unsurprisingly got a few laughs, not with me because I was still figuring out the situation - AT me. Doh!

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The ‘Outside Sea’

So, I haven’t really written on here for a while due to lack of time but fear not, my stupid comments have been flowing nicely! I was at Tesco the other week with my sister doing our frequent ‘we’re hungry, we’re greedy, we want snacks’ 9pm road run, when I came out with a cracker. It was raining heavily and both of us were in flipflops (because that’s just the rules of summer, whatever the weather) when I commented on the fact that actually flipflops are the best kind of footwear for the type of weather as they will dry quick. My sister wasn’t following so I continued, ‘You know George, I mean, it’s like an outside sea when it’s raining this heavily and you wear flipflops in the sea’. Tell me readers, what kind of sea isn’t outside? The blonde strikes again!

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My Bad!

Shortly after my previous episode, I was in the village shop where I work on a quiet Friday morning when a lovely lady came in all excited. She told us that she was off to see Bruce Springsteen in concert that night and she could not wait. My boss discussed with her his music and began playing some on the iPad (I was unfamiliar with it so carried on quietly stocking the milk). After a few minutes of them chatting and me ear-wigging I said in a shocked tone, “So, is he alive then?”, to which the lady laughed very loudly! I thought it was a tribute band - oops. 

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MA...MBE...Same thing!

So, the other week we were casually wine tasting on the green in my village, as you do, when I created another ‘shocked silence followed by laughter’ with an additional statement of stupidity to add to my collection. I was in a bit of a daze, as I get sometimes because concentrating tires me out, when I just caught the ending of a gentleman's conversation... “Yeah, I got it from America. An MB...”. Now, I thought he said ‘MBE’ so I quite rightly (well I think so anyway) perked up with “Is that not what you get from the queen?”, to find that he actually said MA. A Masters degree. Yes. Not granted from the queen. Oops.

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Unintentionally planning for a heatwave...

Following on from my last post about my trip to the lakes, I have a second dumb moment to fill my readers in on. I am sure (and hope) that many of you have done the same thing too. While packing (and because I had no idea what to expect except probably rain) I thought that it would be productive to check the weather before deciding on appropriate outfits. I typed in ‘Grasmere’ into my weather app and sure enough it came up, rain. However, I was struck by the temperature and thought that I must take shorts so that I don’t overheat despite being soaked through. The temperature said 23 degrees. I was very confused as I had in mind arctic temperatures so I decided to go over my calculations and check again...the time was 11.15pm, the temperatures were 5-10 degrees. I was looking at the time. Doh.

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Are there lakes in the Lake District?

Yes, these words were uttered by me and yes, I was being completely serious. The first few days of this week I have spent at Grasmere in the Lake District. Being a born and bread southerner the Lake District is a somewhat foreign land to me and therefore I had no idea what to expect. As Mum text me her morning motivational text for the day, she wished me a lovely trip. To which I replied “Mum, will there be lakes in the Lake District?” A pondering thought... until I arrived within the borders of the lakes to be greeted with just that, a whopping great lake.

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Wrong day!

Last week my friend and I were wandering around town when we spotted a sign for an offer that was made for us- a food offer. It stated 50% off all food all day long every Monday, so we thought perfect and planned to go after we had finished shopping. It didn’t matter that the time of the day was only 11:25 AM so a bit early to lunch - when we get an idea of the next meal in our heads there is no going back! So, sure enough after we had ticked off both of our shopping lists, we headed straight to the restaurant in celebration of ticking off our shopping lists (any excuse). Having eaten our deliciously huge and tasty pizza with four different flavors on it and a side of fries, we asked for the bill. When it came, we were shocked at the final amount written at the bottom and assumed they had made some horrible mistake or charged about a tenner for service! This was until we slowly but surely came to the realisation that it was in fact Tuesday and when looking at the bill with confusion filling our faces my friend turned to me and said ‘It’s not Monday is it?’ How stupid can you get!

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The Epitome of Having No Filter.

This one shows the point of this blog perfectly. Yesterday I was visiting my Uncle with my Mum when my Uncle decided to tell me a joke... “What do you call a Mancunian with a filing cabinet?” he said. I interrupted him there. “OK so a Mancunian is someone from Manchester right?” (a word of context, we were in Manchester at the time, my uncle is from Manchester!). Mum was sitting by me at this point and told me that she too had thought the same in her thinking process INSIDE HER HEAD but the difference was that she thought it in her head and corrected herself whereas I said it out loud and it was a genuine query for me!

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Pure Dumbness.

This short snippet of a story could be found in a joke book and it is about an unintentional act of total stupidity that occurred in my brain a few years ago. It was summer, my friend was over and Mum was organising a few dates that we all needed to keep free. One of these dates was a dear friend of ours’ birthday party that we were all invited to go to. After Mum had told me about it I said “what? But he had a birthday last year.” Often the case isn’t it? I am easily confused.

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An Old Wives Tale Revelation

During my time at Uni I get a lot of spare space in my days and nights where I can chill and this often leads to some very interesting conversations. One day when I was chilling with my friend I noticed that the wind that day was particularly strong. When making a peculiar face to my friend, a fear came over me when I thought that it would stay that way if the strong winds were to change. I said this out loud to my friend (of course, because I have no filter) and she laughed a lot. In my confusion she realised that this topic needed explaining. She informed that in fact this idea of your face remaining in position if the wind changed is just an old wives tale, as is the notion of eating carrots to make you see in the dark and watching too much TV does not make your eyes go literally square! I believed each and every one, with utter seriousness.

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Literal thinking!

My sister has been up to York to visit me at Uni this week which was lovely. We did the usual tourist things and I taught her about student life, which apparently doesn’t include having any intelligence. Whilst sat around my kitchen table with a few of my housemates and my sister, I made the revolutionary discovery that being ‘blood related’ does not in fact mean that you share the exact same blood. Harriet and her intellectual brilliance strikes again!

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Wrong Word Choice Fail.

On arrival home from Uni last weekend, Mum decided she was in dying need of a Gin and Tonic (no idea where I get my drinking habits from) so we headed straight to our local pub. It was fairly quiet for a Friday but there were a few familiar faces at the bar so it was pleasant and nice to see them. I began conversing with friends who expect my intellectual capabilities to have been enhanced seeing as I’m undertaking a degree (posh language eat your heart out) but they soon realised nothing has changed. I remarked when constructing a political comment “you never know what the silly government have come up with now? Yeah they’re persecuting students for not paying the loan back”. Of course I meant prosecuting. “Oh, Harriet. Never change”, they said.

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Introduction to my stupidity.

So, let me explain...more often than not I find myself spouting out random comments that have come into my brain, that I have considered for half a second and then straight away blurted out for whoever is in my company at the time to hear. This often gets a huge sigh of ‘think before you speak Harriet’ or ‘seriously how are you actually doing a degree?’ Many times I have tried to construct my queries more intellectually so that I don’t get comments from friends such as ‘if only it was possible to do brain cell transplants’, but then I think what if something happens in those minutes of construction which prevents my ideas from coming out? Then I wouldn’t know if my theory that Barbershop choirs are named because they are male choirs and men get their hair cut at a barbershop is correct, or if it is true that when the wind changes direction then your face really is permanently fixed in the position that it is in. Therefore, these wonderful (in my eyes and could be described as genius) ideas will keep coming and this blog will give you some of my gems.