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@perryisthefiftiesplatypus
Hi?
So uhm, my friend from the hospital, Trevor, told me to make one of these blogs as he so calls it. So yeah…
How do I tag him?
Oh.
@tmoneylefkowitz69
Finally did it!
Alright well uhm… If anyone wants to send asks feel free to! Because according to Trevor that’s the fun part of it.
Ok, I filed for a extension on my taxes.
SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE.
Here. Look at my week old daughter.
Awww! She seems like a sweetheart! How come I haven’t met her yet?
Hetty and I have just been kinda adjusting to a new baby in our room. Lol. She’s adorable and Adam is obsessed with her!
I cant wait to meet her! I’m sure her and Richard would get along perfectly
Right now she’s mostly in the crying and pooping phase, but she does it adorably! Lol
That’s probably because she’s a baby.
Ok, I filed for a extension on my taxes.
SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE.
Here. Look at my week old daughter.
Awww! She seems like a sweetheart! How come I haven’t met her yet?
Hetty and I have just been kinda adjusting to a new baby in our room. Lol. She’s adorable and Adam is obsessed with her!
I cant wait to meet her! I’m sure her and Richard would get along perfectly
Ok, I filed for a extension on my taxes.
SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE.
Here. Look at my week old daughter.
Awww! She seems like a sweetheart! How come I haven’t met her yet?
…
At Sequoyah’s house. What thee actual fuck did we just watch?
An episode of “Ghosts” that the Guardians appeared to have created to torture me as I watched. But I didn’t watch it, because I knew it would be torture to.
Which is exactly what they intended. Because they knew I would figure out that it’s actually the Guardians showcasing their next attack on us.
I’m posting the whole explanation of how I figured it out here so we have it on record. Also, you actually watched the episode, so you may have stuff to add.
——
So, incase I never fully described it to you, Hetty & I have powers that fall into the extremely rare category of “dying-and-rising”, since we both can both fully penetrate the boundary between living and dead even ‘pass’ as living, like that’s even on the show. That’s why we can naturally reproduce when together, etc. So, the Guardians don’t want us getting together. We’ve fallen in love at least 10 times since I first died, and they’ve erased our memories of it each time. But we always find our way back. It seems, based off yesterday’s episode, they’re looking to do it again, but this time going to more extreme measures. Hetty is in real danger, since it seems like they’re planning to get rid of her fully in some way.
These are the clues from the episode:
1.) My memory erase/reset -The mere fact that I would even consider perusing any woman other than Hetty, regardless of if we’re officially ‘together’ or not, means that I’m back to before we hooked-up. There are at least 5,000 pictures/edits etc. on Tumblr thanks to H$ shippers, showing how I look at her in a way that proves I would never look at anyone else. This is also shown in how I seem up to old habits that come off as how I acted in season 1.
2.) They plan on getting rid of Hetty entirely-
They make constant very specific references that are notoriously associated with me and Hetty, yet it instead ends up applying to me with either you or Barbara. Such as how “I” kissed “you” on Christmas. That’s when I first got with Hetty. I know the livings who watch the show were expecting it to just play out as it had with Misery where I’m just trying to get out of an awkward hook-up oopsie & Hetty helps even. But Hetty isn’t involved at all. Instead there’s Barbra (do you know her or is she a Guardian?). They do the Philly Accent also associated with me and Hetty.
I know there are other things very clearly associated with me and Hetty. People listed them. I just can’t stand to read on about them more.
And I’m pretty sure they may be planning to pull stings so that way it’s set up that you and I get together with you in places of Hetty. Not sure why the Guardians seem to ship us at this point (for lack of a better term).
Patience realized something. Sequoyah and Patience have been watching a television sitcom called “The Good Place”. In summary, four people are placed in a psychological torture chamber they think is The Good Place but is actually The Bad Place. Every time the demon’s experiment fails he washes the subject’s memories. So what if, we are in the Bad Place?
Patience.
They’re threatening to disappear my very pregnant fiancee and make me into your dirt husband.
Please focus.
Patience is trying! It is difficult to when Patience is stressed out! Patience definitely doesn’t want thee as Patience’s dirt husband. No offense, but Patience has better taste than that.
Back on topic, The Good Place has demons that pose as humans. Patience thinks The Guardians may be using something similar to pose as us.
Hey! I’d be an awesome dirt husband, I’ll have you know! I’d gather all the worms, rocks, and all that good dirt husband stuff when I’m not staring into the void thinking I can hear the cries of the son I supposedly never had, or replaying the same sitcom scene of Hetty over and over again while clawing at the dirt tv hoping to free her.
Wait! @perryisthefiftiesplatypus is Patience into something?
Actually, I think she is onto something. The Guardians had some workers that look like they could be nearly identical to you. I wonder if they promoted him, he was actually a pretty nice guy. Never misgendered me how Dawn did…
In retrospect I think he was just trying to tolerate me.
Hm. That WOULD explain how I kept feeling like I was being dismembered in December if they were trying to get some of my ghost dna— whatever that might be, to make him look just like me. And Hetty had inexplicable pain over Thanksgiving that wasn’t the stomach bug we all had…and they’ve definitely had to use a double for her for a while since she’s currently 7 months pregnant.
Can you introduce me to this guy? I need to give him some pointers on being me. Namely “even the mere mention of me even possibly being romantically involved with a woman who isn’t Hetty causes me severe anguish and is a form of torture.”might help him with believability
Of course I can, it’s really the least I can do after everything. Just a heads up, he is something else.
…
At Sequoyah’s house. What thee actual fuck did we just watch?
An episode of “Ghosts” that the Guardians appeared to have created to torture me as I watched. But I didn’t watch it, because I knew it would be torture to.
Which is exactly what they intended. Because they knew I would figure out that it’s actually the Guardians showcasing their next attack on us.
I’m posting the whole explanation of how I figured it out here so we have it on record. Also, you actually watched the episode, so you may have stuff to add.
——
So, incase I never fully described it to you, Hetty & I have powers that fall into the extremely rare category of “dying-and-rising”, since we both can both fully penetrate the boundary between living and dead even ‘pass’ as living, like that’s even on the show. That’s why we can naturally reproduce when together, etc. So, the Guardians don’t want us getting together. We’ve fallen in love at least 10 times since I first died, and they’ve erased our memories of it each time. But we always find our way back. It seems, based off yesterday’s episode, they’re looking to do it again, but this time going to more extreme measures. Hetty is in real danger, since it seems like they’re planning to get rid of her fully in some way.
These are the clues from the episode:
1.) My memory erase/reset -The mere fact that I would even consider perusing any woman other than Hetty, regardless of if we’re officially ‘together’ or not, means that I’m back to before we hooked-up. There are at least 5,000 pictures/edits etc. on Tumblr thanks to H$ shippers, showing how I look at her in a way that proves I would never look at anyone else. This is also shown in how I seem up to old habits that come off as how I acted in season 1.
2.) They plan on getting rid of Hetty entirely-
They make constant very specific references that are notoriously associated with me and Hetty, yet it instead ends up applying to me with either you or Barbara. Such as how “I” kissed “you” on Christmas. That’s when I first got with Hetty. I know the livings who watch the show were expecting it to just play out as it had with Misery where I’m just trying to get out of an awkward hook-up oopsie & Hetty helps even. But Hetty isn’t involved at all. Instead there’s Barbra (do you know her or is she a Guardian?). They do the Philly Accent also associated with me and Hetty.
I know there are other things very clearly associated with me and Hetty. People listed them. I just can’t stand to read on about them more.
And I’m pretty sure they may be planning to pull stings so that way it’s set up that you and I get together with you in places of Hetty. Not sure why the Guardians seem to ship us at this point (for lack of a better term).
Patience realized something. Sequoyah and Patience have been watching a television sitcom called “The Good Place”. In summary, four people are placed in a psychological torture chamber they think is The Good Place but is actually The Bad Place. Every time the demon’s experiment fails he washes the subject’s memories. So what if, we are in the Bad Place?
Patience.
They’re threatening to disappear my very pregnant fiancee and make me into your dirt husband.
Please focus.
Patience is trying! It is difficult to when Patience is stressed out! Patience definitely doesn’t want thee as Patience’s dirt husband. No offense, but Patience has better taste than that.
Back on topic, The Good Place has demons that pose as humans. Patience thinks The Guardians may be using something similar to pose as us.
Hey! I’d be an awesome dirt husband, I’ll have you know! I’d gather all the worms, rocks, and all that good dirt husband stuff when I’m not staring into the void thinking I can hear the cries of the son I supposedly never had, or replaying the same sitcom scene of Hetty over and over again while clawing at the dirt tv hoping to free her.
Wait! @perryisthefiftiesplatypus is Patience into something?
Actually, I think she is onto something. The Guardians had some workers that look like they could be nearly identical to you. I wonder if they promoted him, he was actually a pretty nice guy. Never misgendered me how Dawn did…
In retrospect I think he was just trying to tolerate me.
@sass-the-storyteller . I don’t see you around that much, but I was wondering if you’ve had a chance to talk to @tmoneylefkowitz69 about his crayon-eating problem? @patiencethepuritan and I are really concerned. We think he needs to go on the show “My Strange Addiction”.
It’s ok, Trevor. We’re here for you. Your son shared that Hetty was punishing you for eating crayons. I see this is a family-wide problem, possibly genetic, as Adam has tried to eat several crayons under my watch.
You can quit!
DO IT FOR YOUR SON, TREVOR!
WTF???
I don’t need you and Sass hanging out! LOL
Also, that was an excuse I made when Adam walked in on me & Hetty! See my previous post!
I DON’T EAT CRAYONS!
Trevor, there is no need to make excuses. Thou has a problem that we need to solve.
Seriously, we must stop this, does thou need to go back to rehab?
Patience, seriously. I don’t eat crayons.
Adam phased through the wall while Hetty & I were having some “alone time” and the first thing I came up with was “Mama’s punishing Dada for eating crayons” because Adam’s in a crayon eating phase.
Dave is being a nerd.
Also, crayon rehab?
Trev man, this seems quite serious, maybe you do need to go back to rehab, or ‘crayon rehab’. Personally, I certainly wouldn’t mind playing with Pluffle and using coloring books all day.
I bet you eat Pluffle!
No I don’t crayon-eater!
@sass-the-storyteller . I don’t see you around that much, but I was wondering if you’ve had a chance to talk to @tmoneylefkowitz69 about his crayon-eating problem? @patiencethepuritan and I are really concerned. We think he needs to go on the show “My Strange Addiction”.
It’s ok, Trevor. We’re here for you. Your son shared that Hetty was punishing you for eating crayons. I see this is a family-wide problem, possibly genetic, as Adam has tried to eat several crayons under my watch.
You can quit!
DO IT FOR YOUR SON, TREVOR!
WTF???
I don’t need you and Sass hanging out! LOL
Also, that was an excuse I made when Adam walked in on me & Hetty! See my previous post!
I DON’T EAT CRAYONS!
Trevor, there is no need to make excuses. Thou has a problem that we need to solve.
Seriously, we must stop this, does thou need to go back to rehab?
Patience, seriously. I don’t eat crayons.
Adam phased through the wall while Hetty & I were having some “alone time” and the first thing I came up with was “Mama’s punishing Dada for eating crayons” because Adam’s in a crayon eating phase.
Dave is being a nerd.
Also, crayon rehab?
Trev man, this seems quite serious, maybe you do need to go back to rehab, or ‘crayon rehab’. Personally, I certainly wouldn’t mind playing with Pluffle and using coloring books all day.
Hey Trevor lefkowitz *chuckles* I am gonna cause chaos at the manor so get ready *sets of fireworks 🎆 as it goes kaboom and I dance and giggle*come on hetty, Pete, flora and Alberta join in
“Chaos”, you say? If there’s one thing I know, it’s Chaos.
And no, that is not you piquing my interest or wanting to challenge you in a flirty, competitive way.
You have no idea what “Chaos” means. As in, literally; you’re misusing the word.
And you’re at the manor?
If so, go to the lake and sit under the willow tree to the left side. Do not try anything “cute”…just don’t touch anything or say anything. Stay still. Be quiet. I’m serious. Otherwise you could possibly be ripped to pieces by a bunch of Ancient cultists from the Underworld. I’m sure you don’t want that to happen, just as much as I don’t want Sam & Jay’s business ruined over a dismembered body found on the property. I’ll meet you there, since now I have to deal with this.
Aww man ,no fun *frowns but puts a bag that makes fart sound somewhere*
I didn't do anything *looks innocent and holds back my laughter*just...don't sit on it 🤣
LISTEN & OBEY. THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING
Don’t let the fact you only know of me from a sitcom blind you to the fact that I am a supernatural being— and extremely powerful one at that. (Don’t you dare make a joke about your limited knowledge of my power based off what you see on the show. There are some things Livings are not meant to know)
I’m not being a jerk.
I’m actually helping you keep safe, so you’ll want to follow my instruction.
It just is what it is.
⭐️That said, if you respond with a stupid asterisk action, joke,…or anything other than an “I’m sorry, I will go sit quietly at that spot by the lake”, I will personally oversee your brutal dismemberment and make sure your ghost is thrown into a hole and covered with cement.⭐️
... Trevor.
….Sam.
I’m just keeping her from getting ripped up by my cultists! They don’t like that she just showed up! She didn’t listen the first time and was being rude, so I had to be scary! I’m very scary! I’m being nice!
@patiencethepuritan knows!
’Tis true. Cultists are almost as scary as Lucifer himself. No offense to thy followers Trevor.
I’d say even more scary! Like, wtf? They just kinda rise out of the ground and start chanting!
They are terrifying. Back when I was with the Guardians, I went to get one of my gender dysmorphia hoodies and then all of a sudden they surrounded me. They then started to chase me, saying something about me being “man by day but feminine by night?” I don’t know, but it was scary.
Guess who got fired just now.
Merry Christmas.
I'm so sorry Perry. Whoever fired you, it's their loss. To be honest, I'm surprised @confesstoeliaswoodstone hasn't fired ME yet.
Thanks. I’m sorry have we met before? You seem familiar.
It's Jamie! We meet in the woods, remember?
Oh Jamie! It’s nice to hear from you again. Sorry for lying to you back then, I was bound to the Guardians. My real name is Perry Locke and I’m genderfluid. :D
Guess who got fired just now.
Merry Christmas.
I'm so sorry Perry. Whoever fired you, it's their loss. To be honest, I'm surprised @confesstoeliaswoodstone hasn't fired ME yet.
Thanks. I’m sorry have we met before? You seem familiar.
Guess who got fired just now.
Merry Christmas.
Here Tumblr. Here’s you gift. It’s me pretending this gingerbread is a cigar.
(Photo courtesy of @perryisthefiftiesplatypus )
Is there any way we can make sure Dawn doesn’t see this?…
Oh shit. Is she on the blogs? I can block her if she is.
You deserve credit for the awesome photo 😭
Never mind trying to hide it now, she just sent me a text.
Soo…
She may be slightly mad at me. But only slightly! She used all caps and multiple cursing emojis…
Here Tumblr. Here’s you gift. It’s me pretending this gingerbread is a cigar.
(Photo courtesy of @perryisthefiftiesplatypus )
Is there any way we can make sure Dawn doesn’t see this?…
It’s really weird to think about how that one hot Who that got with the Grinch at the end would eventually bang him.
I mean, who looks at the Grinch and is like “Hell yeah, give me that green fuzz”?
…I’d say I couldn’t be one to judge, but it’s clear she’s had a thing for the Grinch since they were young, so it’s not just some freaky hook-up because bored or whatever.
Did you get into the eggnog? I’m genuinely concerned. I let Richard scroll on my phone and he read this.
Hi?
So uhm, my friend from the hospital, Trevor, told me to make one of these blogs as he so calls it. So yeah…
How do I tag him?
Oh.
@tmoneylefkowitz69
Finally did it!
Alright well uhm… If anyone wants to send asks feel free to! Because according to Trevor that’s the fun part of it.
So glad you made one! It’s Trevor, by the way! Are you out? I’m still in the hospital and have to be here overnight at least since I was in ICU.
Turns out, this psycho I made out with once did some weird ritual to torture me.
No I’m not out yet, but I did have my friends sneak in my phone. Psycho? What did she do? Or he?
She. About two Christmases ago, I made-out with this random Puritan ghost named Misery. I was all depressed because Hetty & I had gotten together the Christmas before and had since broken-up, so I was like “whatever” and made-out with her because I wasn’t thinking straight. Anyway, she didn’t really get the fact that it was a mistake, maybe because I tried to let her down lightly, so I had to just come clean with her and explain the situation to her about how I was just heartbroken over Hetty. She didn’t take it well and brought up some other weird Puritans she called “The Others”.
Anyway, I thought this was all water under the bridge. Haven’t dealt with her in, like, two years. Hetty and I were supposed to be married this past weekend, but that’s when I suddenly felt myself being torn apart literally like in a weird ritual. And then the trailer for the episode that showed last night dropped making it look like I was hooking-up with my friend, Patience, who I guess is Misery’s sister or something. As the show aired last night, I suddenly felt that dismemberment thing again, but ten times worse, which is how I landed in ICU. I could see visions of the episode while going through that, like those visions were planted there, and it was pretty much the same exact thing that happened with Misery.
Long story short, this psycho pretty much tortured me to prevent my and Hetty’s wedding.
Oh damn… Do you need a smoke? Actually no after hearing that you definitely need one. Meet me at the place.
I definitely need one, but I’m still in ICU while they finish running some vitals on me. So, I’m hooked up to about 50 tubes 😭
Damn. Well when are you getting back to the hospital? We can certainly grab a smoke then.
Actually, I’m going back home after I get out of the ICU. I can stop by before I go, though.
I’m upset that you’re leaving, but remember the words of Johnny Cade, “Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold.” I know that book is past my time but I read it prior to getting in the hospital, it’s a great book! And That would be great, I’d like to hang out again, especially once I get out of here… It’s been boring without you. However my new roommate gets night terrors, so I guess it’s not that boring? He is a sweet guy, perhaps you should meet him when you visit!
Uh, Perry. Is there any way you can get up to the ICU right now? I need help. Misery is here.
Oh my goodness… Of course I can get there… it may be a moment because of these damn hospital security guards.
Wait… Is it alright if I bring my roommate? He also wants to go because he can’t sleep.
Hi?
So uhm, my friend from the hospital, Trevor, told me to make one of these blogs as he so calls it. So yeah…
How do I tag him?
Oh.
@tmoneylefkowitz69
Finally did it!
Alright well uhm… If anyone wants to send asks feel free to! Because according to Trevor that’s the fun part of it.
So glad you made one! It’s Trevor, by the way! Are you out? I’m still in the hospital and have to be here overnight at least since I was in ICU.
Turns out, this psycho I made out with once did some weird ritual to torture me.
No I’m not out yet, but I did have my friends sneak in my phone. Psycho? What did she do? Or he?
She. About two Christmases ago, I made-out with this random Puritan ghost named Misery. I was all depressed because Hetty & I had gotten together the Christmas before and had since broken-up, so I was like “whatever” and made-out with her because I wasn’t thinking straight. Anyway, she didn’t really get the fact that it was a mistake, maybe because I tried to let her down lightly, so I had to just come clean with her and explain the situation to her about how I was just heartbroken over Hetty. She didn’t take it well and brought up some other weird Puritans she called “The Others”.
Anyway, I thought this was all water under the bridge. Haven’t dealt with her in, like, two years. Hetty and I were supposed to be married this past weekend, but that’s when I suddenly felt myself being torn apart literally like in a weird ritual. And then the trailer for the episode that showed last night dropped making it look like I was hooking-up with my friend, Patience, who I guess is Misery’s sister or something. As the show aired last night, I suddenly felt that dismemberment thing again, but ten times worse, which is how I landed in ICU. I could see visions of the episode while going through that, like those visions were planted there, and it was pretty much the same exact thing that happened with Misery.
Long story short, this psycho pretty much tortured me to prevent my and Hetty’s wedding.
Oh damn… Do you need a smoke? Actually no after hearing that you definitely need one. Meet me at the place.
I definitely need one, but I’m still in ICU while they finish running some vitals on me. So, I’m hooked up to about 50 tubes 😭
Damn. Well when are you getting back to the hospital? We can certainly grab a smoke then.
Actually, I’m going back home after I get out of the ICU. I can stop by before I go, though.
I’m upset that you’re leaving, but remember the words of Johnny Cade, “Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold.” I know that book is past my time but I read it prior to getting in the hospital, it’s a great book! And That would be great, I’d like to hang out again, especially once I get out of here… It’s been boring without you. However my new roommate gets night terrors, so I guess it’s not that boring? He is a sweet guy, perhaps you should meet him when you visit!
