My Personal Space

28 yo fem || an online diary of sorts - personal thoughts I'm willing to share

[personalxsafexhaven]

literally so willing to move inwith someone, literally anyone, literally so toxic anyone because I'm so FUCKING TIRED of dealing with my mom

i asked her multiple times to please PELASE not wait last minute to ask me to do something and she acted liek ITW AS THE END OF THE WORLD AND STILL REFUSES TO WAIT UNTIL LAST MINUTE TO ASK ME TO DO TASKS

like sorry not sorry i do it on my time then if you wanna wait last minute then SO FUCKING CAN I

[personalxsafexhaven]

that feeling when you want to drink and chat with your friends but doing so would mean sacrificing true enjoyment in the night because it would mean becoming a shadow with no allowance of joining the conversation.. would mean becoming a wallflower because they expect me to trigger myself being talked over and forcing my words over them alland how can i do that when i dont even think i deserve to speak;

its a self fulfilling cycle of feeling like a worthless shadow, having the expectation that i will be a shadow, being treated like a shadow and feeling bad about it all the way back around to feeling like a worthless shadow.

and they expect me to tell them these things but...we only ever talk when drunk and how am i supposed to actually have a serious conversation like being triggered nearly every call when its "hehe haha drunk time!~ "

[personalxsafexhaven]

woo-OOF that feeling knowing i will never be good enough, pretty enough, hot enough, desireable enough-

like idk why i try

i dont know why i dont give up , should really do that instead tbh

[personalxsafexhaven]

y'all I dont think I'm meant for all this-

I'm suppposed to be that weird witch hermit in the woods that you worry will curse you but just feeds you yummy cookies and when you go back into town no one knows WHO you're talking about

I'm not meant to have this many people invested in me... I'm not meant to have anyone invested in me.

[personalxsafexhaven]

i dont know why i self isolate from all the good in my life and desperately cling to the subpar, wail over losing shitty people but push the good away... why do I do that?

[personalxsafexhaven]

Might quit making content.

I feel like maybe some people are going to be upset. But of those people none (except one) will have contributed anything.

I don't even make passive income let alone actual income. I put so much time and effort into thinking up ideas and concepts and taking pictures and videos and... (even though I struggle to upload them) of the dozen videos I have...none really sell. I don't make much money. No one really sponsors me. I'm... not made for this. I'm not made for attention like I want. I'm not made to make money. I'm not made to be happy. I'mnot made to be in a relationship- I don't think I'm made to be alive. Its a miracle I've made it thus far.

Maybe I'll kill myself. Ive thought it passively for so long, actively intermittently, might as well finally attempt. Maybe killing myself will be the one thing I don't fail at.

[personalxsafexhaven]

im third wheeling uwu dont feel like anything i sya is contributing or anytihg anymore so

mayhaps i leave and jst go to bed early

everyone else feels fine to leave or go on without me uwu

[personalxsafexhaven]

went to go order sex stuff from amazon and then got idstracted watching recc'd porn and am deciding to not and save that for weight loss stuff uwu

need to lose like idk 100 lbs to be good and normal and healthy and hot tbh

[personalxsafexhaven]

they dont care they dont want me here they dont care they dont want me here htehy dont care they dont want me here they dont care they dont want me here

why cant i just leave

[personalxsafexhaven]

"I'm precious~?" like omg yesss-

but also im no one so please alwyas ignore me uwu

i should just leave- no one will notice anyway if it werent a notification noise

[personalxsafexhaven]

lmaoo sometimes i wonder why i even open my mouth sometimes >.<

should sew it the fuck shut tbh

[personalxsafexhaven]

ahhh i hate my braon because all it tells me is no one cares and everyone is too nice for me- no matter what adlfkjasd

[personalxsafexhaven]

ya know, maybe im being petty- but fuck if it doesnt feel weird to have done something ages ago with no real support in the idea and concept- no interaction or traction- only for someone else to kind of rework it and get traction and attention for it.

Especially because we used to be friends but now they never interact with me beyond distant cordiality.

[personalxsafexhaven]

"Sex Object Speaking"

FYI dont treat me like a person if you only ever treat me like a sex object- just let me know how you view me from the get go... it will at least save the "object" some heart break...

[personalxsafexhaven]

fuck i know im not one of your partners but goddamn if it doesnt hurt to see you effortlessly talking with thema ll day every day when ou abrelytalk wtih me when i reach out- and then sayy you miss me??? alsdkfjsd but fuck, it doesn t feel like it when every time i texr you and you take hours to respond, if you repsond that day, especially when i try to talk to you and you brush me off for group settings when you know i dont evver even talk during those-

begs the question, do you misss me or just my attention because quite rfankly , if you only miss my attention then your not worhth my time since im not really worht yours

[personalxsafexhaven]

recognizing that I dont contribute to a friend group enough, that I'm so absent I may as well not even be there and that maybe that's why I'm not invited to things like I used to, that that's why I'm not talked to much anymore...

and instead of pushing back into it after trying and failing twice before I'm thinking maybe I just...need to let them go. Send the stuff off for them and let bygones be bygones-

gosh, i swear I'm not gonna be around much longer anyway

though I've been saying that for over a decade and havent done shit so...

[crashingcryptid]

CW: Dub con/CNC, force masc if you squint, needles, t shots, puppy play, medical/vet kink

Being Simon's puppy was amazing. Your cage was so cozy. He had a perfect routine for you to follow and gave you plenty of affection, toys, and treats for good behavior. You knew today would be different when Simon gave you a bath right after breakfast. You whine in confusion, nudging his shoulder with your forehead as he gently scrubs your body clean.

"It's okay, puppy... I know we're doing something different today, but I finally found a vet that does house visits!" Simon says excitedly as he rinses of your soapy body. "I wasn't expecting him to have any appointments, but he's free once a week for your new medication." You pout a little at his words, whining as you lower your head slightly.

You didn't want to see a vet, and you didn't want any new medicine, pawing nervously at Simon's shirt. "Don't you worry, puppy. If you're really good for me, I'll let you pick the toy I give you in your cage at night." Simon offers as he pinches your cheek lovingly. You huff slightly but yip in agreement at his words. Your owner must've picked out a really nice vet for you to see. At least you hoped.

Simon warmed you up with towels and a blanket, but he didn't get you dressed before your vet arrived. You didn't worry about that, though. What puppy needs clothes at the vets?

Price strolls into the living room, cooing at when Simon had set you carefully on the cleared off coffee table. The strong wood held stable underneath you and was wide enough that you could've laid down comfortably on its surface. You look up when you see him, yipping slightly in excitement.

You didn't know Price was a vet, so caught up in your excitement of seeing a familiar face you almost didn't feel Simon pulling your blanket off your body. You did feel the draft of the air-conditioned house, whimpering slightly at your owner with a needy look.

"Oh, poor puppy. I'll be very quick, and then Simon can get you warmed back up." Price explains as he strokes your head reassuringly. Price strokes your head soothingly before he takes out his kit and takes out two needles, a bottle of clear liquid, panties, alcohol pads, and some gloves. "Now, I would like to do a more thorough visit next week. Since your puppy isn't prepared for that yet, we'll only do the injection today." Price explains as he takes one more thing out of his bag.

A small bullet vibrator that he tucks into the crotch of the panties. "Face down, puppy." Simon orders as he gently presses a hand between your shoulders. You obey, resting your face on the table as Price disappers behind you. The soft panties slip up your legs, the bullet vibrator pressing against your hole through the thin fabric holding it in place.

You yelp when the vibe buzzes to life, whimpering when Simon presses down harder on your back. "Stay still. I don't want to tie you down puppy. You can behave, right?" Simon coos as he strokes his thumb against your skin. You can hear movement behind you, packages opening, a bottle clinking, hushed words exchanged between the two men over your arched back. The vibe buzzes on a low teasing level, enough to distract you when the alcohol pad softly swipes across your thigh.

The vibrator suddenly raises in level. You fight not to move off the table, whining loudly in protest. Simon pinches your butt cheek hard. "That's enough now! You're being very bad, puppy." Simon scolds softly, ignoring the dejected whimper you let out. The pinch and the scolding worked as the perfect distraction from the needle Price pierced your skin with.

Price having access to your medical records meant he knew exactly how much testosterone to give you. Of course, as time went on, he or Simon would take down the progress of your T dick growth. You finally feel relaxed when the vibrator stops buzzing against your entrance; the panties slipping down your legs.

Simon's thick fingers spread your lower lips apart, getting a bark of surprise from you, and hum of approval from Price. "Look how swollen already... soon, your puppy will have a pretty little cock to play with." Price assures as he takes down the details of your twitching sex.

"I'll make sure I send you a video when they start humping stuff in the house." Simon jokes, his tone just as low as Price's. The less you knew about how your body would be changing in the upcoming months, the better. Puppies don't worry about their treatment plan.