Gotta bird?

Gimmie your birds. Also rotelle.

[raccoonmilf]

perhaps it would be prudent to work on my research instead of downloading 72 gigs of dolphin brains to look for dolphin rabies. which I do not research.

[raccoonmilf]

4 million files...my brains must process overnight...I will go to sleep early so I can wake up early to view my dolphin brains. #mydolphinbrains :)

[campyvampy21]

I can’t believe I have to say this, but PLEASE do not leave diet sodas out to try to poison stray or wild clowns! It is highly unethical and also ILLEGAL in most states! Diet soda is very unhealthy for clowns, as it lacks the essential sugars and fats they need, while containing enough fake sugars to make them believe they’ve been fully nourished! A clown can and will starve themselves to death with a full stomach if they’re given too much diet soda.

This is not the first time someone in my neighborhood has tried to poison the feral Juggalos, but if I have anything to do with it, it will be the last. Someone has been leaving multiple bottles of SUGAR FREE Faygo Cola around the neighborhood where clowns like to frolic. No education or polite conversations have had results, so I will have to escalate.

If you have an active a clown infestation, there are resources! They can be trapped, spayed and rehomed or released in other places! There’s even services that link feral clowns to farms in need of pest control, entirely for the purpose of placing ferals in safer locations! I understand clown euthanasia as a method of population control could be warranted in some niche scenarios, but to “euthanize” feral, wild, or homeless clowns via starvation is absolutely disgusting and evil behavior. Rest assured that I will be placing hidden cameras on my property and reporting whoever is responsible to the proper authorities.

I’ve began taking my walks earlier in the morning and later at night to try to find these soda bottles before they’re consumed, and replace them with full sugar faygos instead. Unfortunately, there’s been times I was too late. I found these bottles this morning, already empty. My heart goes out to those poor Juggalo clowns.

[kikothedragoncat]

Please for the love of GOD

BATHE YOUR HOBO CLOWNS

Do they love dirt? Yes, absolutely. Do they HATE bath time?? Of course. But in no way does that mean you can neglect it!

Sure, hobo clowns don’t need to be washed anywhere near as much as a circus clown, mime or pierrot, but it’s basic hygiene. Too often I see these horrendous takes where people say “But my hobo loves the dirt!” “It’s good for their enrichment!” “Hobo’s are more distressed when they’re clean!”

NO NO NO NO NOO!!! JAIL!! STRAIGHT TO JAIL!! I’m literally throwing peanuts at you!!!!

Just because your clown might fight back against bath time with the determination of a wet cat doesn’t mean it isn’t good for them, and certainly does not mean you get to skip out on that chore. Do you WANT them to have problems with their skin?? Rainbow rash is unbelievably common in hobos because owners just don’t take the time to look after them properly and it’s so sad to see.

You can keep them calm with a harmonica and reward them afterwards by letting them sit by the fire with a brandy, and they’ll probably forgive you. Be an adult, put on some handling gloves and squirting flower-resistant goggles and get scrubbing!

Say it with me:

Look after your fucking clowns!

[marlynnofmany]

Scent Snob

“Hey Paint,” I said, leaning over a store display. “I think I found something you’ll like.”

“What is it?” she asked, looking up from the heat-generating bracelets on that side of the aisle. This store had a good selection for cold-blooded types.

“Scented candles,” I told her. “Come see.” I held one up and urged her to walk around to my side.

“Scented of what?” she asked with suspicion all over her lizardy face. But she did come join me. When she caught sight of the rows of well-packaged candles, she seemed to realize the other word I’d said. “Oh no, is this more things made from that bug-spit wax?”

“No,” I hurried to say. “These are mostly made from oil, with a few plant-based. Turns out a lot of crayons are too. The only beeswax stuff here is the specialty stuff down at the end.” I pointed.

“I see,” Paint said. “So there are no disturbing ingredients in these? Are you sure?”

“There’s really not,” I told her, picking up the candle I’d been looking at. “And they’re designed specifically to give off certain scents, which you’d probably enjoy. Try this one; it’s a couple different sharp-scented trees from Earth.”

When I held it out with the little tab in the packaging open to let out the scent, she leaned forward to take a cautious sniff without touching it. I really did expect her to like it. The smell seemed close enough to a couple other things she’d loved in the past.

“Hm. Pedestrian,” she said, straightening up. “Simple, but also trying too hard. Like something a child might put together before they really know what they’re doing.”

“Really,” I said. “What about this one?” I traded it for another candle with a foresty-moss description.

Paint smelled that one, then tilted her head like a wine snob trying to come up with the best way to put something into words. “Peaceful,” she decided. “Civilly uncivilized, like someone tried to tame the wrong kind of plant. Domesticated with sandy dirt.”

“Fascinating,” I said. I grabbed a couple more, interested in her descriptions as much as finding something she wanted to keep.

While I would have described the candles with straightforward terms and the actual ingredients (which, to be fair, Paint couldn’t recognize — she had no reason to know the difference between cedar and sandalwood), she used much more poetic and metaphorical terms. It was half winery jargon with things like cigars and gasoline in place of flavors that didn’t have better names, and half matter-of-fact poetry.

“Medicinal sunrise, with the ailment not disguised by the seaside wildflowers.”

“A tree fell on half the garden, and not the good half.”

“Too light in three ways — diluted, floating, and afraid to take a stance.”

“Janitor who cleaned up a spaceship fuel spill, then tried to prepare for a social event with moderate success.”

I smiled and shook my head, looking at the ingredient list. “Where are you getting spaceship fuel from this?”

Paint waved a hand vaguely. “In a good way. Probably the most popular romantic prospect at the social event.”

“Oh really?” I asked. “I don’t see that on here either. I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“This one’s not bad,” Paint said, picking up something labeled Black Pepper Kale. “A bit simple, like there was meant to be more to it but they got interrupted while assembling it, but what’s here is reasonable.”

“Let me see?” I asked, thinking after I’d said it that my vocabulary was definitely human. Seeing wasn’t involved here. I took a sniff and promptly forgot about words. “Phew! Ugh. You’re welcome to it.”

“Really? I would have thought you’d like that too.” Paint took it back and peered at the label. “The description sounds like Earth food.”

I breathed out, trying to clear my nose. “Pretty sure nobody really likes kale; they just pretend because it’s healthy.”

“Why?”

“Because they can feel better about themselves for eating healthy?”

Paint shook her head. “Why eat something that tastes bad? Surely there are other options.”

It was my turn to cock my head and consider how to phrase something. “The fun part of being an omnivore is that you can eat a wide variety of foods. The downside is that you kind of have to eat a wide variety, or else you don’t get all the nutrients you need.”

“Ohh,” Paint said, holding her mouth open just long enough for me to get a glimpse of the teeth meant for eating meat and not much else. “Right, I should have thought of that.”

I shrugged, running my gaze over a few bakery-themed candles. “You can eat the occasional fruit because you like them, and I assume that doesn’t upset anything.”

“Yes, fruits are delightful. A big favorite back home.”

“But somehow I doubt you’d suffer any deficiencies if you didn’t eat them.”

“No, I don’t think so.” She looked up at me with concern. “You do?”

“I need some of the vitamins and sugars and whatnot. There are workarounds for people with food allergies, but, well, ever heard of scurvy?”

“I think … it was in a song once?” she replied, still looking concerned.

“Let’s just say that citrus fruits in particular are a good way to get one vitamin we really need, and if we don’t get it, the results aren’t pretty.” I could have gone on, but I left it up to her whether she really wanted to know.

Paint clasped her scaly hands together. “How … not pretty?”

“Old wounds opening up.”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah, it’s not good. But there are multivitamins available everywhere humans sell each other food, and we’re all raised with the importance of a balanced diet drilled into us, so it’s fine, really.”

Paint shook herself. “I should hope so. I can’t imagine — Well! I don’t want to imagine. Shall we move on to the food part of the store? See if there are vitamins?”

“You don’t want a candle?”

“No, I think I’ll pass.” She looked along the shelves with a critical eye. “Nothing here really speaks to me.”

“All right. Let’s see if any of the food is worth it.”

Paint perked up and led the way down the aisle. “I saw a sign earlier for fermented spiceworm! I haven’t had that in forever.”

I followed with a sigh. “I remember. Thank you again for agreeing to eat it in your room instead of the lounge.”

“Such a great smell! I don’t know what everyone was complaining about.”

“Agree to disagree.” As we left the candle aisle, I spotted one that I knew for a fact Paint would actually love.

I rotated it so the label that said Spiceworm Extravaganza was hidden, then I kept walking.

~~~

Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[horriblewarlock]

Visit Original Link

[esoanem]

[mechaniaa]

i'm the examines you

[mechaniaa]

[lordsausage]

shoutout to the words "overmorrow" and "ereyesterday". english losing these words was stupid. "the day after tomorrow" "the day before yesterday" clunky-ass constructions. revolting. i'm bringing overmorrow and ereyesterday back in my idiolect and there is nothing you can do about it

[mx-capgras]

OH MY GOD????

[marlynnofmany]

Fingerprints and Footprints

“We’re not even leaving the planet?” I asked. “Just going a little bit to the side?”

“That’s right,” Captain Sunlight told me with a wave of her scaly hand up at the cargo. “Packaging this to the point where it would survive local transit was apparently not worth the effort.”

I gazed up at the giant metal statue that was currently the only thing in our cargo hold. “Yeah, I can believe that.” It was an armored figure that was vaguely humanoid — weird proportions — frozen in a kind of kneeling victory pose that looked like a weightlifter without the barbell. Forty-five degree angles for every limb, palms up. I asked, “Is it supposed to be holding something?”

“No, I understand it’s from some fictional story,” said Captain Sunlight. “I honestly forget which one. But there’s some complicated metaphor involved.”

I shrugged. “As long as they’re paying this much for a solo run, it can stand for anything it likes. Well, as long as it’s not bigoted or whatever. Nothing controversial, right?”

The captain shook her lizardy head. “No, definitely not. This is some fictional hero harnessing the goodwill of the people to defeat an invading evil.”

I smiled. “Oh, one of those stories. Gotta love a classic.”

Mur arrived to the slap of tentacles, followed by Blip and Blop. The twins each carried a bundle of cargo straps and other things. Mur announced, “Time for overkill!”

The captain thanked him and gave detailed instructions about where to put the pads and anchor the straps. I helped, using my long arms to hold things in place while Blip and Blop put their muscle to work in tightening the straps. Mur untangled them and handed out more. Captain Sunlight supervised. By the time our ship was ready to take off, the statue was securely fastened to anchor points all around the room. No gravity fluctuations or other hiccups were going to shift it an inch.

“Good enough,” said the captain with a nod. “Let’s be off. I honestly don’t know whether to suggest everyone stay out of the room, or stay to keep an eye on it just so we can say it was under supervision.”

Mur made a burbling snort. “If it spontaneously melts or something, that is NOT our fault.”

“No, but I have Wio capturing the security footage from the moment it entered the ship, just in case the client wants reassurance.”

I asked, “They’re that bad?”

Captain Sunlight shook her head. “I’ve never met them. But I’m not taking chances with this kind of money.”

“Yeah. Rich people.” I nodded, then casually used a sleeve to wipe away a couple fingerprints. Judging by the feel of the statue and the echoing sounds it had produced when we placed straps across it, the metallic sheen was a layer of paint on top of industrial plastic. Possibly the kind used in spaceports. Durable, but still vulnerable to weak points in shapes like this. The statue was NOT going to tip over and test how much impact those elbows could take.

“The artist said it’s for a business,” Captain Sunlight said. “Something to put on display in relation to the things they make or sell. But yes, significant wealth is involved.”

Mur said cheerfully, “Hooray for spending it on offplanet couriers as well as ostentatious statues. I’ll dig up some fresh cleaning cloths so we can give it a once-over when we take the straps off.”

Captain Sunlight agreed and shooed us all out, having decided that an empty cargo hold was safest. Blip and Blop volunteered to stand in the hallway guarding the door while Mur got the cloths.

A few other crew members wandered by to take a look through the window. I considered finding something to do during the trip, but really, it was like ten minutes. Spaceships are fast, even when navigating local air traffic. I ended up standing in the hallway and chatting while the engines changed pitch several times.

Soon enough, we were back on the ground and removing all the careful fastenings we’d just placed. Mur’s cleaning cloths were just the thing for fingerprints and dust. By the time Captain Sunlight told us the customer was approaching our spaceport berth, the statue was all set.

Shiny and impressive, if you’re into that sort of thing. If it wasn’t clearly an expensive decoration, I would have thought it would make a decent playground accessory. Put a slide against one of those hands, and kids of many species would be lining up for a go.

Well, I thought, Mostly one species. Though Farsight kids would probably love it too. They’d probably hang a swing from the other arm.

My thoughts were interrupted by the bay door opening. I took up a position standing respectfully back, alongside Blip and Blop who were ready with the hoversled. The client probably had their own, since they had to get it home somehow, but it wouldn’t have been the first time that didn’t occur to somebody.

And with the kind of money this person was shelling out, they probably wouldn’t bat an eye at reimbursing us for a hoversled that they could take it back with.

The person who waited outside the doors with a beaming smile cut an interesting figure. She was a Frillian like Blip and Blop, with faded blue skin and the same beefy bodybuilder type, but very old. She wore enough fluttering red silks to make a dozen human-style outfits, almost obscuring the classy cane she leaned on. And she looked delighted.

“Ah, there it is!” she said, waving a gnarled hand at the statue. “A thing of beauty. They’re going to love it.”

Captain Sunlight stepped tactfully forward with polite greetings and the payment tablet. The client signed for it readily, talking all the time about her plans to display this fictional character in the front lobby of her business. Or outside. She hadn’t decided yet.

With a glance at the shiny finish, Captain Sunlight suggested, “I daresay it will retain its luster better indoors.”

The client waved a hand, brushing away the thought. “Oh, who cares? That scene looks better in the unrestored version where the armor is all beat up anyway.”

“A valid point.”

“We’ll get it out of your frills either way,” the client said, then amended the statement. “Not frills. You don’t have those. Some of you do!” She waved at Blop and Blop, who smiled and waved back from their position at attention. Then she caught sight of me and smiled anew. “Oh, and some of you have hair! How perfect. Tell me, do you think this will be a hit with any human visitors? They come in all ages, especially the young ones. Shiny is good, yes?”

“Uh, yes, definitely,” I said, glancing at the statue that gleamed in the lights. My earlier thoughts caught up to me. “Say, is it going to be somewhere out of the way, or in easy touching range?”

Her blue forehead wrinkled in thought. “I wouldn’t think that’s much of a concern. Too much touching will just make a Season Three patina.”

I shook my head, stepping forward to wave at it. “Not touching; climbing. Given a chance, a significant portion of human children will want to climb this immediately.”

Her frills fluttered in surprise. “Really? They haven’t climbed anything else on the premises.”

“Are there easy handholds and ledges?” I asked, pointing at the statue’s prominent knee, which was sticking out as if just begging for someone to use it as a step up.

“Hm. No, I don’t suppose there are.” She tapped her cane to her chin, glancing at the captain then back to me. “Can’t say that’s something I considered. I suppose I’ll have to account for it now. How significant of a proportion would you say?”

“Probably most of them, and some of the adults too.”

“Seriously??”

I pointed at a series of handholds. “I can tell you exactly where I’d start.”

Captain Sunlight asked tactfully, “Is there somewhere you can display this where it will be off-limits? Perhaps on a platform or behind a barrier?”

“Hm.” The client looked sad as she frowned about it, clearly not liking her options. “It feels wrong to separate him from the goodwill of the people. That’s the opposite of what he stands for.”

I said, “Well, you could always go the other route.”

“Eh?”

“Reinforce a few joints and put something soft on the floor,” I said, pointing at the elbows. “Maybe put up a sign about very young children needing an adult’s help before climbing on the hero of the people.”

The client smiled at that, laugh lines spreading in cheerful wrinkles like everybody’s favorite grandma. I remembered suddenly that the big Frillians were traditionally the ones who raised the children. When she said, “Perfect,” I could tell she meant it.

She turned in a whirl of silks to wave her cane at someone outside. “Let’s get this masterpiece out and ready for action! The kids are gonna love it. Get me that architectural genius who fixed the broken things last month; tell him rush fees are fine. We can’t have the hero of the people breaking an arm, now can we?”

Several younger Frillians hustled into view and did as she said. I was glad to see that they did have their own hoversled, naturally with the best lifting platform money could buy. They didn’t even need Blip and Blop’s help in getting the statue into place and out of the ship.

The client made a silk-fluttering gesture of respect at Captain Sunlight, then waved at the rest of us, still smiling. “Thank you for excellent service, and advice as well! Feel free to stop by at our grand opening next week to give it a climb.”

Captain Sunlight said, “We might just do that.”

Down at elbow height, Mur snorted. “One of us might.”

I grinned at him. “I’d be happy to give you a boost if you like.”

“I do not like.”

“You sure? The view from those hands is probably great.”

“Great and not worth it.”

He continued to grumble while I told him everything he was missing out on, exaggerating more than a little. The bay door closed, and everyone filtered out of the empty cargo bay. I hoped that we really would be in the neighborhood for the grand opening. I’d have to look up that TV show or whatever, so I could properly appreciate whose armored shoulders I’d be sitting on.

~~~

Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[shaykai]

Introduced my brother to the Caesar knife block

[koiagain]

it should be illegal for people to be in the kitchen at the same time as me

[personwhostolethatname]

Much boredom

many bords

[kushandwizdom]

Someone said "Are you really so stupid to think that Africa has the same technological advances as us? If they did they would probably have clean water and not live in houses made of sticks and mud. Get over yourself and stop being so ignorant."..... Below is a tiny collection of images of the Africa they refuse to show you..

ches

I’m sorry you’ve been made to believe that the whole of Africa is poor, I really am..

[shez-a-b0mbshell]

Reblogging for those of you who think Africa is only what the media and movies portrays it to be

[teddybearnova]

This fucks me up because it’s scary to think that we can be showed something all our lives and not even know it’s a lie

[2ollux-double-bulge]

And that my friend is the power of propaganda, indoctrination, and media

[the-collecting-turnip-deactivat]

Are these pictures of South Africa or of Africa as a whole? 

[fgsshinyhoard]

@the-collecting-turnip From top to bottom:

1. Port Elizabeth (South Africa)

2. Unknown

3. Nairobi (Kenya)

4. Pretoria (South Africa)

5. Aburi Botanical Gardens (Ghana)

6. Cape Town (South Africa)

7. Pretoria (South Africa)

8. Harare (Zimbabwe)

9. Windhoek (Namibia)

10. Windhoek (Namibia)

To @kushandwizdom this is a rather unfair portrayal of Africa as a whole since half of these are literally just South Africa.  So Instead to add to this post and better dispel the myth of Africa as the vast wasteland of poverty most people think, I found a much more mixed collection of pics from various countries.

Luanda, Angola

Agadir, Morocco

Lagos, Nigeria

Cairo, Egypt

Port Louis, Mauritius

Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire

Algiers, Algeria

Tripoli, Libya

Dar es Salaam, Tanzania

Tunis, Tunisia

So, there, a much better case demonstrating the various major cities around Africa showing it isn’t some technologically backwards continent, but actually pretty up-and-coming in the world of commerce.

[hockey-trash]

I once was talking to my Ethiopian manager about ignorant people asking her dumb shit about her life before she moved to the states…

the worst story she told me about was when she told a fellow student (at a fairly prestigious university) about a concert she went to back home. The other student responded with “omg you have music there!?” 🤦🏾‍♀️

[cricketcat9]

Rebloging, because we need to see these pictures. 

As for stupid questions: “do you have grocery stores in Ecuador?”

[justgot1]

These are great!

A redneck neighbor once asked my mom (in the 80s) if they had cars in Peru. Sigh.

This is the product of poor world history in school & little current affairs coverage outside Western Europe, except for catastrophes, so all we see are the war torn, poverty stricken, disaster-affected parts on the news. And racism, of course.

[lettingitoutabit-deactivated202]

I bet most Americans who think that African countries are just completely poverty stricken have no idea what the US looks like in its poorest areas, not everywhere in the US is nice suburbs or unrealistically large apartments on tv

[for-southendgirls]

Los Angeles, California

Hartford, Connecticut

New Orleans, Louisiana

Camden, New Jersey

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

McDowell County, West Virginia

Flint, Michigan

Washington, D.C.

[goingtiny]

Do you see the world as it is, or as someone told you it is?

[hogwartsconsultingtimelady]

This photoset proves you can make anywhere look great or terrible. It’s all framing and more people should know about that

[gamebird]

Worth a reblog. I don’t think the US version was on there when I first reblogged.

[holyfudgebuckets]

All of this is true, and also- those stick and mud houses are actually amazing examples of indigenous African knowledge. They are being studied for their thermal properties and sustainability.

Of course traditional African homes look different from homes in the US or Europe- they’ve started from different climates and resources. It’s such racist hubris to assume different means lesser-than.

[moniquill]

Do you still sleep in Grass thatched houses ‼️😳

Hey Fam Thank you for coming by Another video here answering why we sleep in grass thatched houses Hahahha some people clearly don’t know wh

https://share.google/MCbqIYkdTvWZ3TgTA

[aetherograph]

also also, the racism of saying “oh they build with sticks and mud” like we don’t do the same thing. Stick-built is a fucking category of Victorian house! Stucco is just mud! Plaster is just mud! Adobe is just mud! Clay is just mud! EVERYONE builds with sticks and mud! It’s very telling that people only use words like “sticks” and “mud” when they’re being insulting. Buddy I live in a house made of sticks and mud too.

[chthonicillness]

my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

[personwhostolethatname]

Mozzarella, I love you.

You are so round.

Of all the cheeses,

it's you I expound.

What offer will take thee?

What tempts unaged bliss?

If lactose no longer,

it's you I'd miss.

[teaboot]

"Oh yeah, we have an outdoor Corgi, he just gets so bored cooped up inside all day. He knows to stay off the road. Don't worry, he's way too smart for coyotes and the neighbor's know to look out when they drive past."

"Us? Oh, of *course* our Dachshund sleeps inside- we just let him out in the morning and make sure he comes back for dinner. He just does his own thing, no worries."

"Um, you know it's not humane to keep a chihuahua confined to an apartment? They're dogs, they're natural predators. They need to experience hunting behaviors or they get depressed. No we don't leash ours, he absolutely hates it, we just let him come and go whenever."

Yall get how fucking stupid that sounds, right? So stop letting your goddamn cats get eaten and attacked and infected and hit by cars

A toddler would probably love full unattended access to the neighborhood too, but we don't do that either, do we

It's 2026, "keep your damn pet in a house or in your view" should not be controversial

[angel-stars]

I had to go on a hunt for this but it was worth it. 100% agree

[mothmussy]

Oh, worm?