hi, it's stupid anon here haha. I realized trying to answer in an askbox with 150 word limit (or whatever it is) is gonna be painful, so I gave up the anonymous badge for this. Sorry for everything below haha, I’m horrible at rambling.
Thank you for giving such a long answer, I really appreciate you taking the time (oh god this feels like a work email haha) and talking to me about the stuff I asked about, it was very interesting to read and get some more details that I might not have realized before. You said that you would like to have a dialogue - I'm not sure how much I am suited to provide worthy/interesting dialogue or food for thought but it did make me think for a while about what you said.
before I go there just a disclaimer - it can be hard to not look at things from the lens of my own perception of the characters, I'm sure you understand, so in advance - sorry for this jumbled mess of thoughts.
Ultimately, there are 2 reasons why I asked that questions (besides the fact that I just like talking about kakehai). Reason #1 was because you painted Haiji from a lot of different angles in these stories (Kakeru as well, but not as many, of course), but for me it would be interesting to see what he's like falling in love. We've kinda seen Kakeru fall in love in There, that scene with thinking in the bath is the most bittersweet and heartbreaking moment in the whole series for me, watching the moon in the water (that Haiji hung), the moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it, etc etc (also if you say that it's not what happened I will sweat profoundly and apologise but in my head I'll go UGH AUTHOR BAKASHINJI BUT THAT SCENE *shakes fist*). Anyway, you can argue that we can see facets of this (Haiji falling in love that is) already but I'd say it's still different. I read your stories more or less soon after I finished the series so it was easy for me to assume and envision for those two to fall in love in a pretty profound and cinematic way following the finale of hakone and the way that scene is presented visually. But from what you mentioned, it being a strange and uncertain, it makes sense it could be something that Haiji doesn't realize in a way of "oh wow I'm in love let's be together" and more in a way of that at some point they already are and that's pretty much it. (I hope this makes sense, I'm not the writer here ok, no bully lol). It makes sense, but it doesn't really answer the question how and why that happened. Which brings me to reason #2.
(By the way most of this is due to the fact that my mind needs to find patterns for puzzles I can't get over, otherwise it just keeps bugging me until I can solve it or ask someone else to. So yeah... sorry!)
Reason #2 is my love-hate relationship with this type of plot: "people meeting each other again after years of being apart and then coming together". On one hand it's one of my favourite storylines (e.g. one of my fav kagehina fanfictions etc), I've read numerous mangas with the same premise, I think it holds a very strong appeal especially if the characters initially knew each other very young. How they matured, grew into a more established character and if they ever were close - the fact that they could grow close again, means they were attracted to something deeply meaningful inside each other that is still there etc etc etc. This kind of approach, imo, is very attractive to the fanfiction readers/shippers/fandom audience. However, (this is the "love-HATE" part) I find it wildly unrealistic, especially if those characters were close before. I find myself thinking that if you ARE in love with someone after N amount of years of no contact that kind of borders on obsessive/unhealthy tendencies. And if it's the "rekindling the flame" argument then again it looks unrealistic and still sorta obsessive. I can see people who were once in love becoming good friends on a very different level, but not lovers again. So yeah, sorry, let me bring this back on topic - I can't find it for these 2 specific characters given their history and my understanding of them to be able to get together and fall in love like that. Mind it's not that I think it's impossible (hello, I love kakehai to death, of course I think it possible and I need it like now and every day), more that I don't know how it happens so I was hoping you could show me. It's just the way my stupid head works - I see the problem setting (statement? uh?), and it needs to come to a certain outcome, but I struggle to find the path on my own.
Given how you've described Haiji I think the "he just seduces Kakeru" seems fair, seems like something he could do logically, I can see that in his character, but that whole situation also seems somehow unfair. It almost feels like it’s the same way it was with Fujioka and I somehow think it would be different? (Or maybe I just want it to be different. *shakes fist at self*)
(Also the reasons why it's so hard for me to imagine the "not keeping in contact for years" scenario for kakehai is simply because they looked way too familiar in the series during that re-union, not like people who are seeing each other for the first time in a while or the people who only have recently reconnected, etc, but that's beside the point).
I swear I have been thinking hard about it, I agree very much that this seems like a total misty silent hill area to me, Bermuda triangle of "getting together". “In love” being such a strange and fleeting thing that is very easy to let it slip away if you don't grab for it... hmmm. I suppose you can say there are examples of otherwise but I find most of them very overdramatic (e.g. Snape and Always, etc). Maybe for Kakeru it would be very simple to fall back into that feeling, now that I think more about it.
Would it be a physical casual thing that Haiji doesn't want (is scared) to explore deeper at first? And Kakeru being a pretty direct person (makes me think of the no-bullshit "I may not be gentle" vice-captain scene) could definitely push for answers. That somewhat fits what you were saying above, but it also feels like something that would happen to more disillusioned versions of themselves? I feel like at that point they both wouldn't be like that. Or maybe I'm wrong and it's the opposite because of how easy it would be for them to fall into that kind of relationship/routine before anything else.
Also hard to imagine for Haiji to want for something like that (I mean for being with Kakeru as together together) because of how much he likes to self-sabotage. And at that point if he's feeling like a self-independent person, fairly sturdy on his feet - wouldn't he find any kind of a close relationship a threat to his autonomy? Or is it the opposite way round? Maybe only on the surface. I feel like Haiji (from what I read in your series) is someone who will struggle to connect with anyone deeply. In his core - very uncertain to truly open up. Kakeru being shown as the "perfect" one who's always prying and suffocating with love is also situational due to the events you wrote in the stories specifically so it's hard for me to extrapolate further into his character. It could be exhausting to deal with that all the time, so it can't be happening all the time, there should be another facet of the relationship that makes them move forward or at all. Considering how the whole series seems to show turning points for Haiji, instead of focusing on perfunctory "this is a fanfic about x/x", idk if the fact that you don't know how they "got together" is a subconscious way of saying that it wasn't really a turning point? The turning points came later on when Haiji and Kakeru are dealing with the pitfalls of their developing relationship etc etc. And if that is the case, I think they could've started less passionate and more "it was easy enough to fall into this without thinking". With a side-order of an unidentified sometimes acutely felt... well... feeling.
I could also see them becoming just close, very close, in the span of however long, in a way that Haiji kinda craves, but not sexual. (Because I am a masochist and a sadist both and what can be better than making them suffer in the realm of the unknown for even longer ahaha amiright *cries in BDSM*). And then Haiji maybe "spoils" it with the whole "he just seduces Kakeru", but actually doesn't spoil of course. But does open the pandora's box, so to speak.
Why are you asking me this, so cruel!
Also PS about the Fujioka and “dating” – yes, I can see what you mean 100%, to me it did read like that, but I wasn’t sure if it’s my personal perception because I just don’t really care about Haiji and Fujioka that much or not. Also the word “date” is way shorter than “seeing each other” and when you are trying to fit into an askbox you gotta cut your corners haha.
Anyway, I’m sorry this is so fucking long and probably makes zero sense. I hope I didn’t make you angry with anything I’ve said because I truly like the world you created a lot, it makes me think, I like thinking haha. Also I hope it’s not completely impossible to read, English’s not my first language so all mistakes are my own and I hope it was somewhat readable. Thanks again. And be well <3
jacobvanloon
discoholicmusic
areudirty
jbbartram-illu
gummygunk
baratheonpilled
