Pete Fountain

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

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It’s been a while

I haven’t posted to my personal blog recently. My excuses are that I’m too busy, I’m too tired, or sometimes I just forget. 

Excuses. Plain and simple. Worthless, good for nothing excuses. 

And they need to stop. 

I have allowed myself to be lulled into a sense of complacency, especially at work. I currently work full time for one of the top companies in the U.S. 

I also work part time for the #2 best company to work for in the U.S. 

I have been working in both places for over a decade, and I have nothing to show for it (well, I still have a roof over my head, and I can feed my kids). 

My hopes and dreams of climbing the corporate ladder were simply an illusion. 

I work with many talented, kind, and intelligent people. 

And I’ve seen many people promoted into positions for which they had no aptitude. It seems that much of corporate America confuses management with leadership. 

I am grateful to both companies for keeping me around, and for fueling the myth that I could become better, that there are limitless opportunities waiting for me to grab. 

Maybe it’s me. Maybe corporate life is not my cup of tea. The red tape, the politics, the irrational decisions made only to enrich shareholders. 

None of which is wrong. In my heart I believe it’s me who is wrong. I’m a fish out of water. I bristle at the red tape, the slow decisions, the promotions of people who continually screw things up. 

It’s taken too long, but I feel that the time has come to put up or shut up. 

I believe I have what it takes to build something of my own. I believe I have the thick skin to weather the storms and to deal with the adversity. 

Worst of all, I feel that I will deeply, deeply regret not taking a chance to prove myself, and regret is the worst thing of all. 

I prepare for bed tonight feeling the discomfort of change, the pit in my stomach as I prepare to leave my comfort zone. I see so many “successful people” who quite frankly don’t appear to be any smarter than I. 

It’s time to prove my theory. Time to stand up and be a man and to claim what’s mine. 

It’s time to stop living a life of fear and regret, and start living a life that is bold and full of abundance. 

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Ambition is meaningless without execution

Unknown

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What Can We Control

Lately it seems like the world is losing its collective mind. North Korea wants to pick a fight with nuclear weapons, protesters get mowed down by a fool in his car, nonstop criticism of the presidency, even here at home we have flooded lakes and people being arrested for having sex with dogs (not making that up). 

It feels like only a fraction of a small percentage of our lives are actually within our control. 

It may rain nuclear warheads tomorrow. We may get mowed down by a nut in his car while walking down a sidewalk. Who knows???

In recent year’s I’ve tried to focus on that little percentage that I can control, but more importantly to focus on how I react to the numerous things I can’t control. 

I voted, but I certainly didn’t influence the outcome of any election. I can barely point North Korea out on a map. 

In most cases, I try to tune it out. There’s little I can do to stop a child like dictator from turning my city into a parking lot. The president, congress, and any elected official? No secret that no on in those groups cares that I’m alive. 

But would I allow those things to drive me to hatred or to mistreat other people? Would I burn a building or beat someone up or steal because I’m mad at the world. 

Hell no! 

I’m not a mindless drone. I control my reaction to things, even the outrageous one’s. There is no “i had to beat him up because he disagreed with me”. 

Rubbish (as they would say in the old days). 

It’s time for people to grow up, accept responsibility for their actions, and to stop making excuses. 

You don’t get to burn a building, kill people, or act like an idiot because you disagree with someone, or because you don’t get your way. 

Humans have been around too long to be acting like this. 

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Yesterday morning a 26 year old woman was killed by a drunk driver while driving home to pick up her two little girls. The accident wasn’t her fault. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. 26. Gone. Two little girls left without a mother they will likely never remember. 

On Facebook people were outraged. “Execute the drunk driver”. “When will this stop”. And so on and so on. 

Maybe one of those angry people will write their congressman. Maybe someone will start a campaign to stop drunk drivers. Maybe Uber and Lyft will put a dent in drunk driving deaths. 

But it will all soon be forgotten, except for the family of the poor woman killed in the crash who will be sentenced to suffer until the end of their days. 

Lately I’ve been working frantically to launch my new business, Fit Pro Web Designs. Coupled with all the other demands on my time I can honestly say I haven’t taken much time to stop and smell the roses (so to speak).

Seeing the crash on the news, and thinking about the senseless and random nature of it all, I realized that I need to stop and smell the roses. So I went tonight to take in a beautiful sunset on Lake Ontario. 

I don’t know the deceased woman. i doubt drunk driving will stop in my life time. I know ranting on Facebook won’t change anything. 

But I can change my behavior. I can change my focus. I can find time to take in a sunset, or smell a flower, or say a kind word to a stranger. 

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Gratitude. A good way to start the day. 

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It took me years to understand and accept the difference between forgiving and forgetting. I hung on to the anger towards those who had hurt me with a passion believing that it was something I had to do.

We hear a lot about revenge, retaliation, an eye for an eye. I’m sure there some cases where forgiveness is not possible or healthy, but in most cases I’ve come to believe forgiveness is the only way to get on with your life.

It’s tough to hear someone say “so and so did such and such to me 10 years ago”. Really? Something that happened 10 years ago is still taking up your time (and who knows how much time during the past 10 years). Couldn’t that time have been spent on better things?

In the end I realized that forgiveness is for me. It frees me from anger, and allows me to focus on what matters.

But I also learned that I never forget. Someone can hurt me, but they won’t get multiple chances, nor will other people get the chance to hurt me in the same ways.

I truly believe that forgiveness is for the strong, and that it makes me stronger.

Anger is easy. Hate is easy. Forgiving is hard.

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I am my own harshest critic, often times unfairly and unnecessarily. 

Recently I read a quote asking why we treat other people better than we treat ourselves. Shouldn’t we look out for ourselves first? 

Why would I give someone the shirt off my back, do things that put me at tremendous inconvenience, make me sad or angry, but can barely find time to love myself? 

In a few minutes I leave to march in a parade. Music is my first love. I will pick up a pair of sticks and play any time, anywhere, anything possible. It’s just in me. For the 10 or 15 minutes that we march down the street nothing else exists. 

I feel the music in me. As the music comes in, my hands move and things come out. It’s beyond notes and rhythms. It’s not time signatures or key changes. 

It’s about energy, about flow, about being one with something. It’s as though time stands still. All my problems are gone, all my anxiety stops, the thoughts that race through my head from sun up until sun down are still. 

And yet I will beat myself up for not marching perfectly straight, or missing a beat, or not staying perfectly in line. 

I have so much love that I give to others. I would do anything for anyone if they ask, and sometimes if they don’t. 

Why don’t I show myself the same compassion? Until I can unlock that question, I will never be all that I am meant to be. 

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Just Keep Swimming

Most of the time I’m upbeat, I see the good in things and people, and I try to see the lighter side of life.

Today isn’t one of those days. I rolled out of bed in a foul mood, more depressed than angry. I started to watch the news but had to turn it off after watching a story about a police officer being shot. The emotions of such an event simply overcame me. 

It is a beautiful day outside, so I headed out to mow the lawn and plant a tree. Usually the fresh air makes me feel better. No such luck. 

Ironically I had a great time last night going to the Rochester International Jazz festival. It is a week long event that really makes it worthwhile living in a crazy place like NY. Food, fun, music, people. It was all there, and I soaked up every minute of it. 

But that was last night. 

I don’t know what changed. Maybe I didn’t sleep well? Maybe I need to drink more water? Who knows. 

This happens from time to time. I’ve learned that sometimes the day wasn’t really meant for me, and it’s best to just ride it out and to do my best to put one foot in front of the other. Or as Dorie in Finding Nemo put it, “just keep swimming”.

Being human is a complicated game (for me at least). I know some folks who don’t seem to have a care in the world. I envy them!! (Although I suspect they have cares, they just don’t let us know.)

Oddly enough  my mood has led me to be fairly productive already today, so I guess that’s not a bad thing. 

But I still wish there were day’s when I could detach my head or my heart, put it on a shelf and give it a rest. 

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On Father’s Day

Every year before Father’s Day I tell my kids not to get me anything. I imagine many father’s do the same thing. Who needs another tie, or mug, or “World’s Greatest Dad” tshirt?

Like many holidays (Mother’s Day, Valentines Day, etc), Father’s day seems like a day made up by corporate America to squeeze some more money from our wallets.

Shouldn’t we be thankful for our dad’s every day? Shouldn’t we tell our dad’s we appreciate them more than once a year? And most importantly, shouldn’t we actually tell them, rather than just throwing a card written by someone else and a tie at them?

I tell my kids not to get me anything for Father’s Day not because I am trying to protest a rather silly holiday, but because all I really want from them is time.

As my kids are getting older, there seems to be less and less time to spend together, and that’s perfectly normal (in my opinion). I expect my kids to go into the world and do things. Sports, friends, music, whatever.

Live. Love. Do.

But that leaves less and less time to spend together. Not long ago they were 100% dependent on me, now they are more dependent on my wallet and my car.

Time is what I want. A day, or even a few hours to spend together doing something. Swimming, cooking out, walking the dog, playing a game. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter to me.

The accumulation of “stuff” is great, and it’s the American way, but all I really want is the accumulation of experiences, time spent with the people I love, and the memories from them that I can enjoy for the rest of my life.

It’s easier to give a card and a tie. It’s easier to send a text or put something on Facebook.

But time is what matters, and I hope that I can pass that lesson along to my kids, for as much as I dislike Father’s Day as a holiday, I also see it as a chance to help my kids see an important truth and learn an important life lesson.

Accumulate experiences. Tell people who matter that they matter. Live, love, laugh. Our time here is short and it can end in an instant, and then it will be too late.

[petergfountain]

Haters will Hate

These are not my words, but after returning from a attempt by a hater to have me punished legally, I feel like it’s too important of a message not to share. 

Do big or important things and there will be haters. Do controversial things and there will be haters. Do good things and yes, there will probably still be haters. That’s how it is today and how it’s been for all of time.

The Stoic does two things when encountering hatred or ill opinion in others. They ask: Is this opinion inside my control? If there is a chance for influence or change this person’s opinion—with a conversation, with their actions, with a little more context or explanation—they take it. But if there isn’t, they accept this person as they are. They don’t hate a hater. They don’t throw more time after a lost cause. Our job is tough enough already. We don’t have time to think about what other people are thinking, even if it’s about us.

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One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from other people (or because of other people) is the power and truth of forgiveness. For a long time I struggled with the idea of forgiving someone who hurt me until I realized that not only was I the one being hurt by my anger, but that I was also being foolish.

When I learned that forgiveness is not the same as forgetting, everything changed and I learned how to give myself the peace the comes with forgiving someone, but the strength of not allowing them to harm me again. 

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10 Ways to Tell Your Partner You Love Them (Without Saying A Word)

Everyone loves to hear those three words, but you can show your love as well. Here are 10 ways to tell your partner you love them (without saying it)...

Effort. Action. It’s strange how many people don’t understand when you do little things that are actually an expression of your love. 

Taking out the garbage isn’t sexy, but it means your partner doesn’t have to. Doing someone’s laundry isn’t what you see in the movies or on the internet, but how nice is it to walk into your bedroom and see your clothes clean and folded? 

We focus too much on the big things all the while missing the little things that happen all the time. 

Flowers are nice. Diamonds are special. But just being kind and compassionate towards the one you love on a daily basis is much more challenging, and much more rewarding. 

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It’s so empowering to remember the idea of choice. Good choices, bad choices, choices we never make. It’s easy to spend time regretting choices, but it’s so empowering to remember that we can make a choice to change whatever situation we are in, no matter what. 

Victor. Not victim. 

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Stop Caring About What Others Think, and Get Back Your Self-Respect

You often worry family or friends might not approve of something, people are talking about you behind your back, or you might offend someone. If this sounds like you, it's time to break free and stop giving a f*ck.

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Some Weeks are Longer Than Others

Every have one of those weeks that seems to last forever? Where Monday feels like a year ago? 

That was this week. It’s a beautiful Friday  night and I’m sitting here feeling like the past week has dragged on for a year. 

I’m not sure why. The week was extremely busy. It feels like I barely had a minute to rest. Usually weeks like this go by lightning quick. 

The perception of time is such an odd thing. As my grandparents got older they kept telling me that the older they got, the faster time seemed to move. I always thought that was funny considering that they kept doing less and less as they got older. I would have thought the exact opposite perception of time would be the case. 

The perception of time continues to highlight the need to (try to) stay focused on the moment. It’s easy to get caught up on the to do list of things to come, or to ponder things already past. Floods of information and images come at us from all over, TV, internet, radio. It’s more difficult than ever to stay present and focused on the here and now. 

Maybe this week is a good reminder to step up my efforts and to keep focused on what’s right in front of my face!

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7 of the Best Mood-Boosting Websites We Could Find

Uncover the best mood-boosting websites we turn to for a smile.

There’s fake news, then there’s good news. Personally I like the good stuff better!

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