The Spider people are gen Z

Main: @/c00kie-cat Twitter: @/scorpiaplease or @/lion_lickers_

[peter-parker-pictures]

TW: Dark humor.(But isn't my whole blog?)

✨Holiday addition✨

~~~~~~~

Tony: Are you excited for Christmas?

Peter: Fuck yeah,

Peter: Cause if things keep going the way they are I'm hanging a lot more than Christmas ornaments.

~~~~~~~

Tony: Hey underoos, are you prepared for a New Years' kiss?

Peter: Yeah I've got a couple things in mind.

Tony: Things-?

Peter: A train...

Tony: Oh-

Peter: A telephone pole at 90 mph...

Tony: Kid, that's kinda-

Peter: A bus...

~~~~~~~

Peter: One more minor inconvenience and Santa won't be the only fat fuck flying off the roof this year.

Tony: Where the fuck do you come up with this stuff-

[peter-parker-pictures]

Peter: Hi, i'd like to return this.

Nurse:

Peter:

Nurse: Sir, this is your birth certificate.

Peter: I don't need you to tell me what it is.

[forgetful-nerd]

Villains: *attacking violently*

Peter B. Parker: Run if you want to live Miles!

Miles: *starts sprinting*

Peter B. Parker: God, Not towards them Miles! Run AWAY!

[forgetful-nerd]

Tony: what- what are you all DOING?

Harley: we’re playing MILLENNIAL MONOPOLY! The rules are simple-

Peter: You start off with no money-

MJ: you can’t afford anything-

Shuri: the board is on fire for some reason-

Harley: and everything is your fault!

[1neverendingstories1]

Tony, to Peter trying to use gen z humor: I’m rated r for relatable

Rhodey: or rated r for really sad and pathetic

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

peter , watching a video of someone falling : lmaoo what an idiot

peter : OH NO WAIT THAT’S ME 

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

someone : i like your suit

peter, sticking his hands in holes where he was stabbed : thanks, it has pockets :)

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

tony : [after a fight] pete , are you okay ? no broken bones ? cuts you’re hiding from me ?

peter : can’t break what you don’t have :)

tony : 

tony : please tell me you’re joking

[peterparkourbaby]

Peter: Well if it isn't the man with the giant metal frisbee.

Steve, confused af: I'm Captain America.

Peter: The man with the giant metal frisbee.

[peterparkourbaby]

Tony, briefing Peter: This is killer croc.

Peter: What does he do?

Tony, being sassy: He's unattractive and he bites people.

Peter: You're not special, buddy, I can do that.

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

tony : [sighing] i need a drink

peter : me too

tony : absolutely n-

peter : preferably bleach or something

tony : 

tony , softly : pete , do i need to call your therapist ?

[deadpooly]

peter: *walks into an ice cream shop*

peter: hi do you sell ice cream here?

[peterparkourbaby]

Is your url peter parkour baby or is it peter park our baby

Peter Parkour, baby! 💖💞

[peterparkourbaby]

Karen: He thought you could be a model if you tried.

Peter: He said that?

Karen: Yes.

Peter: Wow. Hey, Flash, you think I'm not fucking trying?

[voiceofthenightingale]

Now what? After 3 weeks of protests and educating ourselves and educating others, how do we keep the momentum going for this civil rights movement? How do we make permanent change?

X

[lovelytonys]

oh, hey, miles, watcha watchin there, buddy? what could get you to laugh so hard, huh?

oh ok

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

peter : if you spill that drink on my paper i will come over there and play your ribs like a godamn xylophone

harley , in a horrified whisper : peter what the fuck