here we go again

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

someone : [looks into matt’s closet and sees like 15 canes] haha, silly matt, always leaving his canes everywhere. 

matt : [thinks about all the times he’s thrown canes away in random alleyways]

matt : [laughs nervously] yeah, leaving...my canes...everywhere....

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

people in new york : spider-man is so cool ! he saves the city and looks out for the little guy. i bet he’s really attractive and stuff outside of the suit. do you think he has a girlfriend or something ?

spider-man outside of the suit : hi i-i’m peter-man. wait, crap, spider-parker. oh no, mr stark please help. [science pun t-shirts] [plays with legos] [fanboys over the time he took captain america’s shield] 

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

peter : okay, so don’t be mad

tony : why would i be mad?

peter : there’s a baby cow in the bath

tony : ...what?

peter : i said -

tony : no , i heard what you said , i just ... peter, why is there a cow in the bath?

peter : she was dirty

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

foggy : wow , you’re a really ... really good looking guy

matt : uh - uhm - i - 

foggy : imeangirlsmustlovethat [nervous laugh]

matt : could you excuse me a moment ? 

foggy : yeah no problem

matt , walking into another room , screaming into his arm : fUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK why ME

matt , walking back out : haha , yeah it’s been known to happen :)

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

sam, glaring: okay which one of you bastards shook my soda?

peter: it wasn’t me!!

bucky: wasn’t me.

sam:

bucky: okay it was me, but it was funny, so i’m not apologizing

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

it took me two rewrites and a whole bunch of procrastination but i finally managed to get this out of my drafts. 

length: 1,167 words

rated T for swearing and kissing

ship: peter x matt (spideydevil)

you can read it on ao3.

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

ENDGAME SPOILERS

what are y’all’s opinions on steve rogers leaving for peggy at the end of endgame? 

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

frank castle : i’m gonna rip your teeth out of your skull. i’ll shoot out your kneecaps. you don’t deserve to breathe

the fandom : look at him go !! look at frank do his thing !! guys we have to protect the babey !! i love him so much !!

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

peter, hyped up on several energy drinks : imma punch god in the face!

tony : or you could not, maybe take a nice nap, drink some-

peter : no, i’m gonna. imma punch him.

tony : -water, have a snack. something to soak up or dilute whatever the fuck you consumed

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

y’all remember in spider-man : hc when tony was scolding peter and he said “ and if you died ? well i feel like that’s on me “ , and then in infinity war as peter was turning to dust ( technically dying ) he apologized to tony ? yeah that shit hurt lmao

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peter : [literally gets shot at] that wasn’t very nice, you could have hit me 

also peter : mr stark can you please order for me it’s scary

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peter : most people eat saltines to combat nausea. 

peter : i eat them until i’m nauseous. get on my level. 

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peter : be gay , do crime

tony : [crosses his arms over his chest]

peter , pouting : ugh , such a buzzkill

peter : be gay , don’t do crime

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

tony : ah shit

peter : watch your fucking language mr. stark

tony :

peter :

peter : i’m so sorry it was just a joke please don’t ground me

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some random bad guy : i’m gonna come after you , spider-man ! this isn’t the last you’ll see of me !! i’ll make your life hell !

peter : i’d like to see you mcfuckin’ try

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

ned, softly : pete, what’re you doing?

peter : [holding up a saltine] eatin’ crackers

ned : buddy, it’s two am and you’re on the ceiling eating crackers? 

peter : [crunching] mhm

[marvel-but-its-incorrect]

matt : i’m fine , it’s not that bad

peter , mocking : i’m fine , it’s not that bad , he says , like a lying liar who lies