it's gone. all of it.

“ so come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in never neverland !! ”

[pexerpan]

darling wendy.

      ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  WENDY WAS WELL well aware of the fact peter didn’t like surprise hugs ( or any type of hug, really ) but he had received quite a few over the years from her – ‘cause it wasn’t a secret the girl’s pretty straight forward when it comes to her emotions, especially her affectionate impulses. perhaps he’d even grown used to that already and accepted the fact that, being friends with wendy darling meant sitting through brief yet enthusiastic and always very warm hugs. a smile tugged at her lips, pulling them up in a sweet smile when he hugged her back, his grip growing a little tighter. it made her squeeze her eyes shut as she inhaled deeply and enjoyed being so close to him for a little while. she had missed this – his boyish smell and soft sweatshirt against her skin, his strong arms wrapped around her small body, his nose nuzzled away in her wavy locks. it felt like coming home…

     with her eyes still fixed on his, wendy sighed silently, only to have her lips curve up when she noticed the hint of a smile ghost across his features. “ well, maybe you’re wrong. “, she dared saying – the leader of the lost boys was rarely ever wrong. and if he were, then no one would have the spine to tell him, right ?he was the leader after all. but something made her feel a little daring… so as the words fell from her lips, one of her eyebrows arched up and a petite smile grew on her lips. “ i mean, nothing’s impossible right ? maybe no one has written an adventurous fairytale yet but… that doesn’t mean it’s not possible to write one. “, she reasoned, lifting her shoulders. maybe it could be her next project… only so she could proof him it could be a thing.

      hearing him say he didn’t want her to think too highly of him, the girl sighed once again and shook her head. “ no… i think it’s already too late for that. “, wendy replied, smiling softly as she kept her gaze fixed on his shirt. “ i think you’re peter pan. and that’s an expectation i know you’ll always live up to. “, she smirked. she knew she wasn’t thinking too highly – she was merely thinking high enough, if that’s even a thing. “ and that’s all i want you to be, as well. “, and with that she looked back up at him, a small yet reassuring smile on her features.

       his smile made one of her own grow on her lips and she nodded when he let out an ‘ okay ‘, her heart racing by now. with peter pan, one could never know what to expect. but that didn’t take away she had a fierce hope deep inside of her, one she mentally scolded herself for having. the last thing she wanted was to set herself up for disappointment… she was too busy looking up at his face to notice the hint of hesitation in his actions before he finally lifted his hand to let his fingers push away her brunette locks, tips grazing her skin which made her breath hitch in her throat. as she let her teeth sink into her lower lip, wendy brought her hands to the sides of his shirt, finding herself something to hold on to. never once did she take her eyes away from his – something was lingering in the air, a small tension which had built up in the silence, sprouting from the shrinking space in between their bodies.

        the second he started leaning in, wendy tightened her grip on the fabric of his shirt a little, before lifting herself up on her tiptoes ever so slowly. her eyes wandered from is eyes down to his lips and back up before she cautiously closed them – with her breath stuck in her throat, she waited. never had she dared to dream he would do this, at last, but when she felt his lips brush against hers, she froze on the spot. as if she were afraid that any sudden movements would scare him off… this all seemed too good to be true. but when his lips fully found hers, wendy couldn’t help but smile. you would expect a thousand thoughts to run through her mind when she finally received the one thing she had been thinking about for so long, but to be quit frank, her mind went completely blank. all she could think about was peter. they way his hands felt against her skin, and his lips were so soft against hers. it made goosebumps spread across every part of her body and without thinking too much, she brought one of her hands up to let it rest on his chest as she kissed him back – saying she heard fireworks would be a cliché even wendy darling would refrain from using. but the truth was that, even though it wasn’t her first kiss, it was the first important one – the first m e a n i n g f u l one. the one that she had written about so many times before. and for a second, she wondered whether she was dreaming…

                  " Did you just... say i am wrong? " however much doubt peter had had a mere moment ago, the big majority of it was suddenly washed away and replaced by a sceptical frown which now graced his features. he was peter pan, after all. reflexively his back straightened into his three times taller role of the leader, his head tilting to look down at her — and he looked serious, oh so serious, for the split second before a mischievous smirk started stretching across his lips. there weren't a lot of people who would dare to tell him he did something wrong ( as proven time and time again with the lost lost ), and there were even less who would dare say it with such self-assured appearance and manner. “ unbelievable, “ he quipped, his tone far too serious to not be a joke considering it was coming from the boy who didn’t want to grow up. “ but you are the author. “ and she’d made neverland real once, peter – though sceptical of whether he wanted her to – knew she could write such story to be real too.

                  Peter had to smile at her words, because they carried such warmth and kindness he had no doubt that she didn’t mean them entirely — which just so happened to be the reason he was worried she might find herself looking at him and realising that he wasn’t the same peter pan she’d met when they were merely twelve years old. he wasn’t even the same peter pan who had asked her to leave with him soon to be a year ago. he would never be able to tell her about the months he'd been gone, about the truth of what happened — not that that was a new realisation to him. he nodded slowly until she lifted her eyes to look at him again, and he forced himself to snap out of his dull thoughts to focus his attention on her instead.

                  The way her fingers curled into the thin fabric of his sweatshirt and she leaned into him, balancing on her tip toes to get closer to him — he was awfully aware of it, and in all honesty? he didn’t hate it. he had always thought he would hate it with a burning passion like he hated adults and hook and rules which didn’t make any sense to him ( which were all of them, except the ones he himself created ), and where it may still be a stretch to say he liked it; liked it in a way which extinguished all limits he had when it came to affection, he managed to push the nagging thoughts into the back of his mind — because her skin was warm against his, so delicate and soft compared to his hands roughened by all his climbing, and there was such gentleness to her motions; a patience he wasn’t used to be faced with, which planted a whole nother kind of warmth in his heart. for as long as he could remember he’d been convinced he knew of all the kinds of joy a person could feel, because he was peter pan and for the longest time it was the only emotion he was known to be feeling to — but this one, right now, was an unfamiliar one.

               Reflexively, peter took a step forward to close whatever distance was left and trap the happy feeling between them. his lips didn’t leave hers as he did so, moving against hers in a gentle and still cautious manner — the impatient and affection-hating peter pan actually slowing down for once as he kissed his little bird for the first time. as her hand came to rest on his chest, he lowered one of his own hands to place it on top of her. he wanted to push it away from him for she could undoubtedly feel the beating of his heart, pounding almost painfully fast against his chest. instead however, his fingers wrapped gently around hers, pressing her palm even to lay flat against his chest, because he just needed her to know what she meant to him, that there were things only his little bird could do to his heart.

                 Peter pulled back, not a lot, just enough to be able to look at her again as though he genuinely still wondered whether he’d finally been clear enough and she understood him now. 

[pexerpan]

hello friends !! so, because someone already kicked me out of the ooc blog for reasons, let me post my last ooc post here: i have decided to leave carthay, and i would just like to say what a joy it has been to play peter pan in this group. over the past six or seven months everyone who auditioned here has always been so nice and welcoming, and even if we haven’t interacted there’s honestly a chance i silently read your threads, because some of you guys are the best writers i’ve ever had the pleasure to see on my dash, and i am low-key sad that i didn’t get to roleplay with all of you in the time i spent here. it’s been a true joy to interact with you, to see your characters develop and just be a part of such warm and friendly community of members. i could keep rambling forever, try to explain my decision and shoutout every last person whose talent i have admired so much, but let’s not do that — i wish all members nothing but the best in future !! maybe this peter pan will end up at your window again, but for now we’re off to neverland :)

[pexerpan]

wendy‌ darling.

        ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  WHILE IT WAS no secret at all that peter pan had a distaste for romance, the eldest darling couldn’t help but wish that ( very deep down ) there would be a part of him which was curious just like her. but she realised it was naive to hope for something as silly like that. yet telling her heart that was basically an impossible task. she was a born romantic – if only she could give a little of that to peter. but that would just be too easy, wouldn’t it ?

      hearing him speak up again made the brunette look up, her teeth nibbling at the inside of her cheek as she felt one corner of her lips curl up a tiny little bit. “ i’m sorry i had to bring it up. but you deserved to know the truth because… i didn’t want you to think i was being weird for no reason. “, she explained, her voice as soft as his own and her eyes equally gentle while rested upon his features. after getting worked up when he told her about the kiss, only to burst out into tears right in front of his eyes and then asked him to leave ( something she had never done before ), wendy wouldn’t be surprised if peter believed she was going completely nuts. 

       the second he reached for her hand and pulled her back on her feet, wendy sighed – but it wasn’t a sad sigh. not this time. it was a sigh of… relief ? hope, perhaps ? as if she needed to let go of the air before she leaned in and wrapped her arms around his torso, resting her cheek against his chest in a much needed a hug. “ i’m so sorry. “, wendy whispered under her breath. she had her eyes closed, simply enjoying the moment where it was just him and her – o n l y them, something she had missed more than she even realised. she didn’t elaborate any further, didn’t explain what exactly she was being sorry about, because the truth is that there’s a lot of things the girl is sorry about – and being a shitty friend, and a g i r l for being so emotional, surely is one of the main issues. 

        the moment peter told her when why he liked adventures so much, the brunette leaned back in order to fix her gaze on him, listening intensely. a petite smile spread on her lips, and when he placed her hand on his chest, wendy let her eyes follow it. inhaling deeply but quietly, she nodded slowly as she understood. “ adventures are great. “, she replied and she meant it. looking how her fingers curled on his chest just a little bit, grazing the soft fabric of his sweatshirt, wendy couldn’t help but smile a little further. “ but i think… i think there’s so many adventures neither of us have been on yet. so many still waiting for us. “, wendy whispered, a careful glimmer reappearing in her eyes as she looked back up at him. “ who says a fairytale cannot be an adventure ? “, for wendy had heard love may just be one of the greatest adventures of all. but she knew she couldn’t tell him that…

         shaking her head when he told her once again how he wasn’t a fairytale, wendy fought the urge to avert her gaze again. his eyes had finally searched for her, she wasn’t going to break that until it was completely necessary. “ i don’t want you to. “, she whispered, a sweet smile growing on her lips. however once she noticed his eyes drift over to her lips momentarily after he asked her whether she wanted him to s h o w her what he could be, wendy’s heartbeat sped up immediately. “ i erm… “, she muttered, unsure of what he was hinting at… but she was curious. and he was peter pan. “ yes. “, wendy eventually whispered, nodding slowly as she smiled reassuringly at him. “ please show me. “, which sounded less of a plea and more of a desire to be taken away – like the night he asked her whether she wanted to learn how to fly. the only difference to that night was how fast her heart was beating…

              It would be a lie to say the hug didn’t come as a surprise to him, and although he’d just reminded himself, took pride in himself too because he’d gotten so much better in handling affection, it took him that extra moment – the infamous peter pan pause, one might say, though he only voluntarily used it to dramatise his speeches – until his arms lifted to wrap around her as well. he wanted to say ‘ you don’t need to apologise ‘ because he was convinced that she didn’t, and he was tempted to pull away, to let his chuckling push her away from him so he could ask her with amusement in his voice whether there hadn’t been enough apologies today already, but he didn’t. instead, his hold tightened a little more, his arms flexing around her waist as he pulled her closer. she stood in such contrast to the unbudging cold window, to the hollowness of places which used to be filled to the brim with his lost boys’ energy and the loss of neverland. it was soothing, and he lingered for a moment or two before he dared to disturb the peace.

              Watching her reaction intently, he could see a spark beginning to grow in her eyes — a thought quite clearly, and though he didn’t know what kind it was, the shimmer caused a smile to dance over his lips nonetheless. " i say so. “ he breathed out something that resembled a laugh. usually, peter pan ( driven by his friends’ infinite support and a rather blind loyalty ) believed his words to be law, but for once you could hear something unfamiliar hidden within the small chuckle and if peter hadn’t succeeded to make you believe he was incapable of such, you might even realise it was doubt. “ i have never heard of an adventurous fairytale in my life. “ let alone one which was a little messy, which started with a twelve year old trespassing and the same boy just a couple of years later abandoning everything and everyone with their now all the more damaged hearts over night. “ i don’t– ” and this had to be a premiere in peter’s by arrogance and cockiness steered life, “ –want you to think... too highly of me. “ because he really wasn’t, or was convinced he wasn’t at least, the typical fairytale character and honestly, he didn’t want to disappoint her.

               ‘ Yes. ‘ in the moment her agreement left her lips, peter could feel both his heart lifting with relief because he’d been hoping she would not say no to him, and simultaneously it started speeding up in something eerily similar to panic because apparently he hadn’t planned as far as her saying yes either — or rather, he did and he knew what he wanted to do, but just then his mind started having that same old discussion with the rest of his body and he could feel the unpleasant shiver tingling down his spine which had always managed to make him step away from these situations. his eyes found hers again as though searching for help or maybe his train of thoughts was solely drawn back in by her when she spoke once more. 

               Peter had to smile. she reminded him so much of the night they’d met right then, when he’d asked for her name and she had for some reason given him four instead. he had looked at her so sceptical back then, taking his time to decide ‘ wendy is enough ‘ because you didn’t really need second and third and surnames in neverland and he already knew by then that he would bring her there. when she looked at him like that, with the kind of longing for more than dull reality could give you ( the kind he’d always and would always feel ), it was tough not to promise her the world and find his way around the impossible to make it real. “ okay, “ he whispered the word solely to buy himself some extra time, to remind his heart it wasn’t his first, not even the second and really just a kiss — but those were just adult lies his childish heart refused to accept for it knew better. it was the one that mattered.

             The muscles in his arm twitched – visibly, even through the fabric of his sweater – as though he’d wanted to lift his hands but decided different all of a sudden. peter took a deep breath, his fingers curling into his palms before stretching out again in hopes it would somehow shake the strange feeling out of them. it didn’t, of course, and the unafraid leader of the lost boys had to gather all his bravery, all his stubbornness too to lift his hands nonetheless. his fingers, strangely trembling, reached her neck — one hand all too gently pushing her chocolate curls over her shoulder, his heart smiling at the sight of her necklace and his fingers now dancing alongside it. the other hand had trailed his fingertips against her skin like it had last time too, fighting his instincts which were still trying to convince him to get out of this situation, until he finally dared to close the safety net of a gap between his hand and her skin. 

              It was weird, an unfamiliar gesture sending an unfamiliar feeling through his veins — or was it? the light-heartedness, the smile which wanted to surface not for her to see but solely beause he wanted to smile, the sped-up beating of his heart; it reminded him of something. peter leaned closer, his eyes, admiration shining within them, wandered over her facial features until he closed them entirely to concentrate on her, to let his little bird steal away his mind and fill the crevices in his heart which burried his complete distaste for affection. he wasn’t quite sure whether she had moved closer or he himself had, but the bridge of his nose was gracing her skin and he had the feeling – something he just had to test out too with his childish curiosity – that he could tilt his head in a way for his lips to brush ever so lightly against hers — and they did; just barely but he could feel the sofness of her bottom lip against his own still. peter’s heart jumped ( or flew a double salto as he’d like to call it ), and at last he couldn’t help the smile because it was quite silly: it wasn’t even a kiss yet and it was better than any of the kisses he’d had, anyway. led by the same childish delight which had taken her away with him all the many years ago, he for once didn’t hesitate as he crossed the little distance that was seperating them and let his lips connect with hers for a real kiss. 

             Maybe, just maybe, reality wasn’t quite as dull as he’d made it to be before.

[pexerpan]

wendy‌ darling.

         ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  KEEPING HER EYES fixed on him, wendy couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his mind. it’s a curiosity she’d always had around him, because even though not exactly being introverted, peter pan sure wasn’t an open book either. and while she’d always respected the fact that she simply wouldn’t know what he was thinking and made peace with it, right now, she wished she knew at least s o m e t h i n g. was he sad to hear that ? happy ? disappointed ? surprised ? why didn’t he reply ? had she said something wrong ? so many thoughts and so many emotions went through her as she gazed up at him, wonder clear in her eyes. 

     when he asked her what m o r e she wanted, the girl sighed loudly and shook her head. once again, she turned her eyes away from him. how could she explain to him that she wanted… him to l i k e her, the same way she liked him, while he has made clear countless times that he doesn’t do liking, or loving, or romance, or f e e l i n g s or any of the sorts. how could she explain him that she wanted from him the one thing he hated nearly as much as adults or hook ? if her tears hadn’t scared him away yet, then a confession this size sure would. hearing him ask ‘ a fairytale ‘, wendy bit on her lower lip as she nodded almost invisibly. “ yeah… “, she whispered, shame clear in her voice… because she knew what he was thinking. she was crazy. how could she expect or desire something like this. and when he reminded her that a fairytale isn’t h i m, her teeth sunk into her lip a little deeper and she had to fight back a sob which she could feel growing in the back of her throat, making her eyes sting and swallowing harder than ever before. “ i know. “.

     not looking up from her hands as he walked over towards her book shelf, wendy could only guess what he was going to tell her next. ‘ wendy, we’re just friends. ‘, ‘ wendy, it’s tink, and it’ll always be tink. ‘, so many options passed by in the blink of an eye, each one more likely than the next. however when he spoke up again, the brunette finally lifted her gaze. as he explained what she meant to him in his own way – by using a metaphor, and for once one she actually understood – she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to frown or smile. “ with me ? “, she asked quietly, pointing at herself as finally, the frown won the battle and appeared on her forehead. for another second she thought about it, biting on her lip before a petite smile grew on her features. “ my book… would start when i met you, as well. “, wendy then replied. and as she thought about it, she knew it was the truth. peter was probably the best thing that had happened to her in her young life. no matter how cliché it may be. her life wouldn’t be the same without him – and it definitely would be for the worse. 

             then, when he reminded her she was h i s little bird, her smile grew a little wider and she walked over to where he was standing. reaching for his hand and opening it again, she now placed the thimble in it before closing her fingers around it, her hands both wrapped around his fist. “ i s t i l l am your little bird, peter. no matter what will happen… there is nothing in this world that will change that. “, she told him, her voice nothing more than a whisper. “ you will never lose me. only if you’d want to. “.

               Her agreement, although he already knew that a wendy darling would want nothing but the perfect fairytale, tugged at peter’s heartstrings, and all the worse, he couldn’t even deny that it would be a nice story. in all the romantic stories he’d heard ( involuntarily, by the way ), one where friends turned into ‘ more ‘, where being ‘ more ‘ suddenly came easy to the both of them because ‘ more ‘ always fixed everything, it’d fit right in — but he didn’t. his book had always been an adventurous one, you couldn’t just switch the genre right in the middle, could you? that wouldn’t make any sense at all, but then again, it didn’t make any sense to him either why she would want a fairytale with him.

              Peter glanced over at wendy, his eyes narrowing at the defeated expression painted across her face. “ hey. “ his voice was soft, softer perhaps than it had ever been, “ don’t. “ it was nothing to be ashamed of, not with him anyway when he believed in fairies and mermaids and entire places which existed nowhere but inside his head. he solely had never believed in the stories which claimed love was the strongest weapon — why would he if he was able to imagine pirates instead, sailing on a flying ship and fighting with real weapon against the ticking of time? why would he if love had never done him any favours? if he’d hardly ever felt it before? his gaze had wandered to her lips, noticing immediately that she seemed to bite into it as though she tried to shut herself from explaining further. 

              “ Come here. “ it wasn’t more than a whisper under his breath, his decision an impulsive one sparked by a flash of bravery perhaps or the mere fact that he couldn’t see her hurting. he’d moved towards her as he spoke, his hands reaching towards her free one to help her onto her feet — and even when she stood in front of him, he didn’t let go immediately again. he didn’t have the urge to either, not anymore at least. wendy hadn’t met the child ready to swat anyone who wanted to take a hold of his hand and peter was rather convinced it’d never come up in a conversation with the lost boys either. instead, she’d met the kid refusing to accept, let alone give hugs, and worked herself around his stubborn mind to teach him they weren’t all that bad. in retrospect, he couldn’t really blame her for misunderstanding his kiss with tink either. who would’ve believed that child and that kid would ever turn into a boy willing to kiss anyone? 

            “ Do you know why i always liked adventures better than anything? “ he asked, a rhetorical question quite clearly as he hardly left her any time to respond. “ because you never really know what happens. “ where they would take you to or what they’d do to you. “ they’re exciting. “ and he lifted their hands, letting go of hers to wrap his fingers around her wrist instead and guide her to lay her palm against his chest where his heart was undoubtedly racing. “ they make you feel the beating of your heart in your entire body. they give you that lightness in your heart, the one that makes you certain you ought to be able to fly. “ he’d wanted to be a bird for as long as he could remember; to be free and able to fly wherever you wanted, and though it had shifted meaning ( as many things did the more he grew up ) peter was still hoping for that kind of happiness. the one his little bird, more than anyone, was giving him.

            Finally, peter looked up to meet his gaze with hers again. “ i don’t want to lose you. “ within all the confusion, that was something he always knew — knew more certain than ever after he’d found her closed window. “ but... i’ve never been a fairytale, wendy. “ the reason he liked adventures so much because he himself was one, because even a fairytale with all its romance was an adventure into thus far truly undiscovered territory. “ and i get if you want one. “ because who was he to stomp onto someone’s dreams? “ but if– you know, you– “ –wanted him? no, that sounded horrible. peter would never be able to say that. –wanted an adventure? that was more like it, but it was less comprehensible too. “ –want me to... show you... what i could be..? “ he didn’t know why he said that, maybe it was morph ghosting through his head reminding him that actions could speak for him too if he didn’t know how to say something, or maybe his gaze had just briefly fallen to her lips again.

[pexerpan]

wendy‌ darling.

          ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  WHEN PETER SAID he couldn’t keep it, wendy didn’t even try to hide the frown which caused deep wrinkles to appear on her forehead. “ what ? “, she asked, the word falling from her lips in a dumbfounded manner, rather than a rude one. shaking her head slowly as she leaned back a little, her eyes still fixed on the thimble which was dangling in the air. it was h i s. why didn’t he want to have it anymore ? “ i… i don’t get it, peter… it’s yours. i don’t… i don’t want anyone else to have it. “, she mumbled, finally looking back up at her friend. 

      when he explained he didn’t want it to lose its meaning, a sigh fell from wendy’s lips. she didn’t get it – a g a i n. “ why would it lose its meaning ? “, the girl asked, her voice soft and patient as she kept her eyes focused on him. she didn’t mean to stare so intensely at him – not at all. but she simply… didn’t… understand. none of this seemed to make much sense to her anymore. how could things have gotten so wrong; so d i f f e r e n t ? they used to be on the same wavelength, get each other beyond words – a single look had always been enough for them to know what was going on behind their faces. and maybe she never really knew w h a t was going on in his mind ( who does, right ? ) but she felt like she understood him. but perhaps that was all part of her ridiculous fairy tale as well – it made her wonder what was really there, and what wasn’t. 

     “ the meaning will never change, peter. at least, not to me. just because… i w o n d e r… and feel deep down that i want something m o r e… that doesn’t mean that kiss is any less special, or meaningful. “, wendy then said, her voice barely any louder than a whisper. it hurt, believing it would ever lose its meaning – that he would ever lose meaning to her. “ it will always be the most important, special kiss i ever gave. even though i have barely given any yet. i k n o w it will always be the most special one. “, she could look up at him. because she didn’t want him to see the hurt and desperation in her eyes once again. so until she was certain a neutral look lingered in her eyes, the brunette kept her gaze firmly fixed on her tugged in hands. 

             a neutral look had been nothing more than wishful thinking, though, because when he spoke up again asking her what she thought s h e meant to him wendy looked dumbfounded – a g a i n. “ m… m e ? “, she asked silently, unsure of what else to say. what did she mean to him ? wasn’t that question what got them in this situation in the first place ? she didn’t know. she thought she knew but now she is completely and utterly clueless and confused. “ i don’t know. “, the brunette then said, a heavy sigh falling from her lips. “ i don’t know, peter and that’s… that’s the problem, isn’t it ? i guess i just… am very confused, lately, and i don’t know… i don’t know w h a t i mean to you or anyone, anymore. i’m not even sure i ever did, to be honest. everything is just so confusing. “, she rambled, shaking her head. she didn’t want to talk to him about all of this because she knew he wouldn’t appreciate it – she knew he would get scared of or overwhelmed and run away. and she didn’t want him to run away – not anymore. not without h e r, at least.. but he asked… 

             shaking her head once again in confusion, wendy couldn’t help but smile ( skeptically, perhaps ). “ you checked ? wh – when ? i didn’t lock it… “, she said softly, still shaking her head. racking her brain as he mentioned it being locked once again, the brunette stumbled back again, dropping down on her bed. and that’s when it hit her – looking back up at peter, she sighed loudly before explaining: “ my dad… he closed it, the other night… it was open and we were about to leave for a party… we were in a rush, i didn’t… know… he had been in my room. but when i returned home… peter, i immediately opened it again. “, he reassuring looking her eyes. “ no matter w h a t is going on, peter, i will never lock you out. i promise. “, she whispered.

              Peter didn’t respond immediately. he wasn’t just speechless anymore, no longer struggling with phrasing all the things he didn’t know how to say — right now, he didn’t know what to say instead. he didn’t know what he had expected or that he had expected anything really, but if he allowed himself some wishful thinking, this should’ve all been easier. it could be easy too if only the truth why he didn’t want the thimble to lose its meaning, if the reason he called her his little bird and if the answer to what she meant to him was all the same: that she was just his second best friend, the sister to his right hand man and the author to the novels which narrated his life’s greatest adventures, but she wasn’t. not anymore, at least.

            “ But what– “ he rubbed his hands over his face, forcing some controlled expression onto it which hopefully wasn’t showing the daze he was feeling. he’d balanced along so many abysses in his life but he’d never quite felt such vertigo. “ i mean, what is ‘ more ‘?  “ although, everything inside of him wanted him to look away, to keep his entire back turned towards her, peter used his own stubbornness for once to force himself to meet her gaze. she needed to know that he meant it, that she – despite the years which had taught her different, despite all the times he’d frowned upon emotions and was the first to pull faces at anything romantic – could tell him. “ a fairytale..? “ the word had haunted his mind ever since their last conversation and he meant it still, he wanted her to believe in them, but the longer he’d had the time to think about it the clearer the only conclusion had become. “ that – that’s not me, “ he smiled, though only weakly because he wished that he could fulfill that dream of her too but even peter pan’s magic seemed to have an end. “ and i know — believing moves mountains. “ after all, that was something he’d always preached; that you could do anything and everything could come true. “ but that’s a... massive mountain for me to move. “ and he wanted to say, if anyone could do it it was him, but truth be told, peter didn’t know if he was able to. especially on his own.

               A long sigh left his lips then, before he almost laughed but only almost — it was ironic, wasn’t it? he was the one who had left and who seemed to have left all meaning behind too, whether it was the one his friends had for him or he had for them, and she was the one who had chosen to stay and yet she found herself in the same debacle. however, there was one big difference, wasn’t there? because she had told him what she was feeling and whether or not it was confusing him, because he was him, he at least knew ( kinda, anyway ) where he was standing with one person; with her. peter’s eyes began to wander, his mind obviously working to try and find a way of explaining what she meant to him without running himself into a wall. 

               " You’re where my book starts, “ he said under his breath, his gaze having found her book shelf. a small smile flashed over his lips and his eyes, a spark of amused mischief within them, switched to look at her. “ literally. “ because she was the one who started writing his stories, who saw more in him than the silly child which didn’t want to grow up. “ but if someone else wrote it, “ he added, “ they’d not start the day i met tink or the day i named the lost boys. they would... start with you. “ and admittedly, he didn’t know exactly what it meant but he knew she meant so much more to him than she thought herself to, that without her he’d have never become the person he was right now. instead, he’d have a group of lost boys led by someone who shunned all emotions which weren’t selfish fun, and their names would most likely be tied to even more mischief than they already were, because peter pan refused to grow up and he had no reason to.

             “ You’re my little bird, “ he mumbled, suddenly a little sheepish, “ i don’t want to keep something if it reminds me of someone i lost. “ which was why you would never know he had been friends with hook unless you had been there, which was why it was so easy to believe he had no parents at all because he didn’t even keep the only thing they left for him, which also was why he couldn’t keep the thimble if he was going to lose her.

[allthingsmusings]

♛ fill in about the muse.

[pexerpan]

kitchen.

What is the character’s favourite food? — peanut butter pancakes with strawberries. How good / bad are they at cooking? — average. he can cook good enough to survive living on his own and to have his friends come over even if it’s said they’ll have to eat his food. Do they leave the dishes out? — no. he uses as little of dishes as possible and cleans them rather quickly. he’s often leaving the house spontanously and for who knows how long, so he’s learned the lesson not to keep dishes out the hard way. What kind of food is in their refrigerator? — surprisingly, fresh fruit and vegetables. he likes to have food you can simply grab and eat on the go rather than having to prepare it. Do they cook, eat out or get take-away/delivered food more? — he does a mixture or everything, depending on where he is right now and what the easiest solution is.

living room.

How does the character spend weekends? — outside, always outside. he goes on adventures, takes his friends on adventures or finds someone else to talk too for he has far too much energy to just stay inside. What kind of movies does the character watch? — the ones his friends make him watch. What do they do with friends? — adventures !! What’s their favorite pastime? — adventures with wendy !!  What’s their favorite TV show / Film? — peter doesn’t care about series, but his favourite film is ‘ into the wild ‘.

bathroom.

How does the character prepare in the morning? — he gets up, eats breakfast and brushes his teeth, then is outside immediately to watch the sunrise. Do they sing in the shower? — no. What kind of hair product / make-up do they use? — shampoo. How clean is this character? — he’s not afraid to get messy, let’s say it like that. he starts clean in the morning but if you’re out on adventures all day, you might just end up with dirt on your clothe and twigs in your hair. Does the character have thousands of shampoo / shower gel bottles by the shower, or do they use only the bare essentials? — definitely no more than bare essentials.

bedroom.

How do they sleep? ( Position, sleeping habits, bedtime routines ) — after a day filled of adventures, he basically drops exhausted into his bed and sleeps sprawled out on the matress, the blanket kicked off his body or entirely of the bed. he doesn’t need a lot of sleep either, alway waking up early and going to bed late. What are their pajamas like? — he’s the habit of going to bed in boxer briefs cause he’ll just throw all his clothes away instead of changing or he’ll just sleep in the clothe he’s worn that day What do they dream about usually? — for a dreamer, peter pan doesn’t actually have a lot of dreams. normally, his eyes literally fall closed the moment he lays down, falls into a deep sleepp and wakes a couple of hours later. he sometimes does have nightmares though. How neat / tidy are they? — to be honest, his place looks rather tidy because he doesn’t own a lot of things. however, he isn’t the tidiest. he drops things where he doesn’t need them anymore. How affectionate are they? — he withdraws from affection and isn’t exactly known for giving it either, but he’s getting better one small step at a time. 

attic.

What is the character afraid of? — nothing.  How do they deal with bad memories? — repress them, forget them or re-imagine them in his head to make them a less bad memory. What is this character’s role in a horror movie? — the annoying arrogant one you hope will die early on, but the longer the movie goes on you actually start to like him and want him to survive.  How do they hide their secrets? — stubbornly and rather perfectly. 

[pexerpan]

john darling.

John knew that Peter was never the kind of friend to be open about the things that were bothering him– at least not around the rest of the Lost Boys. They always saw him as their fearless leader, the boy with all of the inventive ideas and schemes. In fact, John struggled to recall any instances in their friendship over the years where he had seen the redhead truly be vulnerable. So when he said that Wendy told him that he had managed to keep the Lost Boys together– or at least that’s how John read the situation– he couldn’t help the warm smile spreading across his lips. “It was the least I could do while you were in Neverland,” he replied, attempting to brush off his efforts to keep the all of the boys together as something that was simple. In truth, it was a lot more difficult than John had anticipated, but he would do it all again if it meant keeping their little group together. “Well, Slightly tried keeping everything running smoothly for a while on his own,” John admitted, because the last thing he wanted to do was make it seem like he was trying to take the position of their leader away from Peter. As much as he had enjoyed it, John knew better than that. “Eventually, he needed some help… I just did what I had to do to to keep everyone together,” he said, firm in his belief that what he had done was out of his dedication to the Lost Boys, not a form of defiance or rebellion against Peter.

                Peter watched his knee jumping up and down, focusing on the rhythm his leg was wobbling in rather than the wide smile spreading over john’s lips. " you could've done nothing too, " he pointed out. it had taken himself long enough to realise that john in fact had had the choice to step in or step away and while peter had trusted him to – and rightfully so, quite clearly – it had been his wishful thinking and his expecting mindset which had him in a way take it for granted. peter didn't know if wendy knew that when she'd suggested his right hand — no !! his best friend, deserved at least a pat on the back for that. peter looked up, an eyebrow raising curiously when the second in command was mentioned. it didn’t quite surprise him to hear slightly had, well, been slightly and stepped up as a second in command would when their leader left, that he realised he was much more experienced by second than leading too. “ does that mean i’ve to have this conversation with him too? “ he wondered. it was a bit of a joke, of course, the question followed by a chuckle and a glance in john’s direction which added a level of seriousness to the question; just to make sure whether he was right on that one. “ neither of you ‘ had to ‘ do anything to keep the boys together. “ it had always been peter’s job, the job he wanted to have to and proven by the behaviour of some of the boys the job he’d failed altogether too. “ i owe you. “ and peter paused, his hands moving around as though he needed to sort the thought fragments of what he wanted to say in a proper sentence first. “ for more than just you being here when i... wasn’t. kinda– you know, kinda for being–  “ for being john, to be frank, but peter felt that was going to be confusing again. “ –a reason, partially anyway, why i left. “ now, that sounded wrong too. “ why i could leave. why i felt fine to leave. “ 

[pexerpan]

wendy‌ darling.

      ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  HER SMILE GREW a tad bit wider as soon as her eyes caught the one making peter’s lips curve upwards. it had been a while since genuine smiles had been exchanged between the two of them. the circumstances they had found themselves a part of the last couple of times weren’t exactly suiting for giggles and laughs, something which was miles apart from what the air used to be like between them. and it was right then and there, in that moment, when her eyes found his momentarily and smiles were plastered across both their faces, that wendy knew she missed him. she missed their friendship, their adventures. t h e m. 

       when peter remarked that nibs and slightly and tootles and basically every member of the lost boys ( even tinka bell, because after all she is a girl herself – and a jealous one, at that ) would understand, wendy sighed and shook her head. “ but they’re not here right now. “, she shot back, her voice incredibly soft – as if she didn’t even know whether she wished to be heard by him. perhaps he was right and it was unfair to generalize. but in this very moment, there was just him and her, standing in the middle of a room which had seen so much of them, yet so very little of what it had witnessed the last couple of months. it was as if the colours, which usually were so comforting and happy, had faded into a drab and unfamiliar set of grays and browns. her room used to be one of her favorite places to be – now, it was nothing but a reminder of the tears she’d shred, and almost always over the same boy. 

      with her fingers still wrapped around the thimble, wendy bit down on her lip, unable to take her eyes off of it. “ i don’t want to keep it. “, she then said, shaking her head as she lifted her gaze back up at him. extending her hand to him, she waited for the guy to open up his own to her once again – this time in order for her to drop the necklace back in it. “ it belongs to you. “, the brunette sighed, her lips barely curling up into a smile. she had given him the thimble once, and it was his and his alone. and it always would. 

        staying silent as he tried to explain the whole ‘ tinka ‘ situation a little longer, wendy had to fight the sigh which was urging its way closer and closer to its release. but she didn’t want to sigh, because she didn’t to seem annoyed or confused – ‘cause she was only one of those, the other she would never dare to admit to being. “ i know she is. “, the brunette replied as she nodded when peter reminded her of how tinka was his best friend. she knew how much tinka meant to him… she had always been happy he had someone who meant the world to him. “ i mean, i know what she means to you, peter. and i’m glad you have her. i’m… i’m glad you have a h o m e with her. “, the girl mumbled, and she meant every word of it. “ and i… i don’t want to be h e r. i know why tinka means so much to you. i know she’s been there long before i ever was – or anyone was, for that matter. i get it. and i think you’re so lucky to have her, and vice versa. i would… n e v e r… want to come in between you and her. “, wendy explained, her gaze finally finding his. “ never. “, she repeated once more, a petite smile finally tugging at her lips as if she wanted to reassure her she meant it. she knew her place, in a sense, and she didn’t mind it either for she’d never been the jealous type. but with the truth of him kissing her surfacing, it made tinka’s meaning to him c h a n g e. at least to her. and that’s where she got confused… 

             as the guy started to name all the different types of kisses, the girl cast her eyes down to her hands in her lap once again before thinking about every single option. some of those sounded familiar, and it subconsciously made a little smile resurface. however when he mentioned there were once that would never happen, wendy looked back up at him, the small spark of hope which had been ignited earlier fizzling out once again. inhaling once, she stood up from her bed to walk over towards her window, carefully avoiding his gaze as she stepped past him. with her arms crossed in front of her chest, she tried not to let her brain form a bunch of assumptions of what that remark m i g h t possibly mean. 

               turning around as his words started to slip up, wendy couldn’t help but  frown. “ wh – what ? “, she asked, confusion lacing her voice. the mere thought of him hurting made her feel incredibly uneasy, because he was peter pan and she cared about him. the last thing she wanted was him feeling hurt. “ i didn’t lock it, see ? “, the girl asked as she reached for the window and easily pushed it open, only to spin on her heels so she could face him again. “ i would… i would never… you know i wouldn’t… “, she said silently, shaking her head slowly. granted, she had thought about it. but in the end, she would never close her window – she would never shut him out. 

             Maybe mentioning the boys had been a mistake. because they weren’t here, and he could hear her just so, his concentration focusing on making out her words in the whisper he’d gotten and missing out entirely on the meaning. it was a fact, but was it one said as just that, said as ‘ they can’t help you now ‘ or one drenched in disappointment, because would they even want to help him if he’d apparently let go off them all? peter remained silent, not wanting to start a whole nother conversation on the lost boys when this one wasn’t about them. it wasn’t even about him leaving for neverland. all of that was yet an unopened barrel, and frankly it didn’t feel important. not right now. not when it felt like although he was here, the distance between wendy and him felt once more as though he was somewhere across the country, searching for something to fix everything and not finding it.

             His eyes followed her hand and it would be easy, so easy, to stretch out his own and meet her in the middle, but his arms didn’t lift. “ but i can’t keep it. “ although a part of him wanted to and the other scolded him for not reaching out immediately. “ i don’t want it to– to lose its meaning. “ he would rather not have it, being still convinced this was the beginning of the end, than have it and look at it one day wondering why he had ever hold onto it to begin with. he wasn’t a romantic, but the thought of falling out of love with something which used to bring you joy was a tragic one to him still. 

                Peter looked at her, finding a chance to let his eyes wander over her facial features when she looked away from him. there was a tiredness to her he hadn’t often seen on her — a blissful exhaustion was what he was used to, when the room was buzzing with the aftermath of children who’d spent their day adventuring the magical side of carthay. he was used to an angry tired too, to slammed doors and ‘ i can’t deal with your right now ‘s when tink was switched to be on angry mode again, but wendy just seemed tired. she looked a lot older now than she’d ever seemed to him. it was his cue to leave. it had always been his cue to leave, but something was holding him back. fairies, he would’ve said about a year ago. after all, these nasty little things had a way of chipping in whenever they wanted to. but it wasn’t that, and he realised it wasn’t stopping him from leaving either. it was him and it was keeping him from taking her hand and pulling her into the hug she seemed to ( and he, admittedly too ) needed.

            ‘ Why won’t you get it?! ‘ peter thought, his mind practically yelling the question at her in utter frustration because she didn’t seem to want to understand that tink could mean all that to him and still mean nothing to him as soon as it started becoming romantic — but that wasn’t the problem, was it? maybe the problem was him trying to tell her how much she meant to him by describing how dependant he was on his best friend. he was being complicated, but complicated came so much easier to him than being straight forward with this. “ what do you think do you mean to me? “ he asked. if she thought even if just for a second he figured she was trying to push tink out of the picture, if she thought she’d have a reason to push tink out of the picutre, if she didn’t understand that they’d stood on a cliff together, had jumped a cliff together and had made pancakes in her kitchen all within the past six months, who did she think she was to him? “ you might not know her any different, but tink’s not just jealous of anyone either. “

              She moved, his eyes following her until she reached the window. he expected to hear that sound again, the rattling of the window frame against the metal of the lock, but there was nothing there. instead, the window swung open with such ease it didn’t seem to make a sound at all. nothing made a sound, even his heart which had been beating vigorously a moment earlier seemed to stop as though trying to give his brain all the silence in the world to connect the dots. emotions were starting to run unfiltered across his face — confusion being the main one, of course, but there was relief too, sorrow clashing with gladness, the aching of his heart which started beating audibly in his ears again, too many emotions for him to name and most certainly too many for him to not be overwhelmed. for some ‘ messed up ‘ reason ( or so he thought ) he could feel his eyes watering. immediately, peter spun around too, turning his back to wendy and pressing the heels of his hands into them. 

           “ But i checked, “ he said, more so to himself than to her, to reassure himself that he hadn’t had a nightmare — but it was real. his muscles were still sore from the miles he’d run from her window after, his clothes stained from spending the rest of the night in the woods. “ it was closed. it was locked. “ which michael said it wouldn’t be, which should’ve perhaps made him question why it suddenly was to begin with for he didn’t think michael was a liar, but his mind had stopped thinking about michael then. “ i thought–  i thought you wanted— didn’t want— i thought you locked it. “ 

[pexerpan]

wendy darling.

    ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  WHEN HE SAID he was well aware she didn’t want to fight him, the brunette’s smile grew a tad bit wider. the banter in between them – even if just as small and simple as the comment made by him to perhaps lighten the air a little – was definitely welcome. it ignited a teeny tiny spark of hope deep down inside of her that not everything was lost for them. maybe.h o p e f u l l y. no – certainly. because no matter what, wendy didn’t want to lose peter. he meant the world to her. probably more than he even realised; more than she’d manage to put into words; possibly even more than he would be prepared to hear. and if the comment was not yet enough to reassure her, then his smile did the trick. “ i’d be destined to lose, right ? “, she asked, her voice soft yet carrying forward a hint of playfulness. just a glimmer.

       however the ( slightly ) lightened air soon felt weighing down heavy on her once again when he groaned something about not understanding girls. honestly, she could not blame him. the female species sure could be confusing – she even confused herself with her own thoughts and actions, every once in a while. and if she couldn’t make sense of her own thoughts, how could she expect peter pan to – peter pan, who didn’t even seem to understand ( or want to understand ) the basic spectrum of human emotions. “ what is it with you guys never understanding why a girl gets upset, sometimes. “, she replied, however in a silent voice – merely a mumble – her eyes fixed on her feet as she fumbled with the hem of her sleeves.

      when she noticed the chuckle falling from his lips, wendy blinked a couple times in confusion, her frown once again finding its way to her features. “ i… “, the brunette started, however she shut herself up again as she reminded herself once more that he needed time – no, he d e s e r v e d time – to figure this out at his own pace and try to actually word it. so instead of throwing a number of questions at him again, wendy exhaled before nodding, fixing her eyes on him in a reassuring and encouraging manner.

        looking up at him as he stepped closer towards her, only to extend his hand so he could drop the thimble she once gave him – their k i s s – back in the palm of her hand. looking at it as if it was the strangest object she’d ever seen, wendy bit on the inside of her cheek as she thought back at the moment she had once given him the small accessory. they had been so much younger back then, so much more innocent. naive maybe, as well, too. a kiss was a major thing to her, something she had heard her mother talk about fondly and her aunt telling her she was ready for once ( that she had one right in the corner of her mouth ). and then there was this boy, falling through her window as if it was faith. it resembled the beginning of a fairytale – and it was no secret wendy darling loved fairytales. she was all too willing to be taken away by it, to see the magic in it all. “ i know… i know this isn’t a r e a l kiss. “, she then started, her eyes not moving from the object in her hand for one second. biting her lip once again, wendy finally looked up as she wrapped her fingers around the thimble. “ but it meant the world to me, back then. it was… important and… big. “, wendy explained, the ghost of a smile making her lips curl up slightly. “ maybe i was childish or naive to make it into more than what it actually was. but… i know what it meant. what it m e a n s, still. “, hoping he would understand that none of that had changed – that she cherished the meaning behind it.

             hearing how peter said he kissed think because he needed her to know what she means to him, wendy tried so hard to understand. but to her, a kiss was inseparably connected to love and romance and liking. if he kissed her to show her what she m e a n s to him, and thek i s s needed to prove a point – then what other point could that be than him having feelings for her ? shaking her head, wendy could no longer hold back a sigh. “ not… not like that. “, she repeated, nodding, trying to understand – trying s o hard to understand. the obvious question would be ‘ then like what ? ‘. but wendy knew he would struggle answering that. so she kept it inside and averted her gaze again.

               his next remark – or at least, the beginning of it – had her look back up however. “ we didn’t… w h a t ? “, the brunette asked carefully; slowly, her eyes following his every move. why did he always have to speak so… confusingly ? it left her with even more questions. but those made place for wonder when he suddenly turned his head to gaze at her window. following his motion, the girl looked over at it as well, unsure of what exactly had caught his attention. “what’s wrong ? “.

              " Exactly. “ peter had to smile, not necessarily in an arrogant response to her admitting to his greatness ( although, he was of course going to bathe in the praise in any given moment someone questioned his fighting skills in future ), but more so in a natural response to her smile. it wasn’t quite the truth either. there were people, even if just a handful few, he was certain he wouldn’t be able to fight and she, peter was sure of it, was one of them. what sense did fighting make when even winning felt like you were losing something? 

               " That’s not fair, “ he countered, muscles in his jaw visibly tensing for a moment. he wasn’t angry ( although, if he was going to get angry with her over anything, then about her underestimating the lost boys ). he solely didn’t want to admit to the truth. “ nibs would understand, “ he muttered under his breath as though he hoped she wouldn’t hear it, “ slightly would. tootles and cubby too. even the twins, and your brothers anyway. i just– “ he didn’t have an explanation. the majority of the time he couldn’t physically explain why he himself was upset, he certainly didn’t have one for someone else’s world of emotions. maybe he really was deficient. “ i don’t. “ 

               He watched as her fingers curled around the thimble and if he knew how to phrase emotions any better, he would’ve realised the weird feeling suddenly pushing onto his chest was nostalgia, and not exactly the good kind for the last time he’d given the thimble back to her was because he left town. they, the thimble and the acorn, had always had such symbolism in their friendship and it was weird – much weirder than last time when defiance had driven his action – to give it back again, to be without it although he had no intention to leave town again right now. “ i don’t think being childishly naive or naively childish is that bad a thing, “ he pointed out, like it needed pointing out that peter pan wanted for everyone to stay young, “ the ‘ having been ‘ sounds much more tragic. “ it sounded a lot like growing up to him, like he was going to lose her. did they even have the same meaning to her as to him?

              The tone in her voice as she repeated his words told peter loud and ( unusually ) clearly that she still didn’t understand him. he had such struggles with pinpointing emotions, but confusion was one he had certainly gotten accustomed to over the past months. “ she’s my best friend, “ he murmured under his breath and there was already a sorrow hidden in his features for he feared wendy would take his words the wrong way — would feel proven in her wish to be what tink was to him, because he had friends and he had better friends and he had his best friend tinka bell who stood above them all. " i don’t– i don’t even know what it’s like to live without her. “ which had always made describing who she was to him so difficult, because he genuinely didn’t know. and wendy had to understand that, right? she knew what it was like. she had brothers, after all, and childhood friends in stable families who wouldn’t just disappear overnight. “ i had her before– before i had neverland or the lost boys or... you, and i know i’m going to have her still– “ after he lost neverland she had been there to give him a new place to go to, while he was losing hold of his lost boys she was there to hold him, and she would be there to tinker his heart if he left with an aching one today.

           Peter looked at his little bird looking at him, trying to figure out where his mind was coming from, where it was heading and wherever it had been inbetween, and he suddenly felt an overwhelming lack of energy ( for he refused to call it sadness ). peter moved backwards, further away from her, his steps only stopping when he’d reached her desk, his fingers immediately curling around the edge of it as though he was afraid of falling down. ‘ happy thoughts, ‘ he thought, ‘ you just have to think happy thoughts and you’ll be flying again. ‘ but how were you supposed to think of your happiest memories when she was asking all the wrong questions? 

          Groaning in frustration, the lost boy lifted an arm to bury his face in the crook of it, his fingers digging into his shoulder now instead of the hardwood desk top. he murmured something, words being swallowed by fabric, but you could hear that he was struggling still, everything inside him refusing to answer either of her questions — he was fun, a careless adventurer with a free heart; free of all emotions other than joy too. “ there are on top of a cliff kisses, “ he whispered suddenly and even though his heart was beating insufferably loud in his ears, the silence stretching between them was so fragile his voice, despite being quiet, shattered it with ease. “ there are– there are at the bottom of the cliff kisses a moment later. “ when your veins were pumping adrenaline and you knew that smile, that relief-filled and excited smile on the other was your favourite sight. “ and the happy ones which would annoy... a father because they happened under his roof in his kitchen. “ which wasn’t the reason they were happy ones to begin with, but admittedly would bring a mischief loving boy like peter additional fun. “ there are kisses which never happened. “ and, of course, his gaze was right back at her window, “ those which have happened. “ their first ones and the one he’d given tink. “ and all those which will never happen. “ 

           Maybe that was what was wrong – not that he had never gotten a real kiss. he had said it before and he meant it whole-heartedly still. he wanted nothing but for her to be happy — but there wasn’t even the possibility now, for anything. “ are you– “ for the first time peter understood why tink liked to wear his hoodies and sink into hiding when she felt need to. he too would’ve liked to escape right now. “ you aren’t. i know, you aren’t. “ his little bird, that was. peter shook his head, his shoulders sinking and his gaze dropping to the ground. “ i know you locked it, little bird, but– “ it didn’t make any sense to him that she would talk to him still. “ –it’s– “ she hadn’t seemed excited to see him visit but then she admitted to wanting as massive a part of his life like tink. “ –hurting. “ maybe he meant the ever growing headache throbbing against his scalp or the mere thought of having to let go.

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john darling.

It wasn’t like Peter to come to the Lost Boys without some kind of adventure up his sleeve, so John immediately knew that something was off with the redhead. “Coping?” he repeated, scrunching his brow together in concern and sitting up straighter when Peter admitted that he was merely coping. “What did she say to you?” he asked, tilting his head to the side curiously. John knew that Peter and Wendy had a… complicated relationship, to put it simply. He knew how much Wendy adored the leader of the Lost Boys, and that she was supposed to leave with him for Neverland but decided to stay behind. Still, he really had no clue what was happening with them currently, except for the fact that Wendy seemed a lot more serious as of late. Glancing back at his friend, a soft smile appeared across his lips at the sound of Peter’s sincerity. “Of course. It’s the least I could do.

           In confirmation, peter only nodded and lifted his shoulders into a non-chalant shrug as though to say that if he wasn't strictly fine, the fact that he was merely coping was. his well-being, or his coping-being he supposed, wasn't the point of conversation. he didn't want that to be the point of any conversation. " she said – " peter paused, searching his brain for the exact words she had used, because stealing hers was so much easier than finding a way to phrase it himself — but he just couldn't find them in the depths of his brain. " – said something about you being... good..? " loyal, and the one peter actually owed quite a lot to. " doesn't matter what she said exactly, but she meant that i wouldn't have come home to this if it wasn't for you. " which sounded a lot more like a blame than he'd have liked it to considering how messy the situation with the lost boys seemed to be. he should've corrected himself or rather spoken clearer, but there was something else that felt needed fixing even more. " not that i came home, " he chuckled, turning his head a little to catch a glimpse outside ( not to avoid john looking at him, of course ), " after all, i came from neverland. " which was still an untruth he was going to keep up. " but she talked about you taking my place while i was gone. made me... think. you'd think those were shoes no one would dare stepping in. "

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john darling‌.

“No adventures? Are you alright?” asked John, his eyes widening in surprise. Over the years that they had been friends, Peter only really crept through his window when he wanted to go exploring, filled with wild plans for them to adhere to as they roamed through Carthay late at night. The sincerity in the redhead’s voice caught John’s attention though, nodding at his request. “Yeah, sure– you can always talk to me,” he promised. “I think Michael’s in his room, but everyone else is out. You okay?” he asked, sitting up straighter at the foot of his bed.

            Peter had to laugh, nodding his head in an immediate response, because in all honesty, it was nice to be asked whether he was fine based on his lack of adventures rather than by friends who thought he was acting off — sad, some might even say. “ yeah, “ he nodded, “ i’m – “ oddly, the word ‘ fine ‘ didn’t feel right, albeit or maybe because peter felt as though he was talking to the one person who would believe him. “ – coping. “ the leader crossed his legs underneath him, his hands wrapping around his ankles to keep them in place and not lose his balance. “ i talked to wendy. “ and unimportant to the story, ( although the cause of all this ) he had had a lot of time on his hands after she had stopped talking to him to be thinking. “ she said something smart. unsurprisingly. “ what was surprising was that peter hadn’t just listened, but actually understood. he had been staring off until then, frowning as he ordered his thoughts into coherent sentences, but he looked up now to meet his friend’s gaze. “  thank you, john. “ 

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thumper.

When Tae was little, he would climb up the rafters and balance his way across the top beams to reach the access to the roof. Back then, it was easier in many ways. He was always a small kid so he could walk the beams without hitting his head, and skinny which allowed him to squeeze around the cross beams with a lot of ease. Kid Tae also had no worries. Nothing to destroy his innocent vision of the world, just an adventure and a pending victory. Of course that changed a lot with Bambi and his mother, but he didn’t want to fall into that thought tonight. 

Climbing up the barn at this age took sheer strength. The access was impossible to get too without hulling his ass up the middle, and so he had to situate a few objects under the lowest point to get enough height to grab it and pull himself into a full climb to the top. Being strong was a perk of dancing and his performing on stage, so it wasn’t difficult as much as tiring. Flipping up the roof access and clambering onto the shingles was worth it though. Out here, away from the lights, the sky was ridiculously dark and sparkled with the universe. 

He laid back and situated himself on the angle to better watch without hurting his neck. Soreness burned up his back and shoulders from the pull ups, and yet it was impossible to not relax somewhere so quiet and peaceful. He pulled out his phone, Ttaelim never wanting to be alone for too long.

[outgoing ->> Peter] i saw a shooting star just now [outgoing ->> Peter] and I couldn’t think of one wish XD [outgoing ->> Peter] I dont know why I brainfarted on such an important thing [outgoing ->> Peter] maybe ill see another before the night ends [outgoing ->> Peter] if youre bored, i’m on the roof of the barn

            The rooftops of carthay, no matter which one, had always been more of a home to peter than any of those the foster system had tried to stick him in ( not that there had been that many, anyway ). it was the freest you could be in a town which tried to trap you, your sight infinite, looking above everything and everyone. it was needless to say, that whenever one of his friends asked him over to lie spread across the roof and watching the stars, he did not hesitate to follow the call. 

             It didn’t take him long to get to the barn, let alone to climb upwards — it was his special talent, part of his peter pan magic, that he somehow managed with such ease and speed to climb up anywhere, he could’ve very well been flying. balancing on the roof ridge, he approached thumper, a smile already stretched across his lips. “ you really didn’t know what to wish from a shooting star? “ he asked, disturbing the peace with a rather cock laugh. “ how am i supposed to keep calling you a friend? and don’t tell me there’s nothing to wish for !! “

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jubileena.

      ( °. — ♡ LAUGHING MELODICALLY AS she nodded, the brunette looked in front of her before replying: “ i mean, yeah, that’s the least you could say. “, a brow raising as she finally turned her head towards him. when he said he fought a crocodile, jubileena’s expression turned from amused to impressed. “ a crocodile ? damn, that’s crazy. you did that for real ? “, she asked, urging to believe him even though his story was pretty.. mad. when peter listed all of the things his friend had in his house, the brunette grinned. “ well… aside from the game room, i’ve got that too. but i do have a stable with some horses. “, she said, wiggling her eyebrows as she smiled at him. nodding slowly when he explained why parents weren’t too fond of him, the girl couldn’t keep the smirk off of her face. “ they’re actually not that bad if you get to know them. “, she said, raising a brow as she nudged him once again. “ but – i get it, i think. even though i love my parents. they can be… exhausting. “, which she, for sure, could be as well. when he said she was the life of the party, leena shrugged. “ i do like a nice party, yes. “, the brunette confirmed. “ metre distance ? please, i dance up close or not at all. “, she teased, winking but only playfully. “ sometimes. i’m just not… really the pondering kind of girl, i suppose. “.

            “ A crocodile, “ peter confirmed with a non-chalant nod of his head as though it wasn’t remotely as crazy as she considered it to be — and really, of all the stories he was able to tell maybe this was indeed not as outstandingly crazy. “ name’s tick tock. i bet you can still find her in the zoo. legend has it she might wave at you. “ and although jubileena would not understand, peter couldn’t help but chuckle at his own joke. the laugh however died quite quickly, being replaced with an impressed look instead. “ you’ve got that too? wait, you’ve got horses?! “ needless to say, peter had never met someone who owned a horse. in fact, he didn’t even remember ever meeting a horse. what kind of place even was dixon ranch where everyone seemed to have a little bit of everything? “ magical, “ he breathed out. he waved his hand around then as though to say he didn’t give a damn about parents, that he had no interest in getting to know anyone’s parents or even his own. “ i’m good being a menace to them. i’m good on my own too. “ alias he didn’t need them. peter rested his elbow on one of his crossed legs, placing his chin in the palm of his hand. he didn’t need hook either. he didn’t even need the lost boys. he was peter pan, after all, and he was awfully good at believing. his head turned then, eyes widened ever so slightly at the idea of dancing close. “ i’m gonna be standing on the side, leaning against a wall then. “ and with a wall he meant the rooftop and with leaning he meant stargazing, and with on the side he meant as soon as he’d escaped. “ i’ll just bring one of the boys for you. “

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michael darling.

Michael could tell that Peter didn’t understand why it made him so frustrated. That the reason he was so upset was because his biggest fear almost came true. That it was probably a split second decision made by his sister that kept her from following Peter. Following freedom, he thought. He believed she would probably be much more happy outside of Carthay, outside of their father’s reach. But she did choose to stay, and Peter was right. He shouldn’t be so affected by such a simple little statement, but he couldn’t help himself. “I don’t know! I just… It’s…” he floundered for words, arms dangling by his sides while he sighed, “It’s terrifying.” 

“So why aren’t you sharing them?” he asked, his voice almost pleading. If Peter had found what he wanted, why was he keeping it a secret? Why was he letting all these answers fester inside of him and just sit? “What did you find?” 

Michael only nodded his head, it was obvious, truly, that they were on different ends of the whole situation. Michael never would have imagined he would be so at odds with Peter, while it was obvious he was not the biggest fan of the other, this felt more… real. “Then why does it feel like you do? I can’t regret it, I love everything that comes with soccer, but…” he sighed, And he paused, because he was blaming Peter too, wasn’t he? 

“Maybe if you just talked to us, them, whoever, and didn’t just act like everything was fine, then there wouldn’t need to be a name for it!” he said, although it seemed he was just talking in a circle. Because as the other had stated previously, he doesn’t talk, he wasn’t one who was able to talk it out. So why would now be any different than fifteen minutes ago? 

“I don’t think John would argue with you,” he said, shaking his head. Although he couldn’t speak for John, he’s not quite sure how his brother would react. “I’m sorry, Peter. I just… am tired of everything being weird.” 

             Although, it might was tough for peter to understand what exactly michael was trying to tell him just then, the leader of the lost boy did very well know what it was like to find no words fitting to describe the emotions he was feeling and the complex thoughts his mind only offered him. “ what is terrifying? “ he asked, eyes furrowed so deeply that his eyebrows created one straight line, “ the thought of spending six months away from her? it’s not going to happen. “ because peter – maybe because he was arrogant or maybe it was the truth – would dare say if anything could’ve stolen wendy away from her family it was coming to neverland with him. after all, she had written about it for years. “ besides, it’s not that terrible. “ although there was a hint of prostration in his voice which just showed that his time gone was perhaps not as happy as he’d planned for it to be. 

                 “ ‘Cause, “ he huffed, arms crossing stubbornly in front of his chest, “ doesn’t matter. not all my adventures need to be shared in every detail. “ it wasn’t the true answer of course, but being genuine wasn’t an option — not if it meant admitting he couldn’t tell the boys, not if it meant admitting he was perhaps not fine and most certainly not if it meant admitting a place like neverland didn’t exist. 

             The smallest of smiles flashed over peter’s lips then, because he could basically see the penny drop in michael’s mind — that they both loved something, both had had a passion for years and neither truly regretted following it. “ i’m not blaming you, “ he repeated, letting out a heavy sigh, “ not for doing what you want, anyway. it’s what i want all of you to do. “ that ( and because he was in them, of course ) was why he’d always listened to wendy’s stories and urged her to write more instead of listening to her father and putting the pen down. that’s why he took john onto pirate ships and the highest of mountains where making decision about the rest of your life didn’t matter. “ guess i was hoping for just one of my friends to want that for me to. “

             “ I know, i know, i know. “ it’s what they all consistently told him: talk about it. “ but i’ve got my reasons, michael, and i know you don’t get them — can’t get them. but can’t you just believe that they’re good ones? that not telling you is... better? “ 

             Peter sighed, staring down at his feet now as he wondered how to response to that, because agreeeing would just have michael, or anyone for that matter, tell him to fix it then, to call them all together and figure out how he as the leader could have them all travel the year back in time. “ i know, “ he finally said quietly, “ but there’s only so much i can do right now. “ and in all honesty, he wasn’t going to get anything done, let alone manage to moderate a meeting if his mind was occupied with a little bird flying circles within it.

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wendy darling.

      ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  WENDY WAS ABOUT to continue her small ramble – the brunette couldn’t help but ramble sometimes, especially when she was nervous about something – when peter spoke up, demanding her attention. lifting her gaze from her old, fluffy rug to the guy who had been haunting her mind whenever it was free to wander, wendy’s breath got hitched in her throat as she nodded extremely slowly. “ but you… didn’t m e a n to. i don’t even had a reason to be upset. “, she replied, her eyes finally finding his as she h o p e d he’d believe her; h o p e d he’d see the truth in them and realise that… well, she probably was as much at fault as he was – i fhe even did anything wrong. wendy’s rationality still refused to acknowledge he did.

       and then he apologised again, and for the first time that day, a genuine, semi-bright smile grew on her features. hearing peter pan say sorry not once but twice in a time span of… ten minutes ? wendy liked to think she was the first to witness that. “ i’m sorry, too. “, she then replied silently, her smile falling a little bit, but not enough for him to no longer see the remains of it. “ this got out of hand. i didn’t… i didn’t mean to react the way i did. i didn’t mean to… cry and… you know… “, the girl mumbled silently, clearing her throat before shaking her head and pushing her wavy locks behind both of her ears. “ i just… i don’t want to f i g h t with you. “, wendy added, her voice nothing bit a whisper.    

         when peter suddenly blurted out she didn’t get it, the brunette frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest. granted, peter’s train of thoughts wasn’t always as easy to keep up with… but the girl sure believed she knew what was going on. shaking her head, confused, wendy wanted to ask what it was she didn’t seem to understand, but she refrained – being well aware how all of this ( talking, feelings and expressing them ) wasn’t peter’s favorite occupation, nor was it really a strength of him either. the least she could do was give him time to explain it, then. so after taking a couple steps backwards until she could feel her bed against her calves, the eldest darling plopped down, not taking her eyes off of him for once second.  

            she didn’t ought it possible but her frown grew even deeper when peter told her she didn’t w a n t to be tinka. or more so that he didn’t want her to be tinka. a loud sigh tumbled from her lips as she pulled the sleeves of her sweater further down her hands until they were completely covered before resting them both in her lap, her gaze finally tearing away from him. “i mean… i don’t want to be tinka. i want… i want to be what she is to you. i think. “, she tried to make sense of her own thoughts, shaking her head at herself. she wanted to be the person he confides in, the person who would always come to f i r s t when something’s wrong, the person who deserves his k i s s. a real one, that is. of course he didn’t want her to be like tinka – he already had himself a tinka. why would he want two of them ?

              “ you – you don’t ? “, wendy then asked as soon as he’d explained ( or at least, tried to explain ) that he didn’t like her like that. but what about the kiss ? you don’t kiss someone if you don’t like them, right ? even if it’s just a tiny bit ? letting her in-sleeve-covered hand run across her slightly tired features, wendy shoo her head once again in utter confusion. “ is there… is there a n o t h e r kind of kiss ? “, was the simple question which left her lips.

            There it was. in his peripheral vision peter could see the indication of a smile starting to grow on her lips — not as wide and bright as she could smile and thus not quite the smile he always aimed to see gracing her lips, but it was a smile nonetheless and his eyes were immediately drawn to it. the last time he had seen her smile felt so long ago. peter stared, not quite able break their gazes again as she captured his eyes with hers. he wanted to disagree, because michael had told him it didn’t matter whether you meant to hurt someone ( because deep down in the depths of repressed memories, he knew that him not having meant to hurt hook hadn’t stopped their friendship from falling apart either ) but he wanted to believe her also and drop the feeling of guilt off his shoulders without having to twist and turn their story into one which’s ending he could live with. 

             “ I know you don’t, “ he assured her and it was meant to sound cocky for no one in their right mind would want to fight the yet undefeated peter pan, right? but the smile on his lips didn’t quite manage to beam with pride, and how would it be genuine if something that had defeated him, that translated her not wanting to fight anymore into something much more depressing, was right behind him? her window, and in a metaphorical sense her mind who’d decided to shut him out.

            “ What is it with you girls that you always want to be in each other’s shoes? “ he asked, not reproachful but genuinely confused. tink’s jealousy had flared so often, her hot-headedness taking over as it seemed with the flick of a switch and he’d ended up getting an earful because he didn’t treat her like wendy, and now wendy was upset because he didn’t treat her like tink? he would have to ask one of the boys if it was only him who didn’t get it again or if it made no sense to them either. 

             Peter had to huff out a chuckle then, because he truly wasn't the right guy to ask what types of kisses existed or whether there was in fact more than one kind to anyone else. " to me, there is, " he muttered quietly, and when had self-centered peter pan ever cared about anything else? with an undeniable hesitance in his steps peter moved towards her, reaching for her wrist and all too gently wrapping his finger around it. he turned her hand, making her open palm face upwards. his other hand, still in a tight fist hovered above it, loosening just enough for part of his necklace to fall out, the thimble bouncing as it reached an end. " i guess i thought you would think so too, " he admitted, for once almost sheepishly as he lowered his hand, letting the thimble sink into hers. ' tink understood it, ' he thought but was bright enough not to voice it out aloud. " that there are ' those kind ' of kisses. " the romantic kind wendy seemed so sure he had given tink. " that there is one – just one – tinka bell kind. “ he let go of both; her wrist and the necklace, his hands pushing back into his pockets. “ that there is a thimble and an acorn, and— “ he paused.

           He supposed he understood how one could seem to have more significance than the other. he had never gone out of his way, never bend, wiggled or backflipped away from something materialistic as he’d done again and again to escape affectionate situations — but he had never really kept anything either; especially not if it wasn’t practical. “ it’s about the meaning. “ and whether or not he knew that it was his brain which had created unusual connections and not just adults determined not to understand him, peter knew he was more often than not the odd one out with his point of view ( on a lot of things, but in this case ) regarding kisses. “ i needed her to know what she means to me. “ that, although he had continuously hid the truth from her in the past six months, had disappeared to search the place he’d promised they would go to together before anyone else and had spent years picking wendy above her, tink still meant the world to him. “ and i– i don’t know how to explain it. it’s tink. it’s meaningful but not like that. “ because really, he had ‘ just ‘ kissed the person he was most comfortable with after they spent their entire life thus far together. it wasn’t that much of an accomplishment.

            “ Every time we didn’t – “ peter caught himself, his gaze drifting off as though his own mind, ever too stubborn to admit to anything, had caused a short circuit to stop him. it was the truth, however. there had been more of that feeling every time wendy and him didn’t kiss than the one time he kissed tink — but how did you say that? he hadn’t come here to say it, he hadn’t even come here expecting she would let him stay this long. why did she let him stay this long? abruptly peter’s head spun to the side to look at her window now. he was so incredibly confused. 

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andrina.

“…Fair question,” she laughed, before moving to follow him, excitement at finally having something to do bubbling in her veins. “Mermaid hunting? How are we supposed to find mermaids? I don’t think Carthay is tropical enough for their hiding grounds…” she mused allowed, “And definitely no father, he’d call it crazy.” 

           “ Don’t be silly !! do you really think they’d try to hide where everyone expects them to be? that’s like me trying to hide on a rooftop. “ or in the hangman’s tree or on the cliff or in his apartment, which needless to say he wasn’t doing anymore. “ it seems that’s something very fatherly to say. why does every father think their children’s doing is crazy? “ 

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taffyta‌.

☆ ｡ ▫ ○ — WHEN IT came to listening, taffyta was one of the worst. if you weren’t in her group of friends, it was likely she didn’t care about any of the words coming out of your mouth ( unless it was gossip she could use against somebody else ). she turned her head to look at the boy next to her who was still yapping, letting out a sigh. “ you’ve sure got a lot to say, don’t ya? ”

           Words had always had a way of coming natural to peter. known for his motivational and inspirational speeches ( and to like the sound of his own voice ) it wasn’t a surprise to anyone who knew him that he managed to talk; a lot and non-stop. “ do you not? “ he asked in response to her, letting out a laugh, “ that sounds tragic. you really need to get outside more !! “