In his dreams, he’s always looking for something. He never knows what but the fact that he is empty, missing something vital without it never changes.
It almost looks like himself, but that’s probably some psychobabble bullshit.
The enormity of this hollow, empty feeling cannot be overstated. Can’t even be stated to begin with. Don’t ask him to explain it, it makes his head throb and his stomach turn and his heart clench.
A recurring dream he has is seeing himself, shrouded in shadow, leaving somewhere. The details are too dark, but he can feel the regret reverberating off himself. What’s worse, he feels a different regret in his stomach, the him that’s watching the dream. Because there’s a distinction there. He can’t explain it, don’t ask him to try. You wouldn’t understand.
This emptiness gnaws at him like a hunger. He knows hunger, bone deep and endless, and it’s almost like that. It’s like that but like he’s being set ablaze at the same time. Pain and numb. Fire and ice. Some other cliches.
That damn cup can see everything. Even the things he’d prefer to forget. It lingers on that day, on his worst day, for a while. His cowardice. How he ran and left everyone to die.
But then it finds something else it likes better.
There’s haze and static he can’t explain, in a pocket of time he can’t explain. The cup doesn’t ask him to explain. He and it squint through the static.
He sees himself, shrouded in shadow. Almost. He sees something in his memory, but seeing it and understanding it are two different things. He sees himself who isn’t himself and he feels sick and empty and full and hungry and numb and pained.
Himself who isn’t himself is crying and the figure is trying to had that fact from Taako but he knows better. Of course he knows better, how could he not? He’s–
And he can’t say more. Can’t make the words stop swimming around his pounding head.
And the figure who isn’t Taako smiles and says something, he supposes. Says something, turns away, and Taako knows he never sees this figure who isn’t himself again.
And that’s it. That’s where the cup stays.
“You might not be able to parse what this means, not yet anyway. But you know that this is it. This is your greatest regret. You could save yourself years of heartache. Glamour Springs wouldn’t be anything to undo because it never would have been an option. None of this pain you've endured would be yours to bear. Taako, you can reach out. You can change this. Save yourself. Save–”
And he doesn’t let the cup finish. Doesn’t think the cup could finish. He has questions, but none of them matter. He reaches out in his dream-memory. He reaches out and he puts a hand on her shoulder. She moves to turn around.
The memory falls away. Reality falls away. The stuffy air of the cave is replaced with the fresh air on the deck.
Damn the rest. Damn this plane and every other. He won’t lose her for dust.
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